TER General Board

Waiter asked about relationship
Red_Mouse 1 Reviews 3076 reads
posted

How would you have handled this?

During a recent lunch date with a charming young provider, our overly friendly waiter suddenly asked what our relationship was ("Are you guys dating, related, ......?).

We were not doing any personal displays of affection but he probably sensed some first meeting awkwardness.  Although attractive, the provider was not dressed provocatively in any way.  She is 30 years younger than I am.  

I know in these situations the waiter requires no answer at all.  And, it is tempting to give a snarky answer for such an inappropriate question. Its just that I want to answer such questions in a way that it doesn't ruin an overly good vibe I'm having with the provider.  In other words, I don't want to introduce any negativity into our time together

Seriously. Two adults can enjoy a meal or an outing  and look off in age and demographic, I see it all the time being in DC! What does it matter to answer or even acknowledge the question? My guess is if the waiter was female, she was jealous, and if the waiter was a guy, he had an ongoing bet with the other waitstaff that you were at lunch with hooker. Lol. Why put you on the spot though? Ugh!

As a lady that "dates" older white guys for fun in my spare time, some are usually married and wear their rings while we are out, ballsy moves I know, lol, glances and eye rolls happen. But happiness and comfort come first, screw the questions and gawk, if they think it is something so what. What can it prove? As far as the hobby goes, perfectly legal to "escort" someone out. Unless you see me clearly say to him it is going to cost you XXX to put your penis in my vagina, then money clearly is exchanged and then it is clear that a paid penis in entering my "for sale" vagina, then that is illegal. Other than that carry on, nothing to see here. Lol!

-- Modified on 4/18/2015 8:05:26 AM

?

'We're friends'.

Seems straightforward to me?

My long time regular is in his 60s. We were out together and it was a favorite eatery of his as the waitress knew his name. She kept coming by and finally she went up to me and asked are you two seeing each other. I laughed and said no! We aren't seeing each other! We are just sleeping together and laughed more. I went on, truth be told I am not sure his first name. When you bring the check, can I see it? I should at least know the name of the guy that I'm screwing. More laughter. The look on her face was priceless. We left and he couldn't believe that I said that though he was laughing too. I said baby it's not her business plus I liked the shocked look on her face. He was very very extremely turned on by this and I found him suddenly turning quickly into the garage that led to his home. lol.  

Just to note: I would never do this to a guy who is married or a first time guy or even a guy I have seen a few times. He is single and we go out together often in public. I have been seeing him since 2009 so I knew it was ok to do this.  :

My dear lady I do believe I just fell in love with you!  Awesome sense of humor!

She's my mother.... My father likes them young

Desertation is not necessary for a simple question. If you, you get in trouble.  

Managing your mouth is an art and science.

Or did you mean dissertation? Not that it matters, as the rest of your post was unintelligible as well.

Or even "We are just 2 friends getting together".

riorunner756 reads

I'm out with my daughter. It's always been some young man and I believe he's wondering/hoping that he gets an answer that lets him feel it's ok to try and talk with her more.
    It's true that it's none of their business, a socially awkward question etc. But then I find many young people in their twenties today to be somewhat aggressive in how they socially interact or down right clueless. LOL I don't generally get bent out of shape about it. However, about a year ago I almost came to blows in Costco when a guy my age was overtly checking out my daughter and made an inappropriate comment to her. Some men are simply assholes when in the presence of a beautiful woman, or even not so beautiful.
                         
                                     Regards......RR

Most guys view woman(Regardless of how beautiful she is) as a "Fuck Object". Excuse the Language. When we are much more then that. We don't just get a man off sexually, but we also provide a stimulating time outside of the bed. Ignorance is a huge factor her. Most see a site like this as just for sex. When there is very little to no difference between this site and a site such as "Sugar Daddy For Me".  In sites like this you are dishing out cash for what you want from the female. Most guys won't even admit that. Think about it. 50% of the guys on the "Sugar Daddy For Me" site offer to get the female a manicure/pedicure, Fly them out or give them an "Allowance" for what she provides for him.

They seem clueless to the concept of compensation for time,  the guys I talk to think providers show up just to hangout,  no compensation necessary. I guess some providers will hang out for free, but I would assume their is no playtime involved.

which leaves me asking he question. Why do you want to hang out with a provider if you are not prepared to have sex with her?

"Why do you want to hang out with a provider if you are not prepared to have sex with her? "

Because they are awesome human beings and your life is enriched simply by knowing them?

See Kitty's post I linked.

