Can you score the provider you are seeing outside of the hobby?  Maybe yes, maybe no but that’s really not the point.  

Want to get the girls that you consider to be “provider” attractive- meaning out of your league?  Go for it!  I am sure you can and would have much success but be prepared to spend lots of money, time and endure lots of drama to get there.  Women- especially traditional “hot” women want their ego stroked- that’s really all it takes to get a chance.  I said in another post- men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love- a majority of the time.  If you’re looking “for a no-strings”, piece of ass you are either a player or a hobbyist, lol.  Players, as it were, have to lie (give love) to get a civilian woman’s affections (to get sex)- tell her she’s the only one, spend lots of time and money on her- etc, etc- get the pussy and then bolt.  If you’re willing to invest and be a jerk- you will be successful.  As women, we are conditioned that giving it up (sex) is a sign of love and to not give in until he’s “invested” (giving love) enough time and energy. So, when you want some strange without all the hassle, expense and time involved a pro makes a whole lot of sense.  The money makes it OK for her to sleep with you without the relationship and it makes it OK for you to just get laid.

If you’re married- well, I would think that’s clear.  You take a mistress and pretty soon she’s angry because she’s not the Mrs., you’re not spending enough time, and "you don’t love her enough", blah- blah- blah.  Next thing you know she’s calling your home, and there’s a rabbit on the stove!  YIKES!

Your money buys (1) availability- civilian women have jobs and can’t see you on your lunch hour- unless you’re fucking a secretary in which case you have some serious trouble in your future!  (2) grooming- it costs money to go to the gym, buy nice clothing, get your nails and hair done- etc.  So, you are paying for a woman to maintain her appearance.  (3)  Guaranteed outcome- you know you’re going to score AND you know she’s NOT going to ask you to buy her tampons, walk her dog or be in her life.

XO
Melanie


-- Modified on 11/20/2007 8:02:34 PM

-- Modified on 11/20/2007 8:20:20 PM

There will always be data to throw the curve....lol.  More importantly she is a provider and that means her sense of what sex is and what it means is more open than a civilian.  Thankfully!  

I personally don't like the way men and women are judged unequally with regard to sexual freedom- a guy who gets his is a stud, but a girl well she's a .......you get my point.  For me, that's why being a provider made so much sense.  I LIKE sex, imagine that- but I knew the types of sterotypes that exsist in the civilian world so I always had to keep my conquests to a minimum.

XO
Melanie

Thanks for playing Devil's Advocate

-- Modified on 11/20/2007 10:17:54 PM

-- Modified on 11/21/2007 1:01:16 AM

Very right on, indeedy~  As for myself, when I became a provider, I loved sex (still do, now that I had retired), and plus the money, for me. That is why I had stayed a provider, for it helped me get out my sexual desires, and I was able to save some money up, and get into real estate.

Again, great post!

I dont necessarily agree with the rabbit part.  It's possible IMO to have a successful mistress relationship.  In Fatal Attraction, Close was a one night stand gone totally awry.  But you have put into words exactly the reasons I have never been able to be a player, even when my appearance and self-confidence got high enough that if I really wanted to, I could pull it off.  But I wouldnt be able to look myself in the mirror.

The problem I suppose is that while hobbying is at least for me much more emotionally satisfying than playing, it wreaks havoc with my civvie relationship (try having an SO who has figured out your hobby) and, because I love sex, it leads ultimately to the conundrum (conundra?) that arise when you realize that the women you have met are really cool, that they might be happy to have dinner or hang out occasionally off the clock, that some of them really like you and having sex with you, but that at the end of the day, no tickie no washee.  And who can blame them?  It's their chosen profession!  Indeed, if you were enough of a user to talk them into a non-paying arrangement without being their BF, that would make you . . . a player.  And if you were their BF while they were still working, that would make you . . . .  OK I'll stop now.

the IT girl has stopped talking to me.  I'm crushed, given that there are other women like TRB who actually have a soul and aren't under the illusion that there is only one woman in the entire world who is . . . IT.

On the other hand, I thought the IT girl's post on the problems with civvie vs. hobby hooking up was pretty interesting.

Great post, TRB.  I have never been a player.  I am reasonably attractive and can project confidence when necessary, but I never felt comfortable telling a woman I had feelings for her just to get laid.

I could not agree more.

If you are looking for sex outside of your current relationship, it becomes painfully obvious quickly that men and women are looking for different things. Even if you take two married people seeking affairs, more often than not the man is looking to get laid (he has his wife or GF to go back to for emotional drama) while the woman is first looking to fullfill her emotional void. Having sex is secondary.

If you add up the money you need to spend in cultivating your affair (dinners, drinks, movie, whatever) just to get the woman to the point where she wants to have sex with you, it is NOT money well spent. Simply save the aggravation and cost and see a lovely provider. You get the sex you crave without all the hassles, BS, and financial strain of trying to have an affair.  

