So I made a booking w a high-end touring provider who was $1,200 per hour.  This lady is legit w/ good reviews here.  

Buddy you got hosed! If her ads or site have a specific cancellation policy, then that's what I would have followed.

it was a 33% deposit, according to Conan the Matharian.  

rconca_ter,
 I'll be honest with you. You screwed yourself. What you should have done was ask questions like "What if something comes up? Can I cancel without being charged extra?"  Why don't you contact me!? Schedule a date with me.  

Indeed I can't math!  apologies.  

Get screwed over for a deposit, you got screwed over for a whole session fee. The deposit doesn’t really matter.  

yes, thank you for the vindication.  

In my experience, girls at that price almost always have it very clearly stated on their rate or etiquette page or her ads that cancellations under a certain time line (most women, its 24 hours prior) result in her entire fee being due.  
Sometimes they even follow that up when you contact them for a date in their email/text response.  
If she truly did not have that listed anywhere as you claim, then that was unprofessional of her to say the least to demand the additional $800. She should have taken the loss, chalked it up to a lesson learned and change her publicly available, online policy.  
Sorry this happened to you. The way you are describing it, she was very unfair to you and placed you in a very untenable position.

What does she say about cancellation?
You weren't screwed if her policy was to pay in full if you cancel less than x hours before the appointment.

First, you broke the cardinal hobbyist rule - no deposits ever…ever…ever!! I assume you knew that, but thought you wouldn’t get burned by it! Well hopefully you learned your lesson. You also should have known when you made the deposit, the money was gone whether she cancelled or ghosted or you cancelled, even for good reason. The concept of full fee for a session due upon cancellation is BS, unless the full amount of session fee was deposited!  You know what’s coming next - you were equally stupid to send her the balance due for the session!  One blackball is inevitable over time due to no fault of your own, and it sounds like you had a legitimate excuse to cancel. Plus she got to keep $400! I think most providers would be happy about that! If she’s truly that hot, of course she will fill the time slot! A provider can check your reliability using references, and then she has to take a leap of faith, just like you set aside time to see her on speculation. If you don’t want to get burned again, don’t put up anymore deposits!!

Sorry this happened, but IMO she screwed you. She needs a clear policy, otherwise you don't owe it to her. If it were me, I might not book her if she shows inflexibility. Her posting her policy allows me to make this decision before booking her. If she doesn't spell it out, but then expects it, that just is not fair. If she does spell it out and you book her, you respect her rules.

You inferred she'd blacklist you, but did she say that? Did she threaten to out you? Was there an opportunity to just move on without dropping another 8 bills?

I skimmed over that. Thanks.

He, like many of us, just don't want or need the headache or the drama and calling her out could lead to a lot more than he is willing to deal with. If everything he is saying is true, she put him in a very, very bad spot with nothing but bad options. He has to make the choice between the terrible options left to him. I wont judge him either way as it's an impossible choice, imo.

I dont really get it.

touche touche, can't really deny any of what you said.  

pretty much nailed it, not worth the trouble. It wasn't life changing money lost.  

She did not threaten me, want to make that clear. I just figured if I didn't pay, that she would at least spread the word to her inner circle to block my #. I know there are easy ways to get on a blacklist, I'd rather avoid it. Maybe she would have done nothing, but wasn't willing to take that chance.

In this case, if we take the OP at his word, I agree with you. If we are talking about women who clearly state what their cancellation fee is, then I don't. To me, it's just about policies and the transparency of them. A provider can have any policy she wishes as long as she is transparent and open about them BEFORE I make a date with her.  
The client can choose to go elsewhere if he doesnt like the terms, like I do many times re: a deposit policy that I feel is too high, or asks for a method I dont feel comfortable with, etc etc

He implied it. You inferred it. I think we all did.  
If you call me pedantic now, I’ll understand.  

If you're seeking confirmation, yes you got screwed.  Worse case scenario, she made $1,200 for doing absolutely nothing, best case (for her) is she filled your appointment slot and made $2,400 (your $1,200 plus another clients $1,200).  I have seen some ads that state within a certain time parameter, the full rate is due, but if you're saying it wasn't specified then it shouldn't have been paid.  

I have paid a deposit before (although it was presented as funds to cover the incall location).  But, I'm generally reluctant to do so.  I certainly would not have paid the additional 8C.  But, I am in a big market, so there are plenty of fish, etc., etc.

