This weekend I had a conversation with a person, and this came up...

Would all of you hobbyist ever date a woman that was working as a escort or even a FBSM provider? or even marry a woman was in the sex industry currently?

Would it matter if they had retired? or they were now working?

If I was a guy, I don't think I could date a woman that was... I would not want to see the woman i loved or mom of my kids sleeping with other men...

now for providers.. could you be married or dating someone and do this? Could you give your heart totally if doing this? or does it make you cold to personal relationships?

Would you even want to date a guy that would accept you doing this?

Or would you feel like the guy does not really love you or respect you because he does not care if you do this?

Do you think a man accepting this really only wants you for the money?

I am curious what the general opinion is

I could probably casually date or be a friend with benefits, with a provider. I would probably not want to be serious with, or have a daughter become, a provider. Despite the fact that I believe I do not look down on provides for their choices.  

And that is the crux. Their choices and my choices.

If ever I would become single again, I would love to have a very sensual partner with all the skills. And only an escort or PS easily fits the bill.  

Of course, unconditional love and acceptance has to be part of the equation to make this succeed. While I will financially support her, I would have to be convinced that she's into this relationship more than $$$. And in fairness to her, she would need to be convinced that I care about her beyond the sex part. And that I have to love other qualities about her (character, honestly, fun to be with, open-mindedness, spirituality, etc).

Oh yeah ... I'm a liberal. And I think Courtesans have a noble role in society and they are in some sense more unique than other women. I lived in Venice, Italy in my past life, and loved every courtesan there when I was a nobleman .. hahaha!

If you both feel the same way.
If you click, so to speak.
If you are both passionate about life.        
Why not?

Dating while working is ok.
Marriage for me would require her not working.
I think the fellow would be a lucky man.

Balboa

It would depend entirely on the nature of the woman.

not saying her name, would have me.

So it's very situational.

A traveling provider was my GF for a few years. I didn't find out she was a provider until we had been living together in my home, for a year. I found out by accident, however  it was a 100%  comfirmation accident.She told me when we met, her job required travel to different states and before I found out,I never  suspected she was a provider, and would have bet my savings she wasn't.
I also saw her on Eros a few times in a city she was visiting,and though her face was not 100% recognizable, I knew every inch of her body.
A few times I thought she was trying to tell me she was a provider, but she always dropped it before she let it out.
I never told her I knew or made any mention of the biz.. I figured it was her job before I met her, and we had so much fun,I didn't want to drive splinters in our relationship. Everything seemed to be going great, and then she moved out and far away, because of something not related to our relationship,or thats what she told me.We email and talk on the phone frequently.
Five years ago I would have said NO Damn Way I would accept  a provider as a GF. Before I knew providers I had them pegged as something else.Botton Line, its a job.
I wonder sometimes if I should have told her I knew, and it was OK with me, but too late now for that.
 I hope she misses me and comes back.I sure miss her.

Maybe she cared too much about you that she was scared to say so, for fear you might look down on her.  

Go back to her .. why wait for her to come to you?

First of all I don't think I'd want to marry anyone again, but I'd also be worried about the legal aspects of being married to someone currently in the business.

If we dated and she was still working I'd still be hobbying.

I was totally prepared to marry a girl that I met while hobbying and was crazy about her. Thought I knew her well but was mistaken...unfortunately. She was nowhere near the person I thought she was and as it turns out, is either a miserable human being or has some major screws loose in her head.
Live and learn I suppose. But, it didn't really matter to me how we met.

It's an  interesting double standard that applies to escorts. Be an escort, be happy, don't be ashamed your and escort, your being empowered, your helping the guy and your helping yourself its win/win, all the things that girls and guys start saying to defend being or seeing an escort. But then on the other hand hobbyist and other escorts want to know how much longer you'll be doing this and most likely would have negative thoughts if somebody said well Idk maybe ten years?, would not consider you date material even though its completely rational to make and appointment with an escort, escorts are supposed to think men that would date us while we sleep with other men don't care about us etc...

