Now that I was nice to her, maybe it's time to start giving her a hard time. lol
Lets say modern medicine found a way to reverse aging, erase bags, firm up saggy tits, remove varicose veins, love handles. Basically, assume they can do everything and fix up a girl however way you want her to look.
Your SO has received this cosmetic therapy. She's stunningly attractive and still madly in love with YOU. She has regained her youth and drive, becoming much more active in bed. She mostly satisfies your needs and gives you expanded menu.
Now the question is, do you think you will quit the hobby?
Do you think it's even possible to quit for good?
Or will you simply "be realistic" that you can't ever quit and compromise by reducing the amount of hobbying?
-- Modified on 3/17/2014 3:24:30 PM
I started hobbying when the wife stopped giving BJ. As soon as she goes back to "doing her job", I won't need to outsource. "Looks" is not an issue, lack of performance is the issue. This scenario [of wife replacing/stopping hobbying] may very well happen with me. I must say I have enjoyed the past 10 or so years...and enjoyed the scenery along the way.
I mean if you suddenly wanted to ram her head till she puked I can understand why but if your MO has not changed and she just stopped I sure as hell would want to know why. Or do exactly what you're doing, outsource.
we were suddenly on the same level in terms of physical and emotional intimacy - game over.
15 years of being pushed away. Sex twice in eighteen months. I hobby. She gets her shit together I quit. End of story
After no sex for two years, where in the first 30 to 40 years of being together sex was great, I knew it was over.
If the sex had kept coming (no pun intended), and she hadn't started drinking heavily, we'd still be together. She was a bitch, but I was used to that. I wasn't used to not having great sex.
-- Modified on 3/17/2014 3:11:57 PM
Even if I hit the jackpot and marry Miss Universe, I will still see escorts from time to time. Sex with the same person gets boring after a while no matter how hot she is or hot good she is in the sack. I will be realistic and reduce the amount though.
I agree with you though. Who came up with this concept of monogamy anyway. Somewhere in the course of our history, some group of stuck up conservative nut jobs wrote the laws and decided to make it almost a commonly accepted rule that once we're with someone we have to sleep with only one person. If we ogle or feel attracted to another girl it's considered a bad thing. If we sleep with her it's considered cheating. I sometimes wonder, who came up with these ideas that conditioned our way of thinking...
Ever since the hobby, I'm convinced men don't have it in our genes to be monogamous. We certainly try yet over time we continue to fail.
This begs to ask the question, why try to fight what is written in our genetic code? And why go against what our body wants.
I think it's better to give the smaller head what it wants because men have things to see and women to do.
is a by product of culture and not of nature.
It's a topic I have on my list to research but the limited amount I've done is that it's more prevalent in western modern societies that have focused on the individual rather than the group. In ancient Eastern cultures, it was more about the group, and people were ok growing old knowing they weren't getting "old" alone. Nowadays that is one of the biggest fears and so in order to not grow old alone, you have this partner.
I would need a pretty big bed though.
In fact, maybe that'll be how I retire.
I just want one nice nerd and the courage to be open about the fact that every once in a while there may be another, a girl gets lonely. It'll decrease as time goes by though, gravity will not be kind all the time, luckily I'm short so things aren't going to fall too far down (crossing fingers).
I don't mind falling back on the hobby as long as she stays oblivious to what I do outside our bed. I mean, I guess its all in how I "came up". Lost my virginity to a provider. Had providers through my late teens and 20's. Was only with 4 "civvies" ever in my life and one of those was a married former call girl who was getting a divorce and wanted to cheat on her husband. Then I get married to a good girl. The gal ain't much to look at, never was, but she's a good person and we were both at a low point in our lives. Honestly, she gives the absolute best BJ, bar none. Out of literally the hundreds of women I have been with in my life, she tops all the pros, the ex-gf, the former call girl and my one nighter. Problem is, she gives em less than once every few months. Sex is more frequent, like once every 2 weeks or so, but since she is out of shape, and getting older (see original post in this thread), I'm not thrilled. So, the question is a tough one. If I could remake her into a younger, more shapely model of herself who had the desire to please me, let's say, 2 -4 times a week (of course as I please her, I LOVE DATY) and perhaps maybe a coupla cups a day once or twice a month, yeah, I could be monogamous. But it ain't never happening, she despises plastic surgery, she likes to eat and even though she is the best cocksucker in the world, she doesn't like to do it often. So... ladies... guess I'm stuck sneaking around on the side. Who's next?
