So, who is having sex with who is supposed to be a non-issue. But, of course, you feel how you feel. And, you already realize that how you feel, is in conflict with what you think you believe about homosexuality.
The fact that you have a close relative that is a gay man, and you love him, does mean you’re not homophobic.
I know without a doubt that all of my immediate family members love me. Not a one would hesitate to help me if I was in need. But, I am under no illusion that any one of them is really accepting of homosexuality. Much to their credit, they have found a way to separate my sexuality from the rest of “me”. Not ideal, but it does allow us to remain connected—as long they can maintain a buffer of blissful denial, and I am willing to understand they are doing the best they can.
But that is not acceptance. That is tolerance.
I would challenge you to think about why you as a sex worker, someone who based solely on the work that you do, faces an incredible amount of ignorance, stigma, and bigotry, would set-up this kind of arbitrary boundary around the sexual choices of someone else.
Whether you stop seeing him is up to you, obviously. But, if you enjoyed this clients company before you found out he has experimented sexually (or maybe is Bi?), the only thing that has changed is you.
He is still the same guy you’ve always known.
Ladies:
If you found out that one of your best clients was bi (sucked another man's d*ck and did CIM) what would you do?
Would it turn you off?
Would you stop seeing him?
Would you accept it?
Is it hypocritical to break up with a client who has done this act on another man being that we (women) do this all the time?
Thanks for your input. I am in a quandary....
It's no secret on this board that I have enjoyed meeting transexuals. I also seem to have the sort of looks and style that attract gay guys, because all my life they have hit on me. And ya know what? I've experimented. I'm confidant enough in my sexuality to not care what a bunch of homophobes might say.
In the end, I am more sure than most that I am not gay, or even bisexual. I like the kinky something that a very feminine TS has going on, but masculinity definitely leaves me droopy. If a TS hottie dropped into her guy voice, that'd be the end of my boner. And no, guys, don't PM me to hook up.
Anyway, plenty of XX girls have known about me and sucking dick. My wife even knows. I related a story not too long ago on this board where I won a bet with a prostitute to see who could get a guy to make a boner fastest.
The reactions to my homo activities have ranged from:
1) It challenges them (usually SOs, who sometimes worry they aren't sexy enough for me)
2) It turns them on
3) They don't care
4) It grosses them out
I have even gotten #4 from women who will do bi sessions with another girl.
Whatever. Everyone has their own biases.
If you found out that one of your best clients was bi (sucked another man's d*ck and did CIM) what would you do?
Would it turn you off?
Would you stop seeing him?
Would you accept it?
Is it hypocritical to break up with a client who has done this act on another man being that we (women) do this all the time?
Thanks for your input. I am in a quandary....
Thanks for your reply and your honesty. I dont consider myself homophobic. An immediate family member of mine is a gay male. I love him and could care less what his sexual preferences are.
But honestly, the thought of this client of mine (who is an extremely frequent regular) with another man grosses me out. He was not with a transexual. He was with a bisexual man.
If he wants to experiment with men, thats fine, but I just dont want to kiss him or touch him anymore. This sounds so hypocritical and ignorant, even to myself, but its how I feel.
So have any ladies found themselves in this position and did you end the relationship with the client or accept it?
spend a lot of time and energy in some kind of therapy to erradicate them, I would just settle for having them and move on rather than feel all at odds with yourself.
You'll be doing yourself and the client a favor.
lol since I like gay porn and bi porn (men on men, men on ts/tv, man/woman/ts-tv), I would find that pretty hot actually lol if a client told me he'd done that before, I might suggest a three-way (at his expense) lol. But this is just one woman's opinion. Though I sort of expect general reaction to be mixed but I'd love to be surprised.
If you found out that one of your best clients was bi (sucked another man's d*ck and did CIM) what would you do?
Would it turn you off?
Would you stop seeing him?
Would you accept it?
Is it hypocritical to break up with a client who has done this act on another man being that we (women) do this all the time?
Thanks for your input. I am in a quandary....
So, who is having sex with who is supposed to be a non-issue. But, of course, you feel how you feel. And, you already realize that how you feel, is in conflict with what you think you believe about homosexuality.
The fact that you have a close relative that is a gay man, and you love him, does mean you’re not homophobic.
I know without a doubt that all of my immediate family members love me. Not a one would hesitate to help me if I was in need. But, I am under no illusion that any one of them is really accepting of homosexuality. Much to their credit, they have found a way to separate my sexuality from the rest of “me”. Not ideal, but it does allow us to remain connected—as long they can maintain a buffer of blissful denial, and I am willing to understand they are doing the best they can.
But that is not acceptance. That is tolerance.
