This is a great hobby and a great site, and it amazes me sometimes I am able to get to meet some of you wonderful ladies.

I just makes me wonder sometimes what drives some of the women -- many beautiful, smart, well-educated women here. Obviously there are financial incentives, but there must be some other satisfaction involved, emotional, psychological, physical, that helps the ladies put up with some of us bozos.

There is a myth that women in the industry are exploited or desperate for various reasons. I never got that impression, but still wonder what keeps you coming back.

(Alias responses welcome)



-- Modified on 2/14/2013 11:01:31 AM

In all honesty, this is not "forever" for many of us. We have a plan or had one from the start, and are only 'using' this business to do something else later on. You can't find another job that pays what this does and allows you to play on the net all day, to boot. I won't say it's "easy" money, but it is fast money. You can actually learn a lot of basic marketing and business skills, if you run your provider business the right way. That can later be used to run just about any business where sales are concerned. Even though some may not realize it, they are in fact using many of the basic theories in Microeconomics.

This is a great example of both a free market, and capitalism depending on which way you look at it. Anyone can enter this business with very little start up costs, at any age, race, or size. SOMEONE is always going to pay them. If you notice the various rates, you're basically seeing the market at work through supply, demand, and equilibrium. Women start at one price then either go up or down depending on the level of volume they want to achieve. When you find a woman who has not changed her rates in years, she has reached equilibrium.

I just think with the right mental state and attitude, one can use this business to gain experience, learn about customer service, how to manage time, and read their target market to ensure the product they deliver is being well received. It does not have to be any deep seeded issues, that led them here.

What keeps you doing whatever you do everyday? Or had to do at one point in your life. Was it for capital? Love of the enterprise? Love of the game? Did you have obligations that you needed to take care of ?  Love of  whatever.....?

These ladies do what they do for the same reasons we do what we do in order to keep our boats afloat as it were, and to occasionally taste the honey pots of the fine women to be found here.

But hey I'm just an Old, Ugly, Fat Fuck with an opinion

Now to what degree or percentage, I honestly have no idea. But I have spoken to numerous women over the years whose SO got them pregnant, left them, and didn't pay them any child support. Without having other career paths to follow, and in desperate need of money, escorting became a viable and quick solution. There are many, many reasons why ladies have chosen this but sadly, desperation is one of them. There were doing what they felt needed to be done to protect themselves and their child from financial ruin.

well put London. But the short answer is, money and sex. some women just love to have sex. what a great way to make money doing what you love.

I love my job

And it can also be applied to why some men are here  ...desperation in finding someone to have sex with them.

Then there's the more positive spin for both...great money for few hours work and for the guys, a chance to sample what they otherwise might not be able to or to indulge in variety with no bullshit or strings attached.

I always hope the ladies I see, really enjoy it too, and it's not just the "illusion" they are giving.

True. Many women are here out of desperation which is why you see me get so angry at guys who love to haggle over rates. For some, this is the ONLY income they have...why try to take it from them?

no matter how low paying they still have a CHOICE.

Desperation is strong word.

Stop being delusional. If they loved sex, they'd go to a bar.

Desparation is probably too strong a word. I have met many providers in their late twenties and early thirties who are single mothers. Their SO left them and refused to pay child support. How else can they support themselves and their children? In today's economy, you need to have at least a BS degree in a desirable field to get a decent-paying job, not just a degree. I also met quite a few who had good jobs but got laid off; one of them was a manager for a major pharmaceutical company, and she is still escorting today after being let go in 2008. Even girls in their early twenties are dong this just to get them through college. Many of them will keep doing it because they can't find a job with their degrees. You do what you have to do to survive in this economy.

with ANYONE is a bit much. I call bullshit on that one. Some clients I can't wait to see, and others it's for the damn money.

Have to agree with that. Even with a Masters degree and no experience, 60k is about what you would be offered to start. After taxes, you're still not making enough on that alone to pay a mortgage, pay for private school, and pay back student loans...not to mention all the other things like gas, food, clothing, and basic needs.  I am in that very boat right now.

