I think you know what your heart says Sedona. But really you should wait for me. I am sure you will fall in love with me right away.
...The dentist always drills twice(to coin a similar phrase)...
and then some...
Cheers!
VR
Well, as you can tell, I like to think about things..and learn a lot from people..
I really didn't think he was 'coming on to me', and am still not 100% sure that he was but I wish I could describe my dentist appt. today, and how he was with me..it left me thinking about all kinds of things that I thought about starting a new thread on but don't want you all to get sick of me!
My appt was at 8 am (and I'm NOT a morning person) so since I had little sleep last night, had to get up early and fight traffic to get there, I was dead tired when I got there and the office was a bit chilly. He noticed I was very sleepy and also chilly and came in the room, turned off the light, brought me a blanket and 'tucked me in'. Then he proceeded to say how he would love to be able to do that for me: tuck me in, snuggle up..Many times he touched and rubbed both hands along my face and through my hair, and once, when I did doze off (I was there 3 grueling hours today), I felt someone looking at me, and opened my eyes to see him standing there saying how he bets I'm really cute in the morning with the sleepy face and imagines jammies and fuzzy slippers..So, I'm thinking ok, I think he's expressed an interest..and so maybe he is?? ..but I can be very 'cool' until I hear the cards actually on the table and a definite invitation to go out. I never gave him any feeling one way or the other, in particular with people continually milling about. Now, once we did talk about his present living arrangements in light of his impending divorce and he described where he's living and the incredible view of the ocean (I'm in San Diego, duh) and I really should see it sometime and I casually said, well I'd love to, when invited..and that's about the only 'give' I gave.
But, he didn't ask me. Now, you guys are so dear because you teach me things without even knowing that you do! Like this whole SO thread..wow. But, tell me please, why do men give you every indication that they are interested, and then not 'ask'? In the past, I've let on that I would be interested, but then they don't do anything so then I feel as if they just want to get their ego stroked to see 'if' you would be interested, not that they actually intended to follow through! So, now, I don't indicate anything, until, as I say, the cards are on the table and they actually 'ask'!
Now, just last night, while visiting with a client, we discussed my appt in the morning, and he asked me if the Doc actually asked me out, would I accept, and I immediately, without hesitation said no. Why not? Well, I just don't date, haven't dated in a long while in the 'civilian' realm, and really, being a Provider (and of course having a FB for three years) takes care of my 'dating' needs. Dating in the 'civilian' world has an objective (which I've covered in many threads and won't reiterate here) which I don't subscribe to. But, then, today, after listening to my Doc, and he mentioned 'where he's at', I actually thought maybe I would...(excluding thoughts of professionalism, etc.)
Which lead me to thinking...
I never have really projected into the future about having a 'real' relationship (living together, marriage, etc.) and, in fact, have pretty much adopted my being single forevermore..but, what if?? Would I tell him I am/was a Provider? Well, I'm sure I would, and in fact, would probably HAVE to have a partner who's either 'open', in the Lifestyle, or have been a Hobbyist. (the topic for the new thread?) But, in the meantime..?
So, we'll see what happens...
Like many guys who have been married for a while and been out of the dating scene, I bet he's kicking himself for not having the guts to come out and ask you out. I'll be the first to admit that I used to be that way. I never did date a lot. Through college, I was just a nice, shy person who didn't get much booty although I had many female friends. He's obviously an intelligent person, possible good-looking, and wealthy, but I'm sure he's very passive in this area and would hesitate to take the first step. Not that I want you to ask him out (before I get to see you myself), but my gut feel is that he would jump for joy if you did. But... don't do it until after our meeting... LOL.
Sedona, SINGER is right, waite until we get to see you.
SLOW
and just like all geeks including myself, in social situations we fear rejection and unless you were all over him, he undoubtedly thought you would say no.
I suppose there is also the possibility he knows he is doing wrong professionally. It also sounds like he is in fact still married and until the divorce is completed not many counsellors Legal or others will tell you to go prowling until the papers are signed. too much rebound stuff.
Hey we geeks are nice guys too. Wait until he gets done treating you and then ask him out, you might be suprised LOL, grin
In my opinion
Like the other guys said, he's probably shy around attractive women. He's probably also nervous because his unprofessional behavior could really bite him on the ass if he acted this way with the wrong person.
Yes, he's most definitely, beyond a doubt, coming on to you. He just doesn't have the guts to go for it.
I'm not trying to slam him, but these are my observations, for what they're worth. Please keep us up to date, Sedona.
PC
Just adding my voice the choir here, but it's so bloody obvious.
I think you know what your heart says Sedona. But really you should wait for me. I am sure you will fall in love with me right away.
And if my mouth wasn't killlllllling me...
Uh-oh, I'm under the influence of Vicodin and could say something "risque"..
