The following quote is from a provider in Westchester NY magazine.-

“And other women can get jealous too,” she says. “Hookers don’t like it when their men see other hookers.”

Is this true Ladies? Or is it ok for your S.O. to get laid by another provider (paid or otherwise) while you're working, or touring???  After all, you're having sex with many different guys- isn't he entitled to some pleasure?







-- Modified on 8/26/2008 6:00:17 AM

I know it sounds like I am a hypoctic, not really though.
I first off, had this business b4 he and I met, and he is not aware of what business I am in.
I see "Nicole" as my business persona, she is although who you all know and is "me" she is at the same time seperate from me and my life.
It's quite complicated really. I do not see what I do as "Nicole" cheating on him. (he would see it much differently though)
This is a business, and Nicole is doing her job. If I were to pick a guy up in a bar, now THAT would be cheating!!
I love what I do, all the great connections I have made, and so on... but its so seperate in my mind and its absolutely a part of my life, he is not a part of, and Nicole is not a part of Our relationship.
Now if he were to see a Companion, he is not getting paid, it's not his job, he would be cheating on me, and has she been tested? I don't know this. I get tested on a very reg basis and know I am safe, and always play safe as well.  If he were to "cheat" on me, not Nicole but me, then would he get tested? Good question.   When I first started dating him I made him get tested, he was put off by it and wanted me to just " take his word for it" naturally he has no idea what I do so he had no idea why I was so determined to not play with him til he showed me a clean test and I showed him mine.  Would he if he saw a companion, get tested?  Who knows. Probably not. And even if he did, it would most likely be too late as he would already have given to me what ever he caught from her. Who's to say he would see a well reviewed Lady who tests regularly.
Now back to the cheating issue, I had this biz b4 this BF so I do not see it as cheating. I am not out looking to find what I don't get at home, or what ever...Even though I do enjoy my job greatly it's my job. Not dating.  
Cheating on me would end Our relationship and for him that would be a huge mistake. We are a great match in many ways. I treat him very well. To fuck that up, would be a mistake. One I know he would regret ...as would I.
I know it sounds selfish and one sided but thats just the way it is. Period. Only one of us is going to be allowed to play in this arena...and I am already here. lol....
(sorry for the rant)

Play safe everyone...
Nicole~





-- Modified on 8/25/2008 8:37:57 PM

Sweet Nicole....you sure have beautiful tan lines!(wow)

No its not OK. As much as I enjoy what I do for a living, I AM still doing it because it IS a business transaction when you get down to the brass tacks. I would no more accept my SO seeing another provider, than I would expect him to accept it if I were sleeping with other men for free.

However, the above is stated on the assumption that my SO was with me full time, at least in the same city where we had the ability to see each other frequently. In reality, my SO travels almost constantly, and I see him a few times a year at best. Because I see him so rarely, I am neither naive enough, nor selfish enough to assume that I am the only woman he sees. Because of our geographic differences, I honestly don't have a problem if he sees providers when he is travelling. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

But if I am seeing him every day or every week, accepting him seeing other providers basically relegates me to the dumb hooker giving it away for free.

Just my thoughts - and this is also why I am perfectly happy with a long distance relationship, but highly doubt that I could ever make a more committed relationship work

In fact, while dating someone in the business last year when I began touring I would suggest providers for him to see when I was away.

The sex that I have in the business is for all intents and purposes a transaction.
I enjoy it and my continued participation in the business is driven by the pleasure I derive from it-otherwise I am capable and equipped to procure another means of living.

My approach to the business is colored by my approach to sexuality in general-I don't have a fascination with the act,
I just have to do it, feel compelled to do it.  When in a relationship, I am less preoccupied with the act as a means of expression of my love.  Sex with one you love is incredible, however for me it is a ultimately a bodily function-not unlike breathing. I desire it, I have it and no other function/emotion has a direct correlation with it or dependency upon it.

Sex does not = love.

Would I have issues if my significant other were in a romantic relationship with another woman?  Absolutely.

Would I have an issue if my significant other engaged in sexual activity with another woman?  Paid for it?  No-and especially not if he paid for it LOL.

I would want my SO to go pro cause I know she won't call me up drunk at midnight professing unrequited love for my boyfriend, hahaha!

