"Thinking back to the first time you gave into your self-imposed restrictions (kissing, ethnic men), what did you learn about yourself?"
while in the midst of it, i was definitely too intoxicated to remember clearly at the time. Immediately afterward though, i remember thinking "wow, with liquor, i can do anything"
and as i said before I am not a drinker, i only drank if i had a client and every once in a while if i was going to be in a social setting (i am naturally shy and introspective, drinking makes me more talkative and comfortable).
In fact i haven't had a drink since the last time i had a client which was back in November and i have a refrigerator full of RUM right now that i have had since then.
but now that i am out of the midst of the "business" and am in a different environment totally, i think what i have learned is something that makes me sad and feel a bit of religious guilt over which is; "If I let myself, i can do ANYTHING for money"
that kinda sickens me because i was raised to put very little value in money and material gains. I was pretty much raised in a muslim cult. lol We were tought that the least things you have when you die, the easier it is to get to paradise.
that is my CORE value.
so to know that i spent about a year of my life doing things for money that i didn't want to do just makes me kinda NUMB i guess. Again its not escorting in general that makes me feel unsure of my feelings cause i KNOW that in general i think fondly of the escort business and my time in it. It's just the specific times that I crossed my own boundaries that I am not sure i feel great about.
I've always said "anyone who does a job that don't like for money is a prosititute" and since i loved my job as a escort, I didn't feel like i was prostituting myself.
until i began crossing my boundaries
I don't know, maybe i need to do more reflection.
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 12:00:52 PM
I don't have a full answer to this question and a lot of times I get the best answers when I hear others opinions because it makes me think.
sooo after reading this post: http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=173024&boardID=12&page=1
it got me to thinking about my own feelings on Pressure in The Hobby
I started in the escort business in October of 2003, when I first started I was a massage only escort (no kissing, no full service)
after about 6 months I became a full service escort with restrictions (no kissing, no ethnic men)
after about a year I dropped my restrictions
Having been out of the business for 3 months, I look back and wonder WHY DID I DROP MY RESTRICTIONS?
A large part is because I realized I could make more money if I dropped them, but those restrictions were when I crossed a line for myself and started participating in something that made me uncomfortable for the sake of money.
I must say I did feel ALOT of pressure to "deep French kiss" and to "see all men, no matter what race".
I was constantly being questioned about it, constantly pressured about it and I have to say it wore me down and I started saying to myself "oh just try it, you will make more money, get better reviews" etc..
So I would get pissy drunk (and I am normally not a drinker at all) and I would allow myself to do things I did not enjoy (deep French kissing and seeing men I didn't want to see) because I needed to compete with the other providers in my city and so I would get good reviews and so people wouldn’t say “she’s nice but she has A LOT of rules”.
After being out of the industry since November 2005
(moved to a different location and am pursuing other things but also afraid to start again in a new state)
I have been reflecting back, and for the most part I look back on it fondly and I definitely think I would go back to it if I could do it legally without all the hoops of having to verify every guy, etc..
(maybe thru a Nevada brothel or a major escort agency for instance),
but I look back and I remember the days when I thoroughly enjoyed every single client I saw, when I looked forward to seeing them because I never had to do anything I didn't want to do and I wonder; “why didn’t I stick to my guns and only do what I enjoyed?” and I guess the answer is that it was a combination of money and peer pressure.
But when you sacrifice your values or what you are comfortable with for the sake of money isn't that when you lose your self respect? For me I think that is when i started wondering, oh god whats next? am i going to start doing anal? am I going to start seeing couples and women?
Am I going to just keep moving my lines of comfortability to be able to compete with the next girl?
I sometimes wonder if I can go back to the other side of the line and only do what I enjoyed?
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 9:48:19 AM
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 9:53:20 AM
First, I really enjoyed reading your post. It smacked of honest reflection.
I can comment from the other side of the fence, as I have seen my participation go in directions that created internal conflict for me.
