Here I go again -- in the midst of a very steamy, passionate, relationship with 'a client'.  We can't get enough of each other -- visiting each other from far away every time it's possible -- burning love letters, calls expressing our longing....  Of course, I shouldn't do it (he's married), but am far from rational at this point.  The heart always wins over the mind....

Not looking to be dissuaded, as it's not possible!, just wanted to express my joy!  Hope everyone can experience this once or more in their lives!!!  I definitely have my limits, and will call it quits when necessary/ becomes too serious.  For now it's heaven like I've never imagined!

ReBig sigh) Didn't want to do it, but doing it again..... another more serious relationship.....

Been there done that! It's wonderful. Enjoy. But respect whatever limits the other sets.

don't go too far, things would get ugly and end up hurting both.

ReBig sigh) Didn't want to do it, but doing it again..... another more serious relationship.....

Live life one day at a time & savor the moment.  It's a wonderful feeling.

…nothing.

I remember the first time I wrapped my arms around her and held her; the electricity that flowed between us that evening was unreal. Other than getting more intense, it hasn’t change a bit since. We had our limits too, and both knew that because of the boundaries we each had established in our lives, it wouldn’t get past those limits. Lol, I’m grateful that the heart is given a chance to win once in a while too.

She and I always joked about affairs having a life span of two years, and at that point the “steam and passion” would probably dissipate.
I was relieved to find as we past that milestone, the connection was stronger with this woman than I have ever felt in any relationship in my life. She is an absolute gem and we’re looking forward to many happy years together. God knows with the challenges we have faced, we both deserve it.

Enjoy your little slice of heaven and give it time, some lives are meant to be changed…

SM

He will never leave his wife, for statistics says so. Also, I have been there where you have been, and it can be a lonely life, waiting for him, yearning, and never knowing. Make sure to take a step back, and really evaluate the situation. Would you really want to be w/a man who is cheating on his wife? Most men like variety, for if they didn't, they wouldn't go and see a provider. Say if you ended up having him after all, things are going smooth for a while, and he does the same thing to you, as he is did to his wife. What then? Please remember he is there for sex only, not love. He will probably even say all the right things, during your time together, but remember-actions speak louder than words! Promises  are most, never kept.  Even companionship can be confused w/love. But it's not really the same. When he leaves you, he goes back to his wife and family, and you go back to your own. I am just being realistic here, and I have been through it, and I know some women who have gone through this. Good luck to you.






-- Modified on 6/22/2004 7:51:17 AM

For you will never know where the path leads. As long as you are aware of the limits and the pains and heartaches that goes with 'heaven' and 'love', it should not be a problem. Non-attachment is key, once things settle down.

For there will be lots! Not to say, that you will not enjoy the good times, but there will be bad times too. But try to also hold a little back of yourself, to protect your heart, when it gets broken. I also agree that non-attachment is the key. Keep thinking clearly that it is what is is and what it's not: a relationship, andyou should be fine. Your "serious relationship" is his "casual". For if it was serious w/him, then he would be w/you-TOTALLY. Good luck.


-- Modified on 6/22/2004 8:36:10 AM

ReBig sigh) Didn't want to do it, but doing it again..... another more serious relationship.....

How does this work? When a provider develops such feelings for a client is there a point where she stops charging him? How do you both acknowledge that your meetings are something other than commercial encounters? I've often wondered about this when experiencing very good repeated sessions with someone over a time period.

ReBig sigh) Didn't want to do it, but doing it again..... another more serious relationship.....

Part of life is suffering.

My question to you is, the things that make it tough, are they the things that make it so sweet?

New York and California are not too far.

Love with abandon and without expectations and you will be free.

I'm in the minority believing that mutual sex and romantic love are not so seperate.  

Remember that your love does not have to be expressed in marrying him, in fact, that may do a lot to spoil it for both of you.  

And remember that love is not forever or eternal, though it will feel like it at its peak.

But enjoy...  

/Zin

 

True, we love life, not because we are used to living, but because we are used to loving. There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness
--Friedrich Nietzsche

Cheers!

"The heart always wins over the mind"

reminds me of a drug addict's craving for "love" -- given that "love is a drug"

see you in rehab!  

LOL

eom

curious? are you also a hobbyist or provider.  I am buddhist.

and enjoy each and every minute.  Care not for what heartaches the end may bring but cherish the feelings of love and lust.  "Carpe Diem", woman because there is no other feelings like it and drown yourself in the passion!!  Wish you a safe and happy landing in the end.

When the moon's hits your eye like a big pizza pie...that's Amore!

