Probably better answered by the Mrs. but she has many other responsibilities.

In a nutshell; Society,as a whole, is incredibly involved in a theology based on satisfying ones own needs. There's plainly too much SELF in the world. There are very few team players. Men tend to marry for sex and when that levels off they cry foul. Many women marry simply to use the marriage as a springboard for their own career goals. Those within these two categories bail out quickly. There are other smaller factors that create failure within a marriage but 'self' seems to be the greatest.



Thank you for your support.  lol

Man is not granted the authority to put assunder what is joined by G. Now i won't elaborate because we'd get bannished to another board. The strength of a nation is directly relative to the strength of its 'family' structure. I'm an ultra-conservative so you, or anyone else, will never convict me of post-modernism being an option. Actually post-modernism validates my point here.

Some people just should not be married, and I think I am one of them.  I was only married for about five years, but I can remember the exact moment it was over.

My wife and I were having a polite conversation about "Just stuff" and she made a casual reference to what we would be doing in twenty years. All of a sudden it came rushing in on me, she truly expected us to be together for the next twenty, thirty, forty fucking years, in that moment I didn't want to be with her another twenty minutes, much less twenty years.

Rather that become a lying, cheating, miserable person, I got out of that marriage as fast as I could, and could not be happier with the outcome. As they say "The reason divorce is so expensive, is that it's worth it" lol

I am not going to berate all the guys who are suffering through bad marriages for whatever reason they choose tell themselves, I can only speak for myself, and the decision to get divorced is the best one I ever made. I actually feel sorry for many of the guys on this board who are miserable and have to sneak around to get laid, but it's their choice. I am sure their reasons to endure a bad marriage sound quite sound to them, but a common theme you will hear from these guys once they finally get free is "why didn't I do this sooner?"

LM since you put up with it for thirty years, don't you wish you had ended it sooner?

Before we were married my wife would wonder out loud how  girls could let themselves get fat.
 
She was an easy ten when we were married , a lady in public and nympho in bed.

Five years later she was ten pounds overweight.

After children another twenty pounds.

The down side, she adored me and still a sex maniac.

I gave her half of everything so I wouldn't have to fuck her anymore.

I might be shallow but much more comfortable opening my eyes during sex.

This is probably going to be a tuff one to answer, since their may not be an answer
Why do LTR always seem destined to fail!
To my fellow hobbiest out there, if you were married, ( 30 yrs for me ) what caused it to fail?
Just would like to have some input to see if their is a common thread here as to why LTR fail.
As for me, don't laugh, it's true, I couldn't stand the mental abuse and the total lack of appreciation that i was recieving.
Would also like to hear the ladies side of the story also!
                                                                                                                            thanks.

It's also true that people change, people get bored, men are pigs and want some "strange," women go through menopause, etc., etc.  That was all OK when society frowned on divorce.  Now that divorce is OK and society is permissive in other ways, it's just too much for the old institution to take.  Which is exactly why gay marriage should be fine with anyone.  Hell, it's an outmoded institution anyway.

"Too much self in the world"
Good answer!

I did end it sooner, but remarried her!!!  (wanted to be there 4 my kids)
I know one thing for sure, my mental health is a hell of alot better being single!
Ya know, i actually think my x is happier.
She no longer has kids ( which we raised since we were 17 ) or me to deal with.
So, Amen to the single life!!!!

"didn't want to be married another 20 minutes" lmao.  You do have a way with words!!!

Good verse OSP.
I believe what you are saying about "family structure and strenght of a nation"
I kept my family together long enough for my kids to become," the strenght of our nation "
They are all married and doing well. ( they all look above for their strenght )
Only time will tell though, but if i had to bet, their marriages will last the test of time.

It's also not the historic norm for humans to be married for decades and in love, despite whatever shinola conservatives who have blinders on about human history would like to sell you.

You're being sold a bill of goods if you think that you're some failure, because you haven't had 50 years of blissful marriage complete with 2.4 children and a house with a white picket fence.

http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-History-Obedience-Intimacy-Conquered/dp/067003407X

http://www.amazon.com/Way-We-Never-Were-Nostalgia/dp/0465090974/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_2

You're just kind of... normal.