Let me generalize on the concept of "marketing," and redefine it as the allure that something else that we don't have is better: money, sex, cars, etc. It takes a lot of self-discipline to define what one actually believes is right for him or her in the midst of marketing. What I read your comments to mean is there was the allure: come on, sweetheart, what's a little more gonna matter. More money, more stuff, you'll eliminate my pressure on you so there'll be less stress in this areas, and so on.
I will tell you this: what I am learning in my life is that it takes all the courage, discipline and determination to life by my own direction. It ALWAYS seems to be easier to betray myself.
That being said, every day is a fresh chance to start again. If you want to live within your boundaries, you can. It just takes commitment sufficient to turn aside all the other chatter to the contrary.
Thanks again for your perspective.
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 9:56:57 AM
thank you, i'm glad you could see that I was having a internal conflict and having honest reflection. I know that i don't have ALL of the answers, and when others i turn to don't either (therapist, friends) then i turn to other sources (this message board for example) to help me get some answers and help me sort through my thoughts.
and you have helped, thank you
If we allow ourselves to adopt anything another throws our way, we are nothing, and not deserving of any self-respect.
On the other hand, if we never change, we never grow. Then what are we? A rock?
It seems to me, Vicki, that you have taken the middle path of reflection upon what you do. Even if it doesn't always turn out to have been the "right" choice, at least you have come to it honestly and therefore owe it to yourself to hold yourself in high regard, as does anyone who knows you, and most certainly, myself.
as you always do Mr.Fisher
;-P
You are trying to avoid until you learn what all of must learn. You have only one life and you must learn to live it on whatever terms YOU choose. If you continue to compare and/or contrast yourself with others, you'll find that (as seems in your case)you will continually give ground to things that may not be within your comfort zone. Sure, even murder is likely easier the second time around, but does that mean you would continue to perform this act so you can say you got "good" at it. You are still a very young woman. Your posts let me know that you are far from an empty vessel, yet you continue to struggle with coming to grips with this business. You will continue to morph yourself to become closest to thing that you are not, because that is the very nature of competition. Here is a passage from one of my favorite novels. I hope you find that the message suits you.
"It is best that you climb and breast the hill alone, for all of the rest of your life awaits you on the other side…
"Yes at your age, many possible lives await. Go whichever way you choose. Go alone or in company. The companions may walk with you a long way or a little. But at the end of your life, no matter how crowded were its roads and its days, you will have learned what all must learn. And that will be too late for any starting over, too late for anything but regret. So learn it now. No man (woman) has ever yet lived out any life, but one, and that one, his (her) chosen own, and most of that alone".
----from Aztec, Gary Jennings
Thinking back to the first time you gave into your self-imposed restrictions (kissing, ethnic men), what did you learn about yourself?
saying you didn't want to see black guys, but you're black. I don't get it? Did you see orientals?
ummm...
orientals are objects like rugs and vases
ASIANS however are PEOPLE and yes i am EXTREMELY attracted to asian men, my favorite musician (mike Shinoda) is Asian and I obsess over him.
yes you are right though, i didnt see black and hispanic men.
1. because i was not attracted to them
and
2. Because i had a psychologically negative reaction after seeing them. Every black or hispanic male reminds me of someone in my family and I have incest and molestation issues from childhood that would always be brought up when i saw them. But everyone kept saying "i don't get you are black you should see them" or "not all black men are the same, you should see them" or black guys would send me long mean emails about how they were "different" and etc.. I got tired of explaining to them that the problem was MINE not theirs, so i gave in.
and i regret it.
"Thinking back to the first time you gave into your self-imposed restrictions (kissing, ethnic men), what did you learn about yourself?"
while in the midst of it, i was definitely too intoxicated to remember clearly at the time. Immediately afterward though, i remember thinking "wow, with liquor, i can do anything"
and as i said before I am not a drinker, i only drank if i had a client and every once in a while if i was going to be in a social setting (i am naturally shy and introspective, drinking makes me more talkative and comfortable).
