was a bit too much of an exhibitionist and let him take pictures.  I can get wild sometimes and forget there are some twisted people out there.  Well, I learned my lesson, a little late.  Now he's blackmailing me.  Doesn't want money, wants sex.  One visit for each picture, and there's a helluva lot.  Not sure what to do.

In Walmart, you can turn film to digital files and he can even post it on the Internet. That's the reality of it.  You've got to take back the negatives. You have to prepare for the worst - it depends on who you are hiding your profession from. I suspect - his blackmailing you won't stop because he can make digital copies even if he gives you all the print. I know its scary, but that's the reality of it. You can refuse him and accept the consequences. Or submit to him forever as his sex slave.

He could out you, but then again you could out him. I'm sure he has a job if not a wife and kid.  Fight fire with fire, do not submit to blackmail because this is terrible behavior on his part.

First don't beat yourself up about the mistake... that's like shooting fish in a barrel. Now, my thought is twofold: 1)Be willing to risk exposure to friends, family... coming clean with them may be just the recipe... you can always move to another town, start over etc... if you take the soap-operaeske way out, you only will compound the problem. 2) Turn the tables on him; does he have a family? Not just a wife, but find out who his family is and tell them what he's doing...Fight back as in 'Pacific Heights'; watch the movie, it will inspire you.

Get him on tape, blackmailing you. (phone msg or secret recorder).

Then say you will go to the police if he ever bothers you or uses the pics.

Get him to talk about it by saying "How do I know you won't make copies of the pictures and threaten me again?"

-- Modified on 6/24/2004 5:37:23 AM

Let us know where you are, who he is, and maybe some of us can  "have a chat" with him.

That was a joke by the way...maybe

Just my opinion...
B

I agree 100% with the last two posts lildesi. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. Going to the police may be your best move. After all unless there are pictures of you with minors or animals, what else is there the police could question you about as being illegal? Pictures of consenting adults, or even some not so consenting, is not a crime and its just his word against yours anyway.
Blackmail, on the other hand is illegal and a federal crime.  One which can get a high priority with the FEDS. This creep should be stopped for lots of reasons. The most pressing one for you is that he wont go away by himself. Please do what the posts here have suggested Sweetie and let the board know if you need more advise. You'd be amazed at who visits here.       Best wishes to you.

I agree you should under no circumstances give into him, but make sure not to create problems for yourself. Do not secretly record any conversation with him until you determine what your state law is on the issue of taping and consent etc.  This is not legal advice.  PV message me for more details on state requirements if you like.

Former Ms. Carolina (beauty pageant) was dethroned because her ex-boyfriend showed a photo of her nude or topless (it was to get back at her). She fought back with a legal case. She won and he paid big time.

As posted above, 1; dont make any voice recordings without LE being involved or at least get legal advise first. 2; if this creep does out you be ready to file a civil action for damages. this should be very easy to win. You will be able to sue for sexual harassment and other damages. 3; between the federal case for blackmail and the civil action he will be ruined and no further threat to anyone except himself. He has to be a world class idiot.

I would like to offer some real advise here. Blackmailers want one thing, Control once they get it its very hard to get it back. They count on one thing to be successful and that is FEAR. Because they know you fear being exposed they attempt to gain control of you and in this case it sounds like this person has quite a bit to lose himself if he has to stoop so low.
You are the one with the POWER to make or break him. It does not matter if he has one pic or 1000 once you give up control to him he is just going to use that to gain more information and bring you deeper and deeper under his control. I encourage you not to allow this. Once he knows that his efforts are not effective he has one of two options. He can post your pics or realise you have called his bluff and move on. This is most likely not about sex because I am sure he can get it anywhere. He wants to take your POWER and the only way he can do it is if you GIVE it to him. Its a power exchange and he can not have it unless you allow him. Refuse his demands, cease all contact with him, change your number, and tell him to do what he must, advise him you have information on him and will contact the authoroties, in fact telling him you already have is not such a bad idea. Fear of imprisonment is a greater fear then your mother finding out you have a kinky side. Stick to your guns and seek legal advise. Anticipate his next move and have a counter move. I am sure he will quietly crawl away like the snake he is.
Good Luck and find Aretha Franklins, You have the POWER it will inspire you and emasculate him.

Hugs
Savanna

It's all good advice here, I agree, but I will add that the guy who does this is probably capable of worse, especially when he thinks he has you and you turn the tables on him.  Be prepared for a war.

I hope you lose as little as possible, but you may have your whole life turned upside down, or worse before its over.  If nothing else, people on this board will support you.  Don't assume he doesn't read it, though.  Use it to develop other channels of support till you win.

