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The things that drive us crazy being providers (and quite humorous) . . .teeth_smile
CiaraPhx See my TER Reviews 3789 reads
posted

This is supposed to be funny, guys, but please feel free to flame away. Tee-he!

1)  Some men think women wear high-heeled shoes to bed. Generally, I like to walk barefoot at home.

2)  Some men think women like to be made love to like a porn star? Hint: Most of us do not want cum anywhere but in the condom for safety reasons, although it washes off afterward and if it makes you happy then it makes us happy. Try not to aim it toward our face, though, unless it's our suggestion.

3)  A small man who brings Magnums. Tee-he!

4)  Men that want -- and good Lord except -- us to cum three times every time we see them. We will still enjoy ourselves with only one orgasm, sometimes none. That's right! We don't always need or want to get off. Do we make you feel guilty if you can't cum more than once?

5)  Don't think we didn't notice that snail trail you left on the bed. One of my other provider friends told me this one.

6)  We like men who can actually tell time. Since we're reminded not to be a "clock watchers," we expect you to be the guy in charge. If you ask us and we say it's okay, then don't worry about the time.

7)  Most of us are lovely, intelligent ladies who are amazed at some men's generosity. However, some of us just prefer your company. I can't tell you how much I've heard this from other providers, "Oh, boy! Another piece of lingerie that looks ridiculous on me and now I'll have to sell on E-Bay tomorrow."  Sorry, but that one another friend told me.

8) You know what you brought with you, so don't steal our lube. :0

Hugs,
Ciara



Skidmarks1492 reads

Wipe !!!  Stealing Lube, and claiming it as their own is really LOW !

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SinsOfTheFlesh1411 reads

ROFL @ #3!!!

Let me add one more.....

9. Most men are unaware that directly behind that soft little pearl, lies a BONE, and smashing that delicate button of joy between their finger and a bone will never in a million years bring a woman to orgasm.

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splunge1426 reads

Damn, and I thought those were moans of passion LOL

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SheerUtopia878 reads

All though not required, I love receiving lingerie, no matter how silly I may look in it.  Without a doubt, if I use it in a photo on my website. I am sure to get more that a handful of request to wear the outfit during a scheduled meeting.  I guess it just goes to show one woman's trash is another man's treasure = )

-- Modified on 6/15/2006 7:48:38 PM

Related Link: SheerUtopia.com

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CiaraPhx2283 reads

What happened to everyone's sense of humor? And yes, lingerie is worn on my website (those that fit me anyway). Just kidding.

Hugs,
Ciara

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notsofast2119 reads

I'll address this point by point:

1. You better wear those heals to bed. Barefeet are for the kitchen, woman.

2. You know you want the love salsa on your face, why play hard to get?

3. Magnums go all the way up and back...much cheaper the double baggin it.

4. Listen, I expect your first 'O' to occur when my pants hit the floor. Any more are just a bonus for you honey, thank me later on the White List.

5. That is NOT a Snail Trail. We just like to mark our territory.

6. Your clock is clearly fast. I can cum three times in an hour and still have time for small talk and a healthy dump in your bathroom.

7. If you want to sell the Wal-Mart teddy that I bucked up for, just wash it first, it was my wifes favorite.

8. Lube? We don't need no stinkin lube, you wouldn't be any wetter if you fell in a pool.

Take that Ciara. Truth? You can't handle the truth.

NSF

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CiaraPhx1273 reads

I'm having some fun, and believe me some of it's true. I'm just relaying some funny things that women have told me in the past (like you guys do sometimes). If it doesn't apply to you, then move on. I can certainly take the truth, my dear. :) As for the lingerie thing, I told you a friend told me that. It doesn't mean I feel that way. Gees, people! Relax. It's only fun. Besides, no real lady (and friend) that I know names people who do bizarre things. That would be unprofessional.

Hugs,
Ciara

-- Modified on 6/15/2006 9:03:02 PM

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notsofast1586 reads

Come on, obviously (I thought), you would get that I was going on with your humor. I spent all that time writing that and you thought I was serious?

NSF

-- Modified on 6/15/2006 9:03:47 PM

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CiaraPhx1205 reads

but then I thought there might be some undertones and just wanted to make sure you didn't think I was bashing guys on this board because I wasn't. Also, put a smiley face icon next to it. It's hard to determine when someone is joking or not on the board.

Hugs,
Ciara

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frostyballz1093 reads

and NSF :)

Related Link: This thread was a perfect example so here you go.

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CiaraPhx922 reads

and because emails or posts on TER can be easily misinterpreted, that's why I always put a smiley face or other corresponding icon next to my responses or threads so people will hopefully get the hint of my intentions. I wish others did the same.

Hugs,
Ciara

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BizzaroSuperdude669 reads

Heck, there are even those on this board,who cannot or will not, quote someone correctly.  That said however, I look back in time, to many of the writings and letters of the founding fathers of this country to realize and understand that the art of expression through the written word is just that, an art, and practice is necessary....

It has taken me some time to understand how to write an email....   in business now, I will write, and save the message.  I come back to it, and edit - I chop away large portions that are either inflammatory or self-serving but do not address the issue at hand....  would that others do the same...

