Recently saw a provider and she told me her real name.
Providers, would you mind if a client addressed you by your real name once you tell him it? Hobbyists, what's your take on this? Stick with the stage name?
Recently saw a provider and she told me her real name.
Providers, would you mind if a client addressed you by your real name once you tell him it? Hobbyists, what's your take on this? Stick with the stage name?
She used the name Shandra (Which of course I knew was phony) for several months until she invited me to use her "real" name: Debbie. I knew her as Debbie for years until we took a trip together and it wasn't until she had to show ID at the airport that I found out her real real name. She gave me a sheepish grin and I felt a bit dumb, but that was the end of that.
What's in a name, anyways?
To the OP: Just ask her if she would prefer that you use her real name, at least when you aren't in mixed company.
So, one of the younger women I've seen is pretty out with her real (first) name, because she's routinely carded at bars/restaurants. I suppose the uber cautious would get a fake ID, which is easy to do, but she doesn't mind having the first name known.
During the resting-talking period of one of my visits, my hostess told me her "real" name, a name I knew a bit about: Bible origin, Greek-Latin roots, famous people with the same name, Shakespeare references, ... She had no idea about ANY of it. You don't grow up with a given name and NOT know anything about your own name. So, it was either a fake second name OR she really knew all the name references but faked not knowing anything about it.
If she gave you her real name, I would ask her if its ok to use that name. Sometimes ladies tell you by mistake, like when they are telling you a story and they slip out there real name. I prefer her real name if she is comfortable with that. Remember, it may not be her "real" name she is giving you either.
Many ladies have two stage names. Their main stage name they use on their website and a secondary one for clients they get closer to and feel awkward not telling them there "real" name. I understand why they do this. It's good business and it also protects them security wise.
Whatever she tells you, keep it between you and her. Some ladies will tell you their real first and last names if you get to know them well enough. Guard that info as if your life depended on it. For it may with her.
Agreed, if you have had the opportunity to get to know that provider, its a privilege to know her name. Continue to respect her and treat her well, it can only benefit you as the relationship continues.
How do they know it's NOT my real name? Not exactly sharing my last name too. Even if it is a stage name, why would anyone ask that question? Huge difference from a lady saying, "My real name's Jesse Juicy and you're welcome to call me JJ, like all my other friends".
I asked a provider once but it was because we had a friendship outside of sessions and it felt strange calling her by a fake name when talking off the clock. impersonal and in a way a barrier to the friendship. So I asked and she didn't have an issue telling me. I would never ask a women with whom I only had a professional relationship though.
That said. If she gave it I would use it. I feel I am being terribly rude when I slip and use her false name knowing her real one.
If you are referring to my handle then wouldn't that be Yahweh not Yhwh? However, my handle isn't a reflection on myself but rather a reference to a story line in the Dragon Lance books.
Recently saw a provider and she told me her real name.
Providers, would you mind if a client addressed you by your real name once you tell him it? Hobbyists, what's your take on this? Stick with the stage name?
Almost all my clients know my real name. They will sometimes toggle between the two, no biggie. I answer to Kate as much as my real name, I'm just so used to hearing it now.
Dear Kate: I am just wondering do you use your work pseudonym so you can separate and keep those at arms length that you don't want to enter a certain personal space that would come with them calling you by your given appellation? Also do you feel as though it changes the nature and scope of the relationship from a business one to a personal one? I just wanted to know where you would stand on this and how you feel with this as the nature and scope relationships tend to metamorphasize while being in this professional genre.
The work pseudonym is for online presence. I cannot use my real name on my website, TER, etc. This protects my family. I find almost all clients give me their real name on initial contact (there are some exceptions and I respect that. Again, the openness will flow naturally over time - it always does. I trust the process.)
The real name drop on my end usually comes up in conversation. Sometimes it comes up on the first date, other times maybe after months. I trust my instinct whatever direction it takes me, and don't set absolute boundaries. That is done on a case by case basis. I see very few new clients so this is hardly an issue any longer. My current clients know Kate, they know ME as well. If I felt I needed to keep someone at arms length, then I would do just that, maybe see them less frequently, have more surface discussion. But if I felt I needed to withhold my real name from them, I wouldn't continue seeing them. We are both in this together. There should be trust on both ends.
Does this change our relationship from business to personal. In some ways, yes, but then again, I am IN a personal business. I am sharing myself and my body with another individual; and I'm ok with that.
if it wasn't against the rules to fall in love with a provider, I would have just fallen in love with you on this post... that on top of being terminally in lust with your personna...
I have to get over this antipathy I have for visiting SoCal
A few weeks ago instead of sending a PM to a lady that I know I sent an email to her yahoo account (the one she uses in her ads). The next day I got an email with a girl's first name and last name in the "from" that I didn't recognize. When I opened it I realized it was from this provider. She didn't know that she was sending emails out to clients, etc. with her real name visible. I quickly emailed her back telling to make sure she fixes this and use an alias with her stage name. I still communicate with her but always continue to address her by her stage name unless she ever tells me otherwise.
....and the lady ended up pissed at me when I let her know that she might want to change that. Seriously, my fault she sent me an email with her real 1st and last names?
She freakin' blew off our date after that, Saturn, and she was one of the precious few I had my "dream date" list whom I had yet to see. She left me with "unresolved wood" !
You can always ask her what she prefers to be called, if you aren't sure.
I had clients ask me for my real name, and I didn't trust them enough and gave them a fake. It always felt kinda absurd to be called the fake real name. On the other hand, I told clients my true real name and then they called me by my stage name, which I didn't entirely appreciate :/ Kinda like a French person initiating the use of 'tu' (the informal you), and continuing to be addressed as the formal 'vous'. Or your grade school teacher telling you 'Please call me Joan' and you just can't stop saying 'Mrs. So and So'.
Mostly, clients who know my real name seem to settle for my first initial as a form of address.
If they tell me their real name it's because they want me to know it and use it. As others have said it means we've reached some level of friendship and mutual trust.
At times I've found out accidentally. She slips up and mentions it. I was picking her up at her hotel and the person at the desk addressed her as we were leaving. Things like that. In those cases I ask if she would rather I forget I heard it. Most say it's OK, only one asked me to forget it and never mention it.
I think knowing each other's real name is a token that says the purely professional relationship has progressed to professional plus personal. It's not a critical thing for me, but it is nice to know I've earned her trust.
Recently saw a provider and she told me her real name.
Providers, would you mind if a client addressed you by your real name once you tell him it? Hobbyists, what's your take on this? Stick with the stage name?
I guess it depends. My first ATF told me her real name early on. I was kind of surprised when she did. I continued to call her by her stage name for a while, but as our relationship progressed, eventually she stopped being her stage name and became her real name to me. My current ATF, I kind of go back and forth. I still pretty much call her by her stage name, although I have known her real name for a while. I think by me continuing to use her stage name helps me keep our relationship in appropriate perspective for what it is. Which is closer than a typical client provider relationship, however still is and always will be that.
I have also had a few girls non ATF who have told me. One recent example was an agency girl who told me on the first date. I have no idea why. I never ask. If I see her again, I will probably use her stage name, although I might actually ask her which she prefers. I had another agency girl who I gave my hobby email, and she emailed me back using her real email. Although I guess these last two could have used a fake real name. But I don't know why they would, cuz I never asked them for their real name.
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