But then thats just a pipe dream..............  How many guys here have fallen in love with a woman who later became a provider?

I can avoid falling for a provider. But how do you deal with it when that situation is reversed, she had you heart mind and sould before she got into the business. Or am I alone in this situation.

-- Modified on 4/1/2004 5:56:50 AM

exactly, and she has no idea why this stresses me out. Believe me I can be friends with providers. But because of the job I would slide down that slope. But this all happened before her entry into this job.  She decided because it stressed me she wouldn't see me, so its now like thanks a whole F***ing lot. And drives my stress level even higher. Because to me its a calous slap in the face that I am not good enough any more. She has had nothing but support from me even though it did bother me greatly. Really the way she is handling this is creating a LOT of resentment, because I could never treat my friends so harshly, or ignore them so easily. The ladies I have seen have gotten nothing but respectful treatment from me. And no less than I have given actual girlfriends.  She has to know she is doing this because I tried to explain it. Therefor the I didn't realise you saw it this way excuse should not apply. SO this is a very unique situation, and for me it certainly is. How someone so warm can become so cold after doing this job.

Well she is likely to read this. But do to the fact she is giving me the cold shoulder right now I have had to sit here as reason this through. While trying to not jump to any conclusions. And had to ask someone about it.  Semi -anounoumously of course. Her identity shall remain secret.

-- Modified on 4/1/2004 10:12:14 AM

Man, what a tough situation for you.

You're probably a great guy, but your post shows she has chosen her career over you.

I don't see any solution but to try to forget her and go on with your life. Trying to stick around and help her out or support her is only going to keep you on an emotional rollercoaster and prolong the agony.

I hope in six months time you will be in a happier state of mind. Good luck.

Obiviously she doesn't feel the same about you as you do about her, so most likely it would have never worked long term.  Remeber there are many fish in the sea.

Well there are circumstances that makes that hard to do.  That I can't go into. Several in fact. As it stands I feel taken advantage of, and there are going to be nearly constant remainders of it. Its going to make me bitter and I don't want that. I am not a mean spirited person and I am not a bitter person. Besides I think she still has feelings for me, but the job is making her shut down emotionally.  

Except for the playacting which from her statements she is beginning to confuse for real feelings. And take out her frustrations on those who care most about her.

Thing is she is the one who brought me into the hobby.

Well I am feeling like I was played for years., and nothing bothers me more than that. I trusted her completely, I believed her implicitly. I get disgusted and convinced of that then she acts like a friend again. Nothing hurts more than being disrespected and ignored by a friend. Friends don't ignore their friends. I have been bending over backwards for her, and damn it I don't think I am wrong expecting more from her. Believe me I was always there when she needed someone. But I agree she isn't acting like a very good friend right now. And if she is having problems I just wish she would talk to me about them. Ignoring your friends is the best way to turn them against you. I'll never understand people who seem to act with no concern about how others will think or feel. Hell it bothers me if someone thinks ill of me or believes I did or said anything hurtful. And they don't come to me to ask why I said or did something and why it bothered them. Because I never say nasty things about someone who has not been deliberately hurtfull to me. Its just my nature. I guess if I was a woman I would make a good provider.  Not much of a market for average looking men for women what want to buy your time and affection. Because damn, I have a lot to go around.

-- Modified on 4/1/2004 11:06:27 AM

-- Modified on 4/1/2004 11:11:58 AM

I still see a friend that having a hard time with something she won't talk about. I don't turn my back on friends, even when they are lashing out. So Yes its driving me nuts. ( wife is freaking because she thinks its her.) Bothers me so much its affecting my health. (Blood pressure is up and its effecting my sleep).  I'm trying to not jump to any conclusions. I wish she would talk to me about what is bothering her, So I don't think I am being played with and the bitterness that will result from that.

So this is to her. Talk to me, if you are stressed about anything.  Ignoring me is equal to being disrespected in my eyes. If you are able to work you are able to talk to someone who cares about you.

-- Modified on 4/1/2004 11:25:13 AM

Well... there is your answer my friend.

It's obviously effecting your mental and physical health by the tone and content of your posts... but more importantly, an innocent third party, your wife as well.That seals the deal!

This bad situation is spreading like disease as you appear now to be resigned to additional "bitterness" occurring.

