I seldom ask as I do things so different than many ladies here. At some point after we have been aquainted ( a few visits to a year) depending on timing I might offer an invitation to the gentlemen for a private retreat.Then ID might come into play.

How many gentlemen have been asked to show their Drivers License when visiting a lady? If so how often and if never please let us know.

Ladies do you always ask for the license to be shown or is it not all that important?

Is this a make it or break it deal for you ?

Kisses Haley

in the verification process.

I have always shown my DL to a lady the first time I saw her, whether asked or not.
It confirms the information I had already given her and puts us both at ease right away.

I have no problem showing ID.
I would be very wary of any lady who didn't ask for proper verification that I was who I said I was prior to the meeting.
It's for my safety as well as hers.
How else is she to know that you are the same person she has been communicating with prior to your meeting?

Just my opinion...
B

It depends.....if I have never seen him.....his references were kinda vaugue, and depending on how he contacted me...yes I will ask for a drivers license.

but how do you know for sure those references asked for ID ? That this man walkint through your door is indeed the gentlemen they saw.

I'm just giving a little extra thought to references and how this system could be flawed.

So the gentlemen you saw without ID you in turn gave a reference to another lady. Did you say I didn't ID him?

You have been honest and I hope others will be too.

Kisses Haley

I.D. the first time I saw them. The others never did ask for it. I carry it with me all the time, so showing it is not a deal-breaker. Some guys may be worried that the lady will get the D.L. # and use it for identity theft. Maybe I'm old and naive, but I think the chances of that happening are less than me losing my wallet and everything in it. But that's just me.

Because I visit with escorts infrequently, references are usually problematic. I'm easily found on Google, though, because I'm a book author, own a business, get quoted occasionally in the newspaper and stuff.

So far, because I'm easily found on the Internet, and belong to Date-check, I haven't had a major problem from lack of references. However -- because my PICTURE is not on the Internet, 2 out of 3 providers have asked for ID, which is no big deal -- I'm happy to give it.

(However, I should point out that providers whose websites indicate inflexibility in this regard, I don't even bother contacting.)

In all fairness, however, I believe that providers who want to see MY ID should be willing to show THEIRS. Trust should work both ways.

There is a recent thread where someone who claims to be a provider claims to have dimed out one of her clients. Well, I guess that can happen. If it does, the wife needs the correct name and address of the provider where the subpoena can be sent. ("I got an anonymous call" won't cut it in court; but a woman swearing on a stack of bibles that she had sex with the husband is a slam dunk.)

So I've had to provide ID, but don't mind terribly.

for a reference and did they give that reference to the next lady you wanted to see ?

Please forgive but I am trying to make a point here and it might miss the boat without help

Kisses Haley

I am asked less often than I would expect (first visits) but have no problem complying.

can't remember if she asked for I.D. or not. I only saw her once, over a year ago. Not sure if that helps.

-- Modified on 6/8/2009 5:48:01 AM

and I've actually presented it once - the lady in question kept eye contact with me during the exchange and did not really look at my ID.....

use these ladies as a reference ?

Kisses Haley

If you already shared with a lady your true identity for her screening process, why would it bother you if she required ID to confirm the info already divulged? Seeing your ID only gives her the comfort that you are indeed the person you said you were in emails and calls. Wouldn't you want to give her that comfort so you could enjoy the amazing experience you seek?

"In all fairness, however, I believe that providers who want to see MY ID should be willing to show THEIRS. Trust should work both ways."

Interesting...

Xoxo,
Gia

I see ladies who are UTR or not "TER" providers. And I try to keep my review number *down* - many ladies shy away from hobbyists with heavy numbers.

I don't use individual provider references very often. I primarily use my TER handle, reviews and whitelistings, Date-Check and Preferred411.

If a lady does not accept those in some combiniation I usually move on.

If I'm totally smitten, I do have several ladies who will provide me a reference. Some of them state in their website that ID is required but only one actually asked for it.

