and yes, I feel it does happen with some more than others.

How else to explain the attraction I have to such a variety of gals in terms of age, weight, techniques, etc.?

no need to analyze it overmuch. Life needs mystery and excitement.

The tone of communications I think has a bearing on things.  After that, it usually is a matter of a person's personality and their approach.  I've had a number of occasions when everything just clicked upon meeting.  I wouldn't say it's one particular factor that made a difference.

Chemistry is very real and the beautiful thing about it is it cannot be planned, anticipated or arranged. It just is. I think what makes a good provider is a sensitivity and openness to connecting with others; receptivity to various kinds of chemistry; and willingness to go where the moment leads

or it diminishes the possibilty to ignite. Of course the woman has to be willing and capable of entering ... and yes, it is nagical.  

And in particular pheromones. But I doubt it's the whole story -- vision is still important and I suspect the role of the initial impression meeting, exceeding or falling short of expectations will impact as well as I think the changes in the mental state will change both one's own chemical state and how it's going to react to those pheromones as well what we give off.  

A nice looking women stood next to me. I made room for her bags and she gave me a dazzling smile.  I made an abstract comment about the current presidential race and she gave me a just right laugh and a very clever answer. She wasn't gorgeous (except her eyes and smile) and I am not ugly, but I never made it on looks alone.  
I thought to myself that if I was;t married and not on my way to a party, I would keep chating, ask her to have dinner with me right then and who knows.  Of course none of that happened, but meeting some providers feels like that that.

Too cute.  

-- Modified on 2/7/2016 11:31:27 AM

I'm sure there are some skills that make that moment of attraction occur that the better providers have figured out but I don't think it's a science that they are batting 1000 with. It's a bit like the Tango -- you need two.

what a buzz kill the truth is.

For me if the woman is hot, and can "act" like she is in to it. That's all I need.

One is she may also like you as a client more than other clients even without doing any of the three things you mention. I think it's easier to fake a "connection" with some clients than others. It's still not a real connection, but it's not a struggle for her to do her job as she doesn't find you repulsive.

There have been a few times where the pre-date correspondence (usually email) between me & a provider just clicked and we chat like GF's. When that happens its almost a given that when we eventually meet there will be fireworks

While I can enjoy myself in almost any situation, and can create a nice atmosphere, and good physical experience, there is nothing that can replace true chemistry.  

that is YOUR definition of "connecting."  Most would use that definition for those they date or plan to engage in a relationship with.  IMHO when a hobbyist visits a provider..........it can be as simple..........or as complex, as they both (the operative word) agree to..........just like the customer/provider examples you include in your post.

... the genitals

The genital part of our brain does strange things to trick us.
 

...two of my very infrequent repeats have been markedly less stellar than the first meeting.  Maybe it's over-anticipation, or too much adrenaline on my part, but both times the second meeting didn't have near the connection of the first.  Time of day?  Familiarity breeds complacency?  Factors outside the date?  Who knows.

....it's rarely as good as the first one.

Do you have any idea just how many SPOTY votes you just lost with this one post?

you might or might not learn something...but either way the frog dies!

I do think something has to be naturally there for a real connection but it does depend a lot on the mental,emotional,ect state of provider and hobbyist. I'm sure there is times that back good connection could be made but one person might be checked out,withdrawn,ect...

Was I yelling? I can't always tell because at my age....hearing you know.  
And there is an old medical saying:"Stood on loins seldom leak"
I guess its time to get an editor

In his case I'd say more wishing than thinking.

articulately stated!  Sadly your eloquent post is way over the head of some TER ghetto-ites who's narrow focus is limited to their own narrow perspective.  Definitely not due to your artfully crafted choice of words..........but due to THEIR closed minds

I read someplace that the key to being likeable to someone, is to act as if a rapport between yourself and that person already exists.

Guys like Zangari, Jack and myself aren't vilifying the hookers for doing their job and doing it well, that's what we pay you to do. We are complimenting you on your skills when you do such a good job at it that some (or many) hapless john confuses your acting skills as the real thing.

What you said about the first provider: "a skilled provider making her client feel like the most special man in the world for an hour or so"

You're a top tier poster.

IMHO, the bigger issue is why any client really cares if an escort likes him/her or has a connection.  I have had two "relationships" with escorts (one a popular porn star)  that went way beyond the 3 items you list above and have come to the conclusion that such relationships are insane.  I wouldn't date a hooker if she paid me.

we can't all be the most special guy in the world to her, or else none of us are.