I know why "the guys I talk to" want to hang out with providers, and it's not because providers are wonderful people.

IDK about you, but I'm a realist, that wonderfulness comes at a price.

You obviously can't have an honset conversation as to why some guys are oblivious to the concept of pay for play  

Posted By: BigBoyPants
"Why do you want to hang out with a provider if you are not prepared to have sex with her? "  
   
 Because they are awesome human beings and your life is enriched simply by knowing them?  
   
 See Kitty's post I linked.

Zangari730 reads

Posted By: Kitty76
 50% of the guys on the "Sugar Daddy For Me" site offer to get the female a manicure/pedicure, Fly them out or give them an "Allowance" for what she provides for him.
 You don't need to 'fly' anyone anywhere.  SBs are everywhere.  College girls-->SBs.  Young women stuck in low wage jobs-->SBs.   Single mothers--> SBs.  UTR providers--> SBs.    There's this strange idea that SBs are rare and need to be  
"flown in" from SB Island, lol.  SBs are everywhere now.    

 As a side note: I've treated numerous SBs to a manicure/pedicure-- it's a minor luxury & enjoyable for her.   A pedicure in my town = $25.  Even if you double that price for a big market = $50.  Any guy on this board can afford that.  --z

your gratuity is greatly dependent on the way you treat your guests.  Do you have a comment card for me to fill out?

riorunner601 reads

Excellent reply! Puts them in their place while educating them at the same time.
             
                         Regards.......RR

of discussion is your restaurant's rating.  Anything you'd like to add?"

But more likely would just say we're friends or colleagues.

Sounds like something a gay man would ask his customer.

Most straight men wouldn't be concerned with another man's relationship status.

I can't even tell the difference between an engagement band, or a wedding band.

Posted By: Red_Mouse
How would you have handled this?  
   
 During a recent lunch date with a charming young provider, our overly friendly waiter suddenly asked what our relationship was ("Are you guys dating, related, ......?).  
   
 We were not doing any personal displays of affection but he probably sensed some first meeting awkwardness.  Although attractive, the provider was not dressed provocatively in any way.  She is 30 years younger than I am.  
   
 I know in these situations the waiter requires no answer at all.  And, it is tempting to give a snarky answer for such an inappropriate question. Its just that I want to answer such questions in a way that it doesn't ruin an overly good vibe I'm having with the provider.  In other words, I don't want to introduce any negativity into our time together.  
   
 

Zangari703 reads

Posted By: JohnyComeAlready
Did you happen to notice if the waiter was gay or straight  
 What kind of noticeable trait would determine if the waiter was gay or straight.  
Posted By: JohnyComeAlready
Sounds like something a gay man would ask his customer.  
 I see...we all know how those "gay waiters" are, right?  OMG.  
Posted By: JohnyComeAlready
 Most straight men wouldn't be concerned with another man's relationship status.
   
  Rude straight men might be interested in your female companion's relationship status.  Rude behavior transcends sexual orientation.  
Posted By: JohnyComeAlready
 I can't even tell the difference between an engagement band, or a wedding band.    
 That's just the beginning of your incomprehension.  --z

I see you think all gay men are waiters.

Zangari729 reads

Posted By: JohnyComeAlready
I see you think all gay men are waiters.
 Do you even bother to read you own posts before you hit "send."  See below:
Posted By: JohnyComeAlready
Sounds like something a gay man would ask his customer.  
 You made the idiotic generalization above.  My post was a *sarcastic* reply to your statement above.  I hope that's clear now.  --z

Posted By: Zangari
 
Posted By: JohnyComeAlready
I see you think all gay men are waiters.
   
  Do you even bother to read you own posts before you hit "send."  See below:  
   
Posted By: JohnyComeAlready
Sounds like something a gay man would ask his customer.  
   
  You made the idiotic generalization above.  My post was a *sarcastic* reply to your statement above.  I hope that's clear now.  --z  

Posted By: JohnyComeAlready
Sounds like something a gay man would ask his customer.  
   
 Most straight men wouldn't be concerned with another man's relationship status.  
   
 I can't even tell the difference between an engagement band, or a wedding band.    
In fact the waiter did come across as gay.  Even the provider I was with mentioned this.

I'm not sure if that's always the case, but they seem to be gossipy when it comes to relationships... Think beauty parlor talk.

Zangari632 reads

Posted By: JohnyComeAlready
I'm not sure if that's always the case, but they seem to be gossipy when it comes to relationships... Think beauty parlor talk.
 I'm going to give you the benefit of every doubt & assume you're trolling.   --z

I'm moving on to a more interesting discussion. :d

OP summed up his post.

