I wish to extend the discussion of the thread below and end with a question for the providers. I want to word this carefully, so I do not receive the typical "you're a sap" response from the crowd that believes (and they may be right) that this is all business, period.

I am married and absolutely have no delusion that this is but fantasy.  However, even though I have few reviews, I have seen many others and I see a pattern out there.  Two types of providers: 1) ALL about the benjamins  and 2) PRIMARILY about the benjamins.  They are easy to distinguish, especially during the recovery/chatting portion of the "business transaction."  When I got involved in this, I imagined that it would be all about the benjamins and positively nothing more.  I was surprised that, for some providers, although they would not see me without the benjamins, they want to do business with someone they find pleasant and friendly.  Some want to remain your friend for subsequent encounters and/or just to shoot the breeze via PM or e-mail. Surprised the hell out of me.

My theory on this, take it, leave it, call me a sap if you want:  if I were single (no judgment intended), I would not be doing this as I would have no trouble finding civie relationships.  Because I'm not in "date mode" with providers, like some single guys or uncomfortable married guys might be, I'm just me when I meet providers.  I'm not trying to impress them or talk 'em up or anything, and the relationship is organic.  Thus, there have been times when I've clicked with a provider as a friend.  These are the ones I will see again (as long as the "business transaction" is mind-blowing too) because there is a comfort level. I must admit, though, there was one I saw again who I had absolutely no chemistry with, but she is hot, hot, hot, and had to relive the fantasy in my mind one more time!  The "all about the benjamin" providers are great for the one-time romp.  They are out there to earn a good living, nothing more, and see us as $$$$.  Totally works for me.  Some, I think, hate us hobbiests as people because they transfer their anger about themselves on us, as they are truly unhappy with what they are doing (totally different discussion).

Now, my question.  The cues and chemistry with those providers (one really) that I became honest, true friends with were obvious.  She volunteered her real name to me and we have discussed things no typical provider would talk with me about.  I have another provider who e-mails me, and she tells me she really likes me (several times) and tells me stuff atypical, but I'm still not sure.  I can't figure out whether she thinks I'm some sap that needs to hear that stuff (for which I'd really be pissed at her that she thought of me that way) or whether she really wants to be friends, which would be cool too (can't have too many friends and the business end of things might have a different dimension).  Ladies, at least those of you that truly have hobby friends in this business, what are the cues/information you put out there to trigger a hobbiest that you honestly wish to be his/her friend?  Wordy, I know.  I will now hang up and listen to your responses.

Getting confusing signals, tonylakers

As in any business you will find a scale of passion and involvement - those who hate their jobs and are simply punching a clock while counting the hours as money, to those who feel fortunate to have found a calling that they love which is personally fulfilling on many levels. The cynics who say it is all about the money either have only met the former... Or perhaps they themselves have no other reality to speak from.

As to the friends question, that's a sticky wicket. My role is to only be in your life as you choose, for a specific period of time, and to be on standby should you like to return.  It is a breach of etiquette and causes confusion of our contractural agreement for me to imply or to ask for more even with those hobby friends that I adore and whom i've known for years.

(sorry for typos. Phone typing is difficult for me)

-- Modified on 5/4/2009 10:45:19 AM

the compensated sport f@cking and the friendships I have developed with a very few providers over the years.

In the first instance, I am quite happy. Totally NSA. And it's easierier to keep the "service level" high in this kind of relationship vis one where a degree of friendship develops.... sometimes though the ladies I *expected* to be of this "type" surprised me....

In the second instance I spend quite a bit of time with provdier friends doing things together or assiting them with one thing or another (not involving money....).

But I have a "hard and fast" rule - all sex is compensated, whether they insist or not. To do otherwise makes things messy...  compensation is the only thing that preserves the NSA aspect.

Sex with complications I can get(and am getting!) elsewhere....

would it be about? I can't think of anything that would take the place of the cash. Being friends with providers for me is special, but thats a very long story.

that it is *all* about the benjamins.

it's foolish to say that the money does not matter. of course it does.

the money is critical to the provider - its her source (or one of her sources) of income.

the money *should* be critical to the client - its our guarantee (or it *should be*) of NSA sex.....

however

a lot more happens than handing over the envelope.

The quality of that engagement or in some cases relationship *transcends* the exchange of money in my view, making it trivial from my perspective. As long as I receive the NSA benefit!

Is it really different from any other business? I'm sure you have been in restaraunts where the owners love to cook for people, and others where it is just a place to make a living. You can have a good meal in both, depending on what you are looking for at that particular meal.

The one thing you said that I may not agree with is about providers transfering their anger about themselves onto hobbiests. I think you might find that in many cases that anger is about being unhappy about themselves, but a frustration with some of the frustrating situations you can come across.

Once again, like in a waitress, after having a string of bad tables, you can become frustrated, and have it effect your mood the rest of the evening.

Well yes, it can be a very long story but the details are not as important as the fact that you have a relationship with a provider that can transcend the envelope.  That is not as easy to accomplish as one might think.

All about the money? Why is it then that I can call one great lady, pay for a two hour appointment, and get a really terrific two hours, call a second lady and feel like I would have been better off staying home and watching porn then call a third, my ATF, and get an amazing weekend in Atlantic city for the price of two of those two hour appointments?

Yes, she does it for a living but we all work for a living.  We do not all do our jobs the same way...

Some of the most successful people I know can blend the two very well, when the conditions favor it. It doesn't mean they do it all the time. The people I'm speaking of have a natural charm and warmth, intelligence, wisdom and are very observant regarding personal dynamics, particularly with regards to the development trust. I've found the same to be true of some of the ladies if met.

Your observation comparing it to a waitress with a string of bad tables is correct, in some cases. But there are also waitresses who truly don't like being a waitress and provide poor service to everyone as they are detached from their job and their customers...the same is true in a lot of professions.

I did not mean to imply that providers manifest anger during a session.  I'm talking about some providers who post (mostly via alias) or blog (like a recent posting on the Chicago board of a classic rant from Denver) and rant generally that hobbiests are scum.  I ran into a provider who had an attitude like that, but was very professional during the session.  These are her internal issues, not a bad day on the job.

I simply let them know at the end of a date that if they want to contact me to just say "hi" or let me know how they would be doing, that would be great.  Yes, this is "job", but like anything else in life, you have good days and bad days.  I am extremely fortunate that the majority of my days are good.  I can honestly say, if more were bad, I would find a new line of work.

I have several very close friends that I have met through here. Some share a common background, some my dry sense of humor.  Life is way too short to not embrace a friendship when it is offered.  There is more than enough negativity to go around, why not embrace the positive?

Kari~~

compare chef gordon ramsey to a manager at a fast food. one has a passion the othe has a job. you can find either type of providers too i think. maybe the contrast there is the 22yo CL girl (with pimp) and an established independant provider.
which makes me point out have you guys ever noticed that the young hotties are far more likely to go to greece than kiss? or even dine at the y? why? intimacy. they are fast food providers.
when i eat at gordon ramsey's i feel the love, man.