So do you think or know deep down that you are now 'platonic friends'
because YOU were falling in love with her and she felt that
(did SHE suggest you both cool it)?


-- Modified on 11/4/2007 7:17:58 AM

If so, I'd like to discuss this with you further- a couple things in your post caught my attention.

To fully understand all of the details involved with every relationship that emerges from the introduction of a gentleman- in the course of hobbying, to a lady would be an impossible task.

While I am not foolish enough to believe I could guess every detail involved with every circumstance, I do feel confident in stating the following:  
Participating in the hobby is an experience with an encounter that is out of your normal routine. It introduces men to women that they might not ever meet except through the hobby. Many men seem to be challenged at understanding where the line of business ends and where friendship- while part of the encounter- is not an extension of the business into the providers personal life.

While it is true that some providers will invite a hobbyist into her personal life, this should be viewed as the exception and not the norm. It should also be noted that when a provider desires a gentleman to be in her personal life she will invite him on her own accord without him forcing the issue.

Having been exposed to this business for over 9 years now, I can not tell you how many times I have witnessed the distress over a provider being torn emotionally over dismissing a client because he can't seem to understand the boundaries and she truly feels that he is a friend "in the business". My best suggestion to a hobbyist is not to initiate any extension of time or personal issues. If a provider wants to suggest such an arrangement trust me she will suggest it. If the hobbyist is truly desiring additional time or emotional contact then a proposal listing such involvement could be submitted to the provider and he bears the risk of her alienating him or just simply ceasing her communication with him.... of course, she could always accept the terms the hobbyist is suggesting and move the relationship to another level.

I'm not suggesting that this is your situation or that it might apply to what you are experiencing right now, I am only taking the opportunity to comment on the remarks made as I see fit. I don't think it can be reiterated enough: Hobbyists do not control what a provider does in her personal life. Unfair as it may seem to some men, in the hobby, women decide who they see.... when they see them.... and how much they care to invest in the relationship.... sorry if the truth sounds harsh but it needs to be said.

The hobby is an endeavor into an alternate reality and the encounter ends when the time is up and the hobbyist exits the provider's presence..... if she cares to make it more then the negotiating can be initiated by her. Proposals are always appreciated and I am sure that each provider will consider such suggestions with regard to her own situation.

I just wanted to make sure that the men reading this understand that it is NEVER acceptable or encouraged to "expect" anything from a relationship with a provider unless it is discussed up front and in advance of the behavior. Many times men fail to understand this and end up feeling hurt by something that should have been understood up front. (*It should also be noted that many of the acronyms used on some of the "by the half hour/by the hour" sexual acts seem to be showing up more and more when speaking of the hobby. Gentlemen should understand that there is a huge difference between some of the acronyms that are associated with quick specific sexual acts and a more meaningful relationship with no obligations other than financial. If a man expects a provider to extend her boundaries to include some of her personal time then he should start looking into the obligations of a sugar daddy or some other type exclusive arrangement and back away from the c/l and other sites which quote specific sex acts*) Just my observation and suggestion but I'm sure it could help to avoid hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

Best wishes and happy hobbying....may you find what it is you are seeking  ~T

relationships occur all the time in the hobby.  Just
like in any workplace...people get drawn to each
other for a variety of reasons.

but

just like any civilian relationship it hurts when
its over or when she decides for reasons known only to her that it is too real or too difficult
to see you in a physical relationship.

I've been fortunate to have had a few real friendships made here.

still it is a dangerous place to look for it.

So great that you are still in touch and I think that we all could share this type of story and it's great that you can look on your time as positive. However, your mere presence on these boards suggests to me that you've never really left. I was in and out much of '07 where I didn't really post or see providers when I traveled on biz... I can truly say that P4P is really not all that unique except for the NSA aspect. Seeing someone more than once means that you "connected" on a level equal to your civvie attachments and were it not for the immediacy in which you passed the cash, isn't it the same as the paying that you do elsewhere? I think you should take that doubles session and have some more fun. You could count yourself lucky if after said tryst, you breathed your last breath. Good luck fellow traveler and the best advice is between you and the other voice(s) inside your own head.

-- Modified on 11/4/2007 12:29:51 PM

...and yet I want to reply.  So I find myself keyboarding words.  Stop me before I implode.

And how did Plato get assigned to "nonsexual"?  Was he really the Roseanne Barr or Rosie O'Donnell of philosophy?

We are only as "sane" as our secrets.  Plato must have had plenty.  That cave analogy was nothin'.  But he never had a TV show, so lets take it easy on the robe wearing ancesters.  

Remember ATF means Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms to most people.  And we all know Tobacco is bad, but guns and drinkin' is pretty good.  So be nice, except to people who smoke.  

I hope that clears it all up.

for a brand of insight only you seem to provide. lol

In answer to the general theme of the questions and musings, the young lady and I became very close friends while she was providing and I respected the boundaries of that relationship, as did she. After she retired, we talked at length about what type of relationship we each thought we could sustain and we both agree that, at least for the forseeable future, a Platonic friendship gives us the best chance to continue something that both of us find very rewarding. It's been incredibly interesting to construct this relationship consciously. "Cooling it" was a mutual decision that makes both our lives much simpler, but especially so for me.

As for returning to the hobby, I have some significant experience with addiction and compulsive behavior so I understand how to manage myself in that respect. In the words of Meatwad, "I do what I want". lol. I remain on TER for the same reason I frequent a few other boards- this place is filled with people I find interesting and insightful. I also hope that writing about my own experiences in establishing this friendship may help others decide if it's something they may want to do themselves. As we all know, the TER landscape is littered with the broken husks of men who fell for an ATF.

Goldenbear, I'm not a vip so I can't get PMs through TER. Feel free to email me at [email protected]  Anyone else, too, for that matter. Thanks for the dialog.