But I always contact my existing provider friends  and ask them if they are comfortable giving a reference *to* the "new" lady du jour first. My primary obligation is to the safety and discretion of my existing provider friends....

Like I said, I don't really mind sharing it -- I end up doing that 2 out of 3 times; but I DO think that anyone who requires my picture ID should, in principle, be ready to present hers if I ask.

Taken as a worst-case situation, pretend I discover the next day that I was in the virus-shedding but not yet symptomatic phase of rabies. (Spread through saliva).

It *sure would be nice* if she could be reliably contacted to assure her wellbeing. Time is of the essence: catch her soon, she lives. Catch her late, she dies.

Obviously, I don't think I have rabies -- but you get the idea.

and you do know how to contact her since you contacted her for an appointment.
I believe you understand why we must know your real name while remaining anonymous to you...you know that we're far more vulnerable than you are...you know that we would be crazy to trust you just because we can verify your name, employment, etc...just because you didn't stalk or hurt your reference doesn't mean you won't stalk or hurt us...being outed as a prostitute is far harder on one's life than being outed as a john...if we rip-off our clients, soon we won't have any; if you rip us off, we have no recourse legally or otherwise--if we know who you are, you're less likely to try to hurt us physically or financially.  
You understand that we must assume you're dangerous until you prove otherwise, because a small minority of men who contact us are dangerous, and it only takes one...
You prove yourself trustworthy when you show us with your actions that you understand we're in the more vulnerable position.  And you do this in part by letting us know who you are, without demanding the same from us.

I know you know all this because I've read some of your previous posts, and you're obviously a bright and thoughtful person.  
You also appear to be someone who enjoys stirring up shit by saying outrageous things designed to elicit a reaction...like now, for instance.

Never been asked to show my D/L but i have been cited many times for going tooooo quick in
my sub-compac.


Thank you
2009= 69

Havent been asked in over 10 yrs

My referrals from other ladies, so Im cleared.

I don't mind showing mine, but I'm curious to hear it from a provider's prospective.  

I'm guessing you are just taking a quick glance to see if the name on the ID matches the name given during initial contact.  

Are you looking for anything else besides the name?

I know I did get a little info but am a softy when it comes to asking for personal info.
Kisses Haley

Only once but would gladly show it anytime to keep you ladies safe.

Early in my entrance in the hobby, the request for ID was frequently requested.  However, more recently this has not been the case.

Just to clarify, when I say I have not been pre-screened I mean I was not asked for references.

I would guess that 25% did not ask for references.

I think you and communicated enough for you to establish a comfort level.  I'm sure you did ask me for some information also.  

Has your intuition let you down yet?

to make sure, or at least reasonably sure that the person I screened is the one in the room.  Can people get fake IDs?  sure.  Can they behave well with one provider and get a good reference and then act like an ass? Sure.  But we do the best we can within reasonable means...

And both times were AMPS. Go figure.
I had my thumb over my last name, and my address so they could only see my first name.
I guess that's all they needed, because I was not screened beforehand. They only knew my first name anyhow.

As you see many don't show ID and some ladies do only take a reference. How good is that reference you are taking ?

Kisses Haley

I always ask to see drivers license..why? cause I want to make sure you are who you say you are and the information matches.  It is on my site that I request the gentlemen to place the gift and id on the table then excuse themselves to the restroom to wash up.  When all is done, I give it back to them--the id not the donation..haha..

I will also accept date-check and preferred411 as a reference.  Rarely have I seen the drivers license along with this information, but no one is saying I haven't.  Again it just allows me to match it up and feel comfortable.

As far as just accepting references.  NOPE and I won't without some other information.  I have my own little checklist that I use to again make myself comfortable.  My reviews state who I am and I won't jeopardize the client. Rarely (yet I have been known to) do I ever sway from my process...Truthfully I never count on another ladies verification/screening process.  I am the only one that can look out for me and that is why I don't rely just on the ladies information.

