She thinks you're getting too close and is withdrawing. For whatever reason, her feelings toward you are changing.
You describe yourself as a sensual, tender lover. Maybe so, but it may also be that after 9 months, your actions are being interpreted differently by the provider involved. You may be giving off signals (or she may just think you are) that you're falling for her, are somehow getting attached, are emotionally needy etc. In any case, you're probably crossing a boundary with which she's no longer comfortable.
This pattern isn't all that usual with some guys and the symptoms are usually what you describe. It's no different than dating in civilian life- if you sense a change in a woman's behavior or intimacy, you can be certain there's something wrong. With some women, though, you just won't know what it is for a while, if ever. These are the ladies that have trouble verbalizing what's bothering them and hope that their behavior will serve as a signal to you that their feelings have changed. But we men are notoriously bad at picking up subtle female cues or signals (hence the common admonition that we're not mind readers). I think you've already picked-up the signal, however, you just don't like what it says.
-- Modified on 9/26/2003 1:21:33 PM
I have bit of a dilemma which concerns my ATF. I usually see her about every 4-6 weeks for a 2hr session. This has been going for about 9 months. All of our sessions I would rate as 8-10. Here is my problem: the last 2 times I saw her she seems to be reluctant to DFK. and her passion seems to be off. First time I naturally thought she was having an off day. The last session she seemed even more tentative.) Let me stop here a moment and say that I haven't suddenly developed bad breath or let my personal grooming habits slip in anyway. I just can't figure this out. She has always been very passionate and loved to kiss.
As a matter of fact the last appointment I had before this all started she attacked me with a fervor at door!It was one of the best times I ever had with her.) The strange part of it all is she has been sort of apologetic for that the last two sessions.
I'm a tender sensual type lover and I think she thinks she offended me in some way even though I keep telling her it was really nice to feel wanted like that.) She is still very affectionate with me (ie: cuddling caressing and light kissing.)
Sorry to be so long winded but I'll be seeing her soon and don't know what to do if this happens again.I hate to move on because I like her alot and live in one of these escort wastelands where independent GFE's are in short supply.
As a guess The more you see your ATF the more they seem to be their normal selves. Maybe she doesn't really like DFK and feels comfortable enough with you not to feel whe has to provide it to keep you coming. Seems like you have spent enough time with her that you should just ask her particularly if you are thinking about moving on for that reason.
My .02
Perhaps she feels that one or both of you are developing real feeling and this makes her scared or uneasy and she is therefore pulling away.
My .02
I had the opposite happen to me. My ATF got hotter and hotter and then suddenly told me that she couldn't see me anymore. Turns out I was her only client by that time and she felt she was getting too close. At any rate she decided to quit being a provider and got back into the real world. It was great while it lasted, but we all must move on.
She thinks you're getting too close and is withdrawing. For whatever reason, her feelings toward you are changing.
You describe yourself as a sensual, tender lover. Maybe so, but it may also be that after 9 months, your actions are being interpreted differently by the provider involved. You may be giving off signals (or she may just think you are) that you're falling for her, are somehow getting attached, are emotionally needy etc. In any case, you're probably crossing a boundary with which she's no longer comfortable.
This pattern isn't all that usual with some guys and the symptoms are usually what you describe. It's no different than dating in civilian life- if you sense a change in a woman's behavior or intimacy, you can be certain there's something wrong. With some women, though, you just won't know what it is for a while, if ever. These are the ladies that have trouble verbalizing what's bothering them and hope that their behavior will serve as a signal to you that their feelings have changed. But we men are notoriously bad at picking up subtle female cues or signals (hence the common admonition that we're not mind readers). I think you've already picked-up the signal, however, you just don't like what it says.
-- Modified on 9/26/2003 1:21:33 PM
You are too emotionally reliant on the relationship. She may be afraid that you're developing an obsession or emotional bond that should not be there.
Do you disagree? If so, then prove it. Go see other providers the next two times. When you see the ATF next (in 12-18 weeks), you can relate your other experiences (the good and the bad). That should put her back into her comfort (=passion) zone.
