I often wonder about this as I don't think it's relevant. Does knowing my real name make our time together any different than it would be just knowing the name on the ad? Do you feel that it will provide a different connection?? I think it's invasive. I certainly don't suggest "why don't you seek a marriage counselor instead of seeing me"? That would be rude. I'm not intrusive. Why is it important to know a provider's real name??
Also, for me, I use different names on ads to assist with deciding what sites I will advertise on. Most guys don't remember sites(I know this from asking). Therefore, having a different name has nothing to do with being sly or sneaky. Why would someone even gleam that explanation? What's in a name??? Aren't you more interested in the pics that you see and then deciding, based on the provider, if you want to spend time with her? If her name was Scooby Doo, why would that make a difference?
One short answer is I travel with my ATF and I book her tickets. When we get to the security check point and she has Scooby Doo on the airline ticket but not on her photo ID, they won't be taking her to the dog pound (lol)
Actually my atf and one other provider are the only ones whose names I have known. The second one wanted me to help her with something and gave me her real name matter of factly so I could get what she wanted done.
That providers really like us and we are being generous in helping them out with their living expenses. It is a fantasy that many of us hold. The even bigger fantasy is for it to be OK with the wife. That everyone else could know what worldly, wealthy, studly guys we are able to raise a family and also please young good looking sexy independent women.
How any of this is related to whether or not you know our real name or don't know our real name.
First of all, I'm not sure that I'm here to make it be ok with you that you have made the choice to see a lady... it's your choice, you should deal with that end of things.
Second... it is what it is... why try to make it into something it's not? Seems to me that that's when all the problems, craziness, and drama crop up.
Personally, I love doing this BECAUSE it is what it is!!! Why can't you? I mean really, if you're looking for something else (some perverse passive-aggressive type relationship?) why not just find it? I'm sure that you could!
I could never be so dishonest or manipulative to try to lead someone to believe that he's just "helping me out," in return for what I give him. I've COUNSELED men who've had women do that to them and been tossed to the side when convenient. I am *honest* in what I do, I do not act and do not need to.
Yikes!
Tamara
-- Modified on 10/24/2003 4:31:31 PM
I feel that it makes the session more personal and provides a different connection. You can always give another fake name if you so choose, how are we to really know ... my .02
I agree, but, I wouldn't be interested in a lady's real name unless that desire for a "different connection" was mutual (ie. if I thought some time off-the clock were a possibility)
Perhaps some men just want to feel "special" and knowing a real name makes it "appear" less business orientated and more personal.
A "stage" name as it were is less human even if it is a typical name like Rebecca, Susan, Barbara, etc etc. When I know the ladies real name I feel I'm being intimate with a person and not a ficticious business entity.
I have never pressured a lady for her real identity. Their anonymity and privacy is their right. The ones however who volunteer that info or simply go by their real name I tend to feel just that much more comfortable with.
Just my .02
FR.
Who is it that thinks of us as "things" again? I can assure you that we do not think of ourselves as a "THING" because we use a stage name, and our perception of that doesn't change if you happen to find out our real name.
So what you're saying here is that you feel more comfortable with ladies who have no privacy from their clients, and who bring their own private lives with them into the session.....
OK!
Tamara
I completly agree with Freedom Rider. This transaction is impersonal enough in many ways. The thought that a woman would think "This one is nice enough that I can at least tell him my real name" is something that can make the event seem less like a "transaction" to a guy than just having hot sex and then saying "See ya!". Any experienced hobbyist knows that he is seldom thought of (if at all) by most providers once they leave him. As such, telling someone your real name is about the only acknowledgement that many guys get that they are considered nice or deserving of some personal acknowledgement past a woman just saying they are (which is like saying "Yes, I came"...you never really know if it is true or not).
I have a hard time believing that exposing your surname to someone gives a provider "no privacy from their clients", or brings their personal life into the session. It isn't like we are saying "Fill out these personal history forms".
Just because we ask "Is that your real name?", it doesn't mean we are wanting to know everything about you.
There are several reasons why the guy would like to know your name.
Security - This is just like you. Since you asked his name and insisted on verifying it so you would be able to bust him if he broke bad, he feels the same way. If he knows your real name then if you try to get mouthy and harm his life, he can get even with you.
Intimacy - One always feels a tiny bit closer to people if you know their name. Most humans prize intimacy.
Some shifty girls with evil reputations change their names so that the marks can't associate them with their old and nasty deeds.
These do not seem to be very complex concepts. May I suggest that you are a bit self absorbed?
That's ridiculous Ironman, to suggest I'm self-absorbed just because I choose not to reveal my name and how would you know it's my real name anyway?? Exactly. So, therefore, you can hope that I would provide it for whatever your personal reasons are, but those reasons may not gleam the results I may desire. Sorry, but the truth of the matter is, you see me not to help me out with any expenses(as many men want to believe or are led to believe)---finding a job is easy if you're smart and are marketable-spending time with you or someone else only adds to that marketability which increases my portfolio and quenches my desires--, but you see me for your own carnal desires with a possible connection that we may see each other regularly. If so, then I would consider providing my name. However, if your intentions, as with many guys who hobby, you see several different girls. Must you know all of their names too?
as it is an indication of their comfort level with me. However, I do think that they have to be careful with that as some guys could become obsessive about a lady.
