The phenomena of the uninvolved father is common, but extraordinarily widespread for daughters.  Many daughters have figuratively had to dance for their father's approval - and even then weren't sure they'd get it.

In a well-done, five-year study of 300 women, Dr. Seymour Fisher found that among women who have trouble reaching orgasm, most had fathers who were emotionally or physically absent during their childhoods.  Their fathers simply couldn't be depended on.  (However, I believe this effect can be lessened to some degree by a close relationship with a grandfather, uncle, or even an older brother).

The experience of father loss by girls often results in a delayed reaction.  Young boys who experience father loss often experience emotional upheavals earlier, but have these upheavals also dissipate sooner.  But for girls, the pain of father loss in early childhood can erupt later during adolescence.  For these adolescent girls, men can become the imagined source either of rejection or rescue.

The circumstances of the loss of her father can have an effect on an adolescent daughter.  Girls who lost their father through divorce may be seductive or assertive with men, seeking their attention.  Girls whose father died may be anxious or shy around men, tending to avoid them.  When girls brought up with no warm, suportive male venture out into heterosexual relationships, there is more anxiety, because it's a new experience for them.

Too narrow a definition of father absence can cause a woman who has experienced it to deny this aspect of her childhood experience.  A man who is physically present, but is not involved in the family, is also an "absent" father, because he is emotionally absent.  This is the father who always says "Ask your mother".  It is the engagement and involvement of the father, and not just his physical presence, that really matters.  An emotionally remote or rejecting or actively punishing father can lead to a girl feeling apprehensive around men, a feeling which will carry over into her adult life.  Even if she has a loving mother, paternal neglect can have a huge negative effect on girls.

But when fathers are lovingly involved in their daughter's lives from birth, their daughters will reap the benefits all their lives.  Daughters who have fathers they can count on are more likely to be drawn to men who treat them well, more likely to see their lovers as dependable people who won't suddenly disappear, more likely to be consistently orgasmic.

The less involved the father is, the more vulnerable the daughter is to feelings that she's "just a girl", to a sense that she deserves rejection or exploitation, to an inability to experience sexual release, and to unaccountable bouts of depression. This can happen even when Mom and Dad are still together.

When fathers are alive, but not a predictable presence actively participating in their daughter's lives, his relationship with his daughter will seem to her to be a permanent "maybe".

The decision to make his work a priority over this daughter is common among fathers in intact families - these fathers often regret this decision in later life.

Some fathers exhibit favoritism toward their sons, giving their daughters the message that by biological definition, they are second-rate.  The unfairness of this is obvious, and the damage it does is completely avoidable.

One final reason for the lack of fathers' emotional involvement in their daughter's lives is that - compared to women - they are not trained in parenting and often are terrified by their own ignorance.  Sometimes this is worsened by their wives, who prefer that their husbands be backseat parents.  But this can be overcome by a father who is determined to overcome it.
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A father who makes a commitment to being a real father to his daughter will gain huge benefits, as will his daughter.

If you want your daughter to have a fuller life, spend quality time with her and participate is her upbringing.  If you don't, the result will be a girl who has trouble with trust and intamacy in later relationships.

The whole orgasm thing made it seem a bit perverse when thinking of the daughter and seemed to focus on one paticular symptom of a greater problem.  These girls may not be able to orgasm, but I'll bet there are much greater issues these same girls stuggle with.

Heck, son or daughter, just spend time with the kids.  I think that was the underlying message.

This is the old argument about nature versus nurture. Nurture was winning out for a long time because of the soft science of psychology and its randomized ideas. However with the discovery of the structure of DNA and genetics, nature has been shown to be much stronger in it's influence of personality that nurture.

Read up on the Minnesota Study on Monozygotic Twins Seperated at Birth and you will be amazed.

To put it succincntly a team of psychologists in Minnesota surveyed sets of indentical twins (monodygotic meaning one eg, and thus have the exact same DNA) who were seperated at birth and raised in vastly different cultures. The rsults were profound. The twins had same IQs, same fashion sense, same taste in spouses just to name a few of the smiliaries.


The psychologists were forced to admit their thesis that nurture was more important that nature was totally wrong.

Of course just because nature, not nurture is so strong in deciding human personality, doesn't mean humans should not be nurtured and educated. Learning to read and write is not an instinct but a learned trait.

TET   {lecture mode off}

Next: I will prove which came first...The Chicken or the Egg.  (The answer is the egg)
 

Just what I wanted from this website. Advice on how to raise a daughter. I make it a point not to judge, lest I be judged. That said, I'm pretty sure I don't want any of my nieces  becoming providers, "models" or any other role associated with hobbying.
  Chauvinistic, perhaps. "Professional" may be a word associated with hobbying. However, few providers act professionally. As a previous thread indicated, there are relatively few providers who have their heads screwed on straight.

Interesting. However I beleive the truth is not either or. Both nature and nurture have a profound influence.
On another note, I know we all (myself included) make typo, spelling and gramatical errors. After all this isn't an English composition course. But when a post has many errors it sometimes makes it difficult to read and/or understand. May I suggest that posters read over their message to correct obvious errors before they post.

For someone who proclaims to not want to judge that last sentence was VERY judgementle.

   YKSY.

Flaming typo errors is considered bad form. If you want to flame someone take it private.

Usually people who flame typos are not commenting on the content but are instead defeate by the argument and merely make gratuitous assertions.

TET