(see link for more)

Let's get down to what I promised: arrange it so you can cheat or have affairs --or be fully available to do so--and all but eliminate any risk that your partner will ever catch on. I will arrange these "hot secrets" I've learned from the flubs of others in five simple steps.

1. Check out your level of stress and adjust. It's well known that excess stress clouds thinking or judgement and makes people impulsive. To be really good at affairs and cheating you need to have your wits about you and avoid being haphazard.

How would you rate your ongoing degree of stress in recent times on a scale from one to seven ... when seven represents the most severe chronic stress you have experienced? The number one would stand for no recognizable stress at all.

Here is a hint to help be sure about how much stress you have. Using that same "one to seven" scale, rate yourself on how much you tend to worry. You know, worry is thinking about stuff that you see as "bad" that has occurred or might happen, and you usually have trouble getting your mind off it. Now, write down a second number from one to seven that represents your level of worrying.

You can be more confident that you rated your stress about right if the number you gave it pretty much matches your level of worrying. If, for instance, you rated your recent, ongoing level of stress at a five and that is accurate, then you probably rated your level of worry at a five or maybe a six. If you rated your stress at maybe a three or four and rated your level of worrying at a five or six, then you underestimated your stress level.

An chronic stress level above a four is clearly too much. Before cheating, or going back to it, you need to lower your usual level of stress to no higher than two on the scale.

2. Foster your appeal. Being someone who cheats (has affairs) or is open to it, you are likely to be concerned about your appearance. Probably you've "dropped" some excess pounds or are careful to avoid "picking up" more weight. Your more attractive body and clothes that might attract people to cheat with you can too easily be a giveaway and increase suspicion about your behavior or interests.

Take care to cover your tracks by encouraging your "significant other" to find you appealing. If you have gotten rid of some pounds, for example, point it out to him or her and in a flirtatious way. When you wear something new and maybe sexy, ask him (or her) if he likes it.

Doing these things will influence your unsuspecting "significant other" to stay that way, unsuspecting. He (or she) will think that you are looking good for his sake and not to attract or keep someone else. Sneaky, huh?

3. Get physical. One of the clearest giveaways that someone might be having affairs or cheating, or inclined to, is that she becomes physically aloof from her "significant other." If you are getting pleasure elsewhere or simply want to, you will have less interest in romance at home.

Avoid suspicions by daily touching (several times) your significant other in ways that he or she will find agreeable/tolerable and might encourage arousal. And don't limit your touching to when other people are watching. You might gently scratch his back or hold her hand. Whenever you can, let this touching culminate in intimacy with your partner. That will really throw him (her) off!

4. Deal with any guilt or hurt feelings about yourself you experience. When I say "experience" I'm using the word broadly. Unless it is particularly severe, hardly anyone recognizes his guilt of hurt self-esteem for what they are. Anyway, don't feel guilty or feel badly about yourself.

Ask a librarian to point out the most popular books about building self-esteem and read them. Regularly counter negative things you say to yourself with affirmations, such as: "I am important." "The more I know what's true about myself, the more I care about and respect myself." "I refuse to trade my future and the futures of those I love to satisfy the 'wants' of a terrific, but childlike, part of my personality."

5. Take a Sex Addiction Inventory.* Cheating or having affairs so you can get away with it needs to come from health and not from addiction. People who are addicted to sex and haven't dealt with it are notorious for getting caught.

Not long after I began to write this piece I told a colleague about what I planned to say. I could see what I guessed was shock on his face. As in, "How dare you tell people how to cheat and not get caught. After all, fearing getting caught is part of what discourages affairs. If you reduce the fear of being caught, mightn't you encourage cheating?"

By the time I finished telling him (this colleague) the five guidelines I just shared with you, his expression had changed to reflect what I suspected was confusion. In so many words he said, "But it's commonly believed that too much stress,
a partner not finding one attractive,
physical aloofness,
hurt self-esteem and
sex addiction
are the major contributors to cheating.

Won't encouraging people to reduce their stress, and so on, make it less likely they will cheat?"

Then I restated the title of this article, "Affairs, How You Can Cheat and Not Get Caught." I pointed out that the title used the word, "can." I didn't say that anyone would cheat after reading this. The fact is, and this is particularly important, being in a position to cheat and not get caught makes it about impossible to do so. You won't be inclined to do so. Those factors that encourage affairs make getting caught a sure thing.

LOL, LinkM, Thanks but this is
way too deep for me !!  I'm a pretty
shallow guy, all I wanted is a few tips
on how to get the smell of a woman off
after I'm done with DATY and etc.
A special soap or body wash was what
I had in mind.  Thanks for the
article though.

The best way not to get caught is to not do it.