I feel the same way. I have never asked a lady for her real name, but have had 7 ladies tell me their names. To me it makes it more personal and does show a higher level of comfort. I think at times ladies do tell us their names on accident while they are talking to us about stuff.
I take it as a compliment that they feel that comfortable with me. Even if it's not thier real name the illusion of trust is nice too..LOL
some reasons, even though I didn't not set out to verify that, somehow I do know that the names I was given are the real ones. (As I got to know them better, it was not hard to derive small facts into a bigger picture)
The zillions of ladies who've told you their real names, probably tell everyone, or at least MANY. I know lots who do... or, they told one person who ran around running his or her mouth and telling everyone so that it no longer matters, so NOW they tell everyone.
When I first started and no one knew me, I had clients telling me the real names of popular DC escorts... a form of "name dropping" if you will. Kinda like, "Look how important *I* am, I know so and so's real name." I'm not impressed even remotely!
This is an ironic thread since I confronted this issue today again, and I have to tell you honestly that I HATE this question. Asking me this is, IMO, a FAUX PAS.
The gent I saw was telling me how he'd been searching for someone he could see regularly, etc, etc, and how he was enjoying me so much, etc etc, but he had a VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION for me. "What is your real name?" He asked. Now this is the first time I've seen him. I say "My real name is Tamara. Does it matter???" He says "Well so and so told me her real name!" BTW, he'd told me earlier he'd seen so and so TWICE... so, how comfy was she with him exactly??? Do you think it was tough to get it out of her? Like some big private top secret that he was privilidged to know? Please... it's a weapon some women use to make you FEEL like you are priviledged. I could say my real name is anything I want it to be... how would you know anyways???
I like clarity in my life and being Tamara helps me with that. That's really all it is. Also, Tamara really IS my real name as it is a name I chose for myself based on its meaning, so it has personal meaning for me. The fact that I let you into a private room or residence alone with me should be indication that I have bestowed you with at least some level of trust. You should not be pushing me to go beyond the boundaries of the relationship we have. I am not in this looking for a boyfriend.
Sincerely,
Tamara
"remember my name, you'll be screaming it later"
I love that.. That has to be one of the most entertaining and honest statements I heard in a long time! Names do not matter , a persons conduct and actions is all that matters. She can call herself suzie big butt,I'm still gonna have as much fun as if I was with sadie big butt.LOL only an example. names are usless without personality. A womans personality is her.. nomatter what she calls herself!!!
-- Modified on 10/24/2003 7:44:17 PM
This is strictly and "ego-issue" with the guys and intelligent ladies will keep their real names secret if they wish to remain safe and have any hope of a private life outside the business. Plus, how would you know if the name she told you was real was truly real or just another one she made up? Are you going to ask for ID? Give it a break guys - this is a hobby and we are in it for the fun.
Thanks, A Spectator. It seems as though you are one of the few gentlemen here who has answered this question in the most sincere and sensible way. You're right. Who wouldn't feel comfortable with providing a real name if it's left up to the provider and not demanded or she be made to feel that her session was not everything desired because she didn't provide a real name to satisfy this guy? That's totally insecure, petty and an immature reason. While you're at it, why not provide providers with your home address, wife's name and kid's schools? Since we're being so open and we'll seem "less businesslike"--Pleeeze!
I have never asked for a ladies real first name. Sometimes they tell me and then it only gets confusing as to what name they want to be called by. In most cases I find the stage name a greater reflection of the person I know than the real name. But what's in a name? In one case I call her by both names ie. Peggy Sue. As previously stated,if you are purchasing an airine ticket for someone you must (particularly in todays state of secuurity) have their real name. Unless they haave a valid ID in their stage name. In my case, I continue to use my stage name instead of real name even after verification as one syllable is easier than four.
And, yes, a few have asked me my real name. Who cares? It's not that exciting. I don't even like it, and it doesn't really suit me all that well. I RARELY hear my own name, and almost no one uses it. Even the providers here who know my name, call me Sedona.
As far as intimacy - sure - if I saw you every week, or every single month for an extended time.
But, even then, I've had clients who just HAD to know and to stop them from bugging me about it, I told them, and then they were deflated, as if the thrill they thought they'd get just wasn't there.
See? No big deal. They should've just left it alone.
The name itself does not matter. It is only important (to me) as an outward sign that I have earned her trust to some level. And as such, it should be her initiative, not mine to ask for.
I would never pressure a girl to reveal her real name. But on a couple of occasions now, the girls have chosen (on their own initiative) to share it. And you know what? I liked it, for some reason, just as I liked it when one told me, "If this were real life, I would date you."