LOL
xo,
S
Wait until August, Then you can compare what he did to you orally with what I intend to do. I can't wait.
"Then you can compare what he did to you orally with what I intend to do"
Fortitude...spoken like a real New Yawwk kind of guy.
Hope you don't get performance anxiety now...lol
Cheers!
VR
...and performance anxiety is one of the few anxieties I don't have. At the risk of sounding immodest, I refer you to the link below for a review written about me by a provider (I think a first on TER).
-- Modified on 7/10/2003 12:07:43 AM
Lots of dentists in my immediate circle of acquaintances....one thing ther were unanimous on...he should have had an assistant doing the "tucking in" and his comments were very unprofessional.
Add that to the number of people that are always "getting divorced" and I would have to conclude this guy has little to offer in terms of a long term relationship. He is using his dental office to troll for babes...and even in California that is not considered professionally acceptable.
And no one mentioned their suicide rate so I won't...
..but he said he was just seeing how I was feeling..and gave me his cell number in case I needed anything..
So, now am I supposed to be the one to act? Hey, believe it or not, I'm an old fashioned girl...
It wouldn't be so funny if it didn't have the ring of truth ...
FROM A WOMAN ON THE SUBJECT OF MEN:
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are pigs.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank GOD are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
NOW, WHO IN THE WORLD UNDERSTANDS MEN?
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
And then, thank goodness for (TER) and Hobbyists!
What a headtrip civilian dating is!
Sedona, you either want a relationship outside the life or you don't.
If you do, both parties have to take emotional risk. Your Doc is hedging-- he's already sent multiple signals, probably dumped tons of phemorones into the air-- but he's too chicken to just ask you out. So he's a putz like alot of us...
If you want this dude, you're gonn'a tell him you're a pro sooner or later, right? Hey, why not use your Feminine Power, seize the moment, and lay it on him sooner!
He thinks he's the big Doc, the "catch" with the big bucks, he's handed you his cell number-- he expects you to go all gooey and throw yourself at him. 'sprise! You're the catch.
He'll either dig it or he won't. If he does, you may have a great opportunity on your hands. If he doesn't... well, we can all get back to taling about ourselves again.
Rope
find out if he is really divorced..and not from him...and then tell him the truth about what you do...I am still skeptical but I hope you have the time of your life....
..in more years than I want to report here..I mean, I've had relationships of sorts, for sure, but they were/are 'arrangments' - not much more than Provider/Client relationships with a promise to go no further..
I've not even thought about, wanted, needed, etc to even have a relationship!
And now that he clearly does want to see me (we've talked on the phone a number of times) all of a sudden I thought - Uh! I hadn't even thought about how I would tell him that I'm a Provider! Just wasn't something I ever felt I needed to be concerned about, since my SO ,or rather FB, knows and actually digs it..
The thing is I LOVE what I do - I do it because I have always fantasized about it and wanted to stop thinking about it and make it a reality. I've always known I was a 'natural' for it. I'm very proud of being an Escort - it's an art when done well. I'm not ashamed of being an Escort by any means, other than just knowing the 'judgement' others would pass over on you. So, I have no problem with any of that, but how would he feel about it?? In my heart my attitude is hey, this is me - you either love it, or hasta la vista baby! Seriously..but, then, there's the fear that it would be a 'problem'. I honestly don't date that often (and frequency shouldn't matter), because as you know me, I've said Sedona wasn't my income - it's been my Pleasure, my Hobby, my 'dating' so I could 'afford' somewhat to be selective and careful in who I spend my time and body with.
At this point, I'm hoping he actually KNOWS and is trying to find a way to let ME know that he knows..but I don't think so - mostly wishful thinking..
I had a funny thought though..was thinking, ohmigosh, if, say much later, we got to the point of having sex - he'd KNOW! LOL - I mean I'd have to 'tone it down' in order to look more civilian! LOL! I must say we Providers, of course, 'attack' sex with such enthusiasm! LOL
I dunno..haven't thought about any of these things in 100 years, and it is so uniquely strange for me that I had to share it with all of you and appreciate you all for being there and even allowing me to tell you about this very personal part of my life...
P.S. Would you date or marry a woman who was a Provider?
xo,
Sedona
-- Modified on 7/10/2003 2:54:33 PM
and my immediate answer from the gut is yes, I would (if I were interested in having a relationship, which I am not).
But I have a very good friend who is also a therapist who says that humans are deep inside very "primitive", as he puts it, and he contends that a man who claims he could accept a woman partner who was still working as a provider is just deluding himself.
Now, on the question of whether a man could accept a woman who had been a provider in the past but was no longer in the biz, I think that there are many men who could be OK with it. The best thing would be to tell him early in the relationship, and then don't bring it up again unless he does.
Best wishes.