I don't care why a woman is nice with me and performs well. I write about what I experience. If she is willing do give me Greek for free, sure I will write about it. I might even take her up on a second round.
I occasionally attempt to contact posters and reviewers by TER mail. Occasionally I receive a message indicating the handle does no exist. I believe one can only receive messages that are addressed to his/her VIP registered handle.
When I encounter this error, I treat the post with even more skepticism than for a well-recognized handle. This is especially true for reviews for which the handle has posted no other reviews.
Do you also look askance at these 'on-the-fly' handles?
I don't really care about posts because I know one guy I private mail to a lot who has at least 3 alias's to my knowledge. Posts also don't affect my wallet or my ego one bit so who cares who is writing them as long as they are interesting and make me think.
Now reviewers. If I am looking at a provider and the only review on her is by a guy who only has one review, then it may be overkill but I consider that an automatic ripoff and I throw that provider out of my wish list. My first review was o a gal who had 2-3 pages of reviews so that I wouldn't have considered a problem. But my second review was of an agency gal who I was the first to review and the last time I looked the only one to review. She was really great but I don't know if I would have believed me either given my track record.
When I am making my final choice, I look at the providers reviews but I also look at the reviewers records for a bias or some other problem.
that some reviewers would admit that the provider practically manipulated them into raising her scores (part of that "bias" i mentioned before)
i'm not referring to anyone in particular, but guys who first run their reviews by a provider to get her approval and editorial input deserve a good ass-whupping! LOL
I don't care why a woman is nice with me and performs well. I write about what I experience. If she is willing do give me Greek for free, sure I will write about it. I might even take her up on a second round.
I PM'd the other day, to more than one person at a time, separated by semi-colons and it kept giving me the same message that the handle did not exist. So, since i knew the handles were valid, it either didn't like the spacing, punctuation, or how the handle was typed. I believe you have to type it in exactly as it is written, using the caps where it's used.
I have PM'd a number of people who also haven't responded. Obviously, I only PM someone who has the 'envelope' next to their handle, but this doesn't mean that they know they have a message, can retrieve, or reply to it, as they might not be a VIP member? As STAFF indicated, we all have the envelope regardless of whether or not we are VIP members, but can only reply and open mail if we are VIP status.
Either that, or they don't care to reply! Which could be..
Anything that doesn't have the envelope next to it, indicates an alias, and you can't PM the alias..
I have a few "aliases" aside from "book_guy" and I use them for one or two reasons --
1. because I'm posting something that includes enough specifics that it will identify me to readers who might have been there, and so would taint the discussion or leave "the real Book Guy" open for reprisal. I've had some form of "book guy" as an ID on anonymous internet sites since about 1990, and don't want to lose it. This problem comes up more on the local boards than on the national one.
2. because the discussion is one which may lead to heightened anger or some such, tending toward the flame. If I use a different ID, people can't chase me around the boards and post in response to my commentary that's unrelated to the argument. Again, it's about protecting myself from reprisal.
These are, I admit, "chicken" maneuvers on my part, and I tend to try to avoid flame-wars and arguments anyway.
For people who want to try to email me, I don't keep the full TER membership level that's necessary, so even if you DO know my "real" (rather than aliased) TER name of "book_guy", you still won't get through to me via TER mail. That's just a matter of cash -- I don't pay for membership very often, because I'm an intermittent hobbyist but a regular board participant.
I can see why someone "hiding" behind an alias, and then posting things that are rather extreme -- especially if they tend toward reviews of other people -- could look very suspicious. The more you want someone to believe you, the more you need to put your name behind your statements. When that situation arises, I always use my "real" TER name, book_guy.
is a semi open secret, at least for members in LA board.
some girl went crazy trying to figure out Spec's real handle!