/Zin

Boy, this must really be frightening! Lots of good advice above. I would add only two things. 1] Talk to a good lwayer. Confidentiality would attach, so you could get souind legal advice. 2} If you were to "give in" the demands for types of servicing, I believe, would only escalate. I know that i cannot begin to alleviate your pain and anxiety, but please know that, even if it is only from an anonymous and vicarious sources, I would hold you [absolutely platonically] and try comfort you if I could. Chin up, my sweets.

If you have a sense of adventure and some humor about this you may not find it necessary to go legal on his ass.  

Nobody likes to be around slobs, crazy jealous types, or down right psychos!! Try being messy, or have him go down on you and fart in his face! He's coming back because you're rocking his world! Make him not want to see you.  Start talking about how much you love babies and then immediately follow it up by saying “boy, you have some good genes!!”.  Act jealous, ask him where he’s been and where he’s going.  Tell him to buy you tampons!  Leave a doodle of a man and woman being wed and write your name followed by his last name!!  Make him freak out!!

I don’t mean to be insensitive about this, but it’s been my experience that fighting this type of egotistical personality only gets them more set in their ways of wanting to get even with you.  He seems to have a big ego.  If you hurt his ego he might bite back again.  On the other hand, he might not even want to see you and go away, if he doesn’t get what originally attracted him to you.  What I mentioned above is only for laughs of-course, but hopefully you get my point.

Just a thought!!  

Desi,

So sorry to hear that you have to deal with this ZERO.  Unless you go through something like this it's difficult to understand just how terrible it really is. I'm glad to see you post here though as I hope it's a sign that you aren't letting your own feelings of guilt etc. further isolate you. Good instincts.  Do continue to surround yourself with people who want only the best for you.

The danger of continuing to see someone who has already stooped so low are obvious.  Please don't even consider it.  I know that being outed is a huge price to pay for your safety.  It's almost inconceivable to me.  However, I hate to think of the injury he will have done to your soul if you continue to see him.

My best wishes for healthy and swift resolution.

Invite him over and videotape it. Make it good, lots of good audio, things like Damn it fell out again or the famous is it in yet, say and do things to hurt his ego and that thing will shrink like an ice cube on hot pavement. Send a copy to his wife, if he's not married send it to his work and his coworkers.

I know it's illegal to tape a phone conversation, but you can get away with just about anything at home, also in a broad sense it is your place of work and look around most large and even small companies videotape their premises and they do not need your permission nor do they have to tell you.

Or just take a baseball bat and beat the living sh#t out of him, amazing how good you will feel afterward. Just another way to relieve all that tension and anger.

Figure three big guys should do it.

A couple of broken fingers might help him remember it's not nice to play with people.

Make sure they get his real info before they let him go.

Not nice, but effective.

what is he threatening you with if you don't comply? Is he going to send the pics to your family and friends? Do you have a career that he can ruin by doing this?

What can he really do to hurt you with them unless your a celebrity, athlete, or other well known local or national figure.


If, by chance, he does actually have a legitimate means of causing you harm with the pics, you should consider getting a lawyer to draft a release type of document that he needs to sign.  Say you are doing it to protect yourself and to ensure that he doesn't have extra copies, etc.. When he signs it you've got a blackmail confession!

Lawyers, feel free to shoot holes in that approach. I'm no lawyer, I just watched Matlock on TV

Deny! Deny ! Deny !

I think this guy is bluffing, guys like this usaully don't have the balls to fight face to face, let it go and then deny the obvious.

There's one thing you can be sure of: "one visit for each picture" is complete bullshit.

Keep in mind this is the digital age.  The concepts of "originals" and "negatives" are technologically obsolete.  There can be an arbitrarily high number of copies of any picture.  It is IMPOSSIBLE for him to ever do anything to prove that he no longer has the capability to blackmail you.  You will NEVER be certain; the only thing you'll have is his word.

What is his word worth?  He's already PROVEN himself, beyond the shadow of a doubt, to be an untrustworthy and dishonorable person.  You have no reason to believe he will honor this "agreement" and that it will really be over after the nth visit.

If you give in to the demand, you are giving in for as long as he wants.  Don't even bother counting the visits.

I hope you can find a way to resist, so that his treachery gets him nothing.  Good luck.

Reo you have his personal information?

the reason i never give out personal info!!!

Spend a few dollars and get advice from a lawyer concerning what criminal or civil recourse you can take against the guy.  The advice of people who say that you should call his bluff is good, but just do not do so without setting in motion the actions that will entrap him if he does not leave you alone.
    The observation of some that the guy is probaly married and would not want to face legal action is probaly on point.  He is blackmailing you because he thinks that you have no recourse against him.  You need to use all legal means at your disposal and drive home the point to the guy that if he even distributes one of the photos, you will damage his standing in the community so badly that it will be him wanting to leave town for ever.

I agree with the lust for power scenario.  After all, he is essentially trying to rape you.  What a pig.