She sounds more flighty than anything, and the characteristics you describe can be attributed to bad business and time management. .

Of course there are grey areas, but what most lovesick johns see as a "connection" is usually nothing but good service on the part of the lady.

i certainly don't mean to imply she thinks of her clients as dirt under her feet, and i dont' believe i wrote anything to say as much.

.......Over the years I've connected with quite a few providers, but what keeps it "real" for me is the envelope. No one leaves an envelope filled with $$ after seeing a girlfriend or SO.

I like your explanation about chemistry specially coming from a provider point of view,this means what we all know that is possible with a provider to fell in love with a hobbyist but is more difficult for us the hobbyist to identify if it is chemistry or real feelings because we are always thinking that providers are putting on a show to make us come back for more,so it is a very confusing situation although is more likely that most of the time is a very good acting.

of attraction that is due to the chemistry that attracts you to her.

How much OTC time she happily gives me, or the number of flirty texts or emails I receive, or because I know her real name and where she lives.    

but for me, a real connection does not imply feelings of love.  and i always warn fellow mongers never to allow themselves to start to feel love for providers;  that way only heart ache lies.

I would think that, even if the provider is faking the "connection", there must be some basis for such a connection in the guy's head.  If she's not his type as far as personality, intellect, conversation, etc, there's not going to be a perceived connection anymore than there would be in a civvie relationship.

I cringe a bit when people soil an otherwise good post by reaching for "When she stops charging you" as the prerequisite for a provider caring. That would be like a provider stating that clients don't really care about us and are faking a connection unless they pay but drop the expectations of the sex and time

I agree, if you feel a connection, the provider is doing their job. I love the intimate time I spend with providers, but I have no illusions about the fact I could easily be diagnosed as having "Reduced affect". I am just not emotional, so I am sure i will never see anyone with chemistry.

How were you able to differentiate "real feelings" and not falling in the category of a "hapless john" yourself when you say repeatedly you have had 100's of p4p ladies as girlfriends?

Dozens maybe, but certainly not hundreds. lol

Then, a mutual connection is equally unsupported in the scenario you described. The client/former client has clues of what the provider is really thinking, but she does not necessarily have any more idea of their feelings and/or intentions.  

for me at least, there are different types of chemistry.

the illusion of GFE. I'm sure that most providers are skilled at finding something "good" about each client and magnifying the "good" into chemistry.

not. I was exaggerating lol.  

The way to be absolutely sure a "hooker" has developed "real feelings" for you is to take the money out of the equation.

it really was that simple. But unfortunately there's usually a lil more to it than just that lol.  


-- Modified on 2/7/2016 11:40:18 PM

i'm not talking about love or romantic feelings.  i'm talking about a genuine sense that the lady is happy that it's me who she's spending time with.

Telepathy is unacceptable, as well as delusion.  There's no shortage of clients professing love/adoration without realizing it's the dopamine blast talking. Or, in the longer term, developing a craving (disguised as love) to conquer the unattainable.  

I meet clients I wish I could date in the real world... but they are married or live in some God forsaken state that I would never move to. Doesn't matter. I get "fed". I get energized by being with someone with whom I have good chemistry. It is a blessing when I get one of these guys... a gem in a field of stones.

To guys that mistake good service/ politeness for interest in a close friendship/ LTR(or even if I had a great time and connected really well with you, that does NOT mean i want to be anything other than what we were). So I completely agree with what you guys are saying

None of us are machines.  And while it is foolish for men to not understand the fundamental realities of these encounters, it is also very small-minded not to appreciate there is full humanity on the other side of these intimate yet non-intimate dates.  There is a range of feelings/thoughts as wide as the ocean that both women and men can have.  The knowledge of the fundamental nature of this business is always there and inhibits us in most instances (or should) from indulging or running with these feelings that can come up, but a huge part of the enjoyment of this hobby for me indeed was meeting and talking to so many interesting ladies, and for me, the more "real" they were the better.  As one lady friend described it, these situations can play out at times like dating on steriods.  Ultimately, this is what lead me to take a hiatus from the hobby - as I realized I was ready to look for true intimacy and a committed relationship - but damn if I didn't meet a lot of fascinating women while doing this, learning a lot about myself - and a little bit more about women - in the process.