G_D, could very well be the answer, but as was in my case, the person who declared that, i love G_D,
on one hand, turns around and treats me like shit on the other. That being the case, i feel
justified for leaving!!  Morally, wrong or right ?? At this point i don't care, all i know is, i can spend my remaining years, in relative peace. I think that is what G_D had intended for all of us!

                                                                                                 signed,
                                                                                                    billygrahamssmarterbrother. lol

She was having an affair. Well according to her old boss she had multiple affairs before I found out.

She wanted the security of being in a marriage and the "excitement" and freedom of being single.

I took care of the bills and was a loving husband and father. I never cheated on her once.

Once I found out I gave her over a month to mend her ways in order to save our 10+ year marriage.
She decided to run off with her dirtbag boyfriend (oh and yes my PI found out what a true dirtbag he was!)

He lasted all of 6 months and when her money started to run out he left her too.

Luckily for me she continued to spiral out of control and I ended up with full custody of our 3 children and was able to keep the house. Since I was able to prove infidelity on her part, I didn't have to pay her a cent in alimony.

Since the kids live with me, I don't pay child support. I just had to pay off her portion of the house.

Now here I am a single father of 3. Try entering the dating scene with 3 kids in tow (i.e. baggage), it sucks.

I love my children, but I miss the comforts of a woman so here I am.

Wow, sorry to hear that!
Guess it isn't, always are fault, is it !
Will u try another LTR?

Sure to get lot os psycho babble.

I don't fucking know but a conjecture of mine is world has evolved lot people love longer, their needs change over time, and we still hang to the 200 year old belief system.

I think, people should focus on the stability marriage brings into life rather than monogamy, over the long term. Would be interested in finding out how many couples stay in marriage for kids sake, afraid to leave because they are scared of lonliness and don't have the confidence and social skills to go and mingle, etc.

Not only do I not believe in god, I don't believe much in the institution of marriage.  Nor do I believe the "strength of a nation" depends on it either.  My view is that, if this were true, we'd be in even more trouble as a country than we are now, given a 50% divorce rate for decades.  And the reasons we're in trouble have nothing to do with the family structure.  I don't doubt you'll disagree.  Besides, whatever your personal family situation may be, I'd say the vast majority of people on this site (not necessarily including you) are in a poor position to be a spokesman for the family.

There are many, many men and women who lack self confidence and social skills so when they find someone that would tolerate them, they marry and when one leaves; the other turns violent, sometimes murder.

Indeed, society has lot to do. Many would not go to many functions alone, I have had my share of Office Christmas party, weddings and what not, I have been date to many whom I had no interest in dating whatsoever. Most men and women have to have a girl friend or boy friend and out of desperation to find someone, the end up with wrong ones.

All that said, OP's orginal question is why LTR fall apart? I believe, it is because human beings in civilized countries have evolved, their needs evolve over time but, the society demands humans adhere to 200 year old customs. Call it what you want, theology, relgion, fucked up social mores, whatever.

I have spent several years asking couples who have been married 25 plus years the same question.... Their answear is always similar..

1. when you get married you are in.. Out is never an option..( not sure I like that one)
2.. They picked the right partner and did not settle for less...

I think all too often when things get hard we get lazy. we seldom compromise and
tend to want the results quick and easy..

I am sorry for your loss. no one deserves to be abused...
I do belive we all tend to take things/people for granted and expecting appreciation is a hard task
I am certain you took many things for granted with her.. ( you may not think so but I bet she does)

Marriage(LTRs) are hard work,, everyday!!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing worthwhile will ever last unless intelligent energy is applied to it's restoration and maintenance, and that is doubly true with relaationships.

I also want to point out that the failure of a relationship is not necessarily a tragedy.

I worked on my marriage quite a bit until it seemed that it was destined to fail, hobby or not.  The dissolution had a lot of pain but opened the door to me for a wonderful new relationship.

Sometimes demolition over restoration is the right answer.