What about going X-files on his ass.  Rent a big black caddy, convince two or three big guys to dress in suits and assume the accent of the ethnic gansters of your choosing.  Two guys muscle, one to play Mr. big cheese.  Bang!  His front door gets kicked in.  Suddenly he is naked and on his knees.  Ransack the place, confiscate his equipment, tell 'im to be henceforth invisible or leave town.

But no that would be unkind as well as illegal.  Forget I said it.  But still, I poistively abhor wife-beaters, child abusers and rapists.  Blackmailers annoy me, too.

Reo not let that guy come near you..

He is dangerous.  I think power is what he is going to respond to.  Intimidation, legal or otherwise.  Mess with his head.  Don't give in, delay, think hard.

Suggestions:  1) Be wary of following "legal" advice that is posted here; even though posts are well-intended, much of it is from persons with no legal training or experience; 2) Look in the yellow pages for the largest nearby city under "Lawyer (or Attorney) Referral Services"; if you cannot find a listing, call the Bar Association for your county or the largest city; ask for a referral for an attorney practicing criminal law; most will give you 30-60 minutes at no charge;  3)  If there is more than one close-by referral service or bar association, take advantage and obtain referrals for more than one attorney;  4) Do not feel pressured to hire an attorney until you have talked to more than one and have given the matter some thought; 5) Do not make any telephonic recordings until you obtain legal advice; both state and federal laws have criminal sanctions, with limited exceptions (remember Linda Tripp?); 6) Ask the attorneys you consult if they were prosecutors earlier in their career and what specific experience they have with prostitution/sex crimes prosecution in your area and how recent that experience is; 7) Ask what the ramifications might be for you if you report the blackmail to law enforcement;  8) Contact from an attorney to the blackmailer, especially if he can say that he is a former prosecutor, may be enough to make the slime ball crawl back in his hole; 9) If your time with the blackmailer was at his residential location, make sure to mention that fact to the attorney; that should make ascertaining his true identity easier than merely having a telephone number or email address; 10) Do NOT ask the attorney to trade his services for yours.

Oy wrote,

"He could out you, but then again you could out him. I'm sure he has a job if not a wife and kid.  Fight fire with fire, do not submit to blackmail because this is terrible behavior on his part."

Mosfo responds,

"the reason i never give out personal info!!!"

------------------

Mosfo, this is a thread about a provider getting blackmailed.  Knock! Knock!  Hello?  Are you sure this is the best place to make your comments/point?

In the context you have written it your post reads to me like this ... "I don't give out personal info when I see a provider because if I blackmail her she could use that information against me."

LJ

okay so hes got naked pictures of you. All he can do is show the naked/sexual pictures of you to other people. unless they are of an illustrated story of you excepting cash for sex then all he has is NAUGHTY PICTURES.

in this day and age of digital photography EVERYONE has a few. no big deal.  

never give in to blackmail. tell him to F-OFF. you never signed a photo release. he dosent OWN the pictures. he can do nothing with them but treaten you with them dont fall for it.

hang tough!

Get an attorney to right him a demand letter asking for the pics back and pointing out that his threat of blackmail is a felony and that publication after the treat would bring charges.
Shouldn't cost that much. You may have a client who will do it for you.

blackmail is still a crime in all 50 states.  it's also a tort.  you might want to talk to a lawyer to get this guy by the short and curlies.  he may be nothing more than your average pond scum who will move on if he realizes he could end up in more trouble than you.

Thanks for the responses, I really appreciate them.  I am searching for alternatives to going to the police because I do not care to have my life turned upside down.  I am not in a high position or anything, I just don't want the esposure.  I do know where he lives.  I like the henchmen idea.    But the guy is a bit of a criminal himself and has no family or legit job to worry about, so it might not be such a good idea.  Oh  yeah, and it's against the law and all that.  I did manage to convince him that I'm only 16, so he's freaked out about that.  He says he'll give everything to me if I bring him proof.  So how do I get that?!  Just trying to find a way outta this without being exposed...        


-- Modified on 6/27/2004 12:41:51 PM

Go to the library in the city where you were born.  Copy your birth announcement (not your birth certificate - too easily put to further misuse).  Send him the scan along with the federal and state penalties for posssession/distribution of kiddie porn.  Make a plan; steps 1 through 4 are as above.  Somewhere along about step 8 or 10, you turn him into the police for all the crimes (black mail, kiddie porn, etc.). Also, step 12: see him one more time if you're underage.  Have the police tape the visit (they'll step in before it gets too far).  He'll be going away for a long, long time.  You'll be safe.  Ask for a protective order by the court sealing your photos.  You'll get it.

I'm sorry this happened to you.  Don't be bullied, but don't do anything illegal. PM if you need to bounce some ideas around.