If love and trust are there then everything else should fall into place. But I can understand that even with love & trust..... it is  not something that just anyone could deal with.

But I could have a LTR with a provider.

Yup.

I have a very different view. I don't have double standards. I think highly of escorts and courtesans - not a step below, but a step above. I don't judge people by their job or sexuality, but by their character and humanity.  

To me love isn't about exclusive rights to one's genitals.

Love is about so much more than who has sex with who.

Sex is "intimate", but other aspects of love are so much more so...
I wouldn't expect the woman I loved to only share her hopes and dreams with me, I wouldn't expect to be the only one that ever made her laugh or dried her tears when she cried.  I wouldn't expect to be the only person that she had calm her fears, celebrate her successes, ease her hurts, etc...
I wouldn't expect to be the only person to ever see or touch her heart, and that is so much more intimate than when genitals collide.

I wouldn't seek out a lady in this business to date (like I wouldn't seek out a woman that was a doctor, or accountant, or teacher or any other career to date) but if I met a lady in this business that I loved, that loved me I wouldn't hold her job as reason to not love her and not take the chance on that love.

I wouldn't expect her to quit her job and be completely dependent on me until she could find another job that she could earn what she wanted / needed to.  Making her be dependent on me to that extent wouldn't seem like love but like control...to me at least.

So, she could go to work, see her clients, but then come home to me.  She could take a shower, and change into comfy sweats and a t-shirt while I made us something to eat, then we could cuddle on the couch where I would kiss her head and stroke her hair, and hold next to my heart like I held her in my heart, and when she and I made love it would be about love, not service, not getting off, not having it my way, but about love... a physical expression of the emotional, mental, spiritual connection we have for each other.  


 

knowing he has probably patronized many other providers as well.  As a hobbyist, I believe I could, but could the provider?  This is America, land of second chances.  I certainly hope both could.

YES. She should have told you. The secret caused stress for her being fearful of a bad reaction from you.

Neveramansman, "I wonder sometimes if I should have told her I knew, and it was OK with me, but too late now for that.
I hope she misses me and comes back.I sure miss her."
By not telling her (even though OK with you), you may have acted a certain way...like always expecting her to tell you something. This perhaps unconscious anticipation could have created more stress for her to the point of leaving?

If that is how you feel (miss her), re-read 'Posted by cutehunkie, 8/2/2010 10:16:52 AM'
However, don't jus show up...cud be quite awkward. Let her know that you are WILLING to come to see her.

Like you said...I certainly hope so. In this scenario, he realizes that she has seen many hobbyists, and is OK with that. She should realize that he has probably seen other providers and be OK with that also.

My wife was a part time stripper and a full time escort when I met her. I was not a client of hers but helped her out after she was raped, and dumped out side of a small town about a 130 miles from where she lived. We became friends. A year later she gave up escorting and we started dating. We later got married. In February her business failed and she did not want to be dependant on me and was a little embarrassed because I was always on her case about money. Not that we needed more, as we have no debt and I make six figures. Also she always use her sexuality to build her ego. She started escorting again to boost herself up and to hide her failed business from me. In May guilt finally overcame her and she confessed about all the lies and manipulations. We almost separated. In her mind she feels sex is all She is good at and escorting helped her out in.another bad part of her life and she feels she needs it.  I did not and still don't want her to provide and could not take the LE risks of a felony crime. But at the same time I love her and she really feels she needs it, so we worked out a compromise. She works at a legal brothel in Nevada on the weekends and I get her the rest of the time. It is not easy and I get envious. I would not date a escort if I had to do it again. I definitely would not marry one, but I am making it work. I loved her and owe her much. To all you men out there, it is harder to be married to a provider than you think. The thought of her getting laid by men some of them better looking or better it bed than you can and will shake the conference of almost any man. The fact that there is something she is getting from the hobby that she is not getting from you puts doubts in your head. And if there is any dishonesty, it will destroy and trust in the relationship. Ladies please be honest with your SO. Your lies can destroy him. Please for is sake give some long hard thought on retiring before marriage. Or stay single if you can't be fully honest and understanding. I do not recommend becoming an escorts husband, but it can work. I know this because I am making it work because I love her.

