"I have HIV"

After sex would have been nice, but half way through the session, during sex, "Can I start the shower?"

After sex would have been nice, but half way through the session, during sex, "Let me just take this call."

After sex blah blah blah, "Oh that's just my ex boyfriend pounding on the door. He's still pissed."

After sex........, "Do those jackhammers outside the hotel window bother you?"  

After sex........, "My boyfriend can do it all night long!"  

After sex........, "Can I change the channel?"

After sex........, "Do my new kittens clawing your feet bother you?"

After sex........, "My dog has to sleep on the pillow, or he'll bite."  

After sex........, "Why did you go see that fat bitch?

The...

Condom broke!

 
'

There's a hysterical scene on Seinfeld where George gets tossed out of bed for telling a gal this, but I can't find it on You Tube.

Client: Did I hurt you just then
Provider: No why?
Client: Because I thought you might have moved a bit back there.