I actually understand basic grammar and vocabulary. And I was asking about how he interpreted her actions (inference), not about how he meant to describe to us her behavior (implication).

like paying deposits NOW?   As Blue says above, you pay a deposit, you deserve whatever happens because of it.  I'm always amused that the hotshots that pay deposits for "high-end" pussy expect they will be treated fairly no matter what happens.  I stayed in a luxury hotel on the East Coast a few weeks ago.  The nightly rate was $2400 for the suite I booked.  They took a deposit of $600, and it clearly stated on their website that if I cancel less than 48 hours before check-in time on the first night, they would bill my credit card for the balance of the first night's rate.  The deposit was only to make them feel better about the prospect that I would show up in the first place, but if I didn't, they can still slam my card for the balance of ONE night.  

All he has to do is post something like:
"Had plans to see X who is touring my area. Made the arrangements and paid the indicated deposit. An emergency came up and I let her know I had to cancel. She demanded full payment even though she does not have any posted cancellation policy."  

for saying "Fuck Deposits"!

In general.

The real question, are you still going to pay those deposits?  Consider it a life lesson.

Many things in life are not satisfactory to me either, but sometimes there is no other answer.  
When I go to a Phillies game, why is it $14 for a beer there, when I can get that same exact beer at my neighborhood bar for $6? It's "because they can."
Why is it my seat on a flight may be $200 higher than the person seated right next me? Its "because they can."
You almost always look at these things from the consumer/client side of things. I have done the same in these particular cases re: the OPs point. As long as the "business" i.e. providers, are clear what their policies are upfront, I have zero problem with whatever they request and yet it triggers you deeply for some reason.  
They want to charge $5000 an hour? Go for it. Need 100% deposit sent via Venmo? Be my guest. Need my social security number? Ask away. The answer from me will be a hard "no" on all accounts.  
But the beauty of being the consumer is that I have choices and can play with ladies that have less intrusive, more agreeable terms. That's just capitalism at work, isn't it?

That is your choice. But wording his public post and out her as you advise, could land him in hot water. No, that wouldn't be fair to him but he deemed it wasn't worth it.  
Some things are worth fighting for and taking the risk that comes with that fight. The OP has decided it isn't worth that risk. He knows more about the facts of this matter, his comfort level and risk tolerance than you do, obviously, and that is why we shouldn't question his decision. He was screwed either way and it's easy for others to say "Out her!" They/you don't have to deal with the repercussions.

-- Modified on 5/8/2024 11:05:58 AM

Are you really this dense? This shit doesn't work like other industries because it is completely different from other industries.  

So sorry this happened to you. I had 2 clients last year here in Myrtle Beach tell me they lost deposits too. After the second guy told me that, I went straight to my computer & did an edit, adding that I never ask for money before our appointment. I am by no means saying that the people that do are all bad, but that's a gamble with your money for sure. I know why they do it. It's risky with our time b/c unfortunately so many are playing games. Both ways. That is their security their time isn't completely wasted & that you show up. I take the risk, I don't have many no shows, but it does happen & I just ban them as best as I can. (Fool me once, lol). I just found out recently a butthurt guy I banned a looong time ago has been posting bad reviews about me that are SOOO not true. For years! Talk about psycho. I never met him, he harassed me for a long time, then started making his life about "Me" I guess. Dodged that bullet by never letting him in.  Most people can tell what is real & what isn't, review wise. It's tough out here on both sides. If it were me, I wouldn't do deposits unless you know someone that has personally seen them, keyboard warriors can't always be trusted, as I have recently found out. Even then, they can pick up & go, or ignore you & block your number. Play smart guys, Hugs!

Ugh. You are right. I don't feel like a cancellation deserves bad words. I ban No shows, but don't put them on a blacklist, or call them out. Now if someone HURT me, yeah! But I've never had that happen. Only a bad review from a client that was butthurt bc he didnt READ my website, got ugly with me, I banned him after he harassed me for months, & he has now made it his life mission to destroy me online with lies. There's douchy people in this world we live in & it is such a shame!

He knows he was screwed and has no intention of trying to do anything about it, including warning others. He apparently doesn't even hold ill will towards her.

I think guys need to understand what happens when you get blacklisted. Usually a provider means they will add you to a personal black list and not see you. While there are a handful of forums and resources there aren't any widely used national blacklists, databases or review boards for clients. Also many providers have learned not to trust these resources for various reasons. Being blacklisted usually means this provider will not see you again. It doesn't mean other providers will never see you again. She may post about you somewhere but it doesn't mean that every other provider will check it or care about it too. It is obviously best to avoid being blacklisted, especially if you want to see independent high end providers.

It is easy to say no deposits but deposits are required by a huge majority of independent providers these days. This is why it is important to check the review history of the "no deposits" crowd. Most of their reviews are at agencies. Nothing wrong with this but agencies are a different beast and a different level of service. It is a different market segment. If you're seeing high end, independent escorts then you know you get what you pay for. All high end, independent escorts require deposits and have harsh cancellation policies. If you want to see these providers you have to do it on their terms. Like it or not, the hotter they are the more they get away with.

