After my divorce I went a little crazy catching up on what I'd missed out on during my 25 yr marriage to a shrew who hates men & feels guilty having sex. I'm an average lookin' mid-50s guy who doesn't mind paying lovely ladies who wouldn't give me the time of day under normal circumstances to be with me. I appreciate the ladies who know how to play the game & make this hobbyist feel special.
As an intellectual exercise, I'm interested in what got you guys involved in hobbying in the first place. We all like sex but there are more traditional routes towards obtaining that than digging in one's wallet. I think this would be an interesting thread if you all are willing.
Since I'm asking, I'll start. It's pretty simple for me, I'm not exactly the most attractive guy in the world. I have psoriasis which may very well be Latin for "woman repellent" lol. Finding women to be with the old-fashioned way has proven, shall we say, rather difficult if not next to impossible in my experience. Thankfully, I have found a couple of providers that don't seem to mind my condition that treat me very well. I am quite grateful to them and always treat them like gold and never take them for granted because without them I would simply never get laid.
OK there's my story. How about you all?
Enjoy! WIT
Couldn't find anymore "fuck buddies". I don't want a relationship and the civvy women my age aren't into the fucking friends thing. The younger women who would be into this aren't interested in older guys to explore with.
Now I know there will be a small section of those women I just mentioned that will prove me wrong, but they are few and far between and not easily found. So having an hourly girlfriend is optimal.
b-
It can take quite some time to build a relation ship to the point of actually being able to have a no-holds-barred, lay-it-all-out-on-the-line type of experience with the "more traditional routes"; if it even gets to that point." In the hobby that's not a problem.
Where else can you ask a woman "could we drip candle wax onto your kitty" within 30 minutes od meeting here, and get a straight answer other than "get the fuck away from me!"
Also, I likes 'em half my age. And my dick is small. And I look like Jabba the Hut.
Doesn't matter how nice the hotel, how nice the city and sights, being on the road three weeks a month in international cities isn't exactly something that doesn't result in loneliness often. You remember some nice chance meetings, like meeting the Saab models in Korea in their glitter gowns after you have been in Asia for two weeks...and you then plan part of your travels so you can be in town with them to relieve part of the loneliness. Escorts are all over Europe and Asia at a quick call...so, you call and although you love sex, you begin to look forward to the glass of wine and dinner and catching up more than the sex. And every once in awhile, she is too tired to go home, so you get a wonderful unpaid benefit of someone to sleep next to, wake up and have breakfast with, and laugh and share some time with. Frankly, the hobby for me was always so much more than the sex...there are some incredible women out there who are wonderful to spend time with...who can't themselves run from city to city to be with you very easily.
There's not too many young guys who can afford to hobby regularly. I'm glad that I'm one of them.
I've always had two very conflicting issues. 1) I love sex. I love women. I can't stand the company of other males for the most part. I absolutely love the company of women, regardless of whether or not it's sexual. I've always dreamed of being able to have sex with tons of beautiful women. What guy doesn't?
Well, when I was a late teens early 20s I wasn't a bad looking guy. I had quite a few hotties chasing after me back in the day.
But I'm such a setimental fool. I'm a geniunely nice guy, and never had the heart to break up with anyone. So this led me to turning down quite a few of those hotties.
Now I'm in a relationship that's wonderful, but the sex is non-existant. Not having sex started to literally drive me mad. I ended up fooling around on the side, was found out, and feelings were hurt. That kills me to this day.
So, that naturally led me to hobbying. Nobody gets hurt, and I've never been happier.
After my wife and I started a family her interest in sex dried up and my sex drive has always been very high.
I started with AMP and quickly moved on to incall providers. From there I had a couple of affairs and then a few sugar-daddy arrangements.
The hobby is easy and it doesn't hurt anyone. I can maintain my marriage which is important to me and can still have a rich, varied, sex life with beautiful women.
It's better than affairs because those arrangements can lead to trouble due to the ladies becoming clingy and demanding of your time.