I have tons of skills and have worked for some amazing companies where people would never think I did this, but it's a great way to save money to either travel or save to open a little business, what I am doing the latter xxx

Always have, always will.  No sin in that.

Living is suffering, as the Buddha sayeth.

Out of need, maybe more-so than desperation, as that is a strong word. Personally, after 7 years, I was tired of my husband's BS, & filed for divorce. The only thing that really changed, is that I no longer had a "live-in bbsitter", & now needed to pay for child care when I went to work... around $800/month! I had a friend suggest this, & I tried it, & am still here now. It gives you the freedom to make your own schedule, be home everyday for the kids, & make more than I was working 2 jobs. I am able to go to school full-time, so I can work on my degree, while taking a few appointments a week. In addition, most of my jobs prior to this, were in customer service. Although this is quite a notch up from regular customer service, it's still the same basis.

As London points out 60K doesnt cover it so working for $7.25/hr at Mickey D's grosses you 15K/yr BEFORE taxes. You dont think a mother with a child or two and no man, no other means of support, no family to help her out wouldnt feel desperate in that situation? Seriously? I know I would feel desperate as hell.

Desperate is when there are no resources, no job, no options.

Now, is it DECENT living condition?  No.

If i take $7.25/hr i would not be able to have my own apartment.  I would need to share a room.  I would not be able to have a glass of wine at the Four Seasons, I would not be able to do anything else i like, but i would be able to have a roof above my head and very basic food.

I've been through immigration and through not having ANY money and never HAD to work as an escort.  People always have a choice, often we women choose to work as escort vs dealing with low wages.  

May FEEL more desperate  than waitress at your local diner.

A friend of mine just got laid off from his C level position. He has a house and 2 kids in private schools. I would bet he is feeling not too good right about now. he would have to make major lifestyle changes unless he gets another high paying job pretty soon.

So i agree that when it comes to feeling desperate there is no uniform  definition.

I still don't like the concept that women turn to this job out of desperation.  Plenty of women are in this industry because they WANTS can not be supported in any other way.

We all have our DESIRED standard of living but it does not always mean that our wants should equal our needs.  NEED is roof above your head and 2000 calories of food a day.  WANT is townhouse and dinner at the Palm.

NEED is education for your kids. It can be accomplished via public school system and community college.  WANT is to have them in private prep school followed by Columbia.

 

IF a guy provided a picture of himself before seeing a provider for the first time, would she choose to refuse some clients based on looks?  Lets face it SOME of the variability in a session where YMMV are totally due to the "chemistry" (or lack thereof) between the gent and lady.  So for one lucky dude, he gets to DFK like they invented it, have her stick her tongue up his AH, and get a BBBJNQNS while another hapless dude gets the sit here, I only do MISH or a 10 second covered BJ for an extra $.

Soooo, as the lady sits there "behind the door" her first glance at the dude is through the peephole... I gotta say, some of those peepholes must make me look like Adonis....  I get your point.

There is no universal defintion of the word "desperate."  You nor I can tell another human being whether their feeling of desperation is real, contrived or overblown. Some people dont "always" feel they have a choice.

... to  see it coming from someone with your review history this time.
Usually a newbie question.

when I was living on $98/month (with room, board and clothing), I had lots of wants... but my needs were taken care off....

wants and needs have been confused a long time ago.

Years ago a friend of mine got into stripping out of desperation.  She moved to USA to reunite with her dad, her step mom threw her out of house 1 month later.

Girl was 21, did not speak English and did not have legal permits for work in the states.

She also did not have anywhere to return to.  THIS is what i call getting into sex work out of desperation.  She had no other viable options to survive.

I was just commenting that I thought it was an odd question coming from someone who had been on TER since 2001 and reviewed over 100 ladies!

It wasn't the question that threw me off. It was who was asking it.