I know of a couple providers whose husband and SO actually help them with their business. They arrange hotel, air, do basic screening, etc.

I would have no problem with that. You know, it's HER business and I'm not the one to suggest she quit. But if she wanted to quit, that would be fine, too. But it's her life and her body and if we had something great going, why ruin it?

So it seems that her self-esteem was low? Because her legit biz fail and she went back to Escorting? And this makes her feel good.
So, have you tried to reinforce her self-esteem? Or do you feel you have something to do with her low self-esteem? My wife's non-interest in sex has caused me some self-esteem issues which I have fulfilled by hobbying.

My previous ATF was happily married and has 3 kids. Her husband was a manager and was doing ok, and she said they would swing together.

It's hard when the male ego is hurt. But if I really like an escort (as in - I think she can be my partner) and I'm eating her pussy, I know that maybe 1000 other guys have been inside there. But why should I think about that? At the time I'm eating her, it's just me and her nice pussy and I'm enjoying the moment with her. My point is .. don't think of the other johns. When she's with you, that's quality time spent. And she still goes home to you, so you're the No. 1 man in her life.  

How long have you been married? I've been married more than 20 years and my SO has totally left out the sex part in our relationship.  At least in your case, she still gives you some good sex. So what if you are not fulfilling all her sexual needs - that's probably who she is. And the sooner you can accept her as a sexy beast, the better. I have accepted my wife as a celibate. Accept your wife as a libertan.

Instead of getting jealous, get even. Why don't you tell her you want to hobby while she is providing. Maybe that will give her some realization - if she starts getting jealous of you being with other women, maybe she'll stop being with other men.

Not a marriage councilor. But thought I'd put in my 2 cents.

"Instead of getting jealous, get even."
No offense but that to say 'get even' implies a sense of meanness. I would prefer putting it as 'being fair'...she wants an open relationship in which she can be with others...so why does he have to limit himself to only her. He should be free to see others as well.

btw, I am not a marriage counselor either

he has to see all the women that aren't crazy, that might want to see him whether he is attracted to them or not, and he has to put their good time before his own even if that means he doesn't cum, and / or he doesn't get blown or fucked, and he has grin through bad BJs and say it's good, and act like the worst lay of his life got him off...

Then that would be a bit more like her servicing all the guys that come into a brothel that may want to see her.


I do have a question though...
I was under the impression that women working  LPiN had to arrive at the brothel, get tested, wait for all the tests to come back, not working until they do, and not leaving the brothel while working or she would have to do the test and wait thing all over again...
so how does it work that she works weekends and comes home during the week?

She has always had self-esteem issues but I had my part in this round. I have and am trying hard to help her through these issues. I don't think of the other men when we are doing it but when she is at work and I think of something I want to talk to her about its hard not to. I. Know she loves me as she stuck with me when I was suicidally depressed after I was at falt in a auto wreck that killed my mom and crippled my dad. I do hobby. It was her idea. I think it helps her with her guilt. I do not want her to feel guilty about what she does so but I do wish she would quit. We are see a marriage therapist. It is harder than one would think to know sucks cock for a living even though I know she loves me and I love her. We have been married for five years now and I am not leaving.

She shows up Friday AM to get tested and stays. The test comes back Saturday AM then she works tell Monday morning. She pays for the test. And to be fair she chooses to do all those men. I would give up hobbying mid session with a ten if she would give up escorting. I only see escorts because of her job and feel guilty about it when I am with anther lady. Sometimes I don't even have sex with the ladies I have had dates with but usually I do. To be even I would have to want to hobby as much as she does which is not the case.