In fact i haven't had a drink since the last time i had a client which was back in November and i have a refrigerator full of RUM right now that i have had since then.
but now that i am out of the midst of the "business" and am in a different environment totally, i think what i have learned is something that makes me sad and feel a bit of religious guilt over which is; "If I let myself, i can do ANYTHING for money"
that kinda sickens me because i was raised to put very little value in money and material gains. I was pretty much raised in a muslim cult. lol We were tought that the least things you have when you die, the easier it is to get to paradise.
that is my CORE value.
so to know that i spent about a year of my life doing things for money that i didn't want to do just makes me kinda NUMB i guess. Again its not escorting in general that makes me feel unsure of my feelings cause i KNOW that in general i think fondly of the escort business and my time in it. It's just the specific times that I crossed my own boundaries that I am not sure i feel great about.
I've always said "anyone who does a job that don't like for money is a prosititute" and since i loved my job as a escort, I didn't feel like i was prostituting myself.
until i began crossing my boundaries
I don't know, maybe i need to do more reflection.
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 12:00:52 PM
on my mantra. This past week I was looking for someone to meet with. I looked and there were several ladies who I was attracted to. I then did my homework and none of them were reviewed in TER. I did not call them. Why? because in their ads there was NO - NO repeat NO Absolutely NONE of the information that I like to see.... PLEASE LADIES in your add spell out for us
1) incall outcall or both.
2) contact info.
3) what do you require - sceening etc.
4) price... price either per hr. or a menu.
5) are you GFE or not.
I really am not going to call half a dozen ladies to find one who fits my budget, requirements and who will take me.... with all my issues and hangups.
I realize that your rant has to do with the "next level" but to be honest I like to DFK. If I see GFE - I am expecting at least to kiss. If I do not - I may try - but if I am rejected - it is no biggie. Same for DATY and other activities. Would I see a lady with the minimal score? yes - I have.... again, expectations are ok, if clearly stated up front... they are not if they are a surprise....
Thanks.
I agree with you and i have ALWAYS been very specific and descriptive in saying what i did and did not do and posted very clear and recent pictures of what i looked like.
i NEVER wanted anyone to show up and feel like they were cheated or fooled.
I did not intend to insult you, but all those who provide little or none of the information I spelled out.... some will write page upon page about god knows what, but miss the point of the ad entirely... Not that I mind the writing - but there are the basics that I need.... and crave... LOL! For the record, in the posts below - you are one of the people who actually has changed my position with respect to some recent events - thanks.
Vicki,
I always wondered just how many providers have race issues regarding their clients. If I understand you correctly your trepidation whether to provide (no kissing, no full service) see no ethnic men.
It seems what other people think is very important to you. Whatever your race, I feel it’s okay to have restrictions such as no ethnic men. This is your choice. Your happiness is paramount.
The last thing I want to see is a drunken, racist’s provider that’s not happy. I want pleasant service for my donations.
As for your reviews worry not. If you’re happy, see the hobbyists of your choosing. I am sure hobbyists will come. I will not be one of them. I try to surround myself with people that think and want the same as I do.
As for the ethnic thing here is some info.
All peoples can interbreed and produce fertile offspring. This shows that the biological differences between the "races" are not very great. In fact, the DNA differences are trivial. The DNA of any two people in the world would typically differ by just 0.2 percent.2 Of this, only 6 percent can be linked to racial categories; the rest is "within race" variation.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Race
You have to get drunk to see them. I have told you before not all people are alike. Ok; you don’t see black men, good for you. I guess you have never had a bad experience with a White guy or an Asian guy...I for one am tired of hearing this crap from you. Shit I have enough problems in society than hearing you slam blacks or Hispanic on TER. Only thing I ask from you is to put your preference on your website so we can move on. ONCE AGAIN Sorry; "black and Hispanic men" so repulse you..