I've never seen a gay man portray a gay man in a positive light in the media. The LGBT community should demand that they are portrayed in a positive fashion on television and in movies.

hotplants1088 reads

These days there are many positive portrayals of LGBTQ people in the media----by actors---men and women---gay and straight.  

But...holy crap!....you've said something with which I actually agree: "The LGBT community should demand that they are portrayed in a positive fashion on television and in movies" I have said this 1000+ times myself.  

But, then again.....if you actually do understand that the bulk of media portrayal is inaccurate and negative (changing rapidly, amen), this makes your typical, ridiculously stereotypical comments even more bewildering.

I truly do not think he was trying to be inappropriate. I think that was his settle way of saying that he noticed the awkwardness of your meeting & That you should relax a little and act as if you are with someone who you'd normally get together with.

turned to my date and asked her what she wanted to drink.  That would be followed by my drink order to the waiter.  He does not deserve an answer to his question.  And, yes, it would affect his tip.

hidden574 reads

What tip? That ship sailed when he decided to be Dr Phil.  

Posted By: inicky46
turned to my date and asked her what she wanted to drink.  That would be followed by my drink order to the waiter.  He does not deserve an answer to his question.  And, yes, it would affect his tip.

All I said was "it would affect his tip."  Consider that may mean either reduce it or even eliminate it.

Great answer Nick! It takes a certain amount of maturity to  convey "none of your fucking business" in such a subtle, yet unmistakable manner.

When someone asks me a question that I either feel is none of their business and/or I simply don't wish to answer, I turn it back on them with another question and they are usually flummoxed and confused.....

"Why do you ask?"

 

Posted By: Red_Mouse
How would you have handled this?  
   
 During a recent lunch date with a charming young provider, our overly friendly waiter suddenly asked what our relationship was ("Are you guys dating, related, ......?).  
   
 We were not doing any personal displays of affection but he probably sensed some first meeting awkwardness.  Although attractive, the provider was not dressed provocatively in any way.  She is 30 years younger than I am.  
   
 I know in these situations the waiter requires no answer at all.  And, it is tempting to give a snarky answer for such an inappropriate question. Its just that I want to answer such questions in a way that it doesn't ruin an overly good vibe I'm having with the provider.  In other words, I don't want to introduce any negativity into our time together.  
   
 

"I'm her pool boy",  I think many of us know where that one comes from.  Thanks LR for those that don't.

"She pays me for sex. Would you like my card?"  To an attractive  waitress who we later had a threesome with, she didn't know what our actual relationship was and just assumed we were dating.

"She's my reassignment doctor.  My balls are in her purse."  To an obviously gay waiter who shook his head and laughed and said "oh I know, have fun you two.

he might spit on your food

Posted By: Red_Mouse
How would you have handled this?  
   
 During a recent lunch date with a charming young provider, our overly friendly waiter suddenly asked what our relationship was ("Are you guys dating, related, ......?).  
   
 We were not doing any personal displays of affection but he probably sensed some first meeting awkwardness.  Although attractive, the provider was not dressed provocatively in any way.  She is 30 years younger than I am.  
   
 I know in these situations the waiter requires no answer at all.  And, it is tempting to give a snarky answer for such an inappropriate question. Its just that I want to answer such questions in a way that it doesn't ruin an overly good vibe I'm having with the provider.  In other words, I don't want to introduce any negativity into our time together.  
   
 

Inappropriate question?
Yeah, but no harm intended, so not really a big deal.
As a few others have said, just say you are friends and move the conversation along.
No need to be snarky or an ass over something so trivial IMO.

…”Thank you for asking.” (Now I agree with some that it’s a nosey question for a waiter to ask, but it is non-threatening and you also show that you’re courteous and respectful to the woman you’re with—especially if you do not know her very well to be funny, outrageous and at worse, reciprocate with a rude comment.)  Then ask the waiter, “Can we have menus please?” Or if menus in hands, ask for house specials or recommendations, seasonal foods or anything that pertains to what the restaurant offers, which puts the ball back in the waiters court, so to speak, for him to focus on doing his job, which he should be doing in the first place. (If there is any small talk initiated by wait staff, it is to talk about weather or something non-personal, then do the job you were hired to do.)

When I’m out with a significant other or any woman that I’m interested in, I want as little involvement from wait staff as possible, including them coming around and asking how is everything (but at least I can accept that it is expected  them in doing their job). Yet, if they pay attention such as pouring water when glasses are low, or making follow-up food recommendations and showing appreciation for your business, they can still get a good tip in lieu of the awkward start.