To be perfectly honest with you, you are playing your wife short if you think she is totally clueless. She may not know that you may be paying for it but she knows something is up. Many guys mess up when they don't stick to their normal routines. If your 4 day a week never fail encounters drops off to a once a week maybe, trust me she knows something is up.

I'm sure you know this but a guy's internal emotional wiring is different than a woman's. Where as a guy can justify in his mind doing this, that same guy would loose his mind if he knew his wife even talked to another man let alone do what many of us men do. A man can just look at this as a physical thing and not wanting to get into an affair where he may leave the house. A wife will look at that as, you swore never to bugger another woman for the REST OF YOUR LIFE, regardless of the circumstances.

If you are worried about not tipping her off, you better keep your routines, appearance, habits etc. the same. If you are a converse and sweat pants guy, don't turn into Hugo Boss suits when you are going to creep. If you NEVER work late or hang out after work, then arrange your romps during your lunch hour. There are only so many after work errands or car trouble she is going to believe. If you religiously are an Old Spice guy and then start buying Largerfeld or Aramis but wear it once a week/month (whenever you creep), you are basically telling on yourself.  If you have no passwords on you PC and then your wife finds directories are locked or your e-mail is locked or your cache files are always empty (A friend of mine got busted like this because his lady was very computer literate and did not buy that his cache files were always empty yet he was online for hours a day), then you will tell on yourself.

Bottom line, the harder you try to hide it, the more you will tell on yourself.

I'm Out!

Hit My Music!

-- Modified on 5/27/2002 8:48:44 AM

That's what I thought, those guys are thinking too deep.  I was thinking about more in terms of hiding time and money from your SO without being discovered, especially for guys with a fixed pay check and works standard hours.  Without being repeatitive, I would say everything starts with a secret PO box and a secret cell phone.  Then solve one little problem at a time and nothing cannot be overcome.  You can only get better, but not for the faint hearted that wouldn't start the first step.

Smell?  Stick to lunch time and you are alright.  Most ordour will be gone by the time you go home.  Otherwise, do a few laps or go to the gym.  Did someone say don't do anything that you don't normally do?  Very true.  So you have to get use to do something out of the ordinary from time to time, like taking your SO to the gym for no reasons.  Totally change your hair style.  Wear a tie for a week, and only for a week.  To hide ordour, cigarette is the best thing after slice bread.  You may think this is extreme to shorten your life, but you have to give your best, you have to throw everything you have to crack an egg.

Can't take long lunch?  Change jobs or go into business.  Otherwise, make up an illness, go to see the 'doctor' once or twice a month.  You have to get a new job anyway so your co-workers or boss don't know your SO, so your SO will not know that you are ill.  And if you take an hour, a day or a week off from work, your SO cannot possibly find out.

Now you can see, you cannot be shallow too.  You have to think deep, like the solution to hiding the DATY smell could be to wear a tie for a week plus changing your job.  But don't worry, after a while, you will get use to it and that's part of the fun, not painful at all.  Play safe, good luck.

ps, concentrated tea happens to be the simple solution for this case, even works for cigarette smell, ask any teenages.

Here's a few to start with ....
(1)  continue having sex ... just as often as usual if not more.
(2) get yourself a p.o. box
(3) get yourself your own credit card
(4) get control of or get your own checking account or savings account .... now you know why # 1 was get your own p.o. box
(5) get your own hotmail account .. i'm sure you've got that.
these are starters more later .........

Thanks, Just keep the ideas coming.

Interesting.  Just happens that I have
access to ton loads of chinese powder
without the tea leaves.  I guess a Tea bath afterwards
will take care of the scent.
Thanks for the tip !!

I would recommend against your own credit card/checking account. If you ever apply for a loan that information shows up on the credit report. I even payed for a car with cash and they still ran a credit report from just my SS# that had a list of every bank account and credit card I own.

As for how to hide the money. Whenever I go to the ATM I get an extra $20-$100 and hide it away. I get questions about where the money went sometimes but I can always just say I went to lunch with so-and-so, etc.

the slavery of a nosy clinging spouse, unless she is that rare one in a billion who encourages you to continue your bachelor flings, while she flings a bit too, which is also Darwinianally understandable.
Enjoying multiple sexual partners for as long as you live is necessary for male mental and physical health. It is totally Darwinian. Staying single and living alone is the only way to live and enjoy multiple partners without third party interference.
It's difficult enough to be normal and naturally polygamous when you are single. A wife can really be a major obstacle. Both of my exes were fine for a year or two, then the need for schlonging around came to the fore, so to speak.
A guy has to understand this at age 14, or he may be lost in the myth forever! LOL
Sure, I love my children too, I just don't know who or how many there are! LOL

-- Modified on 5/27/2002 6:59:54 PM

-- Modified on 5/27/2002 7:01:15 PM

But I have the good fortune of having
several wonderful children.  I just want
some fresh meat once in a while.