How many guy surprise there wife with small token of gratitude like flowers like they did when dating? Or for that matter go out on weekly dates just him and his wife to do something fun without the kids, work and all the other things that demand our time? How many married couples just sit and talk on a daily bases? Ladies take the time to dress up for there man? My observation is not very many. I honestly think most people take there SO for granted. I have been guilty of this in the past, myself. I have not always been the husband I should be in this area, but I try.

The other big killer in my opinion is dishonesty. I have not always been honest with my wife and those lies have hurt her. Same thing when she has lied to me in the past. Twice my marriage almost ended because one of use was hiding something. I really believe honesty is a key, even if I screw up in this area from time to time. Thank God for friends that force my hand from time to time.

The last big thing is one or both hold on to things. Both me and my wife has done things that hurt the other, if we held onto them it would doom are marriage. Everyone screws up in a relationship, what is important is how we deal with those screw ups.

A little over a year ago I honestly thought my marriage was doomed, but now things are better because we are both working on it. Am I a perfect husband? Not even close, but I am becoming a better one. Is my wife the perfect wife? No, but she is trying and that counts for much. I honestly think most relationships have as OSP put it to much "self" in them and not enough putting the other first. I know I have been guilty of this myself.

But then again what do I know? I have has my marital issues, I am no expert. I am just a guy trying to make it work the only way I no how to do thing through work.

"Oprah started all this shit, Fat Bitch"  omg, that's too funny!!   where do u come up with such things!!!

Sometimes when only one is putting the effort in over a long period of time, it is to end the relationship. Not every relationship is worth saving as it is one sided or it was based on something superficial and temporary. Failure of a relationship is not necessarily a tragedy, and some times necessary, even if it hurts.

Time is the only thing that we can never make more of.

I'm so glad that it was my ex who did the deed to leave me and open the door to greater love for me with another.

As the imortal Bard said:  "...parting is sweet sorrow."

Well I just feel that I am doing what any dad should do, take care of his kids.

I know a few dads that I feel do a much better job than me.

Most of the time I'm pretty tired truth be told.

And I have to blame myself for my predicament as I didn't get to know my ex-wife as well as I should have. Too much thinking with my little head.

We're taught by society that we should have One True Love and that we are supposed to stick with this person our whole lives, "for better or for worse". I'm not so sure we're meant for one person our whole lives, and even the few for who it does work I think are the exceptions rather than the norm. For those who stay for decades, I think part of it might stem from simply being comfortable and familiar with the other person. Change is scary, especially after so long. Even people in highly abusive situations are scared to change. Even though they are abused, they at least know what to expect with the relationship, even though it might not be healthy for them, it's familiar. When people get TOO comfortable with another person they often stop really trying, assuming the other person will always be there since they always have. If one or both people are not putting in enough effort into the relationship, that's not a really good sign. Change can be good, and if it requires moving on, so be it.

Relationships take work, a lot of work. Just being in love isn't enough. It doesn't just take work every now and then. It takes work constantly, constantly making effort, constantly compromising. If one or both gets to a point where they start slacking off, communication can help bring it back to where it's supposed to be, but once it's there, neither can just slack off again. It has to be constant, and it has to be for the duration of the relationship.

I don't believe in "staying in it for the children" either. Kids aren't as dumb as most people think. They know when two people in a relationship aren't happy and I think that the people who "do it for the kids" are often deluding themselves because they fear the changes and upset to their own lives that it would take to move on. I can see some instances where it makes sense to stay for the kids, but on the whole, I think it's usually a flimsy excuse. As a child, I would rather have been in a divorced family situation than in a situation where my parents were only pretending to be in love, especially if they were often fighting or just projected an aura of not really caring for one another.

The idea of marrying for love is a fairly new concept as far as history goes. It used to be that people married for financial reasons, and then (hopefully) grew to love one another. Marrying for love makes Hollywood (and many other industries) a hell of a lot of money. It also provides unrealistic expectations for humans, especially women (and many men, who long for their "soulmates", the people they are "supposed" to be with).

I don't think God has anything to do with it.