I have rarely had a guy come to see me without his id on his possession. When that has happened, I have dealt with it accordingly.

Bella

Hi Lills,

On the substance of what you are saying:

With TER available, I think there is really no reason why I'd need to see a lady's ID. There is enough information that the biggest risks that a provider could pose are largely diminished.

Because of this, as you've said, the differential risk is such that what could otherwise be seen as a double standard is entirely justifiable and makes sense. No trouble at all. And I've never refused to show ID if asked. (I would, however, draw the line at a photocopy being made.)

Unfortunately, most of my hobbying -- what little there has been -- was before I was aware of sites such as TER. As a result, there was no differential in risk. Men visiting with escorts have, in fact, been drugged, murdered and robbed. In the absence of knowledge of sites like TER, the perceived level of risk to both parties (though not actual level of risk) -- is the same. In my case. I just used services from the yellow pages; and reduced the risk that way.

Either way, absolutely, you are correct that -- for example, if I were to visit you, I would be at much less risk than you, so showing ID without reciprocation would be fine. (But please keep in mind I'm allergic to cats!  (*grin*))

Even though we clearly disagree on some stuff, you are obviously a bright and thoughtful woman; and I really appreciate that.

But let me clarify that I just like to think way outside the box, and am not really trying to stir up shit. My general theory goes this way:

Every ruling group/class/oligarchy/whatever propagates among the populace a series of unquestionable truths. These truths become self-perpetuating among the populace with minimal top-down enforcement. These truths serve to either directly or indirectly support the existing order.

These truths are seldom really true. Whether it was Galileo being forced to recant the heliocentric solar system model, John Locke adding a proviso in every chapter stating that he believed in the "divine right of kings" or a Soviet scientist proclaiming the validity of Lysenkoism; these truths were indisputable in their time and place. Yet, these truths were "sellable" to laypersons on the basis of common sense or observation while being untrue.

The nature of the way acceptance of these truths is enforced -- mainly by peers (shunning, firing from job, etc.) but ultimately, if needed, by force -- is such that most people who dare to question them keep it to themselves and self-censor. There is no way of knowing how much human progress has been lost to self-censorship in the face of accepted dogma.

If you want to know, in the current era, what truths are now unquestionable and support the existing order, ask yourself what cannot be uttered without being fired from your job. There are dozens of these "truths." The more energetically a dissident is demonized or the more rigorously he is punished or his ideas are psychopathologized; then the more important the truth he is questioning is to the existing order and/or the more vulnerable that truth is to questioning.

Another thing is that I take a very long view of "facts." Being a scientist, engineer and philosopher (among other things including organic farmer), I am acutely aware that in every age, we have considered ourselves to be at the pinnacle of human knowledge; and even in arenas supposedly devoted to knowledge, innovation has been tremendously resisted.

You need look no further than the current knowledge that a bacterium causes stomach ulcers. When Australian researchers put forth research and academic papers on this in the 1980's, those papers were either rejected or ignored while people just kept on dying and doctors continued to blame correlative rather than causative factors such as stress, smoking, etc. (The actual causation was known as far back as the 1940's but (again) rejected.)

The status quo resisted this tremendously until the researchers decided to bypass the standard academic channels and have (of all things) the National Enquirer run an article "Miracle Pill Cures Ulcers."

The "facts" of one era; though with difficulty, get replaced with new facts in a constant process of refinement and battle in which -- before anything is changed -- many people lose their reputations and livelihood just by telling the truth. The REAL truth.

One other thing is that hyper-specialization serves too much to limit peoples' ability to integrate and form a coherent picture of what is really going on. As a result, knowledge becomes far too hide-bound. There is an old saying that if all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. This creates a problem because people who only have a hammer have a hard time seeing when a screwdriver might be a better choice, or maybe even a hammer and screwdriver together.

So -- I'm not exactly a rabble rouser. What I am trying to do instead is introduce novel thinking. I try to introduce ideas from different realms; question fundamental premises (especially ones that people are usually sanctioned for questioning); and add new dimensions for inquiry.

