OK. I know a provider who is a drug addict.  I'm very worried about her.  She's so young and doesn't seem to see any future for herself.  It breaks my heart. She's a wonderful girl and has been very good to me. She's honest to a fault.  I know that the stereotypes dictate otherwise.  I want to help her. I'm not wealthy, so I can't provide much monetary help.  Is there anything I can do?  I don't care if I have to stop seeing her, if I could do something to help her.  There's no need to chastise me for enabling an addict.  Or to point out the health risks involved.  I'm aware of that. By the way, I have no romantic interest in this girl.  She's just a good soul I've come across.  Any suggestions?

Until she wants to help herself or recognizes the problem, it is useless.  If you try to force her into something the bounce back afterwards will be even deeper.

If you REALLY want to help her stop being her client.  Just be there for her.  Make it clear that you care without judgment. Make sure she has your phone number or contact info and that she knows when the time comes she can depend on you to help her. The time WILL come for her.

Depending on the fallout, the help she needs may not be pretty and will certanly be uncomfortable. So you have to decide if you are willing clean the vomit out of her hair, listen to the ugly names she will call you, and calm her when her world explodes -  or just drive her to rehab.

The first decision in the process is yours - but dont take it lightly.

As you know, it's medicating to mask life. Even if you did an intervention, unless you're willing to get her into therapy, she'll just go back. If you can commit to that, treat her like a person, you might be able to help her. It's not easy to be a knight in shining armor, I've tried it.

Check her into rehab. Last thing this profession needs is another druggie. She is probally putting herself at risk (not to mention the rest of us).

You're probably right about not seeing her anymore, though I'm afraid if I do that, I'll never hear from her again.  I have told her that she can call me if she ever needs help.  I'm not sure if she has had enough of a crisis, or "hit rock bottom", to really want to get clean.  I just don't want her to go there, you know?  Thanks for your comments "yea me too".

try to marry her. I'm sure it would work out all right.

Who gives a crap? Read Kathy of 48th Street from a couple of days ago to see what these girls think. It's nice of you to care, but you're a fool if you do. They spread their legs and we give them money, the end. She's a prostitute on drugs. Let her find her destiny and go on with your life.

So, does that mean that just because you see providers that we shouldn't care about you if we've become friends with you? Albeit a bit harsh, I think some men completely misinterpreted Kathy's post. We can be friends with people. We're just asking that men be realistic about the business transaction part of it. Your attitude reflects on an ancient era where men only thought that escorts were low-life maggots . . . at least in America. What about the men who frequent them? We could say the same for them.  

We like sex. We get paid for it. You like sex. You pay for it. What's the difference? Perhaps you've been on your back with your legs spread too.

If this guy wants to help her, then maybe he's just a very nice person wanting to help another "human being" out of trouble. I give him a lot of credit. It's not good to be used, but it's a shame to never give.

Hugs,
ciara

-- Modified on 7/6/2006 5:17:18 PM

-- Modified on 7/6/2006 7:31:59 PM

At the very least, she's gotta want help to get clean. Being a nice guy may help both of you, but she's a goner either way. Drug addiction and sex are a bad combination. If she wants help, she knows where to go and has probably been in rehab before. As far as hobbying, don't keep seeing her. If you are someone who wants to help, make sure she has food and plenty of condoms. I am afraid she is a train wreck and you are the engine.

I commend you for your intentions.  Now to reality.  This person will never get to "rock bottom" if you act as a cushion between her and rock bottom.  You need to quit seeing her as a John.  You need to tell her that you will help her get help, provide her with your phone number and check on her once a day or once every other day, to be sure that she is alive.  Aside from that?  What can you do?  Go through rehap for her?  

Ya gotta let her get to the place she needs to be, so she can then get help... do not enable - and make no mistake about it, you give her money - any amount - you enable.

You're right.  I can't do much.  And she may not be around very long at the rate she's going.  She's hasn't been to rehab. yet.  She's only a kid.  If I could tell you her life story, you'd see how there's almost no way she couldn't be where she is today.  She's needs some older person in her life to take care of her for once.

and don't believe a damn word kathy48 says. Many years ago I helped a drug addict through recovery. The key to her recovery was her admitting she had a problem and asking for help.  I had tried to help her in the past to no avail. Your friend can not be helped until she ask for help.  The bad news is that you have a long long tough road ahead of you.  The good news is that it will be worth the journey.  After rehab I dated my friend for five happy and wonderful years. She is now happily married (not to me) with three kids and we are still friends.  I also have friend now that has been a recovered drug addict for six years.  She is a very beautiful, smart and sexy lady and when I see her by the hour, she makes me very happy.

I understand that you are worried about this person.  She has to help herself.  This is the first step.  There is really nothing you can do until she is ready to fight and to fight hard.  I'm not one to chastise someone for trying to help another in need.  Every case is different.  You have those who want to quit, but don't have the fight in them to do so.  You have those who moan & groan and think the world owes them something and will front like they are trying, but behind your back they are totally doing the opposite, that is what kills me.

I say go with your heart and your gut.  If you truly believe in this person, then go for it.  I really hope things work out for her and she is successful in breaking out of her situation. Good luck to you both.

There is nothing you can do until she decides she wants to change her life!!!.... Been there done that and all I ever got was a slap in the face...