I suggest you take one of those Men's showers(cold) described below...pull yoursellf together...and revisit your wife's needs and assure her that your lashing out has nothing to do with her...then maybe chill out from the hobby for awhile but most definitely move on from this provider.
She's not worth the misery,sickness,and aggravation that's unfolding for you, your friends and family.


Good luck!

-- Modified on 4/1/2004 12:38:12 PM

Well wife is even worse, thats part of why I hobby.  Too expensive to send her on her way. Wish I could explain why about the bitterness better. But I won't do anything to compromise her identity. But needless to say there will be reminders that I can't avoid.  And I do believe there are still feelings in her heart, but she gets totally self centered when she is stressed out, and I see her as stressed out right now. And in the process doing the very things that I find the hardest to deal with.  Very few things really get to be but a few and thats exactly what she is rubbing in. By accident or by design. I don't snap at the wife, but she does see the stress and the unhappiness.  believe me if I could leave her without her taking half of everything I would have before now. And this woman before she became a provider was a wonderful sweet woman, now she is a bitter woman who pretends to be nice to clients and takes it out on me.

For your own sanity and peace of mind, DROP THIS WOMAN IMMEDIATELY!!  Don't make excuses - just do it.  You're only destroying yourself by letting this continue, and the fact is that her treatment of you is a clear sign that you are NOT #1 in her book.  Believe me, if you sever all contact with her, you'll be fine in a month, if not sooner, and then you'll be wondering why you didn't do it sooner.  We've all had situations akin to this, both with providers and nonproviders, and the end result is always the same - after a while you're thankful they are out of your life!

Let the flames roll in.  

You could still love a provider, as long as you stay within the rules and business parameters, and, of course, control your jealousy and recognize it for what it is and don't romanticize it as love.  Also, don't overplay your hand, don't give and give expecting her to reciprocate very often.  It might not be that she doesn't have emotions for you, it might well be that she's regulating yours knowing that the wrong encouragement could bring disaster for both of you.  You'll probably never actually know which.

It is, to say the least, unrequited love, if not exactly courtly.  Not really an old story there.  I suggest that you see her when you can and have some selfishly indulgent sex with her, because if you can't take pleasure, jealousy will become more dominant.  You'll probably also want to see other providers, just to keep yourself from focusing too much on her.  

I have to admit, though, that requires a lot of money.

/Zin

I find it interesting that you seem to feel that you can define her feelings.  Even if you had that ability I believe you would have to admitt that your not a disinterested 3rd party so therefore your view is influenced by your emotional attachment to the lady.

Think about all the women who get turned off sex from their relatioiship with their SO.  She wants to try everybody now.

Well that I have done. She always encouraged it, so that I knew it was her I really wanted.

Well it started to keep away a bankrupcy, now I think its greed. She expects me to pay for her time now and yet provide my time and support free. That is not something a woman with the relationship we had would do. And I know several providers personally, where I mean we are friends outside work. None would charge me if they had a close relationship with me.

Either that, or you are more into her than she is to you.

Either way, she is making it very clear that you are not enough for her. It happens.

Suggest you stop thinking of her in terms of love. You are now simply another client.

What exactly are you confused about?

Maybe stopped and then started again when cash got short.

Maybe never stopped, but just hid it from you?

Face it, you are a client now, nothing more.

You are married and in no position to offer this woman anything more than money. So pay her if you want to keep seeing her.

You are being an ass. What you really want is for this provider to fall for you even though you are in no position to leave your wife (by your own admission).

She is being fair to you.

You are not being fair to her.

She should charge you double and watch the clock closely. That might help you see reality.

If I fell for a provider and we agreed to a relationship but she wanted to continue escorting... I could accept it.  It was what she was doing BEFORE she met me, and I don't really have a right to expect her to change.  She would, however, have to allow me to continue hobbying if she were to continue providing.

Now... if we are a couple and one day she says she wants to get into escorting... then I give her a choice, either me or the hobby... not both!  In fact, if she were to simply ask if I would mind I would probably end the relationship right there.  If having sex with others is on the mind of your S.O. (bf or gf) then the actual act will soon follow whether you support it or not.

-- Modified on 4/1/2004 5:36:11 PM

Well I knew her years before she became provider. that the problem, I would not fall for someone knowing they are one. Friends yes, love no.

You've known her for years as more than a friend, yes? You are married and she was your mistress, yes? Did you make her any long term promises, and then not follow through with them? I know this maybe totally off the mark, but I thought I would ask.

