I don't know how it happened but I have fallen for a provider. I have known her for so long it's almost like we are married ( except, we actually drink smoke and fuck and ENJOY IT !!) . We are always texting and e mailing. Both of us randomly send Hot Sexy pictures and we just can't wait to see each other and the steamy sex that starts instantly is amazing. We go out to fancy restaurants and when in booths we are already using our hands to get ready for desert not a care in the world. I know she truly loves me since since we are always OTC and it's somehow morphed into this. Has anyone else ever had this happen ? I am torn as to whether this can be sustained or not. I know that even relationships outside the hobby cannot be pre determined I just am confused. I haven't felt like this in a very long time. Any thoughts other than I'm an asshole or just plain crazy ?

And then report back.

I suspect you'll be looking for a new ATF.  But if she continues to want to see you, will you invite me to the nuptials?

Are there any real hookers in Belvedere?

If you think that you guys are in love with each other the SEX part better not be paid for in hard dollars.. It is a little unclear from your post whether you are paying for SEX and just getting OTC once you pay for the sex, or SEX is free too...

Eliminate the dinero and see if she sticks whichya

But it sure is complicated.  It usually doesn't work out...  but it apparently does just often enough that we can't say "always".  You've received good advise.  Take all the money out of the equation.  IF you go to the next level...  will she still be providing or will you be supporting both.  It is a mine field.  Remember, you can never (in anger) throw how you met into the argument...  besides that cuts both ways.
The standard warning is that surge of hormones...  with someone you have great sex with, especially repeatedly...  can sure cloud the judgment.  This hormonal business was useful to the continuation of the species...  in the cave man era.    
The L O V E business is a wonderful thing...  you won't know unless you are BOTH willing to take the risk.   Go in with your eyes open & take your (both) time to consider each step.

You can't rush a relationship in any case. Sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn't.

Really, you'll find out if you see her start trying to move on from the profession, if your desire is to have a normal relationship with a woman who can support herself.

Love is a motivator, that's for sure.

I won't enter into a monogamous relationship until this is the case with me as I don't want anyone holding money over my head, nor my profession.

So be patient. You're in a situation where you can at least see how long the chemistry lasts, if it gets stronger, etc.

Sometimes we see what we want to see, and thinking long and hard/meditating on it, waiting it out and allowing yourself to see TRUE signs, (negative or positive,) will help in the long run.

But I wouldn't rush into anything. Especially in this case.

Per the other response, absolutely take the $$ off the table and see what happens, if $$ there be.  Whether $$ are involved or not, do you not see that the things you value are the clandestine, sneaky, exciting things that are byproducts of the hobby or an affair, OTC or not?  You sound married and cheating and hooked on the excitement...been there, my brother, with a civie affair and it was NOT sustainable.  I do believe that ANYTHING can happen but you're talking about one hell of a strange transition unless you're both truly ready to replace the inherently sexually charged environment of the affair/hobby and pack up and move to the city of Mundane in the United Republic of Sameness.  The smart money says this is doomed and I recommend applying other providers liberally to cure yourself of this infatuation.

I know several married providers. Married to past clients.
in the right situation with the right two ppl it can work.

BUT there cant be any illusions know what you are getting into.

Sorry to say but the statement - " Take away the money and see is she stays"
Doesn't exactly ring true.
Annoying that people keep saying this .

There is a reason it's said - you are not paying for sex , you are paying her to LEAVE .

Nobody , ( especially women ) wants to be in a relationship that is going no where .
Even if she ( or he ) says -  
it's ok , I just want to enjoy and have fun , not looking for anything more .....sooner or later  
when MORE doesn't develop one side ( or both sides ) will be left hurt or broken.

So unless you ( and her ) are in a position to make things into MORE  ......
like are you single ? or if married, are you planning to divorce ?
Would you be ok if she wanted to continue to work ?
Is she willing to stop working or is she even in a position to quite right away  ?

Sometimes there is a difference between what we want , and what in reality can be done.
Sometimes people think they can handle certain things ,  
and when they actually experience something , it is different then they thought .  