It's better than sugar-daddy arrangements because it's simple and there is a definite rate versus a monthly allowance. The monthly allowance with a sugar-baby can get difficult (especially in this economy) and that can lead to trouble if she becomes upset.
The hobby is the way to go.
Vandy. Your post touches on a philosophical quandry that I have. I have wondered whether there are women that want children and financial security, but don't mind if the husband has sex on the side as long as the sex is not with friends, business associates or relatives. For me to marry, I would need to meet that type of woman.
I have always been very active mainly with friends with benefits and a series of girl friends on the side and --between marriages-- well you can imagine. Then, I was in New Orleans and found my first lady on TER. The sex was great, easily as much fun as the best I had previously enjoyed but without the muss o fuss. I couldn't believe it. Then I found that this was not the exception but could be repeated with some care and luck.
Actually pretty simple on the surface but probably hard to understand if you think about it for a while. I had a SO who ultimately became my wife who was undersexed and I was oversexed. Been hobbying for 35 yesrs or so.
I never even considered hobbying until recently, never crossed my mind. I'm not bad looking, in decent shape and can hold my end of a conversation. I've also been in LTR all my life . When my last one of 8 years ended, I started dating for the first time in my life. (I've always just met someone and they became my girlfriend, so never really dated)
Well dating is hard, especially where I live. The girls I like are mostly out of my league, the girls that like me I don't care for so much, I spent 2 hours talking to a beautiful mid-western girl last night, natural blonde hair, baby doll green eyes, pleasant ,funny, only to have her tell me in the end she is single but doesn't date because she is in a "transitional phase"?!? what to do? Speed dating? hanging in bars? lurking in alleys...
A couple of friends suggested hookers and I'm very grateful to them. I'll quote one provider who went through the dating wringer and told me "I found out that this is honestly the best way to date"
Your experience with the mid western woman matches mine with a drop dead beautiful, young, blue eyed German blonde Nanny years ago, except for the ending. My experience with civvi women back during that time was that if one spent time in a club talking to only me, she had a high level of interest. The trick was getting past mild uncertainty on the civvi's part. One concern of the German was that she just met me and didn't know me from Jack the Ripper. I got past the German's uncertainty, the result was an erotic encounter that I still savor to this day even as passing years have washed her name from memory long ago.
"We all like sex but there are more traditional routes towards obtaining that than digging in one's wallet."
QUID PRO QUO has been as much a part of human sex as "survival of the species" has been since the beginning. It is religion's long held censuring, and societal stigmatizing that impugns and marginalizes what you label "un-traditional".
Primates often barter food or such for sexual favors. By what standard is coitus "traditional".
True enough RRO. "Traditional" might have been a poor choice of words. Maybe "socially acceptible to the majority" would have been better.
WIT
Not tooting my own horn, but women of all ages seem to find me attractive now and did when I started hobbying. I can get civvi sex from women across the age spectrum if I wanted. But I don't because civvy sex comes with bonds that I don't want to deal with. Plus, I love encounters with new women. I would be a cheating boyfriend or husband, therefore I don't. I have hobbied for near three decades and have no intention of stopping.
After my divorce I went a little crazy catching up on what I'd missed out on during my 25 yr marriage to a shrew who hates men & feels guilty having sex. I'm an average lookin' mid-50s guy who doesn't mind paying lovely ladies who wouldn't give me the time of day under normal circumstances to be with me. I appreciate the ladies who know how to play the game & make this hobbyist feel special.
".....a shrew who hates men & feels guilty having sex...."
Was she always like this? Did she always feel guilty about sexual activity? And did you know she hated men from the get go? If so...why did you marry her..if not, I would wonder what brought on the change from someone you loved and wanted, to a shrew-like individual who hates men.
I have a curiosity about such things and am not in any way "having a go at you". I genuinely am curious.
she was on her BEST behavior during our brief courtship. Unfortunately, reality hit during the honeymoon & thereafter. I discovered that her father was abusive & that she had been manipulated into a lengthy affair (which ended about 6 months before we met) by/with her married BOSS. Reader's Digest version: no matter how hard I tried I couldn't overcome the baggage she brought into the marriage. Sigh.