I actually fell in love with a provider, or actually, she fell in love with me first and I was dumb enough to follow. then she freaked out because she let someone get close to her and couldn't deal and I haven't seen her in two years now. I know where she is,only an hour away, but chasing her around would only have made things worse.

Moral ofthe story is: be careful what you wish for, friend...

You were totally wrong. She loved me before becoming a provider. The problems started afer. Being fair? asking for assistance constantly for free, then charging me for her time, That is a friend? If you  knew half what has gone on you could not say that.

She is married too. I have followed every promise I made to her. More details I can't go into without risking her confidentality. SOmething else I promised. It was never one sided. Till now.

Well, I am there now. She was the first to broach the subject of love, and I fell shortly after. But that all happened before she was a provider.  Before she admitted it to me anyway.  If she was an hour away it would be a lot less agrivation, but she's not.  Well the freaking out because she let someone get close is familiar. And to the others who where harsh. Read the full post, I didn't fall for a provider, That I would not do. Close friends yes, fall for her no. This was a girlfriend who out of the blue decided to become a provider, this is a close friend who had a radical personality shift after doing so, this is a friend who doesn't even see what has happened to her temperment, her disposition, her overal outlook on things. Are some of you that self centered you would turn your back on a friend that appears to be having dificulties.  Yes we were both married......And yes we have both discussed leaving our spouses to be togehter. And yes this was way beyond a casual friendship.

I did have some providers back channel me about this. Because only I know who I am talking about they did not wish to say something publicly that would cause friction amoung them and someone they may or may not know.  Again thank you ladies for your support.  And providers who backchanneled me have been supportive. Even ones I have zero chance of ever seeing in person.

Well we have had that level of relationship before the hobby. Our discussions were that deep and our discussions were that intimate. And yes our feelings our likes and dislikes were that simular.  Only our childhoods could not have been more different.

The relationship was not about sex.  The relationship developed long before sex ever came into the picture.

Am I disinterested no.  But I am the only person who knows her inside and outside the hobby. So I see her Hobby persona and the real her.  And I have seen horrible changes in the real her.

Would you ignore a close friend who is clearly having problems. Or would you stand by them.  I don't want to see her self destruct. Whether the relationship survives it or not.

I don't see her as a provider I like. I see her as a close friend, who happens to have become a provider.  Because the relationship developed outside of the hobby. And before the hobby if she was honest with me, and in any case without knowledge of the hobby on my part.

Well if you ever had a best friend slide into self destructive behaviour before you would understand my point.  We were best friends. Friends to turn their backs on their friends.  Any one who does is not much of a friend.

However patience does have its limits. Shes going to turn me against her, He husband is going to get wise to this, and turn on her, and who knows how her kids are going to deal with this.

I just hope when that happens, She feels its worth it.  Money isn't everything.

And I won't have anything to do with her crash and burn. And likel won't be there for her when it happens.

Well, I still would love to see her retire and spend her life with me, but no way can I handle a SO who is doing this by choice.

Now...I don't inderstand...

Well...Hopefully...you'll be able to make some sence out of  this all...

Good luck!

Wife is not a provider, just a moody PITA.   The Provider I was in love with before the hobby was ever brought into it.

Well, if she was you can add seriously dishonest bitch to what she is.  Someone who shafts someone she calls a friend will do far worse to clients she doesn't know.

It was great while you were getting it for free.

Now, she is charging you and you're pissed.

It really is as simple as that.

You were NEVER her friend despite what you say. You were having an affair with no intention of ever giving her more. Well, she tired of that "friendship" and now sees you for what you really are; a selfish man who wants the sex of one woman while being married to another.

So she put a price tag on it for you, just like everybody else.

Look honestly in the mirror and you won't like what you see. A true friend never would have treated her the way you did in the first place.

Guys get dumped all the time once a woman figures out they have nothing to offer them.

I'm sure none of them said leave the lady alone.

Pay up or shut up.

You have nothing to offer her.

With friends like you, she doesn't need enemies.

If she is sliding downhill, you are a part of it.

You are married; you had no right to be an off the clock friend in the first place. It was not in her best interest, but in your own selfish interest.

And now you don't like being cut off from the free candy. Typical spoiled brfat behavior.

And you simply don't like it.

Well, isn't that too bad.

Listen to yourself. You don't know anything. She is married, has kids and is doing this behind husbands back.