But YOU do.

The people who honestly believe they NEED a car, or a house, or clothes (with designer status  LOL) and so on are delusional.  They DON'T need any of that shit.  They WANT it.

Same as the guy whose kids NEED an education.  Public school in this country is free (relatively speaking)...but if those parents WANT them in private school...so be it.

There's not a hooker alive that NEEDS to do this for the money.  Plenty of options to make money.  But they WANT a higher standard of living...hence are willing to suck and fuck strange (no matter how distasteful it seems to be to some) to accomplish their WANTS.

Using the above, if a hooker could make a decent income doing anything but this...I suggest MOST would.  All you have to do is ask a random sampling of gals would they get out of this gig if they could earn enough to live as they WANT to live?  I think most of us know the answer to that question.

But that same question can be put to most workers...and the answers would be similar.

WANTS vs. NEEDS....a HUGE difference  

I see many examples (especially at this time of year) of young men/women earning well less than $ 60k per annum and somehow find a way to own a home and drive a vehicle.  Just like anyone who is living beyond their means...that is their "battle cry".  And guess what...it'll always be their battle cry.  Honestly, I've had clients complain about trying to live on $ 500,000+.  Of course it's tough to do that when they want to live at a $ 600,000 lifestyle.  And even those in the $ 1M+...listened to them complain about the same nonsense.

It's all about prioritizing.

And none of the men/women I'm suggesting are hooking  LOL

A huge problem in this country is that the young people feel a sense of entitlement.  I see that bullshit on a daily basis as people in their 20's and 30's WANT what Mom and Dad spent their lives accumulating and working for.  Instant gratification comes at a price.  And some hookers here are willing to pay it for the now!

While most of those same age groups are working overtime or a second job to accomplish their life's dreams.

It's a choice...but to say that $ 60k doesn't work is simply naive.  And I have a slight statistical edge to see why it is a stupid comment to make.  It does work...sorry!  What you won't have are the designer crap...private school..and so on.  Those are NOT needs...but are clearly WANTS!

One night the Lord came to me in a dream and told me this is what I was put on this earth to do. He anointed me with the name Sidney and the rest is history. I was put here to live a life of naked abandon, and to drop to my knees to help YOU see HIS true way.

Truth? I entered into the adult entertainment business because the possibilities of making great money was very attractive. It has been great, I am thankful that I can do this. I have other dreams and goals that I am working on and this profession enables me to work on them. I like being my own boss, and making my own schedule. I LOVE the independence. I have lovely parents and a wonderful family but once I turned 18 I moved out of the house and have taken care of myself ever since without asking my parents for a penny.  

So I started in this crazy ride because of the money. Being honest.

Every lady is performing for us, and it is never clear (nor should it be) where the performance ends and the person begins. There are definitely advantages to telling a guy a sad story when he asks why you are doing this, and probably no reason at all to tell the truth in most cases. This is not because the ladies are dishonest, I am definitely not saying that, just that they are performers putting on an act to make the experience work for us and them. So just because any number of ladies told you sad stories, it does not mean that those stories are strictly true, are why they do this job, or representative of the broader world of sex workers.

As to why ladies do this, I do not really have an answer, but I do have a few theories. First, I expect that if you asked this question you would get very different answers from ladies who have been providing for less than six months, most of whom will not last, and ladies who have done it for more than six months. The latter are providers, while the former are just trying it out.

Second, I agree with the others - why does there have to be any special reason why ladies provide? It is a way they can make a decent living, and they find it suits them -the same reasons anyone chooses their job. The better questions, maybe the questions the OP meant to ask, is how did you come to try providing, and what is it you like about this job.

I was reading a sociological study about sex work a while back, and I will never forget the bit about porn stars. Like providing, a lot of people try it and do not last. Those who do last reported consistently that the thing they liked about the job was the attention they received, the fame and notoriety. Everyone does it for the money to start, but that is not enough to keep doing any job. Somehow it has to suit you.

