My first threesome … as I posted some time ago … wasn’t a great success.   Over the years I’ve done better.    Had two girls …. sisters a couple of times … twins once.  Always wondered about a mother & daughter .. but that’s just something I keep in the fantasy bag … right there next to the “win the lottery” and  “the staff at Rite-Aid will be knowledgeable, helpful, courteous and speedy” fantasies.   This is the story of my most recent Threesome.

At the time … my ATF provider was working part time as a stripper in a local nude club … not for the money of course because it’s a pay cut from her regular gig … but because she’s a born show-off.   I used to go in to see her frequently and she’d introduce me to other dancers that she thought had potential and sometimes I’d buy a dance with the potential … mostly just to be friendly.  Again, the mileage is just too low for the $$.

Anyway …. I was taking my ATF to dinner one Friday night at the Yard House in Long Beach, CA.  Nice place, good food and great scenery.   On a Friday night the “boobage” as one of my friends calls it, can be nothing short of astounding and my ATF likes to look and compete, too.   As soon as we parked the car and made it to the front desk .. who should be there waiting for us but the best looking ‘potential’ that my ATF had ever introduced me to.   Life is good.

As we walk into the main bar, both girls … dressed perfectly, were on either side of me, each holding my hand.   There was an audible difference in the room as probably half the conversation hushed a bit – you could even HEAR the heads snapping as people looked at us … well OK .. looked at THEM.    You could tell from the eyes and the faces ….. that right there … at that moment … most of the girls in the place were wondered what I had ….. and just about every guy in the place wanted .. and that moment, more than anything else in life …. to BE me!   Life is BETTER THAN GOOD.    The luck of the draw was that we got a table in the bar …. one of the high tables with stools rather than chairs … almost dead CENTER of the room and the two girls .. as well as me, I guess, did our part of put on a show.    The waitress came over and we ordered drinks.  I ordered a diet Coke and ordered the girls some sort of girlie drinks – the kind that have umbrellas in them … and then we started to talk … and flirt .. and touch … and feel.   And I guess, to a certain extent, to perform.   But hey … life is GOOD and this evening is going to end at my place!!!!!!  JOE COOL RIDES AGAIN!

At one point .. I was deep French kissing Dancer Girl …. while having my hand almost all the way up my ATF’s skirt …..  and thinking if I dies right now … it would take a team of undertakers two days to get the smile off my face.    I was doing this just as the drinks came.    I disengaged Dancer Girl and leaned over to kiss ATF as I reached for my drink, which I picked up and brought to my mouth just as I finished kissing ATF …….

           AND STUCK THE STRAW OF MY DIET COKE RIGHT UP MY NOSE

Mind you … this was not one of those little cocktail straws that they put in the girlie drinks so that nervous women on first dates have something to twiddle with …. this was a large bore industrial straw and it went up so far and so hard that when I pulled the drink away the straw remained.    

Joe Cool has encountered a setback here.  

It would be funny to say that when I pulled the straw out I would have had a nose bleed, right?  Not so.  What happened needs to be more fairly described as a hemorrhage.   Blood was coming out fast and going everywhere.     The cool bars these days … and the Yard House is a cool bar … don’t use cocktail napkins anymore …. they use these hard cardboard thingies that may be good for sopping drinks that sweat … but are pretty much useless for first aid.

Joe is starting to feel woozy from blood loss

Now the girls immediately dive into their purses for tissue and this is a hopeful sign.   I know from many past experiences that a woman can get a piece of tissue from her purse with the same easy and frequency as they can get a lipstick, eyeliner, claw hammer or a copy the Magna Carta … so soon … all we be well.

EXCEPT ……..

ATF has a lipstick, her driver’s license and breath freshener.   Dancer has lipstick, a condom (gotta give Dancer credit there) …. and …….

Yep .. you guessed it.    One Each, regular issue, type Super Absorbent  …. T A M P ON

No waitress in sight.   No EMT on their way.   Crunch time here.    Will to live fighting ego … will wins this one – Joe Cool sticks a Tampax into his nose and tries his best to cover it with his hand … but the high table … center of the room … people watching ….. can’t make it look like I planned this, can’t make it look like a joke and . try as I tired .. can’t make myself invisible, either.

We made an effort to finish our drinks …. even made it to dinner ….. but the conversation has a thick blanket of fog over it not unlike the smog layer that laid waste to London in the late 1800’s …. but every time Dancer looked at me she started to giggle.   Then ATF would laugh.   Then I’d laugh and any semblance of the moment was gone, so we all gave up and went home.

Shortly after that, Dancer quit the business and got married.    I hear she has a kid now.  Hope there wasn’t a connection.