I have been seeing a wonderful woman at least once a month for the last seven and a half years. The chemistry was off the charts from the very first time I saw her and has only continued to be great. We text each other weekly, I know her real identity, about her kids (she has three: 7, 11, and 17), she has met friends of mine and knows all about my life. She has been more than a companion; she has been a friend.

When Covid occurred she stopped escorting, deleted her site and de-listed from TER and P411. She continued to see me (and I suspect a few other of her regulars). Based on conversations we had, I believe the other regulars dropped off pretty quickly and she has only been seeing me the last 4 and a half years or so.  For my part, I also stopped seeing other girls during Covid and have only been with her for the last five years. I am perfectly content with this as she has provided perfect companionship for me during this time.

After the lock downs were lifted she got a regular, civilian job. Obviously she does not make anywhere close to the income in her civvy job as she made when she was escorting (she was pretty popular and did quite well). I should also state that I have always paid her “fee” for the time we spend together although she is definitely not a clock watcher when we are together. About six months ago she confided to me that she was struggling financially as she had no income during the covid lock downs other than what I provided and since then her expenses were more than her income so her savings have gradually dissipated. She has never asked me for financial help other than the fee I pay her for the time we spend together. Unfortunately, I am not a wealthy man and could not support her and her kids(she receives no child support from the father of her children) although if I had the means I would likely considered it.  

I say all of this to make it clear that our relationship is something more than provider/client. There are genuine feelings for each other although I would not presume to call her my girlfriend nor would she likely consider me her boyfriend.  

A couple of months ago it felt like she was becoming a little distant, pulling away a little bit (although we continue to meet and text regularly) and I believe I have discovered why.

I have a “burner” Twitter/X account that I have had since before Covid that I used to  follow escorts that I was interested in when I was still active in the hobby.  These days I use it primarily to follow politics and current events but I never cleaned up the follow list. Last week, a couple of those escorts that I followed and that she used to work with before Covid re-posted a “new” girl and it popped up in my time line.  Of course it was my girl under a new name and it appears she has been back escorting for about two months now.  

I am in no way angry or upset that she has returned to escorting because I understand that she needs the money but I am a little sad that she didn’t feel like she could tell me and I found out the way I did.

My question is should I tell her that I know, that I understand, and that it in no way changes how I feel about her and reassure her (she obliviously didn’t tell me for a reason perhaps worried I would be angry or upset).  Or should I just pretend I don’t know and continue on as things are even though I feel that will create some awkwardness as I feel we have been very open and honest about our lives with each other up to this point.

Sorry this was so long but I think it actually has helped me just to write it all out here.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.

You have to ask yourself, how will you feel if you say nothing? Will you be content and carry on as usual? Or, will it eat you up and have you continuing to wonder if you should? I’m going to assume the later based on the fact you came this far. If that’s the case, I suggest you tell her. Honestly, it may be a sigh of relief for her too.

END OF MESSAGE

I don’t know what you should do. But some of these women who do this are master manipulators. A great deal have sociopathic tendencies. She has her reasons on why she didn’t tell you. I wouldn’t say anything and just enjoy her company as you normally do. I find it hard to believe she wasn’t seeing anyone but you. I would be very careful.

was "pulling away" about the same time a new crop of customers started pulling out, unless you are into drama, there is nothing good that can come from telling her you know you are not the only bull in the meadow anymore.  If she pulled away because she considers that her friendship with you that became close is causing her not to focus on her customers, there is nothing to be gained from telling her you know anything about her current situation beyond what she has chosen to tell you.  At the very least, there may be some drama, but at the worst, she may exclude you from her customer list because she now considers you a distraction.  If she is a true professional, business will come before personal considerations when it comes to customers.  Just my take.  Others are free to disagree.  

-- Modified on 5/31/2025 9:18:08 PM

Do you want more than P4P with her?  Are you wanting it to migrate to SB or a full blown relationship at this point?  Or are still just enjoying her company from time to time?  If it's the last one, it's her life.  She doesn't judge you, don't judge her.