Like Loretta Lynn said, "you ain't woman enough to take my man"!
Men are like a good Labrador, he may chase poodles all day but if you treat him right he's coming on back home.
Really, I'd quit if I got involved, I'm not a cheater just a slut

BB

Sweet Nicole....How are you able to seperate the real you and the working you.(in your mind that is)?....Do you just shut your emotions off when your working?...Just curious,that's all!...i mean no disrespect.I for one,think you ladies are tops!

You are also,absolutely stunning!(eom)Thank you lord,for my eyesight!

So I guess if he got a different name and was paid for having sex with other women it would be alright?

You would have expected a man to engage in such convoluted thinking wouldn't you?

..but he just says that he would know she didn't really want it, and would not be able to enjoy himself.

That said, my boyfriend and I practice polyfidelity, and both maintain loving, steady secondary relationships.

But say that it did. I have a "job". My job is to be a fantasy. That being said if my SO decided to see a provider he would no longer be my SO. With him I am NOT a provider I am just ME.

I don't think I would be jealous just really hurt and upset about it.

~Rae

It seems that most of the women who answered are willing to see men because "it is a transaction", but are not willing to let their men see other women at all.

That totally smacks of a double standard..

I seriously wonder though how many women would allow their men to be a provider too, and get paid for it.  That way it would be a transaction also, therefore it should be OK.  But it looks like the women are not even accepting of that.

Wow!

The notion that ladies can screw guys for money, or otherwise, and their S.O.s are to remain celibate while they work is laughable. What about touring providers?  Guys are expected to stay home, and masturbate?




-- Modified on 8/26/2008 8:47:53 AM

by the responses! Just because we established committed relationships doesn't mean that we own each other.

A transaction is a transaction is a transaction. What difference does it make who is on the receiving end? Either NSA sex is possible or it's not. If it is, then it's just as possible for the person paying as it is for the person receiving payment.

As for whether people would be hurt or jealous, etc. All those emotions stem from the same root emotion- fear. What are you afraid of that would cause you to experience such negative emotions if your SO engaged in the same business transactions you regularly engage in?

i wouldn't be jealous, but i'd probably be a little angry and more than anything else i'd be hurt. why? because he's told me time and time again how the whole idea of being a "client" and paying someone for sex is completely contrary to his nature. so i'd take it as a serious deceit.

also, we are not physically monogamous. He has the right to have sexual relationships with other women as he pleases. so what reason would there ever be for him to see a pro?

Where in the hell do you get the idea that the SO is to remain celibate?? Seriously. Monogomous, yes, celibate, of course not. You do realize they are two completely different concepts, right?? Right?

I wouldn't expect my SO to remain celibate. If we are committed to one another though, I would certainly expect him to remain monogomous to me. After all, if I'm sleeping by his side every night, and he's getting laid anytime the mood strikes him, what would he need to see another provider for??

Furthermore, answer this question. If he is paying other women to sleep with him, while I am getting paid by other men to sleep with them, and yet I'm sleeping with him for free, what does that make me? Just a dumb prostitute giving away for free what he is obviously perfectly willing to pay for. Dumb becomes the operative word there.

Paying for it, and getting paid for it are two VERY different things.

When you look at a provider's ad, and her pics are so scary you wouldn't let your dog play with her, but you go see her anyways, then paying for it will be the same as getting paid for it.

When her reviews clearly indicate that she is the crappiest lay in 5 counties, but you see her anyways and pretend that she is the best lover you have ever met, then paying for it will be the same as getting paid for it.

When BBBJ is more like a tooth and nail job, but you just grit your teeth and deal with it, then paying for it will be the same as getting paid for it.

The difference is, you CHOOSE who you want to see, you have read her reviews, you know what you are paying for, and you make the choice to pay for it. We on the other hand, don't have a clue who we are about to see, we might be opening the door to greet an adonis, or it might be a troll. We might be opening the door to greet a man who is a consummate lover in bed, or it might be a ham handed oaf who thinks all women were designed to have an entire fist shoved up their naughty parts. When YOU are greeted by a lady who clearly doesn't fit what you were expecting based on her pics and reviews, YOU can feel free to walk away. For us, when we open the door and are greeted by a man who is, shall we say, not a contender for the cover of GQ, we are still going to smile at him and hug him and kiss him and tell him how glad we are to see him. Why? Because we are the one getting paid to treat you like a king regardless of where you fall on the spectrum between adonis and troll.