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 3:34:41 PM
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 3:37:57 PM
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 3:39:32 PM
yes you are one of the people who emailed me a looooong tagent about why i should override my own feelings and see everyone equally, however
#1- the orignal post was not about that, 'Smelly' asked me a specific question and i answered him/her
#2- I have not SLAMMED anyone. Stating a preference is not a SLAM, If I say "I prefeer not to eat eggplant", that doesn't mean i am SLAMMING eggplants, it means i prefer not to eat it (AND YES, IT'S TRUE I PREFER NOT TO EAT EGGPLANT 
, if you take my stated preferences in a negative manner then that is a insecurity you should check within yourself. I have not been rude to you, i don't see why you need to be rude to me.
3. When i was in the business and had a website I did have that preference stated on my website. In fact no one would really even know about that preference except for the fact that it was on this website.
but once again, this topic was not about YOU and what you are tired of hearing, nor was it about Slamming blacks and hispanics. It was about peer pressure, reflection and regrets.
Thanks for your input.
You brought it to the board and I am addressing it. I don't have any "insecurity", I know who I am and you need to make sure you don't forget who you are. What regrets do you have? You said you get drunk see to blacks and Hispanics.. No one made you see those "ethnic" group as you say. I guess you forgot you are one those groups. Give me a break. Not going to kiss your butt or sugar coat this.
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 5:51:15 PM
I think you are taking what I have said out of context;
someone asked me a specific question about if i saw asians or blacks, and i answered that
and a DIFFERENT person asked me what i had learned and i answerd that.
I didn't say "i got drunk to see blacks and hispanics" i said I got drunk to DO THINGS I DID NOT WANT TO DO
seeing blacks and hispanics was just ONE of those things, but its the main thing YOU choose to focus on.
I did mention other things such as KISSING, period. Doesn't matter what race, i don't like deep french kissing strangers who i am not in love with.
why are you picking on the blacks and Hispanics, WE don't appreciate it.
Why don't you pick on me for not liking to DEEP FRENCH KISS instead.
whats your hangup with blacks and hispanics?
Why would I pick on blacks and hispanics??I am black and you know that. Shame you would even say that. Not a shame of who I am.
what does you being black have to do with it? please!!
people in general of any ethnicity are the first people to pick on others of the same ethinicty.
You have proven through your aggressive post that you are no different.
Yo!!! whats with the name calling?? Stop picking on the black girl.
I will never response to another one of your silly posts.I hope you do well in Arizona.
And I thought that you guys in DC were the kinder and gentler board! lol
She is always welcome to the ' kinder and gentler D.C..LOL
i actually left the business 3 months ago because i had no time available( i work full time and am in school full time). But if i ever decide to do a mini tour (maybe over spring break or summer break) then i may visit DC.
Wouldn't want you to waste your time or your money in D.C.. Check our kindler gentler board for their preferences..lol
I'm only writing this because you said that you would love some opinions on your rant, so, in my opinion, which you asked for, you need regular therapy for a long time. You mentioned molestation and incest, drinking alcohol to excess, feeling guilt, being raised in a cult-like manner, compromising your principles, etc. Lots of issues, contact a professional who can assist you. You're obviously articulate and introspective. Good luck.
I agree with that Misty and I don't take it as negative advice.
In fact I am of the opinion that MOST (yes meaning the MAJORITY) people in this society need heavy therapy.
Personally, I AM in therapy, lol, and have been for many years. Group therapy and individual therapy. It's pretty cool, I learn alot and it does help me alot as well to deal with certain issues, my past, my present, and my future. Therapy is something you have to go into with a open mind and heart and with the intentions of getting healthy, which I have always done.
The only problem I have with therapy sometimes or group therapy is that I never really find anyone with MY specific background so I get alot of clichéd answers and Rx’s thrown at me, which is fine, I guess, but then inside I know its not enough so I will seek people who have been in similar situations as I have been in and ask for their opinions on certain things and see if I can gain a sense of understanding about why I am feeling a certain way or at least a sense of "You’re not alone in this feeling, I know how you feel, I have felt that way before and this is how I dealt with it"
Does any of what I just wrote make any sense whatsoever?
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 5:49:48 PM
I likewise did individual and group therapy for about 8 years a long time ago. I really loved it too.
The great thing about group therapy is not so much when the group focuses on you, but when you listen to another persons view of things. I has a way of subtly changing your mind set so that your problems start to be seen in perspective.