Is because you are not as hot as you once were too? Maybe out of shape and getting older? Jeez guys this shit works both ways.
Could you go out and pick up a hot one? Or are you going to admit that you too are lacking in the looks and hot bod department so much so that you now pay the hot ladies to service you?
Maybe she wants a made over new husband. At least she is still wanting to fuck your old ass, lol
Nope, been this way since the beginning. Plus, I may be older now, but I dropped 40 lbs and .got LASIK. If anything I look better now than I did 15 yrs ago.
You can hardly bitch about it now.
I don't want another sausage in my bed. Hey, if I'm gonna get 3 hot babes living with me, I'm pretty sure I'll be paying for it one way or another so it's only fair that I'm the only guy. :
For the record, despite having been one of your detractors from time to time, I am glad you are still here.
But that doesn't mean that all of a sudden I am going to start being "nice" lol
Now that I was nice to her, maybe it's time to start giving her a hard time. lol
I'll debate you until I'm blue in the face or you're blue in the balls, whichever comes first.
as we are in agreement on this subject
But I am sure we can find something to fight about. lol
but you will be blue in the face well before I am blue in the balls, I try to never go more than a day or two without getting laid and I doubt that's going to change any time soon.
It's a topic I have on my list to research but the limited amount I've done is that it's more prevalent in western modern societies that have focused on the individual rather than the group. In ancient Eastern cultures, it was more about the group, and people were ok growing old knowing they weren't getting "old" alone. Nowadays that is one of the biggest fears and so in order to not grow old alone, you have this partner.
Nowadays growing old takes longer than it used to. Everything else has improved in efficiency and takes hardly any time at all, but growing old? Not so much. I'm sure somewhere somebody is working on that. I'd give it a shot myself if I weren't so busy.
So most people know that monogamy doesn't really work as a lifestyle for more than a few years. When a few years was enough time to grow old, monogamy was great. But now, with decades and decades of growing old to do... Well, doing it with one partner is asking a bit much, doncha think?
I really like the phrase "Old Alone." I can imagine a RomCom with that as its title.
But serial monogamy is a different bucket of worms. It's kinda like being a regular except that you put up with each other when not in session. Then, because that soon leads to yelling and cursing at each other, you break up and have to go monogamize with somebody else.
In Eastern "culture" as you put it, they've been on to this for eons. Inscrutable enigmas to the Western mind, all of it, but wtf.
Hope this clarifies everything we're confused about. Also hope somebody gives me a prize.
If you can't afford a hot young GFE, a middle aged MILF is a lotta fun. They tend to try real hard and have more fun with it in my experiences. not a hard and fast rule of course. Everyone is an individual. Older, younger, its all about attitude dude.
Familiarity breeds contempt. I'm sure there are many exceptions to this rule but over time what one once thought was cute can now become annoying. My SO is still very pretty and in good shape but the bottom line is that after 30 years together it's hard to keep the spark alive. I know it happens but it seems to me that I see more couples bickering than having those loving moments from a cialas commercial. As a matter of fact Robin Williams pointed out that cialas/viagra probably was the worst drug ever as far as ladies are concerned.
All those old guys with a boner and the wife has zero interest. And ya know where they end up, calling hookers
Who she is, I hobby because of the hundreds of women she can't be.
I saw 2 Providers between our wedding and our honeymoon. It's just the way I'm wired.
at least you know who you are and what you're doing. Kudos.
Jesus. Have a modicum of respect dude.
Unless of course, you both landed a winner. In that case, carry on.
-- Modified on 3/17/2014 7:53:08 PM
I saw 2 Providers between our wedding and our honeymoon. It's just the way I'm wired.
Since our wedding day, it's been dodge, avoid, delay. Honestly, I got more sex from ex who hated my guts but was smart enough to know she could not suck my bank account dry if she didn't string me along with once a month sex. SO it's been more like once a year until it stopped altogether. All I ever wanted was a complete marriage... I've realized that I've been hoodwinked a second time. I only hobby because without it I would be totally celibate.