In a personal and/or professional relationships nothing good usually comes from telling an individual that you know something about them that they have not disclosed to you. It will put more distance between you and her is my think. The connection you feel is just her doing a great job of taking care of your needs.                
 I cannot be the judge nor would I attempt too, in regards to the depth of the friendship. But after 7 plus years, I believe it's professional only on her part or she would told you.
 I have been out of the hobby now for 2 years but was in it for about 20 years. When I was active in it, only on two occasions did more of a true friendships happen, not a relationship, but friends with benefits. The first time, the girl and I shared the love of summertime lake life and pro basketball.  So she and one of her friends flew in to my lake house to spent a week having fun boating, water-skiing, jet skis, etc...  and then twice she came to see her favorite team play the team I have court side season tickets for. No fee was offered nor asked for. But, I'm not dumb, it's not like the 3 visits where just to Netflix and chill. It was very much a vacation for herself and her friend.
 The other occurrence; was the first time seeing this person, her and I had dinner, concert, drinks, gambling and tons of laughs, but no physical activities (long evening and my choice I was too exhausted). When she was leaving she said she would see me tomorrow if I did not have plans and asked if it's OK to text me? I laughed said "yes of course, but I'm totally fine with the evening that she owed me nothing, I had a great time." The next evening I did get a text. "What are you doing" I replied "Vegas the city not the girl, lol" Her reply "Can I join you?  She meet me about hour later. We had drinks and then late night breakfast. The evening ended with a nice kiss only. Then my next trip back to Vegas we had dinner, comedy show and drinks. (no fees)  
  Again, I'm not a genius but it was STK Steakhouse, front row to a comedian women just seem to love and after bottle service at her favorite place. (not me asking her to just hang out in my room.)
 Now to make this long story short. Adults will communicate their wants, needs and expectations. Leave things as is because more harm can occur then good. If you do talk about it, it's truly non of your business without having an exclusive agreement in place.  
Do consider yourself lucky enjoying the hobby still, I'm happy in my relationship but I do miss the non committal fun evenings I had.

plenty of down side if you do.

 
Errors of omission are preferable to errors of commission, generally speaking.

 
Mum's the word.

You were always just a client, nothing more. If you're paying her money you're just a client. I don't care if she gives you extra time or treats you a certain way. I don't care about your feelings because you paid for them. If you stopped paying her she would stop seeing you. I've heard this story multiple times. A client deludes themselves into thinking they're special. The provider senses that the client is getting  too attached. The provider gets uncomfortable and starts pulling away and putting up boundaries. Then the client gets upset and starts acting like they got dumped or cheated on.  
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You're just a client, always have been and always will be. I'd recommend keeping your mouth shut. Who else she sees is none of your business. There's a pretty good chance you'll freak her out if you bring it up. It could make it seem like you're snooping around. Plus she probably doesn't want to talk about her career and how you feel about it. She doesn't need your reassurance.

If she wanted you to know, she would have told you. Maybe she is working herself up to tell you but maybe not. Either way, let it come from her. Let it be her choice, on her terms, on her timeline.

You don’t think she crossed every boundary already ? Gave him substantial info into her private life. Being professional ended a long time ago. Your right though he should be quiet.

Wait till she jacks up her rate on you...will you still feel the same??
If it was me, don't say shit to her that you know. If you do you just might get the "Darling,I'm sorry but I need you to cover me my coming out escort rate".
Reminds me....Kinda what happened to me...except I didn't carry the emotional baggage.
Young lady I was seeing a couple of times per month at 300. She told me she was taking down her ads. We still continued to meet. A year or so later she told me she was bringing her ads back. Her new rate was now 400. She asked me if I can cover her new rate of 400.We ending up working out a meet for 600 for a 2 hours meet. Longer session, same old rate.

why the fuck you need to ask her or tell her.. Just let her be.. Move on...  

 
Plenty of fish in the sea...  

 
Don't extend yourself to the point where you end up looking like a poor needy puppy..  Just move on with your head held high

-- Modified on 6/1/2025 2:55:18 PM

I’m surprised that I’m overwhelmingly in the minority here. I’ve always lived my life honestly and upfront and it’s worked out really well. I do understand and get the points many of you are making though. Being upfront has its negatives.

 
But what about the him part? If he sees her differently and can’t stop thinking about it? I know I would really struggle bottling it up. I would constantly be thinking, what if?

 
I do see two good things that can come of it. One is, she actually didn’t tell  him only because she didn’t want to be seen differently. She’s actually relieved. She maybe wants a relationship with him and is now glad she can be open about it. It’s easy to think that as a provider who has been taking his money, she will never go in this direction. But we’re already talking about a provider who has done a lot that most wouldn’t do.

