I am 50yr. old who appears to be in perfect health.No blood pressure problems,high cholesterol,diabetes,etc.I work out regularly)as a matter of fact from the neck down I appear to be in better shape than alot of 30somethings I see out there.
It should be pointed out that I have been in a sexless marriage for the 8 last years, it never was that great to begin with.If it were not for an affair I had awhile back,I would have thought this was partly my fault.
I have been with a total of 5 providers.With 2 I was able to cum with the assistance of a HJ from them.Not even an excellent BBBJ seems to help.I never had this problem in the past.I should point out they were all different providers.I've always made some excuse for this,until recently with last lady I saw.I told her up front before any love making began.She is a total GFE and is very understanding and wants to help.It's to the point now that I just stop after an extended time and just give up.She thinks it's all performance anxiety.I don't know?? No real sex and flogging the log for 6yrs is a long time.Maybe I have lost it for good.Would viagra help or make it worse.I hate the thought of taking that stuff, but this situation is worse.
I will be seeing her soon and allready I'm starting to fret a bit about it.I try not to dwell on this too much but it is hard to put it out of my mind.
Any help that you ladies and gents can offer would be greatly appreciated.

You do or you don't, so what? Just enjoy the experience and let whatever happens, happen. You owe no excuses or apologies to your partner. You may even want to take the pressure off by declaring before hand that you will NOT ejaculate during your encounter. Once you relax, you can enjoy the experience. After that, who knows?

You just need to relax, have a little wine or a shot and relax and let the ladies to their work.   They will take care of you, be up front and let yourself drift off, find a provider who will take care of you slowly and sensually.

There could be many reasons for what you describe as your problem.  It is a fact that as guys age, which we all do at a different rate, that the ease with which we ejaculate lessens.  There could probably be several physical factors for this...the level of testosterone, etc could have a definte bearing..even though you work out.  I'm not a doctor & don't presume to have enough knowledge to say a lot more about the physical aspect, other than you talk to your own doctor about it & get his input.  But I will say that Viagra likely wouldn't be an answer..that's just for getting/keeping you up & nothing else.  From what I've heard for some guys it even inhibits ejaculation somewhat.  There are other products, many of the herbal variety, that I've heard about...but these, like Viagra, shouldn't be taken without an OK by your doctor...just because they're herbs doesn't mean they can't have negative inter-actions just like Rx drugs can.

Certainly any sort of 'performance anxiety' will have a negative effect on damn near anything associated with sexual activity.  And that anxiety can become progressively worse as 'failures' increase.  Like I said...get some answers from your doc before risking that.

Another factor could even be the type of condom you use.  The less sensitivity you feel during intercourse the more it could add to you anxiety.  

But trying to leave you with a positive thought...there's an old joke about it "takes me all night to do what I used to do all night."  As long as you're enjoying it what difference does it really make?

I had this problem, but it was due to anti-anxiety medication that I was taking. I switched to another, and since then the problem has gone away. I don't know what medications if any you might be taken, but there could be a physical reason for this. In any event, seeing a docter would not be a bad step

I completely understand your problem. I am slightly older than you (52). I work out ofter, am in great shape, eat well, don't drink or smoke, and live a healthy life. The difference for me is that I have very good sex with my wife of 27 years when we have sex (not nearly as oftern as I would like). With my wife I have raging "blue veined throbbing" hard-ons, with no trouble getting hard and staying hard.

With providers however, it is very different. When I first started seeing providers I couldn't get it up at all except through my own manual work. I figured it was some sort of "performance/infidelity" anxiety. So I pretty much did as "Hercules" suggested. I relaxed, let her care for me (instead of me taking the lead), and sure enough it got better. I then started to use Viagra. It absolutely helps kick start the whole moment. For me once it get's started everything works great.

I feel better now about myself. I know that I can and do perform not only at home but with others. Don't stress over it just enjoy. Life is good.

Please do not start taking things without consulting a doctor #1.
Anxiety is not an easy thing to overcome. I would like to sugget you leave any expectation of your personal performance in the car and bring into your session an open mind of sharing quality time. Just enjoy, take yourself back to when you were a teenager and how exciting it was to makeout, all the passion,touching and especially kissing. This is a great time to make sure you give to your partner ( I mean taking the time to please her) it is a very rewarding and erotic experience. If you get involved with giving this will definately take some of  the anxiety away.
I wish you lots of love, prosperity and especially health to enjoy it all.
Kisses & Licks.......
Mara

If "flooging the log" has allowed you to cum, then obviously it is a matter of how you are feeling / thinking about the situation.  I would try lots of things.. porn movies while getting a BJ while lying on your back is nice, some help from smokable herb is nice, or alcohol if that's better.  Music, lot's of foreplay, dirty talk in your ear while in mish position.  And finally, the most important... being with a woman who absolutely turns you on just looking at her, I mean a 10 in your book.  That's my 2 cents.

I don' think his issue was erection, but not being able to ejaculate, which in many ways  is even more frustrating...