That was beautiful. Some woman, somewhere is going to be very lucky to be with you.

Now, I am assuming that the ladies who post on this board aren't all a bunch of liars.

Taking that assumption into account, over time I have seen several ladies post that they specifically select clients on the basis of chemistry.

Obviously, not all providers do that. But clearly some do. And that's enough.

That's enough to establish that, to be equitable, the guy doesn't have to see just any woman.

Obviously, being a client and being an escort are, in and of themselves, not analogous.

However, the operative point is that the very reason his wife escorts is because she DOES derive value from it beyond the money. She doesn't even NEED the money. She's there for her self-esteem!

So -- she is actually having a core emotional need met by escorting!

Given that, I believe that it is entirely equitable for him to go find a really hot 10/10, pay her fee, and fuck her even if he has multiple orgasms.

However, the terms she has established are that she gets to pick the ladies he sees. I disagree, because he doesn't get to pick the men she sees.

So he should get to pick the ladies he sees, and see them as often as allowed.

"However, the terms she has established are that she gets to pick the ladies he sees."
Huh, I didn't see that? I thought that he does get to pick them.

"I only see escorts because of her job and feel guilty about it when I am with anther lady. Sometimes I don't even have sex with the ladies I have had dates with but usually I do."
Seems like you really don't want to hobby and do it only to help alleviate her guilt.
But since you do...You don't have to be TOTALLY even by wanting to hobby as much as she does if you don't want to. You don't need to do it EXTRA when you don't want to just 'out of spite'.

if the escort/porn star was not active, had no medical issues, and had no plans to return, then sure.  we might have to give her a mustaches and glasses for family reunions, though...

While I do get to pick then she has veto power over my choice. She has never used it though. Johngalth has figured out my TER handle from a post  made on July 4th under this alias. And linked it to a post I made under me real TER handle a mounths ago.  I adopted this alias to protect my wife's identity as a few ladies know my real name and TER handle. So I will not tell you where to find that post.  Things are not equal in my relationship with my wife. I need her more than she ever needed me, but I don't need it to be equal. I need her to be happy.

Sorry, johngaltnh I miss spelled your handle twice. I just can't spell. Nothing was ment by it.

She has veto power!? That MIGHT be ok, but ONLY IF she knows them as that might be awkward for her.

Yes. AGREED. You don't have to be equal. You don't have to have an OUTSIDE session for every one she does.

And np. Your use of alias seems quite understandable.

It would be hypocritical of either one, not to give as they would desire to get. I think that the ONLY people who understand this community, and could except a partner who is currently in it or was in it, for the long term, are members of this community. Rare is the outsider who could possibly understand. One in 10 million.

Yes, but she has never used it. I think that rule exists to let her protect me. I am new to this hobby and she is not. She has many provider friends that she can get information from on such things as LE activity. I have even had dates with a few of these friends both with and without her joining in. It was her idea and she even set one of them up. As far as trying to match her date for date, I couldn't if I wanted to she has 8 to 16 dates a weekend. I am a one maybe two pops a day maximum kind of guy. And I would not want to. I feel guilty when I am having sex with anyone but her. So while seeing providers is fun and enjoyable, I rather just stay home and do my wife. Besides, why go out for a fast food hamburger when I got prime rib at home. Nothing in my marriage is equal I feel I still got the better deal. I just fear she will see this and leave me.

"I think that rule exists to let her protect me." You go on to explain it well (makes sense) but IMHO you should ACTUALLY know why the RULE exists. And not have to guess why. I wouldn't suggest making a fuss over it now...too late...shoulda hashed it out at the beginning of the rule.

Ok so its definitely NOT about her knowing them as she is sometimes there/sets up the date.

True, guys are more limited in 'what we can accomplish'...hey maybe the ladies should pay us then for our limited supply!!!

I wish you well and that she will NOT see this convo, or will not have a problem with it if she does.
PEACE