Hopefully, they are willing to work on their issues.
It can be a lot of work, but their partner cannot do the work for them - they have to do it themselves. Often the issues are serious (as with your wife, with her history of childhood abuse), and a therapist can be very helpful.
Did your wife see any therapists?
To start Paradise4me, kudos for sticking it out for so long. Probably way too long. I have learned through experience that someone with baggage...known beforehand or discovered after the fact, is in no way a project for me to "help".
Tried and have always failed. What makes me sad and angry at the same time it's the subterfuge..."best behavior" , that in reality is a lie or fraud, which ever way you look at it.
It was on her to divulge these things before marriage or get herself some help for a good few years BEFORE getting into a relationship.
This hit home..."she had been manipulated into a lengthy affair (which ended about 6 months before we met) by/with her married BOSS...".
I have a very dear friend in the same situation and is in fear of losing her job and it has been going on for about 7 years. Too afraid to cut him off, hates doing it and hates him....but stays because in her words, "I have worked so hard to get where I am, I can't let him take that away from me".
Anyway I digressed...in light of your situation and situations of my own I have decided to stay away from LTR's...hot and heavy for 6 to 12 months and then a slow downhill slide. I like to keep things fresh and exciting. I hope you have a great time in this world and enjoy all the things you missed out on.
-- Modified on 5/29/2010 9:48:47 AM
Suggested that already, however she is afraid that it will turn into a he said..she said kind of thing with her then having a hell of a time working there after the fact, not to mention the industry
she is in is very small and the boss could make it almost impossible for her to get hired in the state she's in.
I suggested she wire herself and get it on tape but the aforementioned could still happen even if she won.
Then again a nice settlement might allow her some breathing room to either move or change jobs altogether.
Assuming she is leveling with you about the facts, I'd say she should go for it.
Nobody should have to put up with her present situation.
I was shy and awkward in high school and college and missed out on a lot. Came into my own in my 20's, both socially and professionally, and wanted to make up for lost time. I adore women and love spending time with them. I find hobbying to be far more simple and straightforward than dating, affairs, or sugar-daddy arrangements. Where else do I have the opportunity to make love to beautiful women on a continuous basis?
I'm concerned for your friend. She will suffer the same trust & intimacy issues that my ex did. Guys can be creeps but not all guys are creeps. That'll be difficult for her to accept ... when/if she gets out of her current relationship.
To answer madiba51's question, we went to marriage counseling ... several times ... but when each diagnosed a primary reason for our problems as her manic depression/bipolar disorder (another issue she had) then she refused to return. Only AFTER our divorce did she see a therapist & get meds. So sad.
Great thread. I appreciate our community a little more after reading it.
That was exactly how it was with my second wife. I had no clue as to how quickly things were going to change for the worst. I should have gotten a hint by how all her friends and family treated me like I was somehow a hero for being with her, when in my mind I was totally enjoying her and our relationship. We had both worked on our own issues in therapy, and I thought that was a good thing. Even her therapist, who was at our wedding looked at me in a sense of wonderment, or was it disbelief. Well, things turned on a dime the day after the wedding. After eight years I had to get a biopsy to test for cancer, and then realized that not only was I totally unhappy with walking on eggshells constantly, I may only have a short time to enjoy the rest of my life. After I got a clean bill of health, I divorced her.
Wow almost forgot about that aspect of it for me, thanks for reminding me Paradise. I was a "late bloomer" as my parents would have put it, extremely shy around the ladies in my teens and early twenties (I'm 40 now). Then suddenly arouns the age of 23 I lost interest altogether. Long story short, I had an undiagnosed hormonal imbalance brought about by a pituitary tumor that was finally diagnosed two years ago. So there is also a "make up for lost time" factor with me as sex is still relatively new to me.
Good thread so far! WIT
Life after 40 is the best. For you, even moreso!
I was going over my bank statements and found that I had $3,000
extra from a deposit I had not added to the ledger. I decided to go to Vegas and spend some time with a couple of hot young ladies,
last fling. It was a blast. Now, although I only see two to three
providers a year, I am hooked.