FreshFace have you ever had the experience of not being able to ejaculate? Over any period of time? I have. From personal experience it is agonizing and frustrating. Biologically we need to be able to release. For me it was medication that was the problem, however it could be the symptoms of something medically wrong. So I think he should not ignore it...

I have a similar problem. Same marriage problems. I am 43.
I have been seeing quite a few beautiful women throughout the years and find that if I am not with a woman that really turns me on, I have to finish myself off.
Condoms that are sensitive help.
The most important part for me is being completely relaxed, with no interuptions.

I can think of at least 3 women that were absolutely stunning, but there was just something that didn't click with me, and I had a problem. I don't let it bother me, as I enjoyed the sessions all the same.

You might want to try longer appointments, for me 2 hour minimum works best, 3 hours is usually perfect.

the past.  Give it time, with relaxation and improved nutrition, everything should be fine.

I have also heard that Viagra and anxiety surpression drugs have effects on delaying ejaculation.

Good luck and have fun.

I have had this problem off and on, most often with my dear departed ATF (she found God last week and quit the biz!). Our solution was that, at the end of session, I would masturbate to completion. I found my own two-handed work invariably got the job done, whereas a HJ from her or BBBJ often just ended in frustration. It helped immeasurably that she acted like watching me do this was a real turn-on for her; also, it helped that she said that sex with me was much better than with most others because of my unnaturally long staying power. I found this solution preferable to completing the session without ejaculation. I hope this is helpful.

I'm 48, sexless marriage for the last 2 years, hardly any sex in the marriage for the preceeding 21 years. When we did have sex, I would cum rather quickly (probably "premature" by some standards). With every "professional" experience I find that I take much longer (which is as it should be I suppose) then I ever did with my (hopefully soon to be ex) wife. When I first found that it was taking longer than I expected, instead of enjoying the delay my first reaction was anxiety (although I never had a problem eventually cumming). I finally learned to trust my body and relax into the sexual moment. Since I have no health problems that would have "sexual side effects", there's nothing to worry about. If you wake up in the morning with a hard on, then the machinery is probably ok.

Bottom line, enjoy the moment and relax, avoid the feeling of anxiety, trust your body, be greatful that you can last longer that you ever did with "married sex".

everyone has given great advice already.  I'll just add that you might want to try GOLF.  Talk about learning how to deal with frustration!

-- Modified on 12/18/2002 6:35:21 PM

I was pretty sure I wasn't alone Kemo Sabay. I do find it helps if I don't fire 'the ole musket' within 24 hours of an appointment. Nevertheless, a self-administered HJ is essential alson with a bit of oral gratification.

Forgive me if this has already been mentioned, but maybe you need TRUE intimacy and affection in order to finish properly.  99% of the sex act is in the brain, no?  You mentioned you've been with 5 providers, but have any really "done it" for you in your head, or were you more attracted to them physically while having little in common mentally?  Also, have you been with any one of them more than once, so that you could establish more of a familiarity and relationship?  Maybe you need to be closer to a woman before you can be comfortable enough to finish what you started.  Just a thought.

I find myself in the same situation.  I can still cum using a condom during FS most of the time.  Even great BBBJ is not going to do it.  I'm 48, work out every day and eat healthy.  I am in great shape primarily to see if that helps.  I have had elevated blood pressure and treat it with diet and exercise.  Tis normal now.  I'm not taking any drugs and don't drink much alcohol.  I've discussed it with my doctor and he says I just need more foreplay.  I don't have any problem getting hard or staying that way.  I very recently tried Viagra but didn't notice much difference other than I can stay harder longer.  I am ready to go again sooner with the pill.  My lady says my cock was a little longer with less girth and harder for what that is worth.  She's the expert, gives great head.  I've just lost some sensation in it and first noticed this about 18 months ago.  I've been with some hot women and sometimes end up finishing with a HJ.  I've researched the topic on the web and only find articles about the evils of circumcision.  I wish it hadn't been performed on me.  Apparently, that procedure removes a hell of a lot of nerves on a pretty delicate part of your body.  Thankfully, it is not automatic now.  

I don't know the answer but I'm working on it.  I don't think its a mental issue for me.  You might try some lotions/cremes.  I've had a little luck with Neutrogena Healthy Skin.  I use non-latex condoms (Durex Avanti) and they help.  I'm glad you posted this here and brought up the subject.  Maybe we can share some ideas and figure it out.

Good thought.  It certainly has occurred to me.  I've become very close to one lady partly to see if that would make a difference.  So far, it hasn't.  I've spent a couple nights and weekends with her.  We've had sex maybe 15 times to date. She is very accomodating, attractive and sexy.  She is concerned that I don't find her attractive, she could not be more wrong.  I am as attracted to her as I have been with anyone in my life.  I'm relatively positive that this is something physical, at least in my situation.

I was having some trouble sealing the deal and someone told me to make sure I was hydrated and before a session I drink a lot of water and it's all good again.....

...for me, vitamin "V" enhances every aspect of sex.  Is it just in my mind?  Who knows!  The s**t works for me!

Had the same problemn as you, lots of year doing it myself. All I can say is just relax and enjoy your time with her! One of my favorite times spent was when I could not get it up, but in the end had a hell of time pleaing her (frist time almost fisting a gal)! So, what works for me is just getting into it and  whatver happens, I'll have a fun time.