Good service should always be appreciated

The former is more likely.
He saw an opurtunity to make small talk due to your age difference.
My guess is. Either way. He assumed you would be flattered by his noticing your cute company.
Maybe it's your daughter. Maybe it's your workmate. Maybe it's your escort?
Maybe it's a girl you picked up on the street.

You could have said whatever you wanted.  
A part of me wants to call you a pompous pussy for being afraid of a question.
(Because that's what gets you caught in the first place)
I've decided to stop being that way

Posted By: TheHoundOfCullin
The former is more likely.  
 He saw an opurtunity to make small talk due to your age difference.  
 My guess is. Either way. He assumed you would be flattered by his noticing your cute company.  
 Maybe it's your daughter. Maybe it's your workmate. Maybe it's your escort?  
 Maybe it's a girl you picked up on the street.  
   
 You could have said whatever you wanted.  
 A part of me wants to call you a pompous pussy for being afraid of a question.  
 (Because that's what gets you caught in the first place)  
 I've decided to stop being that way.  
   
Hey bad ass, a pussy is a coward that sling insults behind the safety of their keyboard.  Sounds like you've mastered the art.

Aren't you now doing the same thing?

Posted By: Red_Mouse
 
   
Posted By: TheHoundOfCullin
The former is more likely.  
  He saw an opurtunity to make small talk due to your age difference.  
  My guess is. Either way. He assumed you would be flattered by his noticing your cute company.  
  Maybe it's your daughter. Maybe it's your workmate. Maybe it's your escort?  
  Maybe it's a girl you picked up on the street.  
     
  You could have said whatever you wanted.    
  A part of me wants to call you a pompous pussy for being afraid of a question.  
  (Because that's what gets you caught in the first place)  
  I've decided to stop being that way.  
   
   
 Hey bad ass, a pussy is a coward that sling insults behind the safety of their keyboard.  Sounds like you've mastered the art.

I think everyone would have a little more fun if we didn't have to take ourselves so seriously..
After all.. This is a fuck board.
Or has it become the inquisition in my absence?
If so. Forgive me good lord before you pour burning oil over me.
Wait. I may like that. But only if the hockey player watches.

You are a pussy.
You should have shown dominance... You didn't...
You are the keyboard warrior. I'm just being honest.

She's my fuckbuddy, whats it to you pal?

When I met my first SB, we were at a cafe and at the end of the hour of getting to know you talk, we turned to the "arrangement" part of the deal and right as I was laying out what I would offer, the waitress came up and asked us if we wanted a dessert menu.  I don't know if she actually heard anything, but it became a standing joke with the SB and me.

Folks, I appreciate all the thoughtful replies.  I especially liked the "She's my parole officer."  among many others.

I'm always hesitant to become prissy with waitstaff that are handling my food plus I think that would ruin the overall fun vibe between myself and the beautiful young provider.

In this case, I introduced her as my daughter which resulted in an exchange of how charming my daughter is.  lol.

In any case, besides the question, the lunch was a blast.  


-- Modified on 4/18/2015 3:18:53 PM

Zangari1214 reads

Posted By: Red_Mouse
How would you have handled this?
 I've been on dozens of sugar dates where the age gap was the same--about 30 years.  I've *never* been asked this question by any server.  Here in cow country, such a question would be considered shockingly intrusive & rude.  And based on the responses above, it's rude everywhere.    

  The fact that you didn't give a snarky or hostile answer was a smart play.  When on a first date with a provider/SB,  you don't want to give the impression that you're short-tempered, even when provoked.  I think GiantBombing's reply of "We're friends" is the best and most discreet answer.    

 I once took my SB to the mall on a weekday morning to avoid the crowds.  A female colleague (who had also taken the day off)   bumped into us.  I greeted her and introduced my SB (by first name only) without any explanation of our relationship. It's best to handle these situations directly and tactfully.  Most people have a "live & let live" attitude.  If I had snubbed or avoided my colleague, that would've been much more conspicuous.    --z

Zangari689 reads

re's a couple of really bad ideas being tossed around on this thread:  

 1.  When the waiter asked "Are you guys dating?", he was just making light "conversation".   In other words, feel free to ask any couple  "Are you guys fucking?" because that's the real question being asked here.   Only stupidly rude people would ask such a question.  The best case you can make for this waiter:  He spoke impulsively without thinking.  