I honestly can't believe anyone needs that explained to them.

But there is no double standard here. If I had an SO who wanted to be a provider as well, I say go for it. In fact at the end of the day we can compare notes and decide who had the most enjoyable business transactions that day, or commiserate with one another when one of us had one of those encounters where you just close your eyes and think, "its only an hour, its only an hour, its only an hour".

So what you are saying is that what you do is just fine, but what all of your married clients do is wrong?

How do you reconcile that disparity?

What you say is perfectly understandable.  If your husband wishes to see someone else, you are fine with it.  If he were to pay someone it would be out of his character, so it is his decision to not "pay" for it.

Bwaaaahahahahaaa!

Thank you Sins, well played!

BB

First off, it isn't my place to judge my clients. I make no judgements about the rightness or wrongness of their choices. I only make judgements about what I would tolerate in my own relationships.

Secondly, in order to make my argument at all, I made a few assumptions. Assumption #1 is that I and my SO either live together, or live in the same town so that we are free to see one another anytime we wish, and assumption #2 is that my SO is getting all the poontang he wants because well, I actually do love my job description all other things being equal. I realize that for many of my callers, a warm and willing partner is not their experience, hence their patronage of me.

All this being said though, refer back to my initial response on this thread. I do have an SO, but our relationship is a rather complicated one. I haven't seen him since June, and I likely won't be seeing him before sometime next summer. Given our geographic challenges, I don't for a moment expect him to be monogomous which WOULD mean months of celibacy. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. I also said that for me at least, a more committed relationship would probably never work, and the responses in this thread taken together are an excellent demonstration of why. I have a hard time imaginging a SO who could accept his live in girlfriend working, though I know some do.

The only point I wanted to make here is that a provider expecting her SO to be monogomous is not a double standard. At the heart of it all, this IS a business transaction, the same as if I were a doctor, or a shrink, or a lawyer, or a hairdresser. The only thing different is that the transaction in question is considerably more intimate. But at the end of the day, it is still a transaction, and just doesn't compare to an SO who goes out catting around sleeping with other women - whether he is paying those women or not.

stop talking to the Providers I have seen and repeating what they say:

"its only an hour, its only an hour, its only an hour"

Sometimes they accidently say it out loud. Gives me a complex.

ROFLMAO I love your posts.

LOL and I always love your posts

Once in a while I find myself saying oh damn, its only an hour

Somehow I don't see me having to resort to a mantra to get through an hour with you sweetie.

Humans will be humans.

My SO and I have talked about him becoming a working man.  As long as he does it for business
only and there is no significant emotional attachment (i.e. love) to his clientele, I would be fine with this.  Sex is sex and business is business.
Sex does not equal Love.  I enjoy escorting but I enjoy the love of my life even more.

I agree with Ally Moore's post a few back.  She is right on the money. (no pun intended)  Although I would be upset if my man had sex with another woman it would not necessarily be the end of the relationship.  It would depend on the degree of the involvement with the other woman.

So basically, the women on this page would be upset if their SO's were seeing women behind their backs?  Strange, that's exactly how my wife would feel!  

I don't see anything hypocritical about it, and I don't see why anyone would think a provider would not feel jealous or betrayed.

Other wise we girls wouldn't get paid ungodly amounts of cash to stfu & go away....

It's cheating if you wouldn't do it right in front of your SO's eyes.

No one really pays to be fucked, they pay to NOT get screwed

BB

than have a full out affair with someone. wouldn't get jealous if he had just one hour but when he starts spending quality time with the other woman, taking her to dinner, movie, shopping, that would kill me!

You said, "At the heart of it all, this IS a business transaction, the same as if I were a doctor, or a shrink, or a lawyer, or a hairdresser. The only thing different is that the transaction in question is considerably more intimate. But at the end of the day, it is still a transaction, and just doesn't compare to an SO who goes out catting around sleeping with other women - whether he is paying those women or not."