Man! and I thought I had it bad.
You have yourselves to blame. You guys knew all this yet still went ahead with it?
Listen I am not in the market for a relationship let alone marriage and the next really good FWB after the current one, will get this speech, "You want me all to yourself, then don't give me a reason to not be. The minute you do, we're done with the sex portion and go back to just being friends".
I have found that after the "honeymoon stage" the sex drops off until it has less value than doing the freaking laundry. I, for one, will never be in that situation again.
I plan on using it to enjoy life.
I never cheated on wife #1, even though she apparently was cheating through out the 5 year marriage. I didn't cheat even after I caught her.
I never went outside on wife #2 (current) during 20 years of being strung along... until sex stopped completely. That's when I realized there were experiences I'd never & would not unless I went outside. Even when we sleep in the same bed, there's no hugging, kissing, touching allowed. I find I like to just be with a woman who enjoys being female. I can enjoy being male just by laying together, body to body without any overt sexual activity initially
If I had an SO, I wouldn't hobby.
I don't think I ever want to get married. And I sure as shit don't want to join a country club.
-- Modified on 3/17/2014 6:03:08 PM
I think want the 'wedding'. But a wedding and marriage are two totally different things lol.
Hey two out of four aint bad.
I do remember a couple of friends of mine backed out of their weddings at the last minute (both of them women BTW) and decided to cancel the wedding, the honeymoon, and the marriage of course, but decided the reception sounded like too much fun to skip, so they went ahead with that part of the festivities, sans the grooms of course. A good time was had by all.
fairytale wedding (I was one of the few who didn't) as I was in it for what I thought was the 'marriage' part lol. Oh well, 1 out of 4 ain't bad but that didn't fair too well in the end. I do hand it to those very few in this world who are still in love after decades of being together. That is mindboggling to me and they get my utmost respect.
Someone said something today on this board I scanned over and it stuck cause not too many things do here lol..."I'm just not wired that way". I apologize, I'm not sure who did say this, but that's me too. I like 'change' way too much to enjoy the daily mundane routine of life and with the same partner. Boring unless of course there truly is such thing as a 'soulmate'. And if you are lucky to actually find him/her then I suppose this conversation is null and void and I would eat my words wholeheartedly. I do believe they exist but I believe most don't ever really find out who that really is. Most everyone............settles. I'd say a good 95% settle. The question is why?
but I do think I have a problem with "long term" monogamy.
the thought of only fucking one woman for the rest of my life just doesn't register with me, even if she were my soul mate.
and yes most people do "settle" which is why they find themselves here on TER trying to find someone to cheat with without getting caught. I am not judging (well maybe a little) but why go through all the work to "find the one" and then go sneaking around behind her back? I just skip the part where I make any promises that I can't or won't keep and fast forward to the good part where i have sex with a lot of hot babes who don't try to run my live just because I had sex with them.
And it was DC who said "I'm wired that way." Some of us are. As someone who is I find it hard to imagine those who are happy in monogamy. It took me far too long (and waaay too much money) to figure this out.
What Russ describes is just the way "those people" are. Personally, I can't stand them. and it's not about the money, being in the oil business i deal pretty much only with millionaires, just not the country club variety, I have never seen such pretentious people in my life, and I have no desire to socialize with them.
In all fairness I bet they would bounce me out on my ear if I were ever drunk enough to join one. I can just imagine the look on their faces the first time I got drunk and started talking about TER, or my whore mongering in Latin America, or any one of a thousand other things that might come out of my mouth during a moment of weakness. Somehow I think the loathing and disdain might run both ways.
Oh fuck, obviously either I have had too much or too little to drink tonight. I am going to pick "too little" and head back downstairs for a drink, or ten.
than being in a room full of pretentious "country club" gentry whose only concern is how they compare to everyone else socially and financially. I'm not one to hold my tongue, so I usually said my piece in those situations. Guess I'm somewhat likeable so I was labeled as merely "irreverent". And I fuckin' hate golf.
Now, the yacht club was cool when I had a boat... way less pretention and pomposity there.