If you are professional and respectful in your approach and have the money to meet their rates, I would venture to guess that 99 % of the providers will be happy to see you. Who cares if they would not give you a second look in a civilian situation. Enjoy the ride.      

-- Modified on 11/21/2007 5:27:44 AM

but any generalization has its exceptions.  Your statement about the different needs of men and women reminded me of a scene in a movie called (I think) The Ice House, which was about suburban families into extra-marital affairs and semi-swinging.  Kevin Kline plays a whiny husband having an affair with a very assertive Sigourney Weaver.  There's a scene when they are lying in bed after sex and Kevin starts talking about his personal problems.  Sigourney cuts him off with:  "I already have a husband!"

woman play men all the time for money, emotional support, protection , whatever...and the trade is sex.

Fact is sex happens all the time in the workplace and the hobby is half the participants workplace.  There are no rules about feelings,
attractions and what goes on after hours.  Life is not simple and most of the people that participate in this are lying to someone about something.

Can be a lot of fun or a lot of hurt.
fu@kit

"... I LIKE sex, imagine that- but I knew the types of sterotypes that exsist in the civilian world so I always had to keep my conquests to a minimum."

I'm glad you made that statement (about liking sex, that is). I am single, not in a relationship, and have chosen to stay so right now while I truly focus my time on building my career.

I have no desire to be a player, however, my hormones desire the regular carnal release. But when I listen to my female friends (single or otherwise) complain about the men or lack of men in their lives, I don't even get the impression that many women LIKE sex. And to be honest, it's very disheartening...

So right now, for me, the provider/hobby relationship is gratifying for a number of reasons, the least of which is I know exactly why the two parties have come together. You can't get more honest than that.

there is NOTHING wrong with liking sex.... what frightens me about ITgirl's post is the 'randomness' of her encounters.  'Looking for Mr. Goodbar' came to mind while reading her post below.  Part of the hobby that is seldom discussed is that if Screening is done well, by both the provider AND the hobbiest, it is reasonably safe... actually VERY safe.  

I have attended the 10 dates in 60 min affairs, I've been set up by friends, belonged to and used AFF, and all I have to say is - it is scary out there...  When I do ask civies out who I have known through the community out, I tend to fair better (still not what I am looking for, but much better in terms of finding a rational human bean).  

Slut?  I've my own definition - and it has little to do with sex.  more with attitude towards men, family and the world.  To date, in the hobby, I've met no sluts.  Yea I have met women who should not be in the biz, but no sluts.  AND I have met some incredible women who I am just happy to have been given the opportunity to meet.

In my life as a whole I have actually met few sluts...  from what I see, I know of one....  She is a slut because she has kids.... and has completely abducated her responsibilities as a mom to others.

Were I to ever meet IT, I would caution her that the types of encounters that she describes are likely to lead to seriously dangerous situations...   not very smart behaviour.

the money invested in having an affair but the time.  Guys who are married don't normaly have the time to "be away" to keep the mistress happy let alone the funds to buy everything she desires.

It is sometimes said that hobbyists pay a lady to leave after 1 or 2 hours (or more) rather than to spend time with them.

It is also said that we charge by the hour or two or three so clients also leave rather than to spend time with them. That's why this profession works so well for both parties.

Not every guy has to lie, wine & dine & throw money at the ladies they want to have sex with. From my personal experience some women will make a guy pay through the nose & w/ me I just have a conversation w/ them & we’re hooking up. I’m not bragging, but meeting women & taking them to bed is not hard for me, I don’t know what it is about me it just works out that way. I wouldn’t call myself a “player” but I will say this, I have to deal w/ women telling me about themselves, which at times leads to too much information, & can turn me off. In that aspect the hobby is much easier & less of a headache.

After a while, casual encounters loses its excitement & become very boring & that’s why I’m trying to change my behavior b/c being called a “manwhore” isn’t cute when you’re approaching the big 3-0.

I’m here b/c I have high libido & the quest for awesome sex & being in this lifestyle is a rush, but if I want to date hot women I’ll do that in my civilian life. IT Girls posting was not that shocking to me, I assumed there is a nice percentage of ladies that have casual encounters not related to the hobby. The reality of it all, is that most women don’t openly talk about it b/c that tends to be a lighting rod for the hypocrites to attack them about their choices.

I don’t know when it happened, but I have noticed a drastic change of the appearance of the ladies here in the hobby. I say a good majority of the women here are in the category of being average to “Plain Jane” and a small group which seems to be shrinking, would be categorized as beautiful or hot aka “she’s out of my league”. I know beauty is in eye of the beholder, I pretty sure there are people out there that think Martha Stewart or Rosie O’Donnell are hot.

Gen-Y

I like young slender women and my time has past when I would have much success with them outside the hobby.  I wouldn't be able to even fake it with the others.