I regularly receive emails from American providers who are considering coming to tour or live in London and who are asking me advice on working here - where to advertise, what business is like, screening etc.  I don't have a template for answering these mails.  I think about each one, take time to answer them all as honestly and helpfully as I can and usually end with an offer of more advice/info if they have any further questions.

Guess how many bother to acknowledge my efforts with even the briefest of 'thank you' emails?  I'd say around 25%.  I don't want to stop helping other providers but I'm starting to wonder why I should actually bother any more.  I simply fail to understand this total lack of common courtesy - I mean, do they treat their clients this way?

Very rarely do we remember these days to say thank you for a kindness offered. It seems to be that way everywhere Carrie.
It is nice you have assisted. I can tell you from a very personal perspective often emailing someone with a question or seeking input can lead to NO WHERE. No even a return email.
The few questions I have asked to other providers privately, I always thank them for their time and input and to pardon my intrusion. Very rarely does a return come back . The replies I have gotten have been gracious and caring. You can really see quickly who is a real person . Its such a great way to meet new friends when you open a conversation privately and learn about each other.
xo
mo

I wonder how many actually travel to London?  They most likely were just day dreaming.

I love going abroad. I was in Rome this summer. I would love to stay a week in London. The issue with me is the flying I have to pre medicate. SO I am literally snockered for 12 hours. This make that first night in the hotel usually icky. Its hard to start a vacation that way.
xo
mo

I'm one of the providers who has emailed Carrie and I knew she was very busy, which is why I was sure to give her a big thank you (let me know, though, Carrie, when you get a chance, if you need me to resend my previous email)!  Sometimes the internet can be misleading and cause us to believe that one city is a hot spot and then we arrive and we seem to be all alone. Im actually in France for awhile, where internet providers are not so much a rarity, but not many Frenchmen are as "wired" as my fellow Americans and because London is a hop, skip, and a jump away I just would appreciate forewarning if it worth the time and money (advertising on sites which promise the world, flights) to invest in this.  It is great to help a fellow provider in need and I have done so for women emailing me about work in Paris and, just like you, have received zero gratitude in return. Let us all remember how lucky we are to have a medium such as the internet where knowledge is at our fingertips..we just must also remember to not take it for granted!

Carrie -- I don't know about G.B., but here in the states, the lack of common courtesy is a real issue.  It's not confined to you, to providers or to any particular class in general.  Men don't hold doors for women; when they do, the women pass through oblivious and don't acknowledge the men; people interrupt in conversations; the use of "Mr." or "Miss" or "Ms." has gone out the window in favor of first names.  And my favorite? The total absence of apologies, particularly among customer service representatives.  No one knows how to say "I'm sorry" any more.  

So -- I'm sorry you've had this experience. You're obviously quite thoughtful to offer the tailored advice that you do; frankly, though, most Yanks are terrified of international travel and I suspect they're just curious.  

In the last analysis, tho, you have your self-respect. No one can take that away from you.  Good for you!

That is rude, to ask for help, get it and then not say thank you.

The biggest problem for us males here in Yank-ville is that we are given mixed signals.  Women here tell us that they like us to be honest, but if we are they often reverse position and call it harassment.  The original sexual harassment law was a good one, designed to help those female workers fend off their boss's unwanted advances.  Now the law has been perverted and expanded to catch anyone they want. Everyone laughed off Demi Moore's character in Disclosure as unrealistic, but I've come across more men victimized by these laws then I have women who have had to reject unwanted advances (then again, maybe the men are opening up to me, while the women suffer in silence, I don't know....)  

The PC police threaten our jobs and livlihood if we compliment a woman on her appearance, since we are setting up a "hostile environment".  Most men, out of fear or just a desire to steer clear of trouble, avoid the subject altogether and come off as callous.  If a woman vamps herself up, and we respond with our usual CroMagnon reflexes, she can pull the rug out at her whim and society will always take her side.  Consensual sex becomes "Date Rape" after the fact unless you have written proof beforehand (true story, it happened at a university here, and the written waiver is supposed to be signed.  Then again, if alcohol is involved, you can even call THAT document into question as she can argue she wasn't of sound mind when she signed it).

Personally, I try to always hold the door for my SO (especially in public places), I do complement her on her appearance whenever I can, I don't always send thank you notes for gifts (but I also don't expect them from others), and finally, I do say "I'm sorry" a lot, probably to a fault.  I'm highly pragmatic day to day when dealing with people, although I do dust off my inner Machiavelli when my business requires it or when dealing with aggressive types who would roll over me otherwise.

So, I ask that you "cut us a break", and realize that society is sending us scrambled signals and we men, in our befuddlement, are merely avoidng social situations that could blow up at us.  If you are offended by a perceived slight, talk to the person involved and tell them how you feel.  Communication is a skill most of us Americans DON'T practice well.  (As can be seen by the international community that equates our lack of communication skills as arrogance.  We can be a generous people when we are secure, but when we are in a state of fear, our dark side comes out and we see a conspiracy behind every shadowy situation, but I digress...).