If it's just a transaction like going to the hairdresser, then why get hurt, angry, jealous, etc. over an SO making the transaction? Do you get upset if he goes to the hairdresser or pays a golf pro for lessons?

Hmmm. Seems it's more than just a transaction if he engages, eh?

If the provider is getting jealous because a guy who came to see her is seeing other providers because that is the nature of this business and she knew it going into this line of work and has no right to get jealous mainly because Im sure the hobbyist is married to begin with.....then, she needs to find a new line of work.

WE DONT OWN THESE GUYS.  THEY ARE MARRIED.  YOU ARE A PROVIDER.  HE CAME TO SEE YOU JUST AS YOU SEE OTHER HOBBYIST.

GET THE F*** OVER IT!

Passion is one of the things many lack and I happen to be gifted in this area. I am a Sensual Muse...

First of all, a provider has sex as part of her work.  Now if she does it because she really enjoys it and would do it even if she hit the Powerball, that would be different.
If she separates the sex at work from the sex of pure pleasure, she would have a right to be jealous while if she would go on, Powerball or not, she has no right to be jealous.  
I have only been jealous once in my life, I didn't understand it and I hated it.  I generally view sex as able to be pure pleasure and am able to  separate that sex from the sex of love and deeper intimacy.  I am now really smitten with a lady who would go wild if I saw a provider or one of my special friends.  I believe if she went off and had a brief "sex for pleasure" affair, I would not (I believe) be jealous.  I can see how a provider would be jealous if she viewed sex outside of work as, by definition, something deeper than pleasure and ALWAYS intruding on the certain feelings reserved only for SOs.

This is Nicoles world, and my time with my SO family and friends, is seperate and not Nicole. I can't really explain it. I see it as seperate, as to who I am at the time. I bring all of me into this, all my passion, Sensuality and my humanity, but it is different. Maybe being "seperate" is how I can manage sanity as well in it all.

true...we are not seeing clients to fill a desire not met at home, but more to capitalize on something I am very good at, and enjoy in the process. It does not feel like a business transaction because it;s not supposed to but ultimately it is on my end.
If I quit this business tomorrow I would never have sex with anyone other than my SO. He absolutely rocks my world. I have no desire outside this biz to cheat on him.  I am not ready to quit and enjoy my Gentlemen immensely so I am sure I will continue to do so for some time 2 come. Its not just the $$ I get so much more from this. Independence, freedom and a great deal else.

Why get hurt or jealous over the SO making the transaction? Ummmm cause once again, Paying for it and selling it are two very different things. For me, it is a job, a transaction for which I am paid. For the hobbyist, it is more than that. Please don't pretend you aren't smart enough to know that.

Basically what you are saying is that although millions of women work, they have a right to exepct fidelity from their spouse/significant other. It is acceptable for them to be hurt, angry, or jealous if their husband or significant other to see a provider. If that weren't the case, no one would worry about discretion. But married guys and boyfriends DO worry about discretion because they KNOW their SO would be pissed, hurt, jealous, etc if they found out. It is an expected and accepted reaction.

Apparently though, escorts are different. Somehow, simply because of our occupation, we lose that same right to expect fidelity from our significant other. The conventional wisdom on this thread seems to be that we should what? Ignore it? Accept it? I don't even know. You tell me please, how an escort is supposed to feel if her SO sees another provider. Since we are different from every other woman on the planet, please tell me in what way we should act differently in that situation.

Here is a news flash for you. I have a job. I love my job. In fact, I REALLY love my job about 90% of the time. But at the end of the day, it is STILL a job. I get paid for it. Getting paid for it is part of WHY I love my job. But it is STILL just a job, no different from every other female on this planet who works. I didn't give up the right to expect monogomy from a partner by choosing this occupation.

If you don't like it, don't date an escort, and better yet, don't see them as a customer either. God knows society treats us as lepers as it is. We certainly don't need hobbyists who view us as somehow less than every other woman.

-- Modified on 8/26/2008 3:32:09 PM

Very well stated Nicole.  I only hope we have a chance to meet some day.

Great perspective SOF.  Yes, there are variables that alter the equation.

Where did I even suggest that I think that providers are somehow less than anyone else?