 2.   A more pernicious idea:  Since the gentleman was 30 years older than his date, he somehow *deserves* this type of question.  Because the person posing the question has moral justification to do so, since he's closer to the age of the young woman.  "What business do you have with this young woman, old guy?"  Again, only stupidly rude people would think this way.  
  --z

And, the end of your second point, I agree it’s stupid, but moral judgment and prejudice are still out there where street smarts can work to advantage when in public and at business establishments.  

Some years back I was traveling with a friend through a small country town in mid-west. She was female but we were just friends and nothing more. She felt that we should present ourselves as a married couple when we check in to the local motel because the proprietors would frown upon us if we did not and who knows what kind of service we would have gotten. It felt awkward, but I went along with it. The proprietors were very friendly and accommodating.  

The thing is this, public business establishments are employed by people that you don’t know where they’re coming from, their religion, beliefs, emotional make-up, tolerances, biases and prejudices and all of society’s social mores and culture, etc. When the OP answered that she was his daughter, I can see that it was the best answer for the awkward moment, as he was not only fully aware of the age difference but put a stop to a possible dating bias from the waiter, who could go off and tell other wait staff spreading gossip etc, that would take away any “good vibes” and/or service on his lunch date. As in the OP’s previous reply, it worked out very well for him

Zangari1082 reads

Posted By: lghtmyfire
When the OP answered that she was his daughter, I can see that it was the best answer for the awkward moment, as he was not only fully aware of the age difference but put a stop to a possible dating bias from the waiter, who could go off and tell other wait staff spreading gossip etc --snip--
 My brother, you've got this situation completely upside down.  You're not there to please the waiter.  He's there to please you.  One shouldn't have to make up bizarre stories to appease the wait staff.  But occasionally you have to deal with rude people.    

 To say she's a "friend" is deliberately vague & open-ended. Translation:  I may fuck my 'friend' later, & it's none of your business.  

 To say she's your "daughter" is to completely surrender to this intrusion of your privacy and the imposition of some phony moral standard.  In fairness to the OP, he was under the pressure of the moment & didn't want to cause a scene.  

 When someone asks an intrusive question, like this waiter, it's sometimes best to reply:  "Why are you asking me this question?"   That will often put a rude questioner on the defensive.  While your waiter fumbled to answer your question, you can ask him to bring you a cup of coffee, just to remind him why he's there.  --z

Which has it attributes; why go through life being a phony? Point taken.  

Although, it is quite amusing about this moral compass on this board and all the assumptions expressed and perspectives put forth.

When you say:

 To say she's a "friend" is deliberately vague & open-ended. Translation:  I may fuck my 'friend' later, & it's none of your business.”    

I’m certain this statement is as clear as mud, there is no proof, evidence, rhyme or reason that everyone will view it the same, but nevertheless it is your opinion.

Defaulting to what the OP originally asked was for the overall good vibe; he did not say, “He was under the pressure of the moment & didn't want to cause a scene” by replying that she was his daughter (again, another assumption).  However, what he did worked for him, but may not work for others, as I’ve certainly read all the defenses on how to respond unfavorably towards the waiter. So what does that say about a good vibe?

Then, if you ask a question with a question, “Why do you ask” (that’s okay too), will it create a better vibe than what the OP stated?  

Hence, perhaps for some it seems it’s not worth it to go for the good vibe, after all and stay true to oneself; so back to point taken.  

As far as myself (where I stated earlier in the thread), I would say to the waiter that she is my friend; I would thank the waiter ( notice the OP referred to the waiter as “overly friendly,” which is certainly not rude or mean) and ask for the order. I still would feel I was true to myself (not a phony) and it was a good vibe. I wouldn’t concern myself with what the waiter thought.

I also would not slight the OP for his choice, as he had a great time with it.

 
Look in the scheme of things, it’s petty—no harm is done. But, think of those in a situation where they hobby behind a spouse, then get caught, which can lead to divorce, emotional and financial set-back. Think of how LE lies many times over to get what they’re after. It’s that moral compass. How do you unequivocally justify it

Zangari686 reads

Posted By: lghtmyfire
When you say:  
    To say she's a "friend" is deliberately vague & open-ended. Translation:  I may fuck my 'friend' later, & it's none of your business.”    I’m certain this statement is as clear as mud, there is no proof, evidence, rhyme or reason that everyone will view it the same, but nevertheless it is your opinion.  
 That's a tangled mess above--but it sounds like you're inadvertently restating my point.   Since my relationship status is none-of-your-business, I want the waiter to be *unsure*.  I'm not going to blurt out "She's my daughter!".  That's not funny--it's merely a cop out.  You're accepting the moral imposition placed upon you by that swinging dick of a waiter.   Again, to be fair: the OP was under the pressure of the moment.  But you're not.  
Posted By: lghtmyfire
 Defaulting to what the OP originally asked was for the overall good vibe --snip--
 