His will, be it “ill” or not is his business. Again, she put him in a terrible position and he, and he alone, needs to decide what is best for him as he knows so much more about his vulnerability  
than you you or I. Don’t blame him. Blame  the girl.

Yet another example of why I pass on providers who require a deposit.  It's their choice, but it is also mine and guess what, never an issue is 25+ years of enjoyable times with wonderful women.

guy in the room?"  Hands down, this gets the award for the most ironic post of the year.  And from the guy who once posted that he had been a TER member for longer than TER has been in existence.  Lol

I dont need to know that you're OK with whatever rules the seller sets. I already know this. I know that if the seller says you need to cut off your dick in order to join the club, it's OK with you.
That is NOT what I asked.  

Just happened to me.

You answer the way you want, and I'll answer the way I want. If you don't like my answers, cease asking me questions.  
You just seem to want to refute the core essence of unregulated capitalism in this illegal market, as is your want.
The seller sets a price and also gets to sets rules and protocols. The buyer then agrees or goes to their competitor. This is news to you? Now, am I happy with all of the end results? Of course not! The changes the last 3-4 years have been tough on everyone as I have stated numerous times.  
The difference between us is that you seem to want to bang your head against the wall in every thread like this one when you think the seller is acting unfairly, looking desperately for some rationale to satisfy you that will never materialize. Fine, complain away. Keep looking for that elusive unicorn if you must.  
But at the end of the day you will just walk away with a concussion. I walk away and look for another women who will satisfy most/all of my needs.  
You live in a world of how things "should be" while I live in the world of "what is." I am just more pragmatic and you more of a dreamer. Does that make me right and you wrong? Nope. It just makes your outlook on this 180 degrees different from mine.  
I can live with that every day of the week. Can you?

You have failed to provide any rationale. In fact you said any seller can attempt any action without any rationale as long as they make that action known beforehand.  

I dont see what so special about sucking dick that it has to be put in its own category. Many women, men and NBs suck dick very often.  

It is NOT "robbery" IF the client is told beforehand of the rules and penalties for not following such. I sided with the OP here because I am taking him at his word for the sake of the argument.
But in general, it is the BUYERS responsibility to engage or not engage in a service where all the rules and protocols are clearly listed. Only a child would cry about a provider following through with a penalty she has clearly communicated to the client if he fails to meet his obligation.  
You seem to want to take ALL responsibility off the buyer...just like a child. Now go get that concussion looked into. It is severely making you sound so silly and so obsessed. lol.

I was talking about in general. In fact you asked me in this very thread if I meant in general and I explicitly replied to you.  

There ain't no break here. I do what I think is important.  

Guts need to stop paying deposits and simping to these GPS ladies.  And don't get me started on their fucking rates.

I'd be interested in hear both what your think a respectable and well reviewed provider would do in response to a posting like I suggested. Nice and simple, not accusing or bemoaning anything, just noting how things played out.  I would also like to hear of any specific firsthand experience you have with similar types of situations and what the "hot water" ended up being.

Definitely not rebooking her. No interest in publically dragging her through the mud either—what's the point? Sure, it might entertain everyone and provide intel, but it's pointless for me.  

what about sites like VerifyHim?  Many years ago a close provider once showed my info to me on there and I was blown away.  

"I dont see what so special about sucking dick that it has to be put in its own category. Many women, men and NBs suck dick very often."

And he is saying it is not worth the risk to him to find out and guess what? HE gets to make that call as he will have to suffer the consequences of those actions and not you.

The rationale is clearly obvious to everyone but you. The full rate charge for cancellations inside 24 hours is a common norm in this industry. What’s not a norm is charging the 100% fee without announcing it as a cancellation policy.  That’s the issue in this conversation. Was the OP screwed by the provider? The general consensus seems to be yes, and Robert laid out a good explanation why the answer is yes.

There's a lot about the story I don't know so I can't comment fully. I don't know how much advanced notice you gave. I haven't seen her social media, website or tryst ad.

So you didn't answer what's so special about sucking dick when you are the one who claimed this. Noted.

I think some guys forget who has the power. The power is in the $$$$, if more think like you and I then guess what ? Policy for deposits will be changed, yet the bleeding hearts out there continue to play the deposit game. I’M DONE WITH IT.

If you don't think a blow job is special why do you pay so much for it so often? Why don't you just jerk off for free? The reason why it is different is because giving random strangers blowjobs for money presents a certain set of risks and means dealing with certain types of stress/situations that most people don't want to deal with. As a result, providers command a premium for the services they provide compared to regular jobs and industries. So comparing BJs for hire to other, well regulated and legal industries is retarded and logically unsound. That's the answer, its pretty straight forward.