One thing I am saying is that, if what you do is indeed just a job then why get bent out of shape over your SO paying someone to do that job? If it's just a transaction, it's just a transaction. Or are you assuming that your SO would see another provider without your knowledge?

Another point I'm trying to make is that we probably shouldn't be expecting monogamy from each other  since all that does is lead most of us to disappointment.

Shouldn't he be Making money also.....don't these guys(SO's)have a job,or do they just leech,off of you ladies?

Sorry but this one particular argument is useless. If I MAKE money selling cars then, by using your argument, you can't SPEND money on cars.

Personally I have no feelings one way or the other on this matter, but like a good debate so will play the devil's advocate.

The argument being used is basically it's just sex, thus has no deep meaning and isn't considered cheating. The exchange of money is what makes it meaningless. If a provider were to have sex with someone without the exchange of money then it would be considered cheating. So if the exchange of money makes the sex meaningless and not cheating, then the man who pays for sex is also not cheating.

Now not to pick on anyone in particular but this next line got me in the argu---ummm debating mood. -- "I am not ready to quit and enjoy my Gentlemen immensely so I am sure I will continue to do so for some time 2 come. Its not just the $$ I get so much more from this. Independence, freedom and a great deal else." --- I am going to go ahead and say that independence is what people get from getting a job and paying bills and having responsibility. So that can come from any career. The freedom, yes I will grant that there is much more freedom involved in the provider profession than most any other. I will not even try to belittle anyone and say that with a great education and all that blah blah blah, freedom could be attained that way. Being a GOOD provider means you have to be intelligent, business savy, and able to deal with a many variety of different people. But let's face it, it is the $$ that is most important. Without the money then it is no longer meaningless and would be considered cheating. A provider gets to "enjoy" her clients in many various ways (and not enjoy quite a few also) and still get to say to herself that she is not cheating. So as long as she collects a paycheck from her client, then she can have sex with many different men and still go home to her SO and tell him she is faithful.

The argument I want to make comes down to this (like I said, I like a good argu----ummmm debate). If the sex involved in a business transaction such as with a provider doesn't count as cheating for the woman who is a provider, then why should it count for the man? After all sex with money exchanged is meaningless and doesn't count.

As for the argument of diseases, yes that is a very valid argument and should be discussed. My stand is this, who would have a higher risk, the woman provider who sees 2-5 gentlemen a day, 5 days a week or the man who sees 2-5 providers a month? Now take into account that both people are intelligent and select their respective partners based on knowledge given to them. The provider screens (in their own ways) for whatever they want and allow the gentleman a visit based on what comes from that screening. A man has many places like TER and websites and such to determine if a hopeful provider may be "clean". Personally I think the risk is higher with the provider.

Like I said I have no stand on this one way or the other since I don't believe in love or marriage/long term relationships. I just like debates and discussions so I just toss stuff out for people to jump on and talk about.

b-

if its acceptable for one partner to have sex with others then a open relationship is in effect.

I agree with you Nicole! I never tell anyone I date or have dated or anyone else (family, friends, or otherwise) what I do. There is a select couple that know in case something happens (busted, don't come home, ect.) but no one else.

I have the same feelings about this business. Ashlyn is a totally different person/persona than my real life and I just don't think the 2 should ever mingle together if you know what I mean (in ANY way)!

I know it sounds hypocritical but when I am not Ashlyn, I am ONLY with my S.O....NO one else! I have had this job for a while and no one that I date has offered nor is it his place (yet) to pay my bills and take care of my family. Now if I were to ever decide to marry...I would quit immediately! I have a few other things to fall back on. But I must say....it would take an awful strong love to make me want to marry again! Happy Hobbying!~

Nicole does not have an SO, she is single...I have an SO and do not cheat on him. It works for me, so I am really the only one who it has to work for. I make choices based on what is best for me, and my Nicole side and it does not matter what anyone else thinks, no matter if you get it or not. All have a great day...

Nicole

You said, "it does not matter what anyone else thinks, no matter if you get it or not."

and I agree completely. No matter if you get what others are saying or not.

It's far more important that we find a way of living that works for us as individuals than it is to come up with some credo or belief system that everyone 'should' follow.