I would challenge you to think about why you as a sex worker, someone who based solely on the work that you do, faces an incredible amount of ignorance, stigma, and bigotry, would set-up this kind of arbitrary boundary around the sexual choices of someone else.
Whether you stop seeing him is up to you, obviously. But, if you enjoyed this clients company before you found out he has experimented sexually (or maybe is Bi?), the only thing that has changed is you.
He is still the same guy you’ve always known.
i was hoping to see more providers respond to this OP. my own experience leads me to believe there is a stigma about bi men. several related posts along this line lately are examples . like hotplants below, i find this perplexing. why would a woman who faces castigation, shunning and harassment for her own sexual choices, be concerned about the choices of others, especially in the context of client/provider relations? its not just postings either, i have discussed this topic with providers and some, not many, are hostile to homosexuality. i enjoy not thinking about others my provider may have seen and relish in the fantasy i am her only man for two hours. i can see that is not the case with everyone.
-- Modified on 5/7/2011 11:59:16 PM
Egg Head's cousin Red Neck's cussin' hippies for their hair.
Others laugh at straights who laugh at freaks who laugh at squares.
Some folks hate the whites who hate the blacks who hate the clan.
Most of us hate anything that we don't understand.
'Cos everybody's got to have somebody to look down on.
Who they can feel better than at anytime they please.
Someone doin' somethin' dirty, decent folks can frown on.
If you can't find nobody else, then help yourself to me.
I'd be more offended in my client wanted another girl.
I have the girl equipment.
yeah, I don't get the issue you have with it. if someone wants to suck a dick and you don't have one, they are going to have to find it somewhere else.
as long as they don't go looking in the barnyard, I'm still in.
...and believe me, i put quite a bit of effort into getting to know my potential sexual partners so that i hope my chances of engaging in such an encounter are very slim. however i strongly resent the conclusion some seem to be drawing here that any woman who wishes to set standards and boundaries regarding those with whom she chooses to share her body, that she is somehow bigoted against those she would not desire as sexual partners. that is just plain silly.
does it make me a close-minded bigot if i refuse to have sex with a canine? i love non-human animals, doggies included, but i do not wish to ever have sex with one.
my reasons for finding a bisexual man undesirable as a sexual partner are very simple: it would be a severe incompatibility, and compatibility is tantamount for me. i am attracted most to men who are my opposite, or, a more accurate way of putting it, my complement. they are bold and aggressive where i am shy and hesitant. they are ultra-masculine to my ultra-feminine. and they have a strong passion and desire for one like me...one totally and completely unlike themselves. even the raw physical anatomy of male and female, and the yin/yang between that, are powerful emotional and spiritual forces for me. i could never lay with a man who did not innately feel and seek that yin/yang also.
But what makes you assume that a guy who dabbles in bisexual entertainment is not bold and aggressive around women? Some of the boldest guys I've ever known -- guys with serious Game -- have also secretly played in the flute section. It's not an either/or thing. Girls are just ONE form of entertainment. But only one. Imagine if everyone treated food like sex. Every day the same meal (or variations thereof)? Boooooooooooorrrrrrrinnnnnnng.
A starving man is happy to get boiled potatoes every day. Others, well... We are not so easily satisfied.
...and believe me, i put quite a bit of effort into getting to know my potential sexual partners so that i hope my chances of engaging in such an encounter are very slim. however i strongly resent the conclusion some seem to be drawing here that any woman who wishes to set standards and boundaries regarding those with whom she chooses to share her body, that she is somehow bigoted against those she would not desire as sexual partners. that is just plain silly.
does it make me a close-minded bigot if i refuse to have sex with a canine? i love non-human animals, doggies included, but i do not wish to ever have sex with one.
my reasons for finding a bisexual man undesirable as a sexual partner are very simple: it would be a severe incompatibility, and compatibility is tantamount for me. i am attracted most to men who are my opposite, or, a more accurate way of putting it, my complement. they are bold and aggressive where i am shy and hesitant. they are ultra-masculine to my ultra-feminine. and they have a strong passion and desire for one like me...one totally and completely unlike themselves. even the raw physical anatomy of male and female, and the yin/yang between that, are powerful emotional and spiritual forces for me. i could never lay with a man who did not innately feel and seek that yin/yang also.
i was referring to the deepest part of oneself, one's true nature, not social displays which can be donned and removed like a coat. and imo this is clearly a much deeper and more complex issue than a desire for variety.