C'mon, Ci Ci...give us a kiss.  Not everything has to sour.  I know, it isn't likely to last, but maybe even if it doesn't it won't necessarily be an ugly ending.

Hopeless romantic InSane Diego. :P

-- Modified on 6/22/2004 3:57:23 PM

How is one buddhist?

Why struggle with such difficult questions, CH?

I am really touched by your post. I am in a smiliar situation with a client although we have not known each other that long, only a few months. He's not married though, I don't think I could handle that. But I'm not sure either one of us can handle our current situation.

It's nice to know that you two have gotten closer over time. I am sorta shy in my real life, and this job can be very isolating at times. Sometimes being alone is not always the best.    

Take care.
Sara

I merely meant that she should be ready to give it up if he cancels the romance. Remember, this is a business and he's married. But, in the meantime, enjoy!

Oh, yes, that song kept playing in my mind when I was over there. In fact, I sang it a few times in a restaurant. "That's Amore."

Hugs,
Ciara

Having an otherwordly time!! -- walk around perpetually beaming, laughing outloud as I recall some of our moments, smiling at strangers, a new bounce and a little hop in my step....

I've set quite a few limits -- I go one day at a time, refusing to schedule more than a couple weeks ahead knowing it could and should end whenever it's time (have accepted that and willing to go forward and enjoy the gloriousness of life's beauty!), we openly communicate our feelings/ concerns, and respect each other's limits....  Also, awkward as it is to do so, have maintained the necessity of a nominal monetary aspect so as to remind each other of the boundaries.

Wishing all such joy and somehow feel like I'm sharing it with the world......!!!!!  Tingling all over....  Best to all!

than never having loved at all.
If you get your heart broken, at least you will have enjoyed one of the true joys of humanity...

You should already know it in your heart. If you have doubts and difficulties about it, then you are not as you don't know who you are yet. It's that simple.

-- Modified on 6/23/2004 2:55:15 AM

Perhaps just a Steely Dan fan?  The group not the dildeaux! Perhaps both!

Foster and sustain what you're enjoying.  When, or if, it ends, part as friends.  Leave an open door to the possibilty of "ending" where it began: as a provider & her gent.

My best advice, from experience: don't betray each other's trust.  It tends to annoy your partner and limits the chance of continued friendship.  

Betrayal of trust would also tube any possiblity of "ending" where it began/continuing on with a more traditional, pay-as-you-go, arrangement.  

Bad for you, bad for him, bad for the industry.  Dorks up your Karma too...

I did that too, maintaining a nominal {$400} fee per session.  Sessions might last days.  I too loved the joy and tingling feeling, smiled at strangers and had a bounce in my step.

With each passing month, I found that she was a most extraordinary person with a depth of soul that dwarfs all but a handful of the thousands of people I know.  OK, she's one with many "problems" (emotions) that we gents don't run into in the ordinary workaday world.  But I'm uniquely designed to deal and I accepted and loved her through it, unreservedly, and set no limits on what I would entrust her with.

She surprised me beyond words, though, when she took all that trust, love and acceptance I'd given and then "moved on" the INSTANT a "better offer" turned up.  Funny thing was, she'd only scratched the surface of what I have to offer...

At the bitter, painful end, all I asked of her was to leave me with a shred of dignity: KEEP all the gifts and the monetary fees earned, but RETURN the rest (loans or "advances" in the thousands) since, like I said above, betrayal of trust rules out any chance of returning to the original provider-gent arrangement.

And thus we parted, her without honor, me without dignity.  I hope, since you say you've traveled this road before, that things will turn out better for you and your lover.  

As an aside, I've found myself in a paradox I cannot escape;  forced to choose between forgiving her or transferring my pain to her.  People (providers, gents) often ask me about her.  I've found I can neither lie nor condemn her.  Instead, I disciplined my mind to forgive her and now truthfully say good things.  Another example? Legal process, to recover my money and dignity, are TOTALLY accessible to me in LIMITLESS amounts (because of my financial and professional circumstances).  Yet again, do I send the Sheriff to her door to serve process and chance discovery of her drug use and some of her clientele?  A classic Hobson's choice and, again, the ONLY acceptable solution for me was forgiveness.

So I bear what must be borne.  Every remedy must be foregone lest it result in her undoing.  I've even lost other provider friends, who've always mistakenly seen her as "parasitic scum" (their words) which she is not and who very well know what she did to me.  They cannot abide my weakness.

I applaud you for managing your affair more intelligently. I share my story as a cautionary tale of how wretched it can be if mishandled by one without all their wits about them.  Believe me, at our fling's end, Everybody Hurts.