For example, instead of supporting or detracting from state-sanctioned gay marriage; I question why the state should have the power to require a license to marry *at all*, and if so, on what basis and toward what end. (Once you acknowledge that the state should have the power to withhold or grant marriage; now you are only debating about what terms they should use. Depending on whose power is ascendant in a given era, that power could be applied very differently than currently envisioned. For example, the state could conceivable FORCE marriages in the future.)

Novel thinking is sometimes ignored, but more often elicits a condemnatory response. That's okay. My belief is that out of 100 people, some portion of them -- depending on the subject matter -- will be inspired to think outside the box themselves. In this way, my goal is met. I don't care if they agree with me or not, just that they ditch the box.



p.s. You'd find the story of how the rabies vaccine was developed interesting.

I don't mind a provider taking a quick glance to see if my name matches, but I don't want to leave the room long enough for her to have time to copy my license number and the rest of my personal info.  

I don't mind leaving the room so you can count the money and put it away, but a few seconds should be enough time for you to look over my ID.

Not a dealbreaker for me; I understand the need for additional security on your part.

friends are friends and pals are pals,

but buddies sleep together.......

Just a thought that popped into my head.....LOL

I never said that I would copy anything.  I have never done such a thing nor would I.  There are times when the guy leaves the room and leaves it on the envelope for me to check.  However, this rarely happens. 99% of the time I check it right away and then they excuse themselves to the restroom taking their license with them.  At that time I check the donation.

Just wanted to clarify...

I would assume that everyone that See's a provider knows that it isn't her real name therefore you won't expect to see her ID revealing her true Identity I mean come on you can't be that stupid.

though without a photo and not checking the ID, how the heck would a lady know that you are who you say you are?  I can't tell you how many "gents" go onto my bad emails list because they think it's cute to give me someone ELSE's info to screen with.

As to your tit for tat, it's not that simple.  As I've said before, you guys screen FIRST.  The deck is stacked against us ladies from the get go.  You want to talk about "fair"?!?

You can come to TER and type in your preferences, essentially your initial screening info - looks, age, reputation and location info. You get a list of potentials and then look at the details many other gents have provided that are either encouraging or subtle warnings (these are our references). Note that many ladies only ask for a couple of references yet many gents require MANY more than that.  

Many gents take that further and pm the existing reviewers for even more info. Then you also have the storefront (ladies website) to browse, and there is a searchable history tied to these stores as well.

If all this looks great, you can send that introduction and note the tenor of the response before confirming. Many gents go even farther using many of the same search and screening methods a lady would use which I won't outline here because (honestly) it pisses me off.

At this point maybe you've decided to meet the lady... and yet all you are willing to tell Her is that your name is John Miller, and you think she should just believe you without checking that ID?

You've already had a lot of time and ability to do your screening.  If we could do all that on the gents, perhaps the ID would not be an issue.  However we can't, therefore it is.

.02

I have had it checked a couple of times, before I found TER, but not recently.  No biggie.   I always try to put the gal at ease, and because of what I do for work, they can google my name and find out all kinds of things about me, including what I look like (If they bother to look thru the pages. I have been told that the average person usually looks at no more then 3 pages on google). It's actually a nice ice-breaker when we meet, because it's something many ladies are interested in.

Here I am, all psyched up to see a lady with a really sexy name (Did you know there are some rules for what makes a girl's name sexy? But I digress...)... and then I discover that instead of that really sexy name on her web site, her real name is Saddama Housein or something like that.

It would totally kill the mood.

I responded on this to Lills in greater depth.
The gist is, yes, you are absolutely right for a situation where (for example) the provider can be looked up on TER. In that instance, 90% of all the bad things a provider could possibly do have been ruled out; but -- the risks associated with the guy have not.

I'd have no trouble showing you my ID. Besides, I'd much rather think of you as "SolaLove" instead of (for example) Henrietta Boggs.