Lili - first off, I am not passing judgement, just trying to understand your position. please bear with me. If overweight men are a turn off, do you refuse to see them? I think I understand your aversion, albeit I do not share it, from a personal perspective. What confuses me is the aversion from a sex worker perspective.
when we (provider/client) meet in the bedroom, we have dozens (hundreds), of past sexual encounters between us. I cannot concern myself with the providers sexual history. To do so would diminish the experience of the moment. How did I compare to the last guy? Am I better looking? Better in bed? Is my equipment better? How about the last dozen guys? How long ago was the last guy here?
my point is once I start analyzing the providers sexual experience outside of my own contact with her, it diminishes the experience for me. If my sex partners other sexual experiences were important to me, it would probably be better for me to seek out and find an extremely low volume provider, a civie partner, or a sugar baby, so that the volume of past experiences can be reduced making it easier to analyze. This severely curtails my opportunities for hobbying.
A provider imposing similar restrictions would find the market equally limited. My final thought is that your efforts toward avoidance as a provider are probably futile. Plenty of bi-men remain that way on the down-low, with no means of detection. The bi-men that you are avoiding are the ones that are open, confident and secure in their sexuality and do not feel compelled to hide it.
Again, I am not debating your sincere and well thought out attitude about your sexuality, I just seek to understand...thus the happy face on my post.
i seek to "deny that market" and many others. i am not a traditional sex worker in the sense that this is not my means of earning a living, hence i am not concerned with earning great sums of money, nor do i approach this in any way like a "business." this is a very personal, and i'll repeat..spiritual...endeavor for me. the type of clients i seek out are very specific, as far as their need that brought them to seek one like me in the first place. my place is to be healer, or at the very least a soother of deep wounds. one of my friends (platonic, btw) refers to me as a sexual therapist/surrogate, which may be the most accurate description others could understand. so, this translates to a very personal and mutually sincere relationship of which sex is the smallest part...and where the sex itself is 100% service-oriented on my part.
and all of that is to perhaps explain a bit better as to why compatibility is so important to me, and why i would not engage in such an intimate relationship with a man with whom i was not compatible. it is not about analyzing someone's past sexual encounters (although i enjoy that as well, i am just the analytical sort), it is about analyzing HIM. the man he is. the man he is, and the woman i am, must fit together. we must create a harmonious picture. men who are romantically or sexually interested in other men are just one of the MANY groups of men with whom i wouldn't fit.
you sound like a truly unique provider, and one that i probably would find very appealing. i believe i better understand your feelings on the subject and i am grateful to you for taking the time to explain.
And, I would be the last person to question that.
But, I think it’s very disingenuous for you to categorize the OP’s post as a question of setting standards and boundaries, while completely discounting what is, obviously, a homophobic reaction.
Yes….everyone has biases. I have an aunt who runs a sandwich shop in the rural midwest. She is completely open about the fact that, if a person of color (pick any color) were to walk into her shop, she would flat-out refuse to serve them. She believes what she believes, and she feels what she feels. But, that does not mean that her ‘personal bias’ is not also deeply racist, and bigoted.
The OP has no problem with the idea—or even the reality--- of blow jobs. Her disgust is with the ‘idea’ that a man she has had sex with many times; someone she has previously had no problem spending time with before, has had sex with another man. Now she knows that this man has engaged in a behavior that she engages in on a regular basis, presumably, with no feelings of guilt or disgust. And based on this, alone, she is now “grossed out” and cannot bear the idea of even touching him.
So…again…yes…everyone has their biases and their feelings, and their right to choose. But, drawing the conclusion that the OP’s reaction is homophobic is not “just plain silly”.
I’m not trying to judge the OP for the dissonance she is experiencing. But, I *can* see it for what it is. If you want find someone who has a painfully real understanding of how difficult it is to reconcile what they have been taught about homosexuality, and what they “feel” about their own (homo)sexuality---ask any self identified queer.
Believe me. I get it.
i was not thinking of the mindset of the OP when i made those statements, rather i was referring to the attitude from several responders that 1. any woman who would not wish to have sex with a bisexual man must be a homophobe or bigot; and 2. that providers are public commodities, much like mickey d's, who have no right to place boundaries or set standards on who they will and not entertain.
personally i cannot relate to a scenario where i have seen someone over a long period time and suddenly learn something to basic to one's true nature and personality. in my case the incompatibility would have been evident long before any meeting ever took place, so i never would have had to deal with such a shock. but we cannot judge the OP as we do not know precisely where her discomfort with this man lies. perhaps it is the greater health risks posed by men who have sex with men as well as women, particularly those who are not open about it immediately. perhaps she feels somehow betrayed or lied to. and perhaps you are correct and it's just a bit of old-fashioned homophobia. but we just don't know, and i took issue with some of the assumptions made by those who responded.
I think it's totally hot !
Having 1 come back to me on his own was pretty hot too.
I am not so sure that you complimented yourself.