When illusion is peeled back, we infer that it reveals reality. In fact, it may be just another level of illusion, and we don't have any way of knowing the truth. But I think the whole point of GFE is the fantasy that it's real -- that you're making love to a girlfiend, not "being serviced" by an actress or a machine.
I guess what I'm saying, is that revealing a name behind the obvious stage name, is something that fits in with the GFE fantasy. If you don't want to tell your real name (which I perfectly understand), then I might suggest that you should lie instead of refuse.
As long as you answer to what you're going by it's real enough for me. At my last encounter, as I enter the room the young lady says "Hi I'm XXXXXX" and I was stunned a little second because I went to see XXXX. In a split second I'm wondering bait & switch? She sensed this and said she had mistakenly given her real name. Now you're wondering if it still was a B & S and I got fooled? No it wasn't because there had been a review on her and she looked exactly like the reviewer had written.
Speaking from a California board perspective, there are tons of threads (Spectator often being the primary poster) where research shows an agency will have the same girl's picture with multiple different names--a red flag for possible rip-off agency.
ALso, if you are trying to build a quality name, you need to focus on one main name to build your reputation. FOr example, there is just one Morgan Ashley in LA (a highly regarded lady)and she wouldn't advertise as "Bambi" on CityVibe--she would advertise as Morgan Ashley to take advantage of her excellent reputation.
I understand your interest in the advertising source. If you notice, though, when guys write to you from your Eros or Exotics sites, the email subject is "Your Eros guide" or "Your Exotics Guide", so that's an easy way to tell the advertising source.
Plus, my webmaster does a monthly statistics print-out showing where the hits on my site originate from--in my case, it's about 50% TER, 40% Eros, and 10% other places like CityVibe, etc. Maybe you could ask your web guy to help you with that.
Lastly, I do agree with you about keeping your real name to myself. I don't give my real name out to anyone, although men often ask for it. But my privacy is very important to me since my family and friends don't know what I do.
Oftentimes, the lady comes up with a more exciting stage name.
I have had 3 providers volunteer their real name to me. I never ask.
However, if you think about, providers know our real name for security.
First of all I've never asked a gal for her name, although a great many of them have taken it upon themselves to offer it. I kinda like that, I suppose on a couple of levels. But one thing I never do with that information is to pass it on to someone else. If a lady advertises as Jane Doe, that's the name I will always use for her in any discussions with others...whether male or female.
As for a gal using different names for advertising of different sites, I certainly won't debate your reasons for doing so. But I will say that there are probably many guys (myself included) who aren't comfortable with it. While there are undoubtedly gals who aren't trying to be "sly or sneaky" there are certainly others who have "other" motives in doing so. Could be I'm missing out, but if I have that knowledge I'll take a pass & move on.
Just my .02
I agree 100% with what greywolf said.
sham
EOM
Me too! Who cares ? The whole thing is silly. Guys you're too hung up on it. And some of the ladies are much too paranoid about it. If you trust each other it's only natural that you will know eventually.
Many providers ask for hobbiest first names, last names, employment and telephone numbers.
Is it too much to reciprocate after meeting up and becoming intimate if a client asks for a first name?
Just seems like common courtesy.
I would have to agree with gentledude,
I go to see a provider and I have to provide some very
private and personal information to her so that she can feel
safe that I am not LE, well how about my safety?
How am I supposed to feel safe about the encounter when I
know nothing about this person that I am handing over my hard
earned $$$ to and how about the compromising postion that I
have put myself into! there are many married clients who see
providers and they have to furnish info to the providers
so what is so wrong about someone asking what your real first
name is? all one has to do is look at the flip of the coin.
she will bump into someone with a stalker mentality or obsessed about her. It is much hard to do without a person's real name.
Just my 2 cents.
I think most everyone agrees that safety of the lady is paramount. You guys see our pictures and reviews, know we're not LE, and have a pretty good idea of what is going to happen behind closed doors.
Since we know nothing about you, the client, we need to know some basic information for verification and for our safety (against LE and violent or rough clients).
So, I don't think there needs to be an even exchange of personal information on both sides, meaning I think it's "fair" that I know more personal ID about a guy than he knows about me.
Furthermore, in my own experience, plus talking with many ladies in the business, some guys get very obsessive and may be potential stalkers or hassle us. I can't express enough the worry and fear that bringss.
We have to protect ourselves from that, and I sincerely hope you gentlemen understand that.
So, just sit back, enjoy my stage name (which I love) and enjoy the very real and intimate part of myself I give to you during our sessions together. My real name MUST stay secure and private from the vast majority of clients.
I am always touched when an SP volunteers her name or private contact info. My ATF told me her name after telling me I was her favorite client (upon completing her orgasm); I then confided she is my favorite too(I did not say "all time" since I am not sure about that). Mutually using our names heightens the lovemaking (it sure seems like more than sex these days), and makes things easier when we occasionally go out together in the real world (I have met her friends who do not know about her profession,and she trusts me to reveal nothing). I really enjoy these forays, but the sexual fantasy side of the relationship (pushing the limits of the deed)has begun to wane (just as with a real GF). It may be time to cool off the intimate side or move on.