I only recently acquired some aliases, after talking with a Hobbyist/friend/soon client and he explained some of his aliases. What are my favorite things about men - the differences! You guys are so darn cute sometimes, how imaginative and creative you can be, but it still reminds me of how you're still like little boys. For you guys, it's like Spy stuff! LOL He was telling me that he likes sometimes creating aliases with whole personalities assigned to them, whereas I think most people (???) probably use an alias to still be themselves, but to voice something that they don't want people getting mad at them for! Either way, it makes sense. But, this friend was telling me the aliases, the personalitites he's given them (completely different than his own) and it really was quite interesting.
I, on the other hand, wanted one to be genderless, which I couldn't pull off, but that's where it started; wanted to create another one for the occasions when you want to just lay it straight out but didn't want it to be politically incorrect for Sedona but felt it should be said anyway - so someone could just read the post and not concentrate on the Poster; and considered creating a whole different one with a different persona.
Alas, much time involved, and I'm trying to wean AWAY from the boards! LOL LOL
Sedona, I enjoy your posts & generally find myself in basic agreement with your views. This, however, is one where I must respectfully disagee. I personally think (& I've stated this before, many times) that the mulitple alias usage can, & IMO has, usually created nothing but problems. It's one thing to have a review handle & another a board handle...but one & only one for each should be sufficient.
I don't find the "cute" ones to be all that cute...maybe that makes me a stick-in-the-mud, but we all have our own ideas about what's funny.
As to someone saying something behind another alias because they're afraid of getting flamed for it, my take on that is that perhaps if they feel that way they should remain silent in the first place. I fully understand there are can be certain situations where exceptions are warranted, but from what I've seen those are extremely rare. I cannot personally assign any value to what someone says if they aren't willing to be accountable, should it come to that, for their words...I can't even respect that in most cases. Too bad that many want to remain in the kitchen while unwilling to stand the possible heat.
I've posted views sometimes that I knew the majority wouldn't agree with & occasionally some of them have been vocal about that..all well & good, but I've never hidden from possible flack & I never will. I'm just old-fashioned enough to still believe in some of the ideas I was raised with...accountabilty for one's words & actions being one of them.
Don't get pissed my dear, I've disagreed respectfully & without malice...& I used my ONLY handle. LOL
How could I get pissed at YOU?
And I'm sure I've posted many things that people have disagreed with me on and maybe they've posted so, and maybe not.
In this post, I merely mention the various reasons why people have aliases - some are reasons I've never even thought of, such as creating personas, etc. I don't know that I agree or disagree with the alias thing, and never had any until now (I can PM you my reasons), but do UNDERSTAND the reasons some people post under an alias, regardless of how I feel about it.
I think I'm pretty honest, even out spoken sometimes on the boards, and have been told numerous times by sister Providers that it's not wise to post as often as I do on the boards - that it will 'hurt' my business, etc; that the men are often turned 'off' by a lady who posts frequently. I've even been emailed by ladies ASKING me NOT to. But, I still do..And MOST often, I post under my name, often times when it may not be 'popular' to do so. I admire both Shaye, and Tamara for this.
The interesting thing about people is that SOMETIMES, SOME people have a hard time separating what they might read in ONE post as compared to the WHOLE picture of the man (or lady), and then make their assumptions on that person based on that. Certainly easy to do if one doesn't frequent the boards - like walking into the last half of a conversation, sort of. Since I'm quite active on the boards, i have a 'feel' for the members..and if I'm not sure, I'll do a message search to get a better 'feel' of the person by reading past posts. This is one area where I'd like the Gents to explain why they review under one name and post under another...for someone like me, who likes to 'know' the man before accepting a date, I like to read his reviews, as well as understand his thinking by reading his posts, so unless he provides both to me, I don't have 'the picture'.
Often when I post under Sedona, it really is a 'general' message and not something specific to Sedona, herself. But, there are plenty of people that might not like that, and make assumptions. So, I created an alias because I just wanted to be a nameless, faceless, voice - to be able to speak in generalizations, and not have people 'clouded' by WHO is posting. In other words, the message was important, not the messenger. I created another alias because the material was so sensitive, that the Watchful Eyes don't need to draw the attention to Sedona, specifically, but I felt the message was important enough to be told. (I think you get the jist on that?)
