Most of the discussions on TER -- and the people taking part in them -- are interesting. But you are right that we're in one little sub-set of this strange world and we don't represent the rest of it.
first of all, i'm brand new to this lifestyle, so forgive me if i don't use/understand all the acronyms. also, this might be a tad long but it'll help you understand my question.
i met a cute, young girl about a year ago. she was selling door-to-door in the dead of winter, and my hospitality (inviting her inside to warm up) apparently impressed her enough to give me her number. we had dinner the next day. now understand, i've "dated" 2 exotic dancers in the past, so when this girl showed up wearing a very revealing top, followed by being very open about her life, i had my suspicions immediately. we continued seeing each other sporadically for the next 6 months or so. then after a 2-month disappearance, she contacted me and we've continued to stay in touch ever since.
i'll fast forward through all the crazy details about her but needless to say, i found out that she was a provider on and off throughout the last several years. she had a child and said thats why she wants to get away from the biz (hence taking jobs like door to door or whatever). however, she keeps goin right back to it. during our "friendship", i've met a couple other providers - through her. they all say the exact same thing: "i don't love doing this", "i wish i could get a real job", "i wanna be married someday", etc... so what's the truth for the average provider? everybody's different but of those of you who've grown "close" to your provider, has this subject ever been brought up? have providers retired to be with a client?
Everyone is different - and how we provide and why we provide is individual. I am a "older/mature" woman, new to providing. I have been married, I have kids, and I have a "regular" daytime job. I have no desire to get married again, or quit my daytime job, I love my career and what I do in my civvie life. I provide for the sheer pleasure of it. Yours AND Mine.
The women you mention sound younger and in need of a mentor to help them accomplish what will really make them happy. Or maybe they think that's what you want to hear? That they want to leave the business...hoping you will offer them a way out?!?
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I am close to several providers, even married to one, and many feel the same way the ladies you know do and hate providing but can't get away from it. I know of others who love this lifestyle and have no plans of leaving it. I know of some others that fall in the middle somewhere. There is no such thing as an "average" provider.
Yes I know of providers that retired to be with a client. It is rare that such a relationship survives the transition but it does happen. Just don't plan on it happening to you as many providers would never date a client of theirs.
Yes I have talked to providers about such things but never one I have seen professionally. Such conversations unless started by the lady are inappropriate,
...there are two providers I've been with in the past couple of months whose husband is a former client in his 60s. I've been with another five or so girls during the same time period and don't know anything about their domestic situation (two others said they are married with kids). So it's possible there are more like this. Still, even two out of seven is a significant percentage, though the sample is too small to draw a firm conclusion.
For the most part these are women using escorting as a means to an end often paying for school and single parenthood at the same time. They do understand the necessity of completing their education or finding a husband, which ever comes first I have come to think. Many of these women started as dancers/models you get the drift. Easy money but now they are 30+ or - and reality has arrived.
They are very appreciative of someone who treats them well and as a friend not a one hour date. They are alone in the world in many cases with no real support system in place. Their family may or may not know how they make ends meet.
For these women, the economy is their bitter enemy..as new girls show up weekly into a buyers market causing discount shopping on sites like BP. They strive for stability and regulars and wonder where next to tour.
I have come to understand a little about their situation and have great respect for those who despite all, carry out their function with a high degree of class and professionalism. In many cases, Im genuinely flattered and happy they think of me as a friend they can discuss their lifes' options with. I hope there is a better world for all them soon. At least it will be said they did the best they could in a bad situation.
I have what might be called an excellent job:
Fairly high pay, office work, managing people, good status, good perks...
Yet, I find myself wishing I could chuck it all because of the BS and headaches it causes.
If some rich gal came along and said, "just be my love slave and I'll treat you to a life of luxury.", I'd be gone in a heartbeat.
So, why are we so surprised whenever an escort says the same, and use this to denigrate her honorable profession when we don't apply the same yardstick to all professions or jobs?
Life is mostly hard work. Be thankful for the brief blessings of joy that we get.
I've been trying to get this point across - that life and jobs have parts that we don't like - to a couple of (normally) intelligent friends. Nice to see this on here, too!
Pretty much all of life gets to be a grind sometime, you wake up not very excited, get through the day looking forward to it ending, but then realize there actually is nothing more exciting going on at the end of the day.
It is an attitude - either find the joy in what you do, or focus on how it sucks. Not saying the hobby does not have its unique challenges and is unpleasant and dangerous in many ways, but it also surely has its pleasures and rewards, no?
As for the providers confiding in you how they feel about the job - I would take that with a grain of salt. There are lots of potential benefits to taking that position. Certainly a good line to use with clients, and a good performer has to get into her role.
Zig
I don't mean it's an inappropriate question, but you have a skewed population/sample here. The ladies that are here regularly are "more LIKELY" (IMO) to be of the ilk that they enjoy providing "for their own reasons". Meaning, they may or may not enjoy the actual providing, but at least enjoy what it affords them.
Yes, we occasionally have a lady here that doesn't appear to think much of clients, etc, but they are generally not very verbal here. I think you would have to poll all the ladies on (now defunct) CL, BP, etc to get a better statistical population sample.
Most of the discussions on TER -- and the people taking part in them -- are interesting. But you are right that we're in one little sub-set of this strange world and we don't represent the rest of it.
I sometimes have days were I am wondering why I do this... then I have a day where I met a great guy who made me realize WHY I do this..
I love intimacy and I love the healing art of touch. So when I have those good days, it makes those bad days disappear..
I have future plans to eventually leave the business, but I am doing it on my terms, and not for the reason that I hate my job...
I think I will actually miss the fun, the excitement, and satisfaction it brings me to do this work when I leave it
The money allures most ladies...easy money allures anyone. But in my opinion, with this "Type" of job I HAVE to enjoy it to keep doing it. I love what I do and I'd love to be open about it if it weren't taboo and illegal! However I don't plan to do this my whole life, afterall looks fade and gravity takes over. I do want to get married and have a career. But right now I'm enjoying what I'm doing. I'm making plans for a future career but currently no plans for marriage(lol)
I don't think anyone should fall back into this job by neccecisty. You get this one life;do what you love and love doing it!
from what i've dealt with in the past (dated a few dancers in their mid 20s), after a relatively short period of time providing, sex seems to become emotionless. i mean, it makes sense that doing anything daily or several times a day for a long period of time would cause this. am i wrong in this assumption?
My wife has a naturally high sex drive and still is usually has plenty of emotion when with me. Yes some times she mails it in but it is the exception not the rule. Now I have know some other guys that some others have the issues with what you are describing but the same goes with non-provider women, just ask most of the married men on this board. Each women is different and chooses to provide for different reasons.