Congratulations on your anniversary, and I'm sorry to learn that about your wife. I just hope that even though we see Alzheimer's patients as sufferers, they are actually happy in their own world.
On June 16, 2005, I lost my wife of 25 yrs. to bi-polar disorder. Saturday was the 2 year anniversary of her death, I spent alot of time thinking about her. It really wasn't all that good of a day.
I'm really sorry to hear of your situation, basically you've lost your wife to mental illness as well. I know what those tears feel like, words simply cannot describe the hurt.
One thing that irks me to no end about our society is I believe all illness, including mental, is curable. It absolutely infuriates me that our government spends billions of our hard-earned dollars either killing mostly innocent people, or worse yet, supporting our sworn enemies with foreign aid or insane import prices (oil comes to mind right off), when if they invested those dollars into research guys like you and me wouldn't suffer so much.
Ok, I'll get off my soapbox now, maybe I'm just irritated because the last 2 days were not good ones. Again I'm sorry for your tragedy, if I could make the pain go away, I would at any cost.
P.S. If you feel up to it, post this on the 'Erotic Highway' board. The mod over there is a skilled therapist, and alot of the regulars have gone through similar situations. I find that just knowing I'm not alone helps.
Your post has made me realize that although, as a provider I may assume what my clients situation is....... I can be soooo wrong! I do realize that many of my clients have a wonderful relationship with their spouses, outside of sex and physical closeness. I feel rewarded when I can offer that to a man who so badly needs it. Your type of situation however, I've never thought about. Thank you for posting this, and opening my eyes to another sort of need that a client may have. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife.
Thankfully, my wife is still healthy but we lost both her parents and another very close relative to Alzheimers and PSP. Some days are indeed not very good. We'll light a candle for you.
My heart goes out to you. Alzheimer's is often referred to as the long goodbye. I've lost two Uncles to it, and my Grandmother is now in the end stages. The last time I saw her, she lit up when she saw me, remembering at least that I was someone she loved - but she couldn't remember my name or who I was. It is truly heartbreaking at times seeing our loved ones taken from us day by day. Remember though, that you are not alone.
Last October was the 31st anniversary of my first meeting with the woman who would become my wife. In November she went into (home) Hospice. She was dying with lung cancer metastasized to the bones. She died in January. I was at her bedside in the hospital when she died. The disease destroyed her body, but I believe it was the medication they were giving her attempting to control her pain that actually in the final analysis killed her. It is a terrible way to die.
Hobbying has taught me that many (I have come to learn that the number is astonishing) of the men who hobby do so because their wife is no longer avialable to them. Mental illness (and yes, I am well aware of the fact that Alzheimers may not be strictly speaking a mental illness in the traditional sense of the classification, but it is a very convenient way to speak of disorders that affect the personality and cognitive abilities of an individual) often removes loved ones from the traditional roles in our society. Tragically it often seems to take those from us either when normally they would be their most productive, or when they would normally be reaping the rewards of a life well lived.
The desire to have physical intimacy is a very strong drive, one that can trump hunger and thrist under the correct circumstances. When one's life partner is no longer able to provide that intimacy, our dear providers offer to those the opportunity to share that intimacy, and still carry on their duties to care for their loved one.... Dear ladies, again, thank you, you do more good than a gaggle of congressional members with all the lunatic legislation to help sanatize our society and keep us from ourselves!
My prayers to all - the tragically stricken, the spouses who stand faithfully by their side, and the providers who provide to those spouses the missing intimacy.
Please know that you're not alone here. Make sure you're taking care of yourself while you're going through this. I wish I had some words or thoughts that would make your situation bearable. If the responses you've gotten have helped, please post updates on a regular basis so we can remind you that you've got people who love and care about you. Wishing you and your wife the best of possibilities.
Dementia of the Alzheimer's type is the scourge of the 21st century. It is estimated that 5% of all persons over 65 may have the disease. By age 85 the number is more than 20%. (Those over 85 are the fastest growing segment of the population) More than 50% of persons have altered mental status in the last 6 months of life. This disease is so tragic, worse than cancer or heart disease. Interestingly, the patients themselves do not seem to suffer as much because they are often unaware of their problems. Unlike cancer, the course of the disease lasts 7-10 years and in and of itself it does not kill. It is not a mechanical problem of circulation or muscle damage as so much heart disease is. It renders the person vulnerable to disability often worse than death, including inability to communicate, incontinence, immobility, susceptibility to injury and infection. The cause of death is most often aspiration pneumonia, bladder infections or other problems that get out of control because the person is unable to swallow or communicate their discomfort or make their needs known. The prolonged disability, dependency, behavioral problems and labor associated with care are often devastating to families. It also seems like every insurance scheme is trying like the devil to delay, avoid and provide less than is needed to take care of these patients. We still don't have a clue as to the cause of the disease. Is it viral? An undiscovered prion? Environmental toxin? A combination of genetic and other factors that come together? When I was a resident, I used to say "God, please don't let me die of cancer". Now I say, "Please don't let me die of dementia."
Having been through it with my own family, my heart goes out to you and your daughters. I hope you get the best of care and help from your physicians and health care system. I often tell my patients' families that to take good care of the patient, you must take good care of yourself. Make time for yourself. Have a life. Pace yourself, for this may be a long haul. Many families cannot do this full time forever. There are facilities available for patients. They are not the best, but they are necessary and required for some, particularly those who are completely disabled, require full time nursing, are unaware of their surroundings or no longer recognize friends or family. There are also Alzheimer's support groups that you may find useful with like-minded families that share care-giving strategies and other information. You have probably already found this but here is URL for the Alzheimer's Association [http://www.alz.org/]. Good luck, and God bless.
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