I have a male that we have been attracted to for some years but always live in different cities.  Now I guess the timing has come to where we both have deeper feelings for each other.  He knows "my hobby" and asks do I keep count or how many clients I have been with, asks really deep questions.  First I explain its a job I don't keep count and kind of shut down / off even though I enjoy what I do.  What is the correct or a pleasant way to to answer these questions.  If we were to get serious Im sure I would stop, maybe?  Has anyone had a successful relationship and kept the hobby.?

-- Modified on 1/29/2015 9:31:36 PM

...imagine what he'd ask if you two got really serious? It sounds like he's not comfortable with your chosen profession, and it also sounds like if you two did get serious he'd ask you to stop. How would you feel about that?

Maybe you'd stop providing?  Don't look for the answer to that question here.  Figure it out for yourself.

What do you ultimately want out of life?  Who are the kinds of people you value, and like to keep in your life?  What things give you purpose and meaning?

We all grapple with these types of questions.

How long did you expect to be in the industry to begin with?  If you're nearing the end of the time when you thought you'd be in the biz, maybe the two of you can reach an agreement as to when exactly you might quit.

Or, if that time is relatively far off:  Some might find this idea tawdry, but: How about an upfront liquidated payment as a pre-nup?  You agree to leave the biz, and you have a certain amount of guaranteed $$ that are yours to keep, even if the marriage doesn't last.  That way, you're compensated for the lost income you didn't make by not providing.

(Does it sound like I've thought about these ideas a bit?  Naaahhhh....  

I did ask those kinds of questions. I  was trying to wrap my mind around what my wife did and has returned to to who she was and my own ill informed ideas about sex workers. We figured it to be close to a thousand men in her lifetime. I learned everything I thought about sex workers was wrong. My wife left the hobby for a while but I never asked her to. When she returned to the hobby it was rough for a while because of the lies, but we are still together, we both hobby. Most of all I love her, all of her, and what she does for fun and profit is part of that. If he is the man for you he will accept and love you as you are hobby or no.Just be honest, open  relationships require honesty. Sounds like you need to have a talk.

and essential to answer honestly if a real relationship is on the table. However, everyone is entitled to some intimate and personal memories and secrets and no "interrogation" is ever justified.

I suspect most of the questions arise from insecurity, and might be tempered by a conversation that explains what you like and dislike about the hobby, and how he falls into your "likes". Why you think he is more special than "clients". Why he is not a "job". Just a way to talk about your experiences in general terms in a way that not only isn't threatening to him, but also increases his sense of security in himself and you.

Maybe talk about a process to put the past behind... give him the chance to write down a number of questions he most wants to ask (and perhaps you do the same), and then each of you answers honestly - with the agreement that the question never comes up again. I just believe that there is no sense living in the past or judging someone on something that has already happened and cannot be changed. There needs to be a break between "then" and "now". Acknowledge the past, perhaps grieve about it, and then move on.

I don't think anyone could stay in the hobby with an insecure partner. Two very secure people, with a focus on nurturing and trusting one another... yes, I'd say it could work. Not that it wouldn't likely take one hell of a lot of effort to work. I've seen a few succeed, and a few fail.  

Just my .02

I asked those kinds of questions because I wanted to understand my wife and make peace with her occupation. I never ask her to quit. Each couple and each person in those couple is unque. The only thing we know for sure is he is at least curious about her job and sex life. She needs to have a brutally honest and frank discuss about the hobby, what each expects of the other and where each thinks this will go in the future.

I have seen this type of thing many times before from the strippers that I know.....most have major trust issues from anyone that they date. And they are dancers, not providers. The sex trade is a tough business for most gf/bf/ spouses to accept. That's just the way it usually is.

And off the bat, I wish you luck. Relationships in general are almost close to nearly impossible to begin with, let alone adding this lil twist to it by meeting here. I would say, if you can be honest with each other, completely, openly honest about past, present and future, the trust will prevail and a relationship can and will flourish.... if it's meant to be.  

But, the past, present nor future will decipher the path of how a relationship will or can be. That lies in the two individuals involved and how badly they both want it, or don't want it I suppose. And that is something that will take an effort beyond compare for it to work. Some flourish effortlessly, while others (for good reason) may seemingly take a whole lotta work and still it just doesn't go as planned lol.  

But I think here, most importantly in a world of fantasy, when someone isn't forthright or doesn't want to answer or blatantly lies about their past, in the present, and you are trying to work towards the future, unfortunately I just don't think there is any moving forward on any level. At least in my opinion. And while I do believe some will tolerate that behavior, others will not. Others may think it stems from things such as insecurities and the like, but when it's just blatant dishonesty and lies, well then that's all it is. And when that's the case, the only decision then is to clearly move on in my opinion. Seems pretty simple to me.  

I do hope that helps in this web we weave of relationships in and out of this crazy world. I wish you all the luck with this gentleman and thensome. It's a ride for sure, "Love" that is.  

If for those who do want it bad enough, I believe they will get it. Love (apparently) conquers all lol. Or does it.....  

xx kisses

-- Modified on 1/30/2015 8:20:44 AM

I also have a very close friend who is been with his sex works wife for 16 years. Both he and I asked those questions. I have seen guys that are exactly as you discribe but I have seen it work. I have made it work. The questions are the same. It is what happens after the truth is known that matters. She needs to lay her cards on the table and see what his response is or she needs to cut it off. Most of the time you are right as many can'tell deal with his/her SO doing sex work, but I have personal knowledge that being curious or even a need to know is not a sure sign it will not work. The only way is to be honest, explain what she needs/wants, her plans with the hobby, and how she sees the future for them and then go for it. It will likely fail as you say, but not always.  

When I met my wife she was providing, six years ago she restarted. We have been married for 11 years now. I know we made it work. I asked that very question and more. I had my doubts but damn it I learned to love all of her, including the part of her that was a sex worker. I fully agree we are an exception but we are far from the only on. You sound jaded about relationships in general, but sometimes it just works. But you have to take the risk. And yes more often than not it will not work. I do not deny that.

I too married a (now ex) escort I had dated for about 9 years.  

With affairs of the heart, I think it is better to regret something you have done, then something you haven't done.

average dick size.  My suggestion is to tell him that in your experience the average length is 10" and the thickness of a coke can.

Good luck...

-- Modified on 1/30/2015 7:29:21 AM

Hi Vbvillian,  
 
When in love being honest at the risk of being judged can be one of the hardest things! However at no other stage in your relationship will be being truthful, be more important. It's at the start that you form the groundwork for your entire relationship and we've met many couples (and singles!) who have wished they did things differently.  
 
What this doesn't mean is full disclosure of your hobby as it is presently, but what you each want out of life. Are you happy to stop? If you plan to continue to your hobby, is he happy for you to do so and if he isn't, then are you happy to give up one for the other? Keep it positive and progressive looking towards the future and not so much the past.  
 
We wish you all the best.
 
Emilie & Oliver x