Add those up, and they spell hobby.
For a while I gave it up when I got married, but after a few years of that when I got cut off, I went back to doing what I knew best.
1. My girl wont do anything past mish,dog,bj. I love her and probably spend the rest of my life with her but in bed she is light years behind me and refuses to learn. We got in a big fight the first time i told her i wanted to blow on her face.
2.I love greek
3. Boredom
She had been suffering from clinical depression for several years due to the death of 2 close family members within 3 weeks of each other. I was a good husband for 2 years after her complete loss of interest in sex.
One Sunday night, I was in my office cruising the porn usenet groups when she screamed at me to come to the den. When I got there she was watching 60 Minutes and said "Take a look at what you can buy on Craig's List".
I had my first hobby date 3 days later.
........ years ago when I was a young fresh teenage horny stud I had an experience with a much older absolutely gorgeous escort who after rocking my world coolly said at the end of the session ... "not bad but next time don't cum to fast".
Her words still ring in my ear and ever since then I have been on a mission to prove her wrong.
Why did I get into it that young? I just love sex and didn't want to bother about chasing chics to get it. Besides I was a foreigner in America and didn't have the patience to understand the cultural nuances. I mean think about it, a young stud hitting the clubs on sunset strip in the mid eighties where all the gorgeous working girls were hitting the strip. It came naturally, and ever since then I have been hooked. I choose to be remain single because I know that I would cheat, and that to me is unbearable, specially if kids are invloved.
Had a few civvie relationships after divorce with women my age, but they were looking to get married, and I sure as hell was not. Then went thru a long dry spell, with Rosy Palm and her 5 daughters for dates. Not a whole lot of fun.
As I got older, I found that I really had little interest in women my own age because I thought they all looked older than me. Younger women that I would be interested in, like many of you guys reading this, I felt would not be interested in me. I am not good at picking up girls either in bars or anywhere else, and didn't have the confidence to try anyway.
I did visit a few lingerie shops to see some specific girls I wanted to see, before I retired, but that was about it. I waited till after I retired to enter the hobby, as I was worried that if I got busted, I might lose my job and possibly, my pension. I was in education. The community does not take too kindly to teachers involved in sex scandals of any kind.
So, after I retired 5 yrs ago, I said the hell with being celibate anymore, and started searching for my first provider. I have not looked back, I've made some wonderful friends, both male and female, and had lots of great sex.
Swim
I was so horny I was about to jump out of my skin. But, not horny enough not to do my homework. Found TER listed somewhere, got a VIP membership. And, dove in.
This whole thread was interesting. We all have our own reasons for starting. Mine was just to have some variety and the thrill of the chase. Then you get sucked in. Anyway I have enjoyed
I never thought that I would ever get involved in this hobby, since I couldn't take the chance of participating is anything illegal due to the nature of my job. However, I then discovered the legal brothels in Nevada when I was planning for my first trip to Vegas which was about 10 yrs ago.
A trip to the Chicken Ranch in Pahrump, NV is where it all started for me. Although, I eventually discovered TER and with a change in jobs a few years later, I was slowly taken over by the powers of the "darkside" ...LOL. Since I don't have an SO and I hate playing the "dating game", the hobby has worked out well for me. 
I love the ladies!! I have a small group of ladies I see. Some more than others. I'm just your average looking guy in his 40's who is single so I have no worries about keeping things secret. I have established some super relationships with a few providers that ALWAYS take good care of me.
There is one special lady I see regularly who is now retired from the biz. She was quite popular and had great reviews however, she chose a different career. We get together on a very reqular basis. Sometimes over-nighters too. Since she is retired, I only pick up the food and/or entertainment bill on our dates and in return, she provides me with the BEST sex ever. The sex is fantastic!! No strings attached. I knew we had good chemistry from the start, even when she was a provider and I was a client. Now I have a great friend to play with. So all in all, this hobby has provided me with the opportunity to meet some beautiful ladies who are all amazing.
Have safe fun all.
SR