I see only one smartass, and it isn't me.

Most of the supportive providers aren't even anywhere near me. So have no financial motives.

If you knew half of what went on between me and this provider. Outside the hobby then you could comment. It wasn't business.

You don't know who I am talking about, you don't know the situation, You don't really know what friendship is outside of your narrow selfish needs.

You are the exct type of person who abandons their friends when they are having a rough time because its not in your best interest.

You obviously never had a provider or anyone else go from wanting a life with you and have your child to having a very abrupt and uncharacteristic mood and personality shift for no good reason.

Some people here like me are able to see a provider as more than a place to get off. And Some people here have provider friend that can and do call them to just talk. Why because I am a nice guy and see them as far more than a piece of meat.

You don't know who I am talking about, you don't know the situation, You don't really know what friendship is outside of your narrow selfish needs.

You are the exct type of person who abandons their friends when they are having a rough time because its not in your best interest.

You obviously never had a provider or anyone else go from wanting a life with you and have your child to having a very abrupt and uncharacteristic mood and personality shift for no good reason.

Some people here like me are able to see a provider as more than a place to get off. And Some people here have provider friends that can and do call them to just talk. Why because I am a nice guy and see them as far more than a piece of meat.

Would be fitting if it was your SO, wife or girlfriend. Or if someone you had a long deep relationship with suddenly flips on you. Then maybe, just maybe you would understand it.  I know several providers who see it my way too. And several I don't know at all do too.  You seem to be in the minority.

Incidently referencing yor question Dancing bear. We did have long term promisses. Futures were discussed kids were discussed. This was not a Client-provider relationship gone out of hand, These subjects were all discussed before she was a provider, and afterwards.  There was love there. Genuine love. Not provider playacting. That ends when your appointment ends. And I asked her many times over the years if this was from the heart and not just to make me feel good here and now. 99% of our relationship and time together was outside the hobby.

It's either unique or it's not.  Nothing is a little or very unique.  Enough English vocabulary.  As for this dilemma, my fear is always that I will meet a provider that I know from civilian life--a waitress or someone earning some extra bucks.  Perhaps this is just a situation that was not meant to be and you need to move on.  Sorry man.

SirPrise, you are wrong. She was offered everything. She is married too, I asked he to have a life with me, Her and her kids.

Where do you get what you are saying from?

Because you could not be further from the truth.

Well I was in love with her years before she was a provider out of financial need. Even after we discussed lives together. If she left her husband I was willing to do the same.

Yes I had major issues with the job, not because she was doing it but how she was throwing things in my face.

I told her how I could come to terms with it. ANd asked her to please not do certain things ( I was real sensitive about)  well she will get back even more than she shows me.  Show me a little bit that lets me believe she respects my feelings she will get back tenfold the same from me.  Intentionally disrespect me and......  

I have a few providers I can call good friends. Outside of the Hobby. And its not about grooming or pleasing a customer. Is about being friends. I know a provider can be both if she cares.

And I know the difference. And these women know I am not an asshole. and these women know I have a good heart.  Thats why they want me as a friend.  I don't have the financial means that a lot of you guys have. They certainly aren't after my money.

A couple of them I have never seen as a client. And may never.

How many of you would leave a wife who was a pain in the ass  but was faithfull for a provder with kids.  And were willing to forget her work.  Not many I would guess if you were honest with yourself.





-- Modified on 4/5/2004 5:37:25 AM

"You obviously never had a provider or anyone else go from wanting a life with you and have your child to having a very abrupt and uncharacteristic mood and personality shift for no good reason".

No good reason? She has a GREAT reason.

You have made it very clear that you are married and won't (don't lie and say can't) leave your wife.

What better reason does she need to say, "your time is up"?

What are you wanting? For her to be in love with you while you are unwilling (not unable) to offer her what she wants?

Maybe she wants something better than that for herself.

And you have the nerve to call your selfish ass her "friend".

She has a husband.  I have a wife..... I will leave my wife to be with her, she is tentative abour leaving hers for the same.

She knows this I was very clear with her about it.

Before you call me a selfish ass, you need to know I iwas not the one not willing to leave their spouse.

I am not leaving my wife to share her with her husband and every hobbyist who books her.

I will leave my wife for her if she leaves her husband and the hobby.

She can have me lock, stock, and barrel, but I want the same from her.



-- Modified on 4/9/2004 8:08:40 AM