 
Then, there is the opposite. It makes it worse. Like some have said, she now wants more money for her time. Or, she no longer wants to see him because it’s gone too far. Me, personally, see this as good as well. It exposes without doubt who she is and what the relationship has actually meant to her. It gets him out of the fantasy that was never as real as he thought it was.

 
Mind you, I’m projecting. These are my preferred outcomes if it was me. And this is why I say the answer has to be inside him. If you can live with the lie and prefer to at least keep what he has, then go with what others are saying. Keeping your mouth shut is your best chance at this happening. But if like me living the lie will eat you up and you understand the possible consequences, I say you take that dive.

Never…..no good will come from it!  Curiousity killed the cat

While I "get" the arguments that nothing good can come of telling her, I take a different view.

If the relationship is all it's cracked up to be, then why not have a frank discussion?  Does she really think he won't find out?  And if so, doesn't that say that she thinks he's an idiot or naive?  

Is anyone thinking of where this is going?  That she won't get deeper into the business?  That he will NEVER find out?
Of course.  At some point she won't be available for him, or it will be obvious, and it will all spill out.  Then the resolution will be complicated with layers of "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"  "I thought you knew."  Etc. Etc.

If you have an honest relationship, then be honest.  If it's going to go on with her secretly f--king other guys and OP playing silent cuckold (and I can't help but think he'll be steaming with resentment at some point), then maybe it's time to re-think whether this is really such a great relationship.

Yea she's crossed a bunch of boundaries and is realizing it was a bad idea. That's why OP is starting to sense distance. The provider realized she let her client get too close and is now trying to re-establish some healthy boundaries and hold on to a good client. It is a very tough needle to thread. Clients tend to get upset when they sense a provider is pulling back.
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I mean sure, this particular provider wasn't professional and did a poor job maintaining boundaries. That doesn't mean the provider actually likes you. I get it, a provider sharing personal details can make a client feel a certain way. The provider is letting their guard down and showing a bit of trust. It can mimic the progression of a real relationship. It is up to the client to keep their shit together and their emotions in check.
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Like I've said I have seen this story too many times all with slight variations. A client gets hooked on a particular provider and starts booking them exclusively. The client starts to get feelings and gets a bit too close. Then the client finds out that the provider has a real boyfriend or is seeing other clients and starts acting like they're getting cheated on. Or, the provider senses she screwed up and stops seeing the client all together. Its always a bit entertaining to read them.

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Your emotions are for you to handle. Opening up about your emotions to someone means they have to handle your emotions as well. It is not always healthy or responsible to do this. I think this is one of those situations. Providers aren't your therapist or your girlfriend. You're paying the provider for fun and companionship. They're not getting paid to deal with your emotional baggage. Its not really fair to put that expectation on them.  
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I said this in another post but don't confuse bad boundaries with real feelings. Sometimes a provider will trust a client and she will let the mask slip a bit. She will tell a client some personal details. That doesn't mean the provider has romantic feelings for the client. It also doesn't mean the client actually knows the provider. You are getting small snippets of the story, not the whole story. It also doesn't mean you're a huge part of her life. Sure, OP was told about her kids, did OP ever meet her kids? No of course not, because he is a client not a boyfriend.
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I think you need to reframe this. You're acting like this is a bad thing. This is the default setting and a healthy way of viewing client/provider relationships. Do you expect to become friends with the waitress that serves you dinner? The waitress isn't smiling at me or laughing at my jokes because they like me. They're trying to get a good tip. It is the same thing here. Providers are nice to their clients because it helps them make money, not because they want romantic feelings to develop.
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Let me get one thing clear, none of you actually want to date an escort. You may think you do. You may fantasize about it. However you have no idea what you would be getting yourselves into. Its easy to fantasize when you don't actually know the person and all of their flaws. Its all fun and games until she has to cancel date night at the last second to see a client. The fantasy falls apart when guys realize they can't actually provide all the support a woman needs. Its easy to keep things fun when you're not dealing with someone's personal baggage. If you want a relationship you have to do regular dating. You have to go through all the bullshit and actually learn to deal with another person and understand their needs. It takes more work than calling someone up and stopping at an ATM.

Look, as a general rule, I don't disagree with most of what you said. I also feel like there are rules, and there are exceptions to rules. Sometimes, circumstances blur the rules and what we should do about our situations. I will address each point.