What I think is a common misconception with respect to e-mail is that it is easy to communicate and immediate... it does not have to be either... if you wish to be accurate with respect to the fidelity of information transmission.  That is - people do not stop and think about what it is that they wish to say, and the RESULT that they wish to achieve through the communication.  Very few on this board do that well (present company included).  One person changed my opinion (politically) on this board... another changed my perception of them!  not necessarily for the better.... and so on.  

Some, through their many posts have convinced me that they are complicated, and worth knowing.  And some, who are truly great - are considerably more shy on posts, than in person!  all kinds of combos....

All in all, an interesting article - thanks for pointing it out!



-- Modified on 6/18/2006 7:54:37 PM

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IronDuke1236 reads

Shame if everyone didn't get your humor. I for one had a great laugh.  Especially the clock watching, 3 bags and a dump.

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CiaraPhx885 reads

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BizzaroSuperdude1032 reads

1) I would also settle for combat boots
2) Oh, so THAT is what a PSE is! Here I thought it was just another way of saying an extra $ for the hour.
3)  Magnum?  I usually bring wine.  and why does a midget's taste in wine matter?
4)  Well, ambition - that is when the male ant is climbing the leg of the elephant thinking "rape"!  lol - its a joke - laugh for Pete's sake!
5)  Snail trail?  if it was brown - it was the other guy!  If it was anyother color, it was the other guy... you know the one before me!
6)  Well, that'll not happen.
7)  Lingerie?! oh, sorry, I thought you said jersey.!  lol  --- I crack me up!
8)  Know what I brought?! After the sessions, I am lucky to 'member where the door is, let alone what I "brought!"

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iamsd51064 reads

[histerical laughing]

OMG that is just TOO FUNNY!!!!

I would have to say #8 is me.  The last visit to my ATF, on my way home I missed my exit off the highway... TWICE!

Just rode around with my head in the clouds.  But that is why I go back to her.

[serious tone returns]

What I hate is that although original list is supposed to be a "funny", there are actually bafoons out there that treat a lady that way.  I think the only thing (I hope at least) guilty of is: I am clueless to the time.  I have told my ladies, I will talk alot at the end and If I am going on too long that they just need to tell me.  So far, my hosts have been gracious enugh to listen.

For #7, my great friend Jazz32 has given great advice on how to treat my lady.  I am "old school" and treat her as a lady (not a woman or a girl or an object).  Respect can carry you a LONG way.  I usually will bring a greeting card for the date.  I actually spend more time trying to find the right card than I have spent looking for lingerie.  Does she keep the card? In my heart I say yes, but in reality I know that in her "real life" she wouldn't want any connection (so it is ok to get rid of AFTER I leave). I have bought lingerie and dancewear before (although calling these gifts is tough because I get some enjoyment out of as well. Today, on my date with my ATF, I bought her a very nice shirt and short set. I was paying attention in an earlier visit and got her favorite color.  It was for me a gesture of the difference she has made in my life.  I would to think she is helping me be a better person.  

As far #5 goes, I use duct tape.  It will seal ANYTHING!!!   LOL

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Turkana1230 reads

that I've heard from my provider friends...guys who short you on the payment; guys with b.o. or otherwise bad hygiene; guys who are abusive....  I know most hobbyists are clean, well-behaved and fun, but one of the downsides of this being an "illegal" biz is that the bad apples can get away with more than should be tolerated...

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KateBishop1571 reads

I agree, body odor and bad hygeine should definitely be illegal!  ;)

Kate

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CiaraPhx1510 reads

And I've noticed men trying to short change me now all the time, even when we've discussed previously that I'm seeing them for an 1 1/2 or two hours. They try to pay for only one. It's really starting to piss me off!

Hugs,
Ciara

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BizzaroSuperdude1182 reads

I know it may "appear" that she and I bicker... but let me tell you, you will not find a better provider west of the MR.  Ciara will truly provide a great time for the time you schedule.  I have absolutely no regrets in seeing this lady and making her acquaintance.  That some would try to take advantage of her is really sad.  be mindful... what goes around - comes around.... she, as a person, deserves better and more respect than that!

Odd, when I scheduled time with her, I told her to just nudge me out when our time was over... I knew it would be hard to leave once I met her... and I was right, but when it is time to go, it is time to go....  

My regret?  that I do not live in Phoenix...

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CiaraPhx1006 reads

Actually, I'm not bickering with you. I just hate it when someone is condescending. Most women hate that. I like to joke but not at the expense of making someone sound like an idiot on the board. That's all.  

I know you are a good human being and much more eloquent in person, and I appreciate you on the board and you as a person. I think more appointments should be with men like you. Plus, you're not half bad to look at, too. :)

Hugs,
ciara

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BizzaroSuperdude1048 reads

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zinaval2123 reads


So at one time, I was humble.  ;)

I stay up at night wondering now if they were real Magnums.  I forgot to look for the small print that said they were really normal size for boosting self-esteem only.  Pseudo-Magnums.  ;)

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CiaraPhx507 reads

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zinaval1495 reads


I hadn't worn cologne in my life.  I applied it too heavy.  

She went down on me, and her eyes watered.  Oops.

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CiaraPhx1455 reads

Always add the cologne (or perfume) above the genitals (or female region), not actually on the breasts, chest, or groin area. :)

Hugs,
Ciara

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zinaval1367 reads



-- Modified on 6/17/2006 11:21:19 PM

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CiaraPhx836 reads

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