And I was not insinuating that you would copy anything, nor do anything else that was inappropriate.

I was responding to your words:

"It is on my site that I request the gentlemen to place the gift and id on the table then excuse themselves to the restroom to wash up.  When all is done, I give it back to them--the id not the donation..haha.."

I'm just saying that exact scenario would make me feel uncomfortable and I gave the reason why I feel that way. I think it is bad judgement to give someone your ID and leave the room. I'm sure you saw the post from the angry vengeful woman that called a guy's wife. Also, "when all is done" makes it sound like you hold the ID until it is time for him to leave.  

If you are just taking a quick look and then handng the ID back right away, that is fine.

If I read on someone's website that they expect me to leave the room without my ID, I would think twice about seeing them. Other men may feel the same way.

Thanks for clarifying.

Just curious whether this has ever happened. If you're a provider who checks IDs, you go through the screening process, the guy shows up on time, but can't produce an ID, what do you do? Throw him out? See him anyway? Throw him out and complain about him through back channels? Or does this sort of thing never happen?

what you were saying and didn't take it as an insult.  That is why I clarified the situation.  Now grant you all appointments do not go in the beginning as planned and I make accommodations accordingly. I have been known to ask the gentlemen to please go get his id for me then proceed as planned.

The only thing that is important to me is I verify you are who you say you told me you were by the id.  That is it...

I understand alot have misgivings and for one am not out to hurt anyone.  As long as I look at it, compare in my head, hand it back then we are good to go and oh then it's time to have some fun....

Now, when are you coming to visit with me.  I hope soon.

xoxox

Bella

Would a Federally issued ID that does not have your address on it work?  To me its a happy medium in that I ID myself without giving away my home address.  

MVR

I do understand leaving the wallet in the car if it feels safer... however, I have several times had to request that they go get their ID.

Since it's pretty much illegal to be running around town (driving) with no ID, not being able to produce one has yet to be an issue.

-- Modified on 6/8/2009 4:29:33 PM

are you seriously worried about meeting that one in a lifetime provider who has photographic memory?

If you are worried about your address being instantly memorized, simply hold your thumb over it.

.02

I don't ask for ID so your safe with me but I don't know about other ladies. Maybe this would be a good question to ask tomorrow on it's own.

Kisses Haley

We had a few phone conversations before we met. I was very comfortable meeting you and what a great addition you are to TER. One we will all miss very much when you leave.
   Kisses Haley

most of the women under 40 have no appreciation for "great" television.

I would think knowing a guy's real name and city of residence would make it easy to find his address anyway in most cases. The scene from Terminator where Arnie is looking for Sarah Connor comes to mind, lol.

I've never been asked at the location.  Only one person said they would want it when scheduling but never brought it up. For various reasons, I've changed my position on the matter and don't even take it in to an appointment any more so I wouldn't have it if asked.

I understand why this makes you feel more comfortable, but really, if they are LE or up to no good, then it's too late anyway.

There are multiple men with my same name in the phone book here.  At least it would make it more difficult.  More importantly, it would let me relax a little more.  
MVR

I have no problem complying with that request.

Actually I can't remember the last time an escort asked me for a picture I D.   I call them on my cell phone, my name and # appear on the caller id. They can google my name, however, I usually leave my wallet in my car and do take my license with me just in case.

Most ladies do not ask for ID myself included.

Is my reference worth anything since I see gentlemen who find me on BackPage and CL.

There are those who I have given references for but those are gentlemen I saw at their home or gave me info that made me comfortable. I use the whitelist for gentlemen as well.

I have been pushed into giving ladies a reference on a gentleman I have seen only once and he showed no ID or screened. How would that reference be valid. Yes, I am up front and tell the lady.

I would have asked gentlemen how many ladies saw them because of a reference and never did any screening because of references. That is not a subject to be open in public though. Asking about ID is where I draw the line

I wonder how often this happens ?

Kisses haley

Or, in Manhattan, where we don't tend to drive.