Finding a sb/sd arrangement on TER? I am a new provider that is very low volume (I've seen 2 clients in the past two weeks) and I much rather be comfortable with one gentleman than have a higher financial reward seeing various men every week. I have done research and actually posted on different Sugar Daddy websites but for the most part it is all BS. Some hobbyists have admitted to me that they go on those sites when they are running low on hobby money and just want a free hookup.

Your opinions and suggestions are very much appreciated!

Thank you!

xoxo

Leilani


-- Modified on 11/2/2010 5:50:01 PM

A lot of girls start providing hoping to get a low number of regulars to pay the bills. Many, many girls will tell you that's their goal when they first get started. In reality it almost never seems to work out that way.

Speaking as a hobbyist, it would have to be someone extremely special to get me into an SD/SB relationship. After all, why would I want to limit myself to seeing one girl most of the time when I've got so many different girls to choose from? It would probably be easier to find a sugar daddy among guys that haven't tried the hobby.

Thank you for the response I have considered that scenario as well but I have encountered men that are somewhat paranoid about STD's (much like myself lol) and would prefer an arrangement of that sort if they could afford it. I also know of a former provider that has an arrangement with one of her clients which led me to believe it is not an impossible feat.

as opposed to limiting yourself to the hobby world. SD arrangements are very common and rather simple to develop, and in my pre-escort days i was involved in such a relationship. however a hobbyist is not a Sugar Daddy...the two mindsets are not even remotely similar. you would have a much easier time establishing such a relationship well outside of the hobby...try perusing and interacting with men on "vanilla" dating sites...you just may be surprised how feasible your desire may be.

Thank you and I will keep on trying! I just never thought it would be such a difficult task, especially given the fact that I live in the land of sugar daddies lol

Any woman who is using regular dating channels to find a Sugar Daddy should be as up-front as possible as soon as possible in the relationship.

We don't live in a vacuum. Our actions that enhance or diminish others become part of who they are. When we deliver pain, they pass it along. When we deliver weal, they pass that along as well.

Failure to inform a man as early as possible about the nature of things sets him up to be emotionally hurt. Though men are all manly and stuff and will likely not inform you -- or even be immediately aware themselves -- of the significance of such hurts; they will be carried forth such that many subsequent women will pay a price in terms of the man's suspicion, his unwillingness to extend himself emotionally or monetarily without convincing evidence of equal commitment, etc.

The bottom line is that women looking for a relationship predicated upon payment (such as SB/SD) should really be up front about it as early as practicable.

Even if the man is really looked upon primarily as a means of support of transitory nature; it should be understood that a man who is hurt emotionally will go forth to hurt other women emotionally -- who will then hurt other men emotionally -- who will ultimately hurt the person who started the cycle.

Cycles of harm can be broken; and we can all do our part by being up-front about the nature of relationships early on and by conscientiously catching ourselves in perpetuating such cycles and refusing to pass them along.

Great reply. I am sure what this lady is looking for is available. This may not be the best port available. But I am confident it is available, especially after seeing her photos. The biggest issue would have to be trust. And a person being in that position tends to feel bought and paid for and they actually give up some of their freedom by taking part in the sb/sd life. A person of means with certain things to hide, like a wife or kids or high profile position, are usually quite guarded and have have been afforded many examples of where having a "kept" person burns them badly. I think people who are in this "pond" are a little more guarded than the vanilla world people. Good luck with your quest.

I'm not quite a hobbyist, but i personally would prefer a sb or at the least be a regular with a provider. It's probably my demographic, but I'm sure I'm not alone. I have custody of two children, and multiple businesses to run.

I'm 45, and have reached a point where I really just don't have the time and patience for any drama when it comes to dating. If I date women my age, they instantly think marriage or LTR, neither of which I'm interested in.

After doing some research, the modern courtesan has an attractiveness to it because there's no commitment on either end.

I completely agree that you should be upfront. Don't lure someone in just to play them, but seek out someone who you can create an arrangement that is mutually beneficial to both of you.