 That's not a good vibe; that's a weak vibe.  Go back & read your previous post: you were very concerned about what the waiter would think, & what your waiter would say to the rest of the wait staff.  Fuck them.  They're serving you, not the other way around.  My brother, when you send out that weak vibe, you betray yourself.  The waiter needs to worry about what you think.  --z

Okay, to be fair I was concerned with what the waiter would think through gossip, but applied it the OP’s situation where it can lead to the OP not only getting the best vibe with his date but also best service from the waiter. So what if OP said she was his daughter (and you stick to that “under pressure” explanation?) because that lead to great service and made it great fun for the OP. Also, it’s not like the waiter is going to disappear anyway, as he has a right to be there and check on customers because that is his job. (To repeat: My angle is that I would want little involvement from the waiter—and to be clear—I wouldn't care what he thought, but I would care if it affected the service. Then again I said that my date and I were friends, thanked the waiter—not making waves because it was unimportant—and hopefully he provided great service.)

As far as you resorting to poor language about the waiter’s lustful intentions, for all you know he could have been gay? (Again, you’re sticking with your assumption.)  

Another way to look at situational is the glass half empty or half full? So take your pick, but I’m sure any substance in the liquid gets murky with all those gray areas to challenge.  

Anyway, it looks like you and I are on different maps as we don’t see eye to eye and it has become a trifle argument. Going any further will be like sweating the small stuff; so I’ll end it by agreeing to disagree; I hope that works for you. (Fin.

Howdoyoulikemenow527 reads

I have been to dinners, lunches, activities, and all sorts of public places and events with escorts much younger than me. I have also done similar things with family members, friends, and colleagues, who were the opposite sex and different in age. I was never asked about our relationship status. However one time, a couple years ago, on a walk through a shopping mall to our car, after an OTC lunch with a retired provider who I was still friends with, we were asked. It was one of those kiosks in the mall where pushy sales people try to grab your attention. A hispanic gal with a strong accent tried to interest me in some jewelry for my "daughter," then she looked at my friend and asked "Your daddy?" while pointing at me. My friend said, "My sugar daddy! But we're late, we gotta go." Then she grabbed my hand and led me away. It was funny because prior to that we were just walking near each other and talking, but after making the sugar daddy comment, she held my hand for a few steps, then put her hand on my back and shoulder.

While with a escort. Still banging the waitress.

hotplants1127 reads

Keep in mind that, were it not the case that you happened to be out with a provider 30 yrs your junior and, you felt uncomfortable when asked......the question itself is benign.  

Waiters work for tips and, to personalize service it can be helpful to understand whether guests are husband/wife---father/daughter---or on a date.  

Waiter doesn't care one way or the other, as long as you tip well

It's intrusive and stupid.  No waiter with any sense should be asking about the personal relationships of the people he/she is serving.

hotplants1081 reads

If the OP had been with his daughter, or....anyone other than a provider much younger than him....the question would have gone unnoticed.

I would be surprised to have a waiter in a 5star restaurant come across with even a hint of a question that could, potentially, be interpreted as personally intrusive. But higher end restaurants require waitstaff to be very seasoned professionals to get the job in the first place.

In most restaurants, you need to have a pulse.

But even if the question was executed by a senseless waiter, in a mid-range joint,  in the most ridiculously idiotic way possible as to be truly personally intrusive.... a simple non answer is perfectly fine. There's no need for any 'processing' of how to handle this.  

"we're friends. I'll have the Prime Rib (cheeseburger?) still moving"

with companions for a similar reason.  I actually am close in age to many of the ladies I see, but I usually perceive a large discrepancy in attractiveness.  On my best day I'm probably a 5 and I often see a lady I would consider an 8 or higher.  As others have said, most people people don't notice or don't care who spends time together.  However, I would just rather avoid an awkward situation by spending my time with her and only her.  We probably could go out for dinner or drinks without so much as a hiccup, but there are some people out there that just can't let it go when they see something that is strange to them.

I have only been out in public with one lady in p4p.  It was the first date I ever booked actually.  Screening was difficult because I was new, so she asked if we could start with dinner.  The waitress didn't seem to care at all and she probably just assumed we were friends.  Maybe over time I will become more comfortable being out in public while spending time with companions.