Lets say she wants MORE from the relationship , but your married and not willing to divorce .
You can not offer MORE to the relationship , hence why the money is for her to LEAVE .
She can truly love/enjoy being with you , and the money keeps her emotions in check.

Money keeps the lines clear and uncomplicated.  
Why do you think that men who have "civvie affairs" end up with much trouble ?  
because when it is going nowhere , after awhile it doesn't feel good .and then the trouble begins.

For an escort , after awhile if it doesn't feel too good (as in she wants more out of the relationship )
That money , keeps her in line.  
Helps to remember she can't and shouldn't expect anything more.

So enough with this - oh take away the money , see if she will stay .

If she is giving you so much time OTC , or spends time texting , sending photos ...it can be she really does enjoy her time with you .  
It can also be that is how she keeps you coming back for more.
It can be that she truly enjoys being with you ,doesn't mean she is looking TO BE with you forever.

For you is this LOVE or LUST ?
Well right now you only get to spend Honeymoon time together . So of course everything is great.
Would you want to spend time with her if she was sick ?
Do you really know anything about her , or you think you know ?

Before you even explore where she stands on her time with you ,  
I think you should think long and hard where YOU are standing in this relationship.

If you can't offer her MORE in the relationship , well then there is no reason for you ( or her ) to take money out of it.
Enjoy what you guys have and stop thinking too much about it.

If you are married and thinking about leaving your wife , make sure you leave your wife because  
you are no longer happy in the marriage .
not because you want to be with someone else .  
Regardless if that someone else is the provider or anyone else .

If you are single and available , well when you give us more details , I'll let you know  

Good luck ,
xoxo CindySpice  

 
   

       
   

 

 

It makes all the difference in the world, whether or not he is still paying for sex. I have had several friendships with providers that involved a lot of OTC time, but the sex was still "on the clock" I never considered any of those ladies anything more than friends, and certainly never thought any of them were in love with me.

OTOH I have also had some "Real" LTR's that started off as business, but at some point we took ALL money out the equation, and I am certain that at least a couple of those girls were truly in love with me as it would actually cost them money to be with me as I know for a fact that they were turning down paying customers in order to spend more time with me.

END OF MESSAGE

I am friends with a few providers...  a lot of providers do so for a time when it is right for them.  Many work their way through school or a period of time.  Providing is may not be a life long career...  the wise gal realizes this & plans the next step in her career.  Yes, there's life after hooking!  I recently had a long time Fav retire...  and moved onto a new career.  I miss what she did for me and I feel guilty-selfish because I know what she did was right for her.  As a friend I should be happy for her.  I do hope she does well in her new employment.   She retired on her own terms & at a time of her own choosing.

As for the OP...  this relationship requires a great deal of openness on both parts.  If you are free to take it forward, IS she?  You need good communications about your hopes & dreams for the future...  not one conversation but a continuing dialog.  

I know a few couples where one or both were married to someone else when they met...  sometimes it is doomed to failure.  I fell for a married woman...  I ended it very many times...  finally made it stick.  Now 30 years later, we are back in touch through FB!  But now I am the married one.  
But I know other couples who did successfully get together after meeting under other circumstances.  And are doing well.  

We hobbiests tend to only see one side of the coin...  the hobby...  but providers leave all the time.  We see a few return after some period of time...  but others do not.  A lot go on to be soccer Mom's & raise a family...  on a few occasions a SM is outted as a former provider...  unfairly I might add.  But WE don't get to see that side.  

Be careful.  Be Fair.  See where it goes.

if you can be the .0001% that can make it work, good for you.

1) Don’t over analyze. You will drive yourself crazy

2) Don’t ask for advise (you already broke this one). Your experience is not going to same as others

3) No two are alike or behave identically

4) Be your natural self

5) Don’t change anything from why you today

6) Don’t expect this, that and the other or create them

7) Go with the flow, sit back and enjoy

Answer to your question: Yes, I have

And they are both the same:

A relationship with a provider is basically like any other relationship that a man and woman want to embark on with the plusses and minuses that ensue.