First of all see a Doc - to make sure Viagra is OK for you. Second, there is no reason not to take it if the Doc says it is OK. It can be a life saver. Third, relax and quit thinking about it so much - that may be half of the problem.

I had the same damn problem and it got worse when I really got into shape and got my fat percentage down to 10.  You can go for hours, right?  Yeah, same here.  Even a HJ wouldn't do it within 20 minutes.  And for me the hotter the girl - the longer it would take.  It's all about relaxing and getting in the right frame of mind.  Or the right thing in the mind.  

Now you're gonna laugh but just like an athlete trains a muscle, you have to retrain for ejaculation.  In other words, in the "off season" (when you're by yourself) you have to find new ways of getting off faster.  Sounds crazy but it works.  Get a few mags - Club works for me -- see the three girls sharing the 18" purple dong?  Whoa... Find an image in one that really helps get you off.  Then remember it.  You may have to change the image from month to month but having one that truly turns you on helps you to focus during the act.  Because we sometimes get TOO EXCITED and that's what shuts us down.

Another thing I found was the amount of excersing has an effect on ejaculation time.  For medical reason I've had to lay off ALL exercising - running, weight training- swimming everything (I ran two triathlons this past year) for 4 weeks now and my will power on eating healthy is not exactly there either.  And guess what - the problem disappeared entirely.  I don't know if it was the extra protein I was taking to keep body fat down or what.  But now it's like - think of the image - get on - and WHAM - I actually had premature ejaculation!  Wow!  Haven't had that in years!  Now I can taper it off by what I think of during the act just like normal guys.

Anyway, you might experiment and narrow it down.   Just my 2 cents.

and try not to think about releasing. Have fun and enjoy everything else you are doing.

Also, since most of us are not doctors, why don't you give yours a call and discuss this with him....


Shaye

You need to relax. The more you think of performing, the more you won't be able to. When I first went into the hobby, I was so nervous I couldn't complete the act and would leave with mason jar like blue balls. I had to think like this were an ordinary experience and not think with the head on my shoulders.  Once I began to relax and enjoy the time, problem solved!

If it is medical, maybe the blue pill will work. Got Bob Dole and Raphael Palmerio's groove on.

It might sounds stupid, but a vibrator (yes a woman vibrator), works great for me when I want to masturbate, and I pop faster and with more power than when I use my hand.

Have your lady give you a prostate massage - it will give you an incredible sense of urgency.  Good luck.

I'm overwelmed by all your support.When I posted this I figured a few would answer and that would be it.
I have alot to digest and take under consideration.I'm also glad to see I'm not alone with this problem.
FYI I'm not on any meds,don't smoke and moderately drink.I don't have a problem getting an erection,but lately I have had a problem maintaining it for an extended time.Like I said I get discourged and give up.
I will see the doc,but for now I'm going to take the majority advice and relax.Someone said something about going back to when I was a teenager.That is exactly what I would like to do.Sit on the couch and kiss and hug without the pressure of sex.At least I can still please a woman and that is very important to me.
I will let you know how I make out(no pun intended).

water is definitely the way to go, fluids are very important.  
Think of it as filling up a water balloon to the max.  It will eventually pop.

I have an older guy that works for me and he is an avid biker, loves his Harley. Every Friday he can't wait to get on his bike. I asked him once where he was going this weekend. He said "When you get to be our age we've been almost everywhere so it's not the destination that counts I just love the ride". There is a lot of wisdom there, forget about the destination and enjoy the ride.

Relax, let yourself go. You have not fallen off he wagon yet.
Give it some time, over some good wine.
Forget about it and I feel like this will get better.
Don't be ashamed.
At least you are willing to try.

Maker1, looking back on your comment here,you hit the nail right on the head.

A clue in your last post: "I don't have a problem getting an erection,but lately I have had a problem maintaining it for an extended time."  This makes me think that the little blue pill might just help you.  I had the same problem due to reduced sensitivity with the condom.  I'd go soft and start to get anxious and things would go south.  I tried V and it takes away the worry about going soft.  Once you do it a few times and get your confidence back, you won't need it anymore and should be OK.  Believe it or not, this is a form of premature ejaculation.  You get worried about getting soft and end up not cumming.  Since its really hard to will yourself to relax, use Viagra as a teacher and get back up on the bike .

That's when you need to know if you're cumming or going.....

I suggest that you try multiple positions and make sure that you
please the provider first. It is very important that they are wet
have her ride you on top and try miss. I suggest that you try doggie
style where she lays flat on her stomach. Change the angle of entry
and take your time. You will be suprised how much you cum. I also
suggest that you get on a high protein diet. I usually eat tuna fish
for with breakfast, after a gym workout, and in the afternoon. Take
zinc 50-60mg a day and make sure you get your rest and drink plenty
of water. Stop thinking about trying to cum, let it cum naturally.

Try having the lady use a vibrator on you while she is giving you a BBBJ.  This idea is related to the suggestion already made about prostate massage.  Believe me, it works.