Good luck!

hi John,

as i agree with the message of your post, i am somewhat confused as to why it was posted in response to mine. you know that i believe in honesty and forthrightness even when it goes against the accepted "norms" of a particular society or group. my suggestion for the OP to seek out a SD relationship through vanilla dating sites was absolutely NOT a suggestion to be dishonest or even coy about her desires and motives.

I would like to thank everyone for taking the time to respond and give me your opinions and suggestions in regards to my search. I am a very honest person and would never intentionally take advantage of anyone, I truly believe in the golden rule no matter the situation.

I know this may seem a little silly but when I entered the "business" I fantasized about having a Pretty Woman situation where I could leave the business fairly quickly and find my own Edward Lewis. That is why I advertise the way I do in hopes that one day my fantasy becomes reality. However, I am brutally honest with myself and will not hold my breather waiting for such a miracle to happen especially on a Hobby Board (of all places lol).

My quest for "Edward Lewis" has proven to be unsuccessful thus far and although I've encountered my fair share of Stuckey's lol I refuse to believe that is all that the world has to offer. I don't believe I gain or lose anything by asking and being the eternal optimist that I am, I truly believe that it never hurts to try lol all one can ever do in life is ask. The combination of a more genuine connection and financial security would seem to be the ideal situation with less risk for drama and the usual negatives that come with any relationship.

If there is a mutual understanding I think an arrangement of this sort would work wonderfully for both parties. There would be less sexual inhibitions and more things could be explored without the usual fear or apprehensions that exist within the hobby. For example, I would love to explore tantric sex more in depth and that could be a little difficult with a new client I may never see again. I have also noticed that a lot of gentlemen on this board are concerned about whether or not a provider is "faking" it or if they are performing certain things correctly. With an arrangement I believe there are lower chances of any “faking” scenarios. I would feel a lot more comfortable in that situation letting a gentleman know what areas we need to work on to make sex more enjoyable for the both of us.

I apologize if I have rambled on lol I suppose it's the Pisces in me that sometimes loves to over share

Leliani - I know this doesn't answer your question or help you right now BUT next time I visit my folks in Coral Springs I will look you up.

Would it were fair lady that the fairer sex be composed entirely of elements whose character were as virtuous as thine. Lamentably such is but a vision as those whose intentions are nowhere near so noble freely pray upon others who are as ignorant of their existence as their baleful intent. Thus it happens that admixed with the happy daters are men and women alike who cloak their intent until uneven investments of emotion yield their victims up to them disarmed and vulnerable.

For the likes of thee such admonitions are not needed and for those who most need them they are like unheeded. Yet one who has trod such roads should at least inform; if not for the reform of those whose ample justifications leave them beyond introspection at least for the benefit of those who shall fall victim if unwarily they step into the pit.

In other words I know you'd never suggest dishonesty; however dishonesty abounds in the environment of civie dating sites; not the least of which is the woman seeking to establish an extremely uneven emotional investment on the part of a man that will lead him to pour gobs of money into a woman who holds him in slight regard. So the message isn't for you -- your character is for me beyond question -- but really to put men on notice that sometimes relationships that don't seem like SB/SD are really that.

Having had a mistress before ...

It's possibly you'll meet a client with good finances, where you can demand bigger financial reward and be his exclusive.  But for such a price, are you willing to give him anything he wants?
In return, you will have to give more to this guy - meaning no holds barred (bback, anal, etc) is something he may ask.  If he's your only source of income, you'll most likely not say No to anything he wants. After all, he's providing you with everything and you are completely dependent on him for all your income, right?  All I'm saying is - are you prepared for that?  If I'm paying you thousands of $ every month, I sure will expect you treat me like a God-King everyday, at my beck and call, without any mood swings LOL.  I've seen many escort ads that say "I'll treat you like a King or like Royalty in the 1 hour we are together".  That's what you do 24hours for suggar-daddy.  If he calls you at 2 a.m. because he's horny, you do it.    

You then have to keep it interesting for this guy day in and day out, so he won't get bored.  If he gets bored of you, he can terminate the relationship.  It's not like you'll have a written contract.  It's a contract that can end anytime.

and trances broken due to some poor fellow coming across these lines of text. and thank you, John. as an aside however, i have to wonder what you have been reading lately (perhaps you have my habit of temporarily picking up the vernacular of the current novel read)...*giggles*