Are the hobby and family life really as much opposed as we are taught to believe?
In almost every way, monogamy is better for raising children and keeping close relationships with the rest of your family (because the rest of family tends to have some very quesy feeling about each other's sex.)
But it does have the drawbacks that it wears on couples after a while, bores them, frustrates them, makes them feel that their lives are limited, stifles their sexual confidence, makes them desperately possessive of each other, and creates, finally, a lack of identification between the children and the parents.
It may seem that parents committed to raising children should put all that aside, and many do, but in fact, the emotional frustration of the parents tends to be felt by and even taken out on the children.
So I suggest a hybrid, a monogamous marriage with pre-agreed "open periods" perhaps catered to by providers.
For providers though, simultaneous family life may always be problematic.
I'm 31, never been married, never had kids, and have never hobbied while in a civilian relationship. Been thinking marriage won't likely make sense knowing the variety and fun that's out there. Having and raising kids, or even adopting is becoming a dwindling dream. Any thoughts, failures, successes?
Success is being a happy person. Some people achieve happiness through work, some through family, and others through extra curricular activities (be it hobbying, golfing or sporting).
We are "here" for such a short time. It's important to live life to the fullest. I'm 39 and I've been fortunate to have all of the above.
I would like to make more $$$ and work less hrs, but who wouldn't. If I were to prioritize them, I would have to say that Family (Wife/kids) are by far the most important to me, and I also get the most enjoyment from them.
hobbying can get addictive being that there are so many beautiful providers out there. new fun experiences. gotta quit soon or die broke. or keep it on the down low while having all the above.
If you are a provider perhaps you need to re-establish your boundaries. Set a schedule and keep to it, your days off are off, no matter what. If you are a hobbiest then I would suggest you quit for awhile. A certain time period that you can commit to. Go out and introduce yourself to culture. Get some best selling books, and scout out a few hip coffeehouses. Do a poetry slam. Stop taking calls after work. Eat dinner at the table. Visit family. If you are too absorbed by the game quit playing, pull out, or lose your soul.
My name implies my sentiments. My sentiments are born of pain incurred in civilian relationships and two marriages. If you have made it 31 years without losing half your shit to community property, child support payments and the endless fun of subsequent support/visitation modification hearings you are ahead of the game. In my opinion stick to your present MO of hobbying and occasional civvi dating. Adoption? Whatdafuck for? Just a major economic liability with the distinct chance of never yielding any real dividend. Take your disposable income and buy pleasures for yourself. You may die a sodded, lonely, cynical man as myself but at least you filled your days with pleasure and enjoyed the money you earned here on earth.
overwhelming at times, and that's when I'll get introspective and take a look at where I am and the voids seem magnified.
All the talk about difficulties retiring from the hobby, emptiness felt by hobbyists right after an even great session, etc., and personally facing mortality recently with the loss of a loved one got me thinking again.
Is there an upside to marriage? cm seems to be right, it's just not necessary for me, but is to the girls I date in the civilian world. Ideally an open and honest relationship (both ways) without the marriage contract is what I'd want, but from my experience this seems very far fetched.
Kids are tough because I know I'm not ready now but if I ever do want to have, timing becomes a factor. Preparing myself that the way things are going, plan on missing this part of life.
It's been said that we need to plan our hobbying beginning, middle and end. I guess I'm trying to plan the transition to the end.
Thanks for all the comments. It's a very unique and extraordinarily honest community here.
Are the hobby and family life really as much opposed as we are taught to believe?
In almost every way, monogamy is better for raising children and keeping close relationships with the rest of your family (because the rest of family tends to have some very quesy feeling about each other's sex.)
But it does have the drawbacks that it wears on couples after a while, bores them, frustrates them, makes them feel that their lives are limited, stifles their sexual confidence, makes them desperately possessive of each other, and creates, finally, a lack of identification between the children and the parents.
It may seem that parents committed to raising children should put all that aside, and many do, but in fact, the emotional frustration of the parents tends to be felt by and even taken out on the children.
So I suggest a hybrid, a monogamous marriage with pre-agreed "open periods" perhaps catered to by providers.
For providers though, simultaneous family life may always be problematic.
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