A little background:
Met her when she was actively advertising about 5 years ago.
Probably saw her a dozen times over the first 2 years.
Covid hit and I had other life changes, so stopped calling her.
She also went UTR at about that time.
Fast forward to present day:
More life changes, so I'd like to reconnect.
I know enough of her RLI that I know she's in the area and her social media includes pics with another provider I know.
I tried an email address that I've had since we met but haven't used in years. I tried texting on two different numbers. All as discreetly as possible.
The question:
Is it crossing a line if I contact the other provider and ask if she can pass a message to the UTR?
They used to share an incall, and as mentioned, see each other socially.
I would never go beyond that point, but also want to know that my message is getting through.
It appears she sincerely wants to move away from the hobby world, and you contacting her would be an unwanted intrusion.
She has most likely already seen your advances, and has ignored them. If she has a change of heart, she will most likely then contact you.
This, in fact, occurred with me recently, so take some heart that it may happen.
If you got no response from an email and two texts to two different cells, I would take that as either she saw them and has no interest in seeing you or she got rid of those contact methods so she doesnt hear from past clients.
I think it may be perceived as a bit stalkerish to contact the other girl but it really depends on that girls personality. Some women are totally free spirited and you can ask them virtually anything without them taking offense but of course there are some women who might easily take offense to you snooping. I am not saying one is right and one is wrong, just that there are differences between people and sometimes vast differences with how they handle the same sitch.
I guess what you could do, is go see the provider friend and sometime during pillow talk, mention the girl you are interested in to her and she what she says. Or maybe request to see them both as a threesome? That would then give you access to the girl you are more interested in. Just some ideas. Good luck!
But she hasn't aged well.
Pass the request on to this associated provider. I don't believe that people are so f'n frail these days that you can enquire about getting in contact. If you separated on good terms there is no reason to assume your inquiry would be upsetting. If you don't hear anything then okay, But maybe she'd be happy to reconnect. As they say, at the end of your life, the things you most regret are the things you didn't do.
My advice is to ask her friend if she will pass your contact information on to the UTR/retired provider, with the message that you'd like to reconnect.
If you hear back, great. If you get crickets, move on and enjoy the memories.
I was thinking this same thing....
...and not just "retired"?
Personally, I see nothing wrong with contacting a provider friend of hers with a polite inquiry.
than retired. If you truly believe that she is still providing, but UTR with no advertising and a limited clientele, she would probably welcome a renewed relationship with a past regular, assuming you parted on good terms. However, if she has quit the business and is trying to put her past behind her, it could be an unwelcome intrusion as Fisher points out. I think you have no basis with the limited info you have shared to speculate one way or the other.
With that said, if you really would like to start seeing her again, I think the positives outweigh the negatives in trying to use whatever you know about her to make contact. What's the worst that could happen? She MAY get annoyed and will never speak to you again, but if she's not available to see you professionally, you have no interest in an amiable future anyway. Just be minimally intrusive in the way you handle it, and be the polite gentleman that she remembers you as, and if she is not inclined to see you again, you can probably walk away unscathed, but if she is still working UTR and has a restricted clientele, reaching out in whatever way you can could pay spectacular dividends going forward. My advice is to go for it, but carefully and discreetly.
UTR did respond to my text message.
I think 2024 is going to be a good year, LOL
Thanks everyone for their opinions, even the dissenters, LOL.
Three days early. Congrats!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1njzgXSzA-A
And...As Frank Costanza would say, there's Festivus for the rest of us!!
had the balls. You just needed a fire lit under them. Lol