I'm not exactly sure how to phrase this... but I really need to know:
If you are a hobbiest and are seriously dating or married, why do you do it?
I tend to think it is ALL about variety. Novelty. It seems to me that men NEED a NEW body to appreciate/conquer/ejaculate on or they are unsatisfied. Even if the new woman is less attractive than his wife.
I am in a curious position as a provider who is very much in love with her husband who claims never to cheat. He does not have a CLUE as to my career.
I provide more for him than any man regardless of what he gives me. There is no fantasy he could offer which I would not fulfill enthusiastically and at any time day or night. And perhaps it is my career - but I can't help but to think that he is like every man I know, lusting after novelty. Its nothing that he does, simply a matter of the impression this life has given me. Am I simply becoming jaded by my job?
So guys... (fella providers even) what IS it? why do men - happily married men even - seem always to seek other women? And, are there any truly monogamous people out there? Any really amazing relationships that defy this hobby altogether?
but for obvious reasons, you won't find too many of those guys on this board.
I'm curious why you took up being a provider considering the nature of the relationship you have with your spouse.
Don't you worry that you could upset this truly wonderful thing you have?
I was...until the wife of the guy my wife was cheating with changed my life.
I never wanted anything more than my wife & my life. Now I have no wife & a very interesting new life.
I'm not going to my grave having had sex with only 5 or 10 women., so until I get it out of my system I will continue to hobby.
my wife had been willing to meet me halfway on sexual issues. She wasn't, I strayed. Last time I had intercourse with my wife was February, 2006.
I might be kidding myself, though. Maybe 1/2 a loaf wouldn't have been enough long term. I do remember that whenever I was happy with the sex in a relationship, I wasn't even interested in porn, much less actually having sex with a different partner.
The lure of something new and different will be with us always when it comes to women. Some men will act on it, most will not, but the attraction is always there.
How about yourself, why do you see men without your husbands knowledge? Is it just for the $$$ or do you need variety in your life too?
So why do YOU do it? The same reason you think men go hobbying?
As for me, when I was younger I was shy and naive and feel that I lost a lot of opportunities for the kind of sex life I feel I should have had. I'm now married and my wife is great in bed - no complaints. But I guess I'm just trying to compensate for lost time.
My wife minimally enjoys sex, and only in very limited variations. Yes, I love her, but the sex is very limited in quantity and quality.
The other reason is travel. We both travel for work and can sometimes be together as few as 5 or 6 days a month.
I'm not putting this out as excuses, just my reasons.
For me its exciting to be with someone without complications.
I have been seeing providers since I was 18, whether I was single, dating someone, or married.
Sex with a girlfriend (or wife) is great, but there is always the complications that result.
A provider fulfills a sexual need, without the complications of a relationship.
Don't take this wrong, I've dated some great ladies. I have never had an love affair when I was seeing someone, but I always had the need for the services of providers.
There's a best selling novel that could be written from the admissions on this board. A provider keeping her job secret from her husband! And now you're concerned that he may stray like us hobbyists! My guess is that he probably won't if you treat him like your customers. This is why I think a provider is good SO material. I could not perform as well or as often as a provider; so we're pretty easy to satisfy.
I'm told by providers that most customers are 50 ish married gentlemen who appreciate women, and are not getting provider-like treatment at home. Simple as that.
CG
they stop giving head, gain weight and lose their appetite for sex. Then sooner or later attraction dies between the couples and they start looking outside.
I don't think any men fully satisfied with their sexual lives with their wives, would want to hobby. Those who do are probably no longer married or shouldn't have married at all.
I wanted sex more often and with more variety. Those things my wife is willing to do in bed are wonderful. But we are limited to a couple of positions (mish & cg) and while she does enjoy oral (both giving & receiving) she is no longer willing to TCNQNS.
She use to be willing & enthusiastic about a number of other options (doggie, lingere, different rooms/furniture around the house) but that all stopped about 10 years ago. She is all about sex being a romantic and passionate act of lovemaking.
All well and good but sometimes I just have an overwhelming feeling of lust and I want to 'take her' now (not talking about force). I have suggested that we sometimes meet for lunch on her day off at a local hotel and make mad passionate love, but that is a no go because she has lots of things to do. Its frustrating.
Anyway those are my reasons. Does that make sense?
I haven't hobbied in a long time mostly because I am trying to stay focused on the best parts of our relationship.
Wouldn't that be problematic as you have probably seen a few married men yourself?
For me, sex with a provider provides great variety. There are so many wonderful ladies, with different personalities and physical looks that the possibilities are endless. In my case, its not even about finding a provider who is more attractive than my spouse. I prefer the girl next door type (i.e the receptionist at an office) over the model anyday. The sex is the driving force.
Besides, sex with a provider is FAR less complicated than having an affair. No emotional connections, no sneaking around (i.e. I can see a provider on an out of town business trip...the spouse is non the wiser), no worries about an ill-timed phone call, etc.