I guess i was coming to the message board as a form of group therapy amongst people who have been in similiar circumstances
i am trying to gain a perspective on something that i regret which is simply
ME allowing MYSELF to do things i did not want to do because of peer pressure and for money and its something that i know i need to come to terms with to move forward in the escort industry in the future.
I always try to learn a LIFE LESSON from things that i regret, that way it was not done in vain.
i am not here to POINT fingers
i am here to simply learn something from it and i think a previous poster really helped me when he said and i am paraphrasing "each day is a chance for a new start"
I have to remember that and just try to gain a perspective, and re-learn where my boundaries are and not betray myself in the future.
Thru doing that i will keep my self respect.
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 6:18:22 PM
Do you have problems finding pants for da "Bodacious Booty"? Moe
black woman, that's been on the cover of "Big Black Butt Magazine" dis a black guy that might be interested in you? This goes against any semblance of logic. I'm staying out of this one, but see a train wreck ahead. We need some LIFE on the board! Smelly
But god forbid if those disgusting black guys want to see her. She should give every black person that bought that magazine their money back.
when have i DISSED anyone?
wait.............
what does dis mean?
if it means being mean or rude or nasty , then again when have i dissed anyone?
now if dis means "turn down the advances of", then yes ok i admit, i have turned down the advances of MANY guys who have been interested in me, i don't feel the need to be with every man who is interested in me
I honestly find it apalling that in this day and age people still expect all the races to stick with their own race and find their race attractive in a sexual way.
I don't get it (and probably never will)
If a certain race/food/sex/genre/movie/ brand of lotion etc... is not for me, WHY is that illogical?
Because i am black i should be attracted to black men?
well because YOU are a man you should be attracted to other men?
to me its the same thing cause if society expects people with similiar features/backgrounds/ etc.. to be attracted to each other, then ALL men should be sexually attracted to all other men and all women should be sexually attracted to all other women.
AND NO
I don't see women either
*BOWS HEAD IN DISGRACE*
PS: I asked to be in the regular Big Butt magazine but because I am black they put me in Big Black Butt, which is fine with me, i just don't see why black women have to have a whole seperate BUTT magazine, i mean they don't have BIG ASIAN BUTT or BIG HISPANIC BUTT or BIG MAN BUTT
but I digress, i take the oppurtunities presented to me and am grateful for them
but
i yearn for the day when Black people don't have to be put in a seperate category apart from the rest of society
and I yearn for the day when black people are allowed to have our own personal taste and allowed to pick and choose what we enjoy and don't enjoy instead of being told what we SHOULD be enjoying
and i yearn for the day when people within our race stop hindering this PROGRESS by reinforcing the stereotypes and agendas that society is used to which ultimately only causes us to be imprisoned and stifled instead of growing and expanding
oh and lastly
He started it!!!!!
lol
PSPS: LNQRbigdaddy MY brothers, my father and my best friend are all Black guys and I am highly offended that you referred to them and all other black men as "disgusting".
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 8:47:07 PM
I would never see you or go that route.. So don't think you are the holy grail for black guys. One reason I hobby is because of attitudes like your. You can't keep your mouth shut. Better to be seen and not heard sometime.lol Good night dear.
you said you would never respond to another post of mine ya big bully
youre obsessed with me!!
*skips away singing "i got some iiiice cream, and you cann't have none, naninaninana*
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 8:32:10 PM
I think they apply to all races on Earth. Do speak up and be seemed as well. And We All Shine On! - JWL
Bodacious Booty"?
lol
i do appreciate your concern but i never have as hard a time to find pants for da Bodacious Booty? , but i do have a hard time finding pants to fit my ever expanding hips and waist
Reading these posts lets me know that this is a business which you are miscast. If I were you, I would concentrate on other things you do well and focus your energies in that direction. The one thing about text on a screen is that often things can become easily miscontrued. It's easy to see that you wear your heart on your sleeve. You commented on the way your were raised, yet all of what your describe here is a total contradiction to your upbringing. If those things are important to you, then your energies belong elsewhere, even if you think escorting is the highest thing you can do to make money. As you get older, you'll have to do more and more to stay in this biz. Why have more challenges to your self-esteem than have already been delivered in your life? TER is not synonymous with AA. This is not a place to get or stay sober. Fight like hell for things your believe in and find a way to spend the rest of your days in endeavors that speak more kindly to your spirit.