Zangari1047 reads

Posted By: justintime2985
with companions for a similar reason.  I actually am close in age to many of the ladies I see, but I usually perceive a large discrepancy in attractiveness.  On my best day I'm probably a 5 and I often see a lady I would consider an 8 or higher.  
 Here's the good news: in both civvie romance & P4P, women aren't as superficial as men.   My guess is your modesty and honesty are attractive traits to a lot of women.   Just remember that you're not competing with her BF.  That's a battle that you (and me) will lose every time.  You're competing with other clients/SDs.  I'm reminded of that old joke of a hungry grizzly bear chasing two campers:  

 Camper #1:  Do you think we can outrun this grizzly?  

 Camper #2: I just need to outrun you.    

 --

They are obsessed with the appearance of the opposite sex, the one's I know are. The heartthrobs they obsess over are just fantasies, because the guys they are actually with are average looking.

Posted By: Zangari
 
   
Posted By: justintime2985
with companions for a similar reason.  I actually am close in age to many of the ladies I see, but I usually perceive a large discrepancy in attractiveness.  On my best day I'm probably a 5 and I often see a lady I would consider an 8 or higher.  
   
  Here's the good news: in both civvie romance & P4P, women aren't as superficial as men.   My guess is your modesty and honesty are attractive traits to a lot of women.   Just remember that you're not competing with her BF.  That's a battle that you (and me) will lose every time.  You're competing with other clients/SDs.  I'm reminded of that old joke of a hungry grizzly bear chasing two campers:  
   
  Camper #1:  Do you think we can outrun this grizzly?  
   
  Camper #2: I just need to outrun you.    
   
  --z  
 

I am pretty superficial when it comes to looks in a person.  No reason I should settle for something unattractive to look at, same as a guys shouldn't have to either in P4P or real life.

Zangari582 reads

Posted By: hbyist+truth=;(
I am pretty superficial when it comes to looks in a person.  No reason I should settle for something unattractive to look at, same as a guys shouldn't have to either in P4P or real life.
 Well, you definitely shouldn't have to settle for less in a BF.  But do you require all of your clients to be attractive?  In the sugar world, an SB will ask for photos and expect a dinner date before she decides to go any further.  Those preliminary steps seem rare between a provider and a client (with apologies to the OP).  Even when I pass the prelims and bed an SB,  I never allow myself the delusion that she's fucking me for pleasure.  It's still P4P.  

 I once read an SB forum, where one SB was giving advice to a new girl:  "Keep looking until you find a guy who you can actually imagine having sex with".  That rings true, and that's a lower bar than an SB's expectations in a boyfriend.  Money isn't mentioned here--the assumption is that you're choosing from guys with money.  To bed an SB, there's a bar I have to clear: higher than the other SDs but lower than her BF.  He gets it for free.  

  I'm willing to bet that your favorite client isn't your best looking client. I'm also willing to bet your favorite client isn't your wealthiest client.   Other factors come into play--intelligence, kindness, and trustworthiness.  Those qualities will often offset appearance & wealth, whether it's real life or P4P.   --

Do I require a good looking john to do my job...no. Part of what I am being paid for is to overlook that.  

Cleanliness, intelligence, kindness, and trustworthiness do make  for a very good client. I would also add gentleness and respect for my professional boundaries. His net worth is none of my business, all I care about is that he paid his fee.  

You have not mentioned whether I need to be or should be turned on at all by this intelligent, sweet and trustworthy man. I can absolutely appreciate the qualities mentioned, however to be turned on I have to have the physical that does it for me.  And I have very specific tastes that are not met in this realm. At least not thus far.

-- Modified on 4/19/2015 3:54:13 PM

…a stripper at a restaurant (wasn't planning on it that night but that’s how it turned out). She nonchalantly tells the bartender that she’s a stripper and met me at the club she works at down the street. Talk about being discreet.

"Just two people who enjoy dining together" With a big, happy smile.

I am not much of a fan of restaurant staff who fancy themselves my buddies - I am there to enjoy the food and the company of my dining companion(s), not make new friends. So I generally try to make it clear that my focus is on the table, not the waiter, as soon as that seems to be happening. Just respond a little slowly, ignore him for a bit, then start like "Oh, are you here?" when he comes by, so it is clear he is interrupting. Be very polite, but short, and as soon as whatever is being addressed is done, turn back to the table. You can even ask to be left alone for a bit "to relax."

Unless he is a complete jack ass, he will get it and deal with it. After all, he wants a good tip, and the whole friendly thing is just a schtick that he thinks will work to that end.

zig

sooo many places.......................