So, do your homework (TER research), then do some bonework. You'll have a good time...
It's sad, but it's what is happening. Good luck with moving on.
it might or might not be anything that you've done, but she just FEELS that you're getting too close. Some people just can't articulate what they are feeling and don't want to hurt others. Try to stay away from her for a while, she may see you again then.
close to her in her mind. Or she is starting to develop feelings for you which she wants to stop before it goes over the boundary.
I heard a number of stories from a lady about stalker in her life. That is one of the biggest fears a lady has.
I think if you start to see other ladies and talk to your ATF about them (without revealing name or personal details), it might relax her and show that you want the relationship to stay on the business level.
I am very fond of my ATF and a couple other favorites, one of them has become a friend. They all know I have been seeing a bunch of other ladies so they are actually more relaxed around me even though I saw them more frequently than most of their other clients. In fact, the one lady who had become my friend told me she didn't want too many regulars since she is afraid to have them develop an obsession about her.
If you go away for a while and then come back like I did with my ATF, the sessions actually got better since she now knew that I have other choices and not really one of those obsessive types.
-- Modified on 9/26/2003 11:07:44 AM
-- Modified on 9/26/2003 5:27:30 PM
I totally agree with you. My ATF's know I see a few others and that helps them feel we are not getting too close, even though I sometimes wish I was closer to them, and yes many of them have told me about different stalkers they have had.
If it is getting weird back off alittle and try someone else then go so her again soon.
Although if she is still cuddling and kissing (usually the first to go unless she is preventing you from seconds, it is hard to believe she tinks you are getting to close. You would think it would be all sex and then boot you out the door, no cuddling no nothing. Also if you only see her every 4-6 weeks and have no contact otherwise hard to think she thinks you are getting too attached.
I also live in a wilderness vacum so I understand finding another provider is not as easy as doing a search on TER. AGain you could just ask her if there is a problem since this is a service you want and are willing to pay for and see what she says.
Two comments, first off bobby blue and Orthodx I feel sorry for you guys. You both need to move to Phoenix. I'm not sure any of us have the money or time to see all of our great independent GFE providers that live here. Second, several of my special provider friends have told me that DFK is the most intimate act they have with a client. For me DATY is by far and likewise I would think BJ would be for them, but not so for for many of them.
Since men don't think the way women do (thank God for that), I thought I'd add a possibility nobody has mentioned. Women do have varying moods based upon hormones and self esteem. When women gain weight or are having a day they feel physically selfconscious (lest we call it a "fat" day or an "ugly" day), they might be less aggressive physically and overall more self conscious about their bodies.
Ever have one of those days where you've looked in the mirror and said "Oh my gawd, I suck!" Well, maybe she had just that day and unfortunately it fell on the day of the bookings. If she is a down to earth, nonflashy sort who doesn't "act", then you will just be experiencing the real her vs. a showy front and aren't you glad she let you see that?
I think all human beings have varying degrees of self esteem. Maybe you should tell her how beautiful you think she is, inside and outside and see if that changes things.
Be well.
Heather
I hope you're right and it was just my misfortune to see her on two off days. She is the real deal and would never act or fake it in any way. One of many reasons I like her so much. I'll be seeing her this week so if it happens again I'll just ask as others have suggested.) By the way ,I do compliment her all the time. It's always sincere and comes natural to me.
-- Modified on 9/27/2003 6:02:02 AM
Maybe she met someone outside the profession who she's in love with... and now she feels a certain amount of guilt everytime she sees a client.
Well this topic has been real helpful to me as I'm going through the same thing with my ATF. We have gotten very close and we have definitely crossed the line into some kind of personal relationship although I don't know what it is. I still pay her, but not that much for what she gives me. We have gone on "dates" and she knows I love her. Lately she has turned cold on me and seems to want a more business like relationship. I now understand I need to back off and see others for awhile and not be hurt by this change in her behavior.