I asked for rationale of full service fee. Not partial fee like it's done in any other industry, full fee.

hilarious.

LoL! Always funny when someone obviously more spun up than I am tells me to calm down or ease up.  

I actually sort of agree with the rationale you provided, but only for fractional cost just like it's done everywhere else and in any other industry.  

I have required a deposit to book, since 2010. Every provider has her personal policies. Does it clearly state on her website you owe the entire booking fee if you cancel with 24 hours, or less notice? I’m curious to see her website. Why not share?  

The OP was largely asking for feedback. Yes, he mentioned being concerned about some type of reaction if he didn't comply with the demand for full payment. I'm not telling him what to do, and you should not either. I'm raising questions about just what he should prehpas expect and also what the larger ramifications of such outcomes might be for him.

Most providers would likely just personally black list the client and move on. Some may add something to the various services providers use to share info. However there is a small chance the provider retaliates in some way. The provider could expose the clients personal info on social media (which happens more frequently these days). The provider could start harassing a client and blowing up their phone/work/e-mail. The provider can try to find personal/professional contacts and out OP. Provider can threaten/extort OP. These things, while somewhat rare, do happen all the time.

Does your omission about right-wing politics mean you're OK with that but not "leftist?" I guess, by extension, that also means that if a girl was a "leftist" but doesn't ever post about it she should ban you? And that a left-leaning provider is more likely to misuse your PI than a righty? Your raising the subject in this way means this entire post should really be on the P&R Board.

OK, so a few things I wanted to touch on for this.  
If you are going to book a "high end" provider (I am *not* one, fyi) which for argument sake we will say any provider that is charging over 1K an hour you are paying a premium for her to be "low  volume". If she is touring to an area realistically she is going to be there 2-3 days and seeing 1 clients a day. So if she only had 2 clients scheduled and did not have a wait list then yes, she is going to need the full payment to pay her expenses and make a profit.  
I just finished my tour in DC and saw a total of 9 gents over 3 days (several booked multiple hours) and had a wait list of  4 guys. I do not charge a cancellation fee and thankfully did not have any cancel on this trip but if any cancelled I could have easily filled the spot. Just a little friendly reminder that when gals tour it is expensive. We are out thousands of dollars (myself included!) before we leave the door. If you book a touring gal please keep this in mind. Just because she is "high end" does not mean that she is not going to have to eat the expense if you cancel. You are paying for low volume, expensive hotel, hair extensions, nails, and plastic surgery, even if your schedule does not allow you to enjoy them in person.  
I am not trying to dissuade from seeing a provider in any price point (please be safe always!!) but you also need to understand and take into consideration what you are signing up for when you venture out of the middle of the road provider options.  
As always,  
stay sane and stay safe

I have no issue with anyone's personal politics, I've just noticed a trend. I try to avoid politics when picking providers because I want to avoid divisive subjects when trying to have fun. In general I avoid providers who openly talk about politics, right or left.

I am with iNicky with this but I want to give you the proper space and time for clarification as your post could be read several different ways. Please be specific, bc as it reads now, a provider could post all day and night about "Right wing" politics and that somehow would be just fine? Is it really just that simple?
To me, it wouldn't be about "politics" at all. I would read a providers social media looking for photos, demeanor, decency, kindness, personality, etc i.e. things that would make me believe we would be a good match or possibly a bad one.  
I am, self admittedly, on the Left side politically on most subjects but I wont rule out a provider that shows her to be conservative IF and this is a big IF...she shows a tolerance for those different than her and is a seemingly good and honorable person. I have people in my own family that are on the opposite side of my political leanings and most of them are VERY good people, we just disagree on many issues. I can live with that. Not everyone has to think like I do.  
Long winded way of asking you what you meant as I want to give you the benefit of the doubt here as you are clearly intelligent and make very logical, well constructed posts.

I would think a high end provider would be more reasonable. Thinking of real world comparisons, typically higher end businesses that charge more of a premium are the ones more likely to bend over backwards for the customer. When you are paying more for a brand and it's reputation, it's often because you expect more, which includes customer service.

Most providers are probably liberal/left leaning and most providers I've been with are liberal/left leaning. I've had great times with them. It has nothing to do with their politics, it is based on their posting history. I'm not conservative or right wing. I consider myself independent with left leaning views. It has nothing to do with a provider having different beliefs, it is simply a risk assessment based on my experiences.  

I figured that’s what you were getting at when you mentioned political postings being a red flag.

My reading on the subject (to the extent such literature exists) suggests that an equally (and perhaps more) popular view on the left is that sex work should be legalized, women should be free to do as they decide with their bodies, and LE should take seriously allegations by sex workers that they have been harmed.