It is rarely that I will 'hide behind' something, although I must admit, that I am more 'tolerant' (using that world LIGHTLY) of a Provider doing so, than a Hobbyist, as, after all, saying certain things can mean Political suicide to the Ladies. We all know that you can be as perfect a person as you can attain to be, and still have problems or bad things happen in your life, often unfairly, and for many of these ladies, a simple rumor can ruin them, or they feel it can. They certainly don't want to INVITE trouble! For many ladies, this IS their livelihood and they are protective of it.
I had a reader PM me, thinking that I was Miss Manners. I am not. I am flattered to think that someone thought I might be, as I enjoy her posts and find them charming - her cute little "that will be $100" at the end etc. is really creative and unique to her posts. I think this is a perfect example of a post, under an alias, that is a real joy.
People want to be loved, accepted, and listened to. People don't want to be misunderstood, judged, or pre-judged. I feel that if it benefits THEM, and benefits the discussion to contribute their thoughts, and the only way they can feel free enough to express it is under an alias, than so be it. I would rather they felt able to do so, then for us all to be at a loss because they couldn't. If doing so, over time, gives them the confidence and they feel the acceptance to later post under their 'name', then wonderful!
Years ago, a lady that made a huge difference in my young life, that I affectionately referred to as Mother Superior, told me "Sedona, check the MOTIVE. When you check the motive, you'll know the answer." I've applied that more times than I can count. If the motive of the poster, using an alias, is to get a message across; to speak their heart; to shyly participate (when they otherwise might NOT have), and there's no harm..then 'welcome', pull up a chair. If the motive is to deceive, harm, flame, or whatever..well, need I say more?
Dearest Greywolf, I don't think we are in disagreement, but talking about the same things in a different light.
And BTW, it takes WAY more than that to get me pissed..
Sedona hugs,
me
-- Modified on 7/25/2003 9:30:02 PM
I appreciate the honesty in all your posts. You are admired, by me at least, just as much as Shaye and Tamara (and others) for speaking your mind. We may be small in numbers but we have a voice nevertheless. Tolerance and understanding are the keys to a happy life.
Glad you took my post in the spirit it was intended...it was really about the entire idea of the multiple alias issue much more so than it was about anything you'd said. And whether it's a case of seeing things from a different light or simply having a different POV entirely, it doesn't mean that I don't respect your views at all...you state them well & with logic.
In particular I agree with what you say about "motive" being an important factor. Therein is the main reason for my objection to the conecpt of more than one alias. While not discounting any of the possibilities you've mentioned, I've seen far too many that were to "decieve, harm, & flame" (from both guys & gals). There was quite an increase in those types of posts very shortly after TER changed the policy & began allowing more than one alias. In my view the bottom line is that the negatives simply outweigh the positives.
As to guys reviewing under one name & posting under another, I'm sure the reason is to feel free from repurcussions about posting an honest review even if it was a less than stellar encounter. I don't do it myself, but I think I understand it & don't necessarily object to it. For gals who want to post under an identity other than the one they have as an advertised provider, my attitude is pretty much the same...other than there should still be only one name for the boards for them as well, the same as for the guys.
I understand that gals might be hesitant to post under their provider names for the reason you indicate. But that can be a coin with two sides. By the same token that you like to be able to get a "feel" for a potential client, I'm of the same mind when it comes to the ladies. Sure, there might be some I wouldn't want to see based on their board personna, but others I might be more inclined to see for the same reason.
It can all be part of our individual "selection" process if we chose to make it so, maybe helping both guys & gals make better choices & therefore have better encounters. That's one reason (not the only one) I've used only one name for both my posts & reviews. Any gal I might contact can then "check me out" as far as TER is concerned, & if she doesn't like what she finds she can decline to see me as opposed to maybe not having a good experience...better that way for both of us I think.
I didn't really think you'd be pissed, but there are times I'm not sure if I express myself as well as I'd like. Thanks for your well-reasoned response.