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 8:59:57 PM
hi there,
thank you for your thoughtful and very insightful response.
i do admit i have used this board at some times for therapy,
but
it helps, all the people who take the time to give constructive responses help
and i always tend to gravitate towards what i feel can help me
speaking of AA, i wonder if there is a EA (escorts Anonymous)or PA (prostitutes anonymous) where current, future and past escorts can go for "group therapy" on issues that have some relation to the hobby whether it be the fact that "we love escorting and society doesn't agree with it" on over to "having to deal with crossing our boundaries" etc... etc...
hmmm
i know there is a place similiar, i think i heard about, but its for PAST prostitutes and mostly for street walkers who have to deal with drug issues and rape issues and pimp issues
i dunno, maybe i will look into something like that though but i must say i think this board helps alot of us deal with issues that are exclusively related to the hobby
Establish whatever boundaries you are comfortable with. When both parties are comfortable, the potential is there for a good session. Maybe I'm weird, but I respect and seek out the ladies who have well defined boundaries. It's the ones who offer "everything" that make me a little leery. Ultimately, it's the attitude and atmosphere in a session that make or break it.
Do I really have to follow the link? My clicky finger is so tired...
Welcome to Marketing "101" V N.
Nature gifted you with ALL the necessary product(s) to market as you see fit. Your're whining because other enterprises are marketing the same products either more freely or to a larger demographic. Nobody is holding you at gun point too offer Greek or serve a demographic that you find repulsive. Don’t try to blame your self imposed profit limitations on other businesses abilities to adapt to market trends.
-- Modified on 2/22/2006 8:39:51 AM
Why a woman would be in this line of work if she is not a complete nympho is beyond me. A woman who elects to become a provider, should have a taste for all kinds of men, an insatiable taste, beyond the norm. Short, tall, fat, thin, bald, hairy, none should matter. Only health and cleanliness should enter into it. Skin color should not even be a consideration. This is a paid profession, yet some think they are doing clients a favor by providing the very service that they charge for. The only important color should be green.
But OMG do I love to have fun. The major difference between a nympho and me is that I do have O's. Nympho are the way they are, like squirrels chasing a nut, because they cannot physically have O's. Now that we have that clarified on to the next point.
You are right though, a provider should be in this industry because she loves what she does. Race should never be an issue, but I can say there have been instances where I have declined based on not race (even though I could tell what race it was), but the "GHETTO/ REDNECK/ TRAILER PARK/ VATO/ WETBACK" mentality. If someone calls me and says "yo baby can I get wit ya" - hmm let me think "NO". But if someone of the same race calls and say "Hey/Hello my name is so and so and I would really like to see you" well then my engine is purring. In the same respect if some ignorant ass calls and talks trash about another race well I won't see him either.
"Short, tall, fat, thin, bald, hairy, none should matter"well you are almost correct I have hard time with Hairy most of the time- LOL No Ewoks for me please. I get hair balls from them. Puhtuee- If you are clean and healthy and treat me with respect instead of like you are better than I am because I am in this profession- I promise you will have a good time.