I have given up on a relationship let alone marriage. I like things kept fresh and exciting and in my experience, that shit disappears in about a year. I love living alone, doing things my way and having friends with off the hook fucking sex. When I get bored or they get bored, we leave out the sex and remain friends.
a 'marriage'...it was simply a piece of paper when I look back. I hate to be a Debbie Downer as you know I always look at the glass half full, however, with marriage you can give, give and give some more, but when the giving is drained out of you and you are still not getting what you need in return, the marriage is just done. And the bullshit begins. But....and a big but....I got the two most important things in my life out of it and that's what makes up for any and everything in the end, and that's all that matters to me each and every day.
After being here now, it only confirms I most certainly don't believe in 'ever after', and being as independent as I was before marriage, I'm not sure I personally ever did believe in it anyway. I'm quite positive no woman on this planet really needs to as well imo. Independence is a pretty awesome thing, it just has to be 'embraced' without fear. But don't ever give up on 'love'...for love and marriage, again, are two totally different things.
Now on the flipside, I think country clubs are fun and quite hilarious. I didn't grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth but we deff lived that life for a while in mucky muck land in order to 'fit in' when I was a kid. But being older, the local community center has the same amenities minus the bullshit.......and that works for me.
-- Modified on 3/17/2014 4:07:37 PM
Aren't you the one who just went on a big rant about how the most despicable thing a woman could do is have a child while providing, next to being married while providing?
If you don't like marriage, and don't believe in forever, how can you be so sure that we are all such awful people?
Off topic I know, but I am flabbergasted at how sure you were about calling us disgusting, when clearly you are the exact opposite type of woman you suggest should be married, and exactly the type you were condemning so heavily.
Very interesting, how you can insist that we be independent AND possessed by our man.
She has said even dumber, more outrageous shit than that, but I am sure it's just the meds talking. That's the best excuse for some of her BSC posts that I can think of.
Multiple personality that is. More likely, she thought it was gone already at a push of a button. She's really a funny little cheesecake sometimes. Lol.
I'm sorry but I would suggest rereading the posts. What you are saying here and what I have said past and present are two totally different things.
First off, I would never call anyone disgusting...those words would never come from my mouth about another human being unless he/she was a rapist or a murderer or someone who hurts children. Period. If you felt it was disgusting, that's your prerogative.
Secondly, I will recap my opinion on the matter (it's my opinion, not a judgment, perhaps these words are used a lil too loosely on here in making a defense)
Being married while providing, I just don't agree with.
Providing as a single woman for your children from a 'previous' marriage, yes I agree with.
It's really that simple. And Gambler your adjectives about me only make you look like the 'dumb' one here, did you really use that word? Come on, at least use words a lil more age appropriate here. Let me know when you feel like playing like a grown man and not a child. I'm trying to convince your buddy to try at least.
-- Modified on 3/18/2014 4:13:06 AM
Take the house, take the car.
Take everything... but don't take the sash.
-- Modified on 3/17/2014 6:03:08 PM
Because of my profession I will never get married... Ive seen how men are.... You can be everything they could ever want but your only one person.... men will be men....
I swear over the years ive taken on a mans mentality! I get told all the time by men in my personal life that I dont act like a normal female should when it comes to relationships and love....
eh - this does not apply in my case - my current girlfriend is in her mid 30s and keeps me adequately entertained.... I just get the itch for something different now and then, and, if anything, hobbying helps me keep my relationship stronger as I don't feel the need to take up with someone new.....
I think that every time I come back from time spent with a hooker the wife looks better, I'm more willing to put up with the laziness in her grooming, and it makes it easier to fuck her and stay hard thanks to my recent memory of having some chick go out of the way to pretend I'm hot.
The wife actually wants it from me more than I do from her, so as long as I keep my spank bank renewed with a fresh face, pussy, tits and ass that were recently all over my face I think I can make it with her for a few more years...maybe
Brutal but hey it's mostly true
I got into this when my SO stopped wanting sex. We were getting along just fine in other areas, and she was very attractive, but completely disinterested in sexual intimacy and would not make herself available to me. Now, she's gained a ton of weight and has voiced a renewed interest in sex but I can't respond to her. Frankly, it takes a substantial amount of time and forplay to get me going anyway. So, now that I've started, under the stated hypothetical could I ever stop completely? I'd like to think so but, quite honestly, I'm not sure.