 
I 100% agree that I would not put my emotions on an escort. Honestly, I could never see myself in a situation like the OP. That said, he is in this situation and their relationship has blurred the lines and crossed boundaries. They both allowed it. What has happened cannot be changed. While an escort shouldn't be a therapist, that line seems to get blurred all too often. But a girlfirend or wife, that's another story. You do share your deepist inner most thoughts with them. What the OP described is a line that is now blurred between escort and an actual relationship. The question is, now what?  

 
Your second point, all could be true or false. I don't think any of us really know this. I'm not even sure if the OP does, but he is in the best position to know compared to the rest of us. This is why part of my answer is about knowing what to do next really needs to be figured out internally with him. Our advice can only go so far because we are not him.

 
Sure, a waitress will smile and treat a customer nicer because she wants a tip. But we're not talking just smiling and treating him nicer. Most good escorts will go this far. It's normal. His situation is more like the waitress sat down, had dinner with him, left with him, and he walked her home and kissed her goodbye. Bounderies have been crossed. What has happened with them is beyond what most escorts would do.

 
And, your last point, you do not know what every single person wants. You're right if you mean me, because I don't. I would never have gone as far as the OP has. But to speak for everyone and think we know what everyone wants is silly. We are not all built the same. While it is not the norm, there are situations where clients and providers form a relationship, get married, etc... I would never tell anyone to seek something like this. But if it happens and they are happy, who are we to judge?  

 
There are norms and then there are exceptions. His situation already is not normal. I see this as a simple exercise. Lay out the pros and cons of what to do next, and make a decision based on the risk/reward that matters to him. It's not fair for me to put myself in his situation when I know I would never let it go that far. Heck, if I did get there, the me now is thinking get the hell out of dodge, wtf are you thinking?

END OF MESSAGE

END OF MESSAGE

I wonder why she didn’t mention it to you as you are presumably close friends. Isn’t that the kind of information one friend would share with another, considering you are both a client and friend to her?

Twitter is a publicly available site, anyone can view what’s posted. If she’s on Twitter saying she’s available as a provider it’s now public knowledge. (If she’s on Twitter, odds are better than average that she’s also on one or more advertising websites.) Did she think you wouldn’t see her posts and wouldn’t find out she was available to “all comers” again?

I would casually mention it to her, maybe with an offer to assist her. Something like “I saw on Twitter you’re back in the game. Do you want me to write you a review under your new persona?”

If she freaks out and accuses you of violating her “privacy,” then there’s a problem. That would mean she wanted you to think you were her exclusive client, and therefore were “special” to her. That is manipulation, in which case you should discontinue seeing her.

Well to me this does not sound like anything serious just a companion/client situation so I would say if she did not tell you she must not feel that you need to know or that you two are that close to where she needs to tell you. If you tell her it may come off a bit stolkerish. She probably did not pull away she’s probably just very busy making money and had to now spend more time with her clients/work. I would not take it personally at all….

It might turn out to be all or nothing, where it will improve and enhance the friendship, or blow up in his face.  The individual views of provider and customer who have a real friendship are different.  Even though we were customers before we became friends, or special friends, since it was still an SB relationship while she was on hiatus during Covid, she may not want him to return to the ranks of "customers" for whatever personal reasons she has.  

 
Even though I advocated that he should NOT tell her, now that you have brought it up, I kind of wish he would mention it so we can see how it turned out.  But I still think it's riskier than NOT telling her.  Lol

Thanks for all the thoughts. It has given me a lot to think about. At this point, I don't think I'll say anything to her and see what develops. I also think I'll "re-enter" the hobby a little myself and see another girl or two. Perhaps I have become too attached and need to re-establish baselines. During Covid there was good reasons only to see her and nobody else and after Covid it just continued like that because it was easy and she was meeting all my needs very well.  

I know very well that I'm not her Boyfriend. If I were taking care of all her Financial needs that might be different but I'm not and in no position to do so. Therefore, I fully understand her decision to return to Escorting. I do hope we can maintain our friendship going forward as well as our physical relationship because she really does "do it" for me in the bedroom.

Anyway, Thank you everyone for the input. I do think that it is situations like this were these message boards really do serve a very useful purpose. I mean where else would I be able to ask this and get useful input.