So Carrie, I apologize on our behalf to our good friends across the pond.  I hope you will use those formidable British skills in Communication (I wish Bush would just shut up and let Blair do the talking...) to help us better ourselves and have patience with us until we can improve things.  I'm sure most of the people who have wronged you in the past by not acknowledging your efforts, would change their ways if you let them know how you feel.  If they don't respond favorably, chalk it up to a few bad apples and move on, but keep the faith.  The world has too much negativity as it is, so we need to avoid adding to it.  

Most of us appreciate the efforts of others, ESPECIALLY in this hobby, so shake off the bad feelings, and keep a positive attitude.  Avoid those who take advantage of you, if you must, but don't paint us all with the same brush.  Cheers.

...Common courtesy? She's never heard of it. The idea of simply not responding seems to be good enough for her. And according to Ms. Love -- should be good enough for the client. As she puts it, "seems simple enough."

Say what you want, but the American deep south is still one of the politest placies I have ever visited.  L.A. is one of the rudest, followed by Washington D.C.

I do not understand why people are not courteous.  Doing that little bit extra for someone usually gives one a little boost, more so if ones efforts are acknowledged.  Besides, I it is just good Karma.

Carrie ....

That you notice it, that you think that way, and that you would never TREAT someone that way .... is probably as much a reason that you make the BIG BUCKS as anything else.

You are a genuine Service Provider.  Too many are just high class Ho's  without the 'class'


OK ... well, you're WAY hot, too!

Regards,
PIG

-- Modified on 11/25/2003 10:43:30 AM

There's been a lot of talk about this on the LA local board- and yes, they treat their clients the same way.

Certainly, we have our share of top courtesans and ladies who have earned their good reputation, so it's important to make the disticntion between that group and the larger group that seems to be totally lacking in common courtesy or respect for the people whose time they waste.

It may be worse in my area (LA), but it seems we have created a group of providers that simply think the world owes them a living, and a very good one at that, because they are attractive.  Perhaps this is the inevitable result of an appearance obsessed culture, where good looks give them special treatment and any shortcomings are forgiven if they're pretty enough.  But living in this fantasy land of the superficial prevents them from maturing as people.  Whatever the reason, it's a common complaint amongst the men who wish to be their clients.  This is the only business of which I'm aware, where the customer has to jump through hoops and almost beg to give a service provider his business.  

I'm afraid we've created a monster and it's reflected in the dating world too.  This primadonna attitude by the "princesses" in the civilian dating world is what drove many guys to TER in the first place.  Sadly, they soon learn that this same entitlement attitude infects the provider world as well.  

As an aside, I've gotten so turned-off by some of these spoiled girls posting on TER how they "deserve" their hyper-inflated rates for the mediocre service they provide, that I've completely stopped seeing provders (and I used to see them weekly)- hoping in vane that some sort of sanity will eventually return.  But sadly, the internet has just made it easier to reinforce these bad behaviors by providing an endless pool of clients- at least in the major metro areas.  While it also gives us a forum for reviews, there are enough unsuspecting guys paying these high prices that it appears we haven't reached the bottom yet.  Boorish behavior, after all, isn't hard to learn, it's only hard to stop.  

-- Modified on 11/25/2003 12:57:01 PM

Carrie,
In general, I sense a lack of common courtesy, respect and kindness from both the hobbiest's and provider's in the industry. I've experienced the same in my personal and business life. All I can say is don't let those individuals taint you and stay true to real self. I hope to meet you someday in Vegas. You seem like a very sweet person.
Nice Guy

Alas, it isn’t in any one business or slice of society.  Lack of courtesy is rampant.  It reminds me of the samurai in Shogun who cut a man in half for not being respectful.

Courtesy, (explicit or implied) is one of the things I like to see in a review about a lady I’m thinking of seeing.

Americans are generally speaking great people and live in a great country, but the words 'please' and 'thank you' are often missing from their vocabulary. Would that it were different, but dont let it get you down. Manners maketh the man and the woman.

Everyone claims to be so busy that they cannot perform the smallest tasks. This despite all the productivity enhancing technologies. Sad.

My favorites are the people who want me to drive even faster than I already am - usually about 10 mph over the posted limit - presumably because they are in a huge hurry. When I refuse, they have plenty of time to fuck with me - follow me around, act like they want to fight, etc... Too funny.

It has nothing to with their being providers.  Common courtesy has become rather rare in the USA, so 25% sounds about right.  Hope things are better in your part of the world.

To my surprise, (actually astonishment) the rudest place I've found is Honolulu...I've had several lousy experiences last couple trips there with a hotel, restaurant, & a tour company....

And there's no doubt that poor customer service exists in this hobby as well....I ranted about this on LA board earlier in year.....