  That was not cool for them to ask that. I am guessing they knew it was a hooker and a john and were hatin on you guys for some bizarre short coming in thier own character or lives. Which I believe, anytime some one is judgmental or try to make people feel bad or on the spot or anything, To me it shows they are either jealous or just unhappy in thier own life or character for some reason,

  I am guessing they said this to be rude because they simply out knew it was a hooker and a john and something is lacking in thier own life or person that makes them feel better if they judge or act mean to other people.

 
             I have  NEVER in my life has a waiter OR waitress ask what the status is of a person i am dining with, And the last say 100 times I dined out or so, it was with a john too. Never had any waiter or waitress ask me what the status of our relation is.

 
                         That is a tough one and I have no idea how you would handle it.  

reminds me of leaving an outcall in chelsea at some hotel while back. Again i suspect the front desk guy knew what i was there doing and so he felt it is ok to be mean  and hurtful.

I was wearing these like ugg imposter boots with fake fur, I was only gettin in and out a godam cab, wasnt walkin any godam place.  

this really overweight front desk boy and a female there with him workin as well. He is laughing and says "hey Nice slippers."

 
and i say thanks!

but then i realize he is like just bein an ass, he works here and shouldnt be makin comments to guests like that.

 

 

 
             he said it in a way like laughin at me with the girl wasnt in a lets laugh together way......................

                          I really think the waiter like knew it was a hooker n a john, and it sparked some desire to build one self up in thier small minded low self esteem world they live in.

 
I guess ignoring them and trying to be graceful and and shake it off wouldve been the best way.

 
I never asked my guests at my tables what thier marital or social status is, thats not ok.

getting a glass water on each guests place setting asap minute they sit down, then telling them the specials is really all thier concern should be.  

asking if the couple seated thier is father n daughter, dating, business, thats whack.  

as a former waitress whom always got tipped well and excelled at that job if i dont mind to toot my own horn,,, if i may.

 
I never would ask patrons of a restauraunt i was employed by what the exact nature of thier status is whilst on a dinner outting, no way is that cool.

they knew it was a hooker and a john and were those bratty catty types that like to look down noses at folks, They are everywhere. you cant avoid em,  

you could play this song for them that would work............................

 

the people who think thier shit dont stank, well you know what , lean a little closer and you l see roses really smell like poo!

 
its the ones that are better than every one else and thier shit dont stank, they actually are usually the worst! you coulda played this outkast song for them, thier is NO way that was a polite conversation starter on thier part.

 
and lastly , you gotta take care like 4-5 tables in your area at your shift at a restauraunt, You really dont need to be askin for the low down on the occasion, and let me guess they hadnt even takin the drink order. yet they wanna like ask all these questions, They are clearly in the wrong field miserable with thier life, have no clue how to freakin wait tables like at all, and they proberly arent makin any tips cuz they suck at it so bad, and some how you 2 poor souls have to catch the brunt of it that day! because they are miserable.

 
I am usually kinda anal about gettin my drink order in and usually thirsty upon my arrival at a restauraunt , I honestly wouldve politely said um can we chat after we get the drink orders placed so thirsty!

 
I will take a sparklin water with lime! thanks doll!

 
I was always anal retentive about service when i waited tables so when i enter an establishment that is all slow and laxadazical about getting the customers a beverage like asap.  

 
         I get annoyed. I dont wanna chat i am here cuz i am hungry n thirsty, if i wanna rap it uo with the waiter/waitress I will but dam . Some businesses dont train thier employess properly, it is to me wicked annoying!

 

a place setting and glasses of water. asap. That is all that shouldbe on your brain when your seated a new table of guests. A huge smile and friendly welcoming attitude is nice, too.

 
alot people these days i notice have no clue how to wait tables or have one iota of training in food service

that waiter was lookin down his dam nose at you all.  
well suprise surprise, as it turns out when you lean a little closer, roses really smell like poo!

 

                            i definetly wouldve just moved directly into my drink order . I am ALWAYS ridiculously thirsty and usually when i sit down thats all i am carin about some refreshing seltzer water stack@!

i wouldve let em know thier place just by placin a drink order in a polite tone of course..i wouldve been annoyed though!

  The worst is if they cant get the drink out to the customer before the food.  

your finally gettin served the drink order at same time the food comes out, That is the epitomy of ghetto fabulous waitstaff, that is like lazy and incompetent.

but it depends, an upscale restauraunt is gonna train its employess some form of order things are expected to be done in, some places are just low end and may not have had any fine dining experience. or maybe they onkly worked at mcdonalds even worse.

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