Now on to the peer pressure part of this initial post- You must be kidding me? You did something you didn't want to do it was because you didn't have the-pardon the term gents, but "the balls to stand up for yourself". I am YMMV all the way it is my policy. I do greek, I do GFE, I do full service, I do BDSM, and I do it if and when I feel like it. If I don't feel like it there are two ways I can handle it- cancel the appointment and refund the money if it was do to my attitude or cancel the appointment without a refund if it was due to his disrespect, cleanliness, or health concerns and for wasting my time. I have kicked people out before for what I thought appeared to be disease and for smelling funky or for being disrespectful. You have a final say so in this. It is not like someone can force you to do something you don't want to do. Even if someone had a gun to your head you could still say no. In my case I would probably say so you wanna rumble? Bring it on! The question you really need to ask yourself is when did you start caring what other people thought of you? When did you stop thinking enough of yourself to stand up for your convictions? When did money and material things become more important to you than your self image? Seriously, I don't know you and I am not trying to judge you it is simply my opinion that you need to reevaluate how you look at things. You need to be okay with you first. If you aren't and it is because of this industry then get out fast. This is not a life for the meek. It isn't all cash and happy little rolls in the hay. When the bad out weighs the good your time here is over.
Best of Luck- Stand by your convictions sweetie.
which is that
i can be guilted into doing things
its very true, i would say to a point I am very head strong ( i am a taurus) but i am also human
and after getting like 40 emails and letters over 2 years from guys i didnt want to see and explaining my position in very lengthy responses for 2 years, after awhile, yes I started to feel a lil guilty and asked myself "well just try it, its not fair to them, they obviously want to see me very very badly if they constantly are asking me and criticising me over this point, maybe i am wrong"
but anyway the main thing i agree with you on is that i try to stand by my boundaries and convictions but once i do cross them, how do i dael with my self and my conscious? I am a very very deep thinker and i evaluate my intentions at all times and I feel like if i am getting paid to do something i know i enjoy then it's not wrong, but if i get paid to do something i know that i dislike doing, than its wrong and its sinful. That is how my morality is structured.
so i guess i was asking for advice
I LITERALLY wrote those questions down, the ones you asked,
I think they are very important and great questions for me to ponder, i might even bring them to my therapist, lol, and maybe she can help me sort thru my thoughts on them
so thanks, you basically helped me with exactly what i was trying to find help for
A respectful attitude from client to provider, as well as from provider to client, is what makes our little piece of the world go round. That should be a given, and when its not, its a smart business decision to not do business. That's just being professional. You are right.
i am not BLAMING anything, I was asking for advice on how to deal with my own INNER CONFLICT
you don't deal with inner conflict by putting the blame elsewhere and i am well aware of that
I’m not in the business right now and haven’t been for 3 months, I currently in school full time and I work full time as well.
But,
I do not make quite enough to cover my bills so I have been thinking of going back into the business on a very limited basis to make up the difference in what I need per month.
In considering returning to the business, I had these internal conflicts and debates with myself over the issues I described above which I basically "once I’ve crossed a line and betrayed my boundaries, just how far will I go? and how do I deal with the fact that I have done that? And can I go back to my previous boundaries?
I would say that the people who offered constructive advice an insight understood what I was asking for help with and the people, who lashed out and did not offer any help or insight, did not understand what I was trying to communicate.
-- Modified on 2/22/2006 12:24:37 PM
But, I think you owe it to your audience to do everything to be clear. If you say it's really advice you want, then ask for it, but you might want to leave out racial epithets and other known inflamers because people love to bat it around as it is... When are person shares her body in this way, it is unfortunate but true that most of your customers will think that you are about open for anything. I think it's great when you set limits, that's smart. However, as someone suggested, list "your" preferences in your ads or website and I think you will eliminate most of the people calling on you that don't fit those preferences... and when you get the people who say "I'm different," stick to your guns, end of discussion. If you take money for something that repulses you, then I think you are in for a long ride down to the lowest forms of life imaginable.
i agree and in my post i asked for "opinions" which i shoulda asked for "advice"
also NOT ONCE did I use a racial epitaph
in fact i didn't even mention a specific race at all until someone asked me to clarify which races i use to have restrictions on
it irritates me that from that point on this turned into a race post instead of what the original post was about
To the pissing match that you got into with BigDaddy... You DID say you were "repulsed" by Blacks and Hispanics... As I said, you could have left that part out completely even though you only suggested it in the original post, because you know it was like lighting a match at an oil depot. If you recall, I asked, "what did you learn...?" It matters not to me who you choose, but be PLAIN about it and I think that would take care of it.