I don't mean to be crass, but she's a hooker.  You're a client.  You pay your money, have your fun, and then one of you goes away.  All the rest of this stuff, as nice as it may be, is just window dressing.  Don't talk yourself into believing this is something it's not.

not to be a jerk, but how do you know she is not working you? bars are full of fellas that think xxx has feelings for me  but find out or was all a lie and then drown their sorrows

she has not asked you for money directly but she has indirectly by telling you her personal problems

she is a mother with no financial support from the baby daddy - her kids are #1 and to that end, she will do ANYTHING to keep them safe and to support them

keep it arms length imo and just do what you are doing. if she starts texting or calling asking for a few hundred bucks then re evaluate what you want to do

i should also add that you are helping her by paying her for her services…whether she decides to raise her rates are another matter but if she does, and you say you have developed a closeness, then just pay it.

How long have we been repeating here the old line: "I've fallen for a hooker and I can't get up."
I guess this is what happens when people fall for the old GFE approach and are basically emotionally needy and socially inept.
[Enter stalkers, stage left]

… is that you should let this be. I have similar situations with escorts (although I have not known them nearly as long as you knew this girl)— and I do not discuss business with them for the most part.

One of them is very friendly with me, invites me to hangout periodically, but when she went on a break from escorting she made no mention of it to me. When she started escorting again and she was busier, she didn’t tell me that either.

There’s a lot of reasons as to why someone might not want to talk about this; but it’s honestly not worth speculating. Whatever it is, it likely has nothing to do with your relationship with her; and is not indicative of how she views you.

First, it is my understanding that you have never seen her or hung out with her without paying her money.

 
I know that you think she's a friend and obviously she trusted you enough and it's really tough to judge someone else's relationship... but let's just say a lot of people would want to be your friends for money. Personally, I would have many a doubt of just how much of this friendship is an arrangement.

Again, really tough to understand all nuances but nonetheless.  

 
Second, it seems like when you say you were the only client it's more of a deduction on your part rather than her saying this directly to you? If she didn't explicitly tell you that you're the only one, I think it's very possible she might have had others. She could have simply not told you about them. Afaiu you don't see her that often and you don't really know her everyday life that well aside from her working a civvi job. If she didn't tell you she is back working, it could be she also didn't tell you about other UTR guys.

 

Now let's go to the question. Do you tell her you know?  

Well, for every unsure action let's try to break it down analytically.  

Ask yourself, what are you trying to accomplish, and what is your desired outcome. What would be an undesired outcome. What are the rough probabilities of these outcomes, ie worst case scenario, average case scenario and best case scenario.  

And do the same for you not telling her.  

What are you trying to accomplish by telling her  
Only you can answer this question.  

Are you trying to:

Get this off your chest so you don't have to have this info that you think about all the time

Understand the dynamics of your relationship more
.  
Try to make her open up about her life more  
.  
Understand the reason why she didn't tell you
.  

If it's the last one, are you prepared for a situation where she doesn't want to tell you a reason. Or she lies about the reason.  

Is it more about you expecting more trust out of her?  

Are you prepared for a reason you might not have expected (for example that she doesnt have to tell you everything that goes on in her life)

Are you prepared for a possibility she might just snap at you and your relationship might not be the same?  

 
All questions only you can answer.

 
 Personally - and again, everyone's relationship and degree of communication and trust is different - I would mention it to her, however in the situation I would clearly consider our relationship as an arrangement and what she does for work or in personal life wouldn't bother me.  

 
What I would do is casually mention that she looks great/hot in the ad. And just go from there. It lets her know that I've seen the ad, it doesn't imply any accusations nor does it make any assumptions that might be wrong (for example your assumption that she didn't mention it to you because she thought it might upset you). You make a compliment to her.  

You cant be possibly faulted to have seen the ad. You have your own life and your own relationships. You guys aren't together. Seeing other people makes sense. Being interested in  what's out there makes sense.  

I'd say this and see the response and go from there.  

 

Conversely, will not saying anything to her lead to your trust being eroded because she's omitting that part of your life to you? Again that's for you to answer. If yes, might be better to ask.  

Do you want to see whether she outright lies to you when pressed? Then maybe you should keep this card in your hand but not play it yet.  

Good luck!

If you truly don't care, let it be and move forward.  There is no up side to bringing it up.  You'll both be happier, if you put it out of your mind.