And regarding love and sex:  love is free, sex will always cost - and that means in a civie relationship or otherwise.  The nice thing about paying for sex in a hobbyist/provider relationship is that the rules are straight forward while in the civie relationship there is often a balloon payment due sometime down the line.  (Oft times that is accompanied by a divorce.)

You have to take an honest look at yourself and the person you are considering entering into a relationship with, and make a decision.  I would suggest that you seek counsel with close friends or family who know you (and hopefully her) and ask their opinion.

So, decide if the circumstances are right for both of you (It helps a lot if neither of you are married or have kids, and you are financially well off), and don't have any illusions about what a really committed relationship entails; but if after taking these things into account you decide it is worth the investment, then go for it.

I did and I am happier for it.

I wish you the same success if you go for it, and if not, that you find happiness elsewhere.

END OF MESSAGE

Its not about money...but it is...if one of my atf "johns" thinks they can have my  $@#& for free and then go home and sleep next to his wife no matter how much I ♡ him...and i really do with my little grinch heart ...he  had better not even think about it.... but he has also has too much class to even think that would be an option..and a girl also needs her hair and nail money unless mr bob belvedere you are both single then to that I wish you good luck..you will need it

-- Modified on 12/8/2013 1:39:35 PM

-- Modified on 12/8/2013 1:59:19 PM

I am not single and I know she is not either so I know that it is probably a Pipe dream......I feel that my donation goes towards tanning,makeup hair and manicures not the #$%@^ since we never mention time....I also respect her too much to tell her I can be more than I am......I am not the Brawny Man on the paper towels some fictional character. I am just a regular Bob who feels for her with all my stoned heart.....alas dear Kelly it may not be meant to be......

Every relationship changes.
Every relationship changes.

We are in a constant state of change.

Whatever your age, you are in a phase; if you do not die, you are evolving away from the phase you are in. The exact details of the next phase are not known, except that your body is in a constant state of decline once you pass a certain age. AND, the aging process accelerates.

When you are faced with making a decision, the very first option almost everyone over looks is to do NOTHING. Setting aside questions of not being able to make any decisions amounts to choosing to do nothing, not making any changes affords you the opportunity to to not only change, evolve, but also allows the other person to evolve away from where they are now. Unfortunately, the change may not be what you want; we all evolve away from where we are. Unlike popular mythology, evolve is always away from, never towards and ending point.  This is contrary to the popular mythology that evolution is towards some point later in time. The later point is only observed as a place in history where the evolution away from was at a later date. Historians, and elementary school teachers paint evolution as towards a past historical point.

Now that you've had an epiphany, now what? If you want to change something, what outcome do you desire? And then what?

What will you have to either give up or take on as additional responsibilities?

All off those considerations aside, you are peering into a black hole of unknown, the unknown of the other person outside of your relationship. Thoughts, feelings, emotions, strengths, weakness outside of your physical relationship?  

An infamous/famous book I've used is “Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Dummies”. In a vastly over simplified statement, it asserts we carry forth childish behavior/habits for immediate gratification because a child's brain lobes that are used to forecast future consequences does not develop until mid 20s. Children lack the concept of long range consequences.  

Your task at this time is to discover if you are giving up a better life to satisfy an immediate need or want.  An example is people who complain—tension develops, they dissapate the tension by complaining and get relief.  What they give up is a relationship with people who are not interested in hearing complaints, especially about the same general things, and they forgo a different behavior that might reduce the source of their tension.

Embarking on a path to confront yourself is not easy. Breath easy though, because the reason why you give up the future to extinguish now discomfort is NOT important. You get to choose what you will try instead of what you are doing. You get to choose where you can improve your life past today.

Deprived

Thank you.

I recommend you read 'Is it love or is it addiction"  A good book about love, romance and sex addiction, all of which are probably in play here.  If you think you have found someone who will make you whole and end your loneliness, you are hooked.  The book will help you see reality and act accordingly.