My guess is that most providers like it because of the independence, ability to set their own hours, to decide how much they want to work, and probably enjoy the worship they receive from clients, the power they have over the guys. Yes, I have asked a few, too, but since most reply first that they love the sex and every study I have ever seen says that no sex worker does it for sexual pleasure (after all making sex your job is not likely to heighten your enjoyment of it, any more than making anything into a job is likely to make it more enjoyable - I like to cook and I am pretty sure I would not like being a chef, for example), I tend to discount the replies I have gotten.

Just some thoughts, some generalities and observations,
zig

Looks are not  a concern to me. What is a concern is how they want to have sex. Rough, sloppy, crappy kisser, takes forever to get off...all their prerogative but if I knew certain things beforehand, there would be some men I would refuse.

So to answer your question, a pic would not mean anything to me. A reference that tells me what I need to know is worth gold to me.

And that was my point with Lina. Sure, I agree, there are TONS of examples of people wanting things and not necessarily needing them. But I am telling you from first hand knowledge, some people are just up against it. BIG TIME. No mommy and daddy around. No inheritance. No trust fund. No marketable skills. No role models. Nothing. Again, I have no idea what percentage they make up but they are out there.

OK...that's life.  It's not fair.  I get it.

But it's what someone does who, as you say, is up against it.

For every person YOU know that is in that hole...I suggest that there is another who was there and found a way out of that hole.  And hooking wasn't their way.  Maybe it was sports, or education...or any myriad of options that are available to nearly every person in this country.

My comments were addressing the wants vs. needs approach that many in this country have.

Perhaps those folks you speak of won't be managing an investment firm, or even an accounting firm (although there are some great success stories)...but it's not written anywhere that anyone is owed anything in this world.  We all have options...how YOU or I decide to exercise those options is what will decide where we will go in life.

The idea of blaming anyone else for YOUR/MY/THEIR failures is simply bullshit!

girl accepting $50 quickies.

Yes, she's probably desperate.

Then you have those who aren't desperate.

There's no one size fits all for either side of the coin.

I would agree with everything said. But again, when you speak in absolutes, you get in trouble.

So Go to a Bar and get fucked or, become a Provider and get paid to have sex. why is that delusional. i think your the idiot to be so narrow minded.

The person you replied to is possibly inferring that going to a bar and actively choosing a guy who is attractive to them is a lot different than this biz.

We see who shows up with no idea, in the majority of cases, what they look like and as far as the sex goes, whether or not he is cognizant of her pleasure...P4P, some are, some are not but civvie bar sex, the lady has as much right to ask for/direct a guy in order to gain as much pleasure from the act ( I know, this can happen in P4P but it's not the objective).

Really, the two are quite different. And then there are some women, I imagine that love sex sooo much that as long as the guy has a dick and a mouth, she's good to go, regardless of age, ethnicity, looks or prowess.

Hence ALL of us have options.

If you choose to NOT use your brain..so be it.  But to suggest that each and every one of us does not have options is ludicrous.

But feel free to disagree (as you already have) and again lay blame to anyone but yourself (or as you're suggesting those who you claim don't have options)!

Keep in mind I'm not suggesting that these may be great options...but indeed they are options.  Each and every one of us has the power to say yes...or NO.  Last I checked that particular freedom was still available in most countries on this planet.  And if someone is unfortunate enough to be in a place where that isn't an option...then they have the option to find a way to seek it out.

I have some experience with this particular ailment and i can tell you this. It does make life complicated but in no way does it diminish or even eliminates capacity to function.

When it come to mild mental issues people have to learn how to function in a way that their disability does not severely impact their life.  Its not easy but it is doable.

there are no absolutes in life,

MAJORITY of society have options, MAJORITY of escorts got into this line of work by choice,

The girls who did not have options or got into this out of sheer desperation are not likely to even participate in this discussion.

They are pimped out, walk the street or too high.  And that is rather unfortunate.