-- Modified on 2/22/2006 12:47:16 PM
where did i say i was "repulsed" by anyone
if i said it, fine, but i am searching thru the posts and i can't find where i said that
in fact i am pretty sure that BIGDADDY was the ONLY person who used ANY derogatory terms whatsoever
hes the ones who used the word disgusting and hes the one who used the repulsive
i never did
-- Modified on 2/22/2006 1:24:32 PM
The message of how you feel about certain groups was clear. Grow up and be a woman.
so first you said I DID say i was repulsed
but now you say its just semantics and the message was clear
i see
again i stand my ground: i did not state anything derogatory about any ethnic groups
and just to make something clear: I am NOT repulsed by black and hispanics.
Period!
DON'T put words in my mouth and also don't tell me what to do.
you need to grow up and stop putting words in people's mouths, its very dishonest
-- Modified on 2/22/2006 5:05:40 PM
YOU are Psychotic. I was giving your credit for being a little smarter, but I don't think you read well and it's obvious that you cannot follow the posts in this thread.
calling people names is very telling of your own level of intelligence
and maybe YOU should go back and re-read the thread, i still have not used any derogatory terms even when speaking to PEOPLE like you who have called me names.
I am above that sort of thing
Semantics – by definition
Linguistics the study of how meaning in language is created by the use and interrelationships of words, phrases, and sentences.
2. Because i had a psychologically negative reaction after seeing them. Every black or hispanic male reminds me of someone in my family and I have incest and molestation issues from childhood that would always be brought up when i saw them
It was safe to assume you were “Repulsed. “ by defining conditions and you explanation for why you didn’t see the Black and Hispanic men.
whats the definition of repulsed?
To drive back; repel.
To rebuff or reject with rudeness, coldness, or denial.
Usage Problem. To cause repugnance or distaste in.
n.
The act of repulsing or the state of being repulsed.
Rejection; refusal.
yea i can defintely say that (in my opinion) i did not rebuff with rudeness, coldness or denial.
but having sex with anyone who reminds me of a family member is distasteful to me
so i guess i am split on that
A lovely friend of mine told me about "ethnic clients" when asked . . . "They are all green to me." Its a job. White, Brown, Black, Plaid, etc were all green.
Now as far as sticking to your rules . . . Only you can anwer that. Everyone has rules or preferences. Some may only apply to certain clients. They are your rules and should be respected by the gentlemen, or they should go elsewhere. The only thing that really matters is safety. You must never compromise safety.
... and people have a right to their reactions to them. They may choose not see you or to mention your restrictions in their reviews. Not everyone does everything, among both providers and hobbiests.
I know some wonderful providers who aren't full St. Bart's GFE. I don't know how much money they make or how much they need for it to be worth it. I'm just glad they're still working.
I don't go for anal and I'm neither black nor hispanic so I probably would never even know you had restrictions in that area. If I were different, I'd probably just move on if I was looking for anal but I'd be offended if you rejected me because of my race.
You may make less money if your restrictions keep people away. That's just business. You can choose what you offer but you can't control what customers want. If your business is so limited by your restrictions, or you're not happy with what you have to do to make a living, then maybe you're better off not in this business. No hard feelings necessary. I can't be everything I want to be either.
I by far have more rules than most and frequently get alot of call backs ..there is of course many that will not see me though they may want to badly because I do not offer what they are looking for and that is okay !!! I respect their right to see whom they wish and they have to respect my right to operate me, as I see fit ...you should never allow anyone to tell you what works for you .... I am quite honest about what I do or do not provide and believe I do quite well despite others thinking I may be a cold fish(wink) (yes,I have in fact been called that)So what ...each person is entitled to their own opinion whether I agree with it or not ...If you wish to come back .do so on your own grounds and if you do not quite make what you wish then find another way to financially get it ...
But in all honesty I feel you should never look at another fellow provider as competition ....We all have to do what we feel is best for us and those lines are so different for so many of us
-- Modified on 2/22/2006 10:14:39 PM