If we were genetically programmed for monogamy we would cease to crave after mating.

I still got the crave....

Amazing.... A lawyer, right?

I think you might want to lighten up a little. With expressions like "fresh meat" it sounds more like you are seeking a kill that a sexual experience. No wonder you're worried about getting caught...



-- Modified on 5/27/2002 6:54:38 PM

You can put loads in it all at once with legit reasons.  Nobody will find out how much you spend for years.  Anyway, spent it or lose it in the market looks the same.  Take away $100 at a time is inconvenience at best.  It's just too slow when you got the big desire everyday once in a blue moon.  If your SO will actually look at your account, then make it a secret one.  As for how to get money in it, there are plenty of ways as I mentioned in my previous post.  If anyone resorts to hiding hundreds at a time, I have one of the better ways.  Adjust your pay check deductions to withdraw as much as you desire.  Then get the refund from IRS starting from next Jan.  Of course you need to get a secret PO box that I mentioned.  It will work if you SO isn't an accountant that goes over your tax return.  If she isn't but she try to go over it, there are thousands of ways to screw up yourself, so your tax return will give an headache to everybody except perhaps an accountant.

That's exactly how *I* feel!
It's good to know that so many of you gentlemen understand this and would understand if your wives turned the tables on you and decided to join you in your views...

Hehe! Just food for thought gentlemen, never forget that what is good for the goose... should be good for the gander too. Or is that vice versa? I can never remember!

Hugs*
Nicole

If you feel this way, I'm sure your wife probably does as well. Why bother to put up the front and stay married? And please don't wimp out with that tired excuse that she will take half or I'm doing it for the children. Kids can sense when there is tension or no love in the family. If you have kids you don't want them to grow up thinking that is what they should expect out of marriage. Just staying together and just tolerating each other is not healthy for anyone.

Already have a secret lover or two? Why not?!!?

I don't get the jealousy thang. A defect in character? Maybe... but people are not possessions to ruled by decree. We are live and eager to experience new and wonderful things.

If I may quote one of my true loves, "It's a good thing!" (Love you Nikki!!!)

I have found that a hot tub takes the perfume off, for DATY, duck your head in the hot tub too, and those listerine strips take care of the rest.

Also nothing like a smokey titty bar to cover perfume.

Main thing is, make this behavior your routine one. If you don't have a spa, start talking about getting one. Complain of back pain. (ask for a rub) Offer to meet your SO at one of the spa places to "try it out" for an hour (might get lucky with her too).

If you don't frequent smoky bars or smoke already, start announcing a craving for those wonderful greasy bar burgers. Offer to take your SO to this great bar with the burgers you love. Make sure it is a smokey one.

Do Not get perfume on your clothes. Most providers are understanding and know that many of their clients are married and either don't wear perfume or will not if requested. Just ask! They don't want you in trouble either.....

Oh - One More Thing..... It is not cheating if you are paying for it. You are usually giving away something your wife doesn't want. It is cheating if you have a girlfriend, and you are giving her emotional support - phone calls and all that. You will ALWAYS get caught at that one. Often the girlfriend will make sure.

I couldn't agree with you more, we are on the same wavelength.  In addition, tea can even hide the smell of cigarettes and greasy burgers, and don't smell much itself, isn't that good stuff?

Sure it's easy to get caught with a girl friend.  But a 2nd secret cell phone helps a lot.  It's a good idea to have one ready.  Your SO may suddenly want to take all the kids to see their grand parents for weeks, who knows.  And also between a girl friend and one who get paid up front, there's something in between, say hostess girls.  You can find them when you need them.  The good thing is that they won't bother you in the evenings when they are working.  You can keep the 'relationship' for a while even when your SO is back.

Here are a few more ...... If your worried about getting your own credit card because of a credit report .. then the next time you get your new ones in the mail cut her's up.... I can't believe that in this day everybody still has just one!! (2) join a gym and invite your wife to also join .... two main reasons you now have a place where you can hide your time away from home a place to shower instead of dunking yourself in a hot tub, also get a locker great place to hide things like an extra shirt, tooth paste, etc ... more to come ....

there is a support group held in the gym for gym shy persons.  My long and slender legs grow in the dark!  Going to the gym once or twice a week (to build credibility) is hard work for me, even only for the shower.  Own credit card and many other things need a secret PO box to get the bill.  You can skip paper bills but if in any doubt, they will sent one.

If you're worried about perfumes, fragrances, etc., it may be easier to prevent the problem before it happens... e.g. tell your "partner" that you are allergic to perfumes and anything with fragrances, and to please refrain from putting them on during your date. Also beware of the fragrance of seemingly innocuous items like hairsprays...

One that I've read regarding masking odors: fill up your car with gas and put some of it on your clothes.  The smell of gasoline is much stronger than just about anything else.