I guess i feel kinda strong about this subject but to say that a LOT of women get into this job because it is the only option they have is akin to turning them into victims.

Now, I am not talking about the insane, but there are all different degrees of diminished capacity. So that isn't blaming anyone if someone is born with a mental issue or develops one over time. Look at people who suffer with PTSD. Do you think it's their fault? Are they blaming someone? Of course not. Their power to reason, or as you call it, the ability to say yes or no, can be so diminished as to be virtually eliminated. Some of these people really don't have options. Yes , they are few and far between, but they are out there and in greater numbers than zero, which you seem to believe is the case.

And I will concede that there is always an outlier.

My comments are for the purpose of taking responsibility for ones actions.  And in that regard I feel that WE all have options.  Of course...not the outlier LOL.   Now who wants to try and define what that should be?  Or is it just too easy to say this one or that...and they can blame others for their poor decision making!

Just saying.

But there are degrees of severity of PTSD, as there is with any psychological disorder. My point is some people really don't have options, due to a myriad of reasons, that may be very complex and its easy for us sometimes to say "everyone has options". I just dont believe that. At the end of the day though, it's just not provable either way. It's opinion.

you have concrete statistics, you can't say the "MAJORITY" either way. That's just your opinion. Or did you conduct a study?

I like to believe the escorts who got into this biz out of desperation are just as important to acknowledge as those who did it by choice. So I don't think it's fair to act like their experience isn't prevalent and the minority when it may not be. It could be 50/50 both ways, but I haven't surveyed all escorts & won't speak for majorities. but I'll say I've known ladies on both sides of the fence. Both experiences are real and should be recognized as such.

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It's not a free market, it's a black market. Nevada has a freer market, but they have restrictions, too. A free market is "laissez faire, laissez passer." The prices on the black market are what they are because the services are outlawed and supply is somewhat restricted, and clients are willing to pay the higher price. It's similar to the federal government's restriction on the sale of liquor during Prohibition. Once Prohibition ended and liquor sales became legal, prices came down to reflect the natural rates of supply and demand.

I can't imagine raising my only child in the ghetto or sending her to a public school in New Orleans, so even though it is not a "need" per se, I conclude that it is. I won't put my child in danger which is why I am planning on moving as soon as I can find employment that suits my needs. If I won the lottery tomorrow, would I stop providing? Hell yea, but I can name about a thousand other professions who would also quit if they won that same lottery. Who wants to work when they don't have to? Not many people, and that's people who love what they do as well. People in non-profit professions would probably still work, because they never made shit to begin with, and they feel honor in what they do. I see no honor in fkin married men, so I do it for the money lol.

Sorry, but that's bs. I did not work my ass off both here and in school just to lose everything because some don't consider it a need. I will not raise my child in a freaking apt. complex...not gonna happen. She will NEVER go to a public school in New Orleans, though I would have no problem with them in another state. I don't have a car note...never have in all my life, so I am not "living above my means" by any observation. I pay a mortgage, car insurance, utilities, incall rents, student loans, and for gas, food, and clothing when needed. To be honest, I cannot tell you the last time I bought an item of clothing for MYSELF, because I don't "need it." The last designer handbag I bought was in 2005, and that's when I was making 10-12k a month.

Saying that the average family does not deserve a nice home (not a freaking mansion) and a reliable vehicle is absurd. A home adds to your net worth and allows you to be able to get loans for equity...that is an investment, not a petty desire. People who own homes don't just do it so they can say so, they do it because we know the value in being a home owner vs. being a renter. Who wants to up and move every year with a child? Sorry, but that's not stable and I won't do that. My parents were stable, and I parent the same way.

Agreed. Drug addicts, pimped women, etc. are all in very DESPERATE situations. They may not be desperate all the way around, but the situation certainly is. I know rape victims who are now providers, because they are desperate to take that power back from men that was once stolen from them. They can't think of any other way to do that. I am not saying I agree, but I can have empathy for them.