To answer your questions to me:
I kinda automatically believe he does cheat. As a provider and a person, this doesn't really bother me. I think its human nature. Its not that I am afraid of it, it 's that I don't believe him when he says he never does or will, or even wants to. If he wanted to have sex with other women I would encourage him to see a provider because for me anyway it is the emotional connection which is threatening. I don't get emotionally involved with my clients, and as you all have pointed out, that serves hobbiests well.
My primary reason for indulging in this 'hobby' is financial. I also happen to dig it raw. the money I make benefits us both in the end, and honestly it keeps me from being that typical frightened needy dependant woman that a lot of husbands seek to escape.
of course I am frequently afraid that his finding out will ruin the wonderful relationship we have. however, I am not a lifer. I am not trying to become a millionairess, just to use this as a stepping stone to bigger things.
Years ago, a young Japanese friend of fine character who was about to be married to a beautiful and sexy Japanese girl he was deeply in love with told me just before the wedding that one woman would not be enough for him and he naturally expected to have other lovers in due course. He was certain that his fiancee accepted this as natural, but I was a bit shocked. We know now that many Japanese women aren't satisfied with straying husbands, but we also realize that straying seems to be the natural order of things, even in marriages that in most respects are happy and fulfilling. The "forsaking all others" part of the wedding ceremony seems to be a man-made rule, and it takes a stong man indeed to adhere to it. My own experience is that I was monogamous for many years in both my marriages,but the fires gradually banked and I gradually tested the waters and slipped into the joys of hobbying, avoiding civvy affairs totally. I'm certainly better off for it, but having to be secretive about something that seems so natural, joyful and therapeutic is a bummer.
Why? I started the hobby years before I ever met my wife. I love her and life with her... but in all honesty, she is not very good in bed even though she is willing. The hobby keeps me satisfied in an area that gets less important each year as I age. It does this in a way that minimizes complications.
Like some other posts here, for me it's the variety. Not of the woman, but of the sex. I can count on one hand, without the thumb, the number of times my wife has provide oral in over 30 years of marriage, although she loves oral back. mish is about it - in bed, and in 2007 - twice. Simply put, that's just not enough. BTW - I do try backrubs, foot rubs, candle light, dinners, and any other romantic endeavors to get her fires going, but to no avail. So rather than force myself on her, hobbying provides an outlet. Since I travel, I limit this to my travels and not locally.
As the joke goes, wedding cake. I've been married twice and the cake always did it. Saving the leftover cake for 5 years and re-newing your vows will continue the draught.
If wives continued to get more aggressive and sexual in marriage there would be few of us hobbyests around.
as a provider, is how I met my SO, he accepts what I do, and knows that I would retire if he asks.
He was married when we met, and while our sex life to this day only gets better each time we're together, I worry that someday he will want someone else, even if only for an hour.
In a conversation about fantasies, he mentioned the "usual" guy fantasy about being with two women, and followed that with, "But after being with you, its something I no longer think about. Youre more than enough for me."
We are so totally in love, but of course I worry...
Just had to vent that out.
Thanks!
My guess is that is hinting for you to arrange it.
I don't understand. You are with other men on a regular basis and you worry about HIM?
Is there a double-standard here? Or is it because you're not really worried about the sex, but that he might fall in love with someone else? Considering how you met him, shouldn't he be just as worried as you?
As long as you keep providing, why don't you let him be with other women, so it's not really "cheating"? It's only cheating it you go behind each other's backs.
If its only for sex and Im still providing, Im fine with that, I would even help set it up so he knows he'll be with someone safe, discreet, and reputable.
I think the worry does come because of the love factor, but like I said we are so in love its embarrassing lol! But Im a little insecure when it comes to love, half a dozen times bitten (heartbroken)twice shy.
But Im all for letting him explore, as long as Im aware of it~
You haven,t said, but have you told him explicitly that he's free to explore and that you'll help?
Remember, he might be worried about you too. After all, you fell in love with him through the hobby. What's to say it couldn't happen again the same way?
No I havent.
Honestly at this point we can both sincerely tell each other that we are more than satisfied with our truly amazing sex life.
And youre right, perhaps somehere deep inside, he does have that fear, but again, like I said before, we are so in love its sickening lol, really...
Funny example...we were at the car after doing a little grocery shopping, he opens my door for me and we proceeded to engage in a passionate DFK, and we hear Ewwwwww! coming from a ten year old little girl in the passenger seat of a passing car.
Irrelevant, but funny nonetheless, thought Id share that 
I really dont think that either of us "need" to worry as long as our passion stays alive, but if it starts to burn out and needs an additional spark, then the freedom to obtain that is there...
Now, my question, would it be better to bring it up now, or later if/when things seem to be cooling off?