I know we girls all love what we do... but sometimes even loving it ... I don't come. And I won't lie about it. I will say.. "That feels wonderful! But I'm not sure I can finish it off!" Or advise that if they want to keep trying it may take awhile... but I won't fake it.
How many of you would prefer us to fake it tho? How many of you really need that extra O from ourside to have a good experience?
This and one other matter are waiting for your answers Rebecca
I would rather just have the truth. I prefer not to be lied to in most aspects of my life.
There is no reason why the lady has to come. I am thrilled if she does and I prefer that she does -- but, at the end of the day, the pleasure is for me and the payment is for the lady.
It's Jim Dandy if both of us can cum; it's never even close to the same time. I desire for both of us to be pleased ... but frankly I do not always know.
I figure if I make her cum, maybe with a kinky new trick, then she'll be more inclined to see me again. Notwithstanding $$$, there's the scheduling problem.
As for me, being a 'tough nut to crack', I present quite a challenge to even the horniest (oxymoron ?) of providers. Only twice have I had to drive home unsatisfied.
Agree. I want the truth. It is important for the lady top have a good time and , yes, I really want her to have the big O. Face it, it helps our egos and in my case, makes it an very successful session. If it is gonna take a while just let me know what you want and where it feels best. I promise I'll do my best but, alas, some times it just isn't gonna happen. Of course, that makes the anticipation of the next session even exciting!!!!
a physiological reaction by itself means nothing to me. faking a meaningless reaction is worth less than nothing.
for the session to be good, she has to be in the moment and in touch with me the whole time.
for it to be great, she has to respond to me, move with me, arouse me and hold me as if it was the sweetest fuck of her life ... and carry the feeling into the words and touches during the pillow talk afterwards.
Since you took the time to respond to my inquiry, I will do the same for yours. It is a good question and I will have to admit that I don't want a lady to fake things just for my sake. However, if the partner I'm with (paid or not, sex is too intimate to not call it this way, IMHO) has all the appearances of an orgasm and it seems genuine, it definately makes my enjoyment greater.
If I'm really turned on and genuinely attracted to the lady I'm with, I will always try to make her feel as special as I humanly can. I want to give back as much as I receive. I don't agree with those that say since I paid, my pleasure is all that counts. Sex between two people, no matter what the circumstances, is to me one of life's miracles and I am always thankful for that. Thus if it seems the lady is enjoying herself, I will respond and hopefully it will enrichen the experience for both.
That doesn't mean that I have a totally bad time if she doesn't come, but the more I feel that she REALLY feels it the better I like the session. I'm in heaven if I can get her to have multiples......but please don't fake it......unless you're so damned good at it that there is no way in hell I'd know.
I think we're genetically programmed to want our female partner to come. After all, the worst critique of a provider is that "She just laid there!" I think that a woman's orgasm promotes fertilization and implantation of the egg. So, from an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense for males to have this desire hard-wired.
Also may explain why many men think they're great lovers. This delusion probably approximates the positive mental state we feel when our female partners actually do come.
Hard-wired is a short-hand term (used by biologists) to distinguish between innate and learned behaviors. One well-known example of a hard-wired, or innate, behavior is the herding instinct in certain breeds of dogs.
If, however, you're referring to the fact that there aren't any electrical/copper wires in our heads, then I concede your point.
with a few extremely arcane exceptions, "hard wired" does not exist in nature. "innate" does not exist in nature. you're talking like a 1960's bavarian ethologist.
you're pointing a word that evolved out of the concept of "soul" or "spirit" at a problem that biologists only dimly understand, but that involves great complexity, variability, resilience, and an extraordinarily complicated dance between nature and nurture. i like copper, i like wires; i object to life painted as mechanistic, fixed, or foreordained.
Gee, next we'll be getting a lecture on the "Elan Vital" by Henri Bergson.
Ok, I see the error of my ways, but I'm not ready yet to hand back my Ph.D. to Johns Hopkins. I guess I'll just remain one of those pragmatic, Eurocentric scientific-types. Really LOL!!
A recent epiphany has changed my perspective on this subject.
After experiencing a short line of girlfriends who were absolutely addicted to me and who enjoyed multiple orgasms during our encounters, I now finding myself in a relationship where my ability to enchant, seduce and pleasure my SO has been stripped from me by her inability to enjoy herself. This has left me with a deep need to bring pleasure to a woman.
Until recently, my only interpretation of a girl’s enjoyment was her orgasm. I did feel that the only way I could enjoy myself was if she had that release. Naturally, a lady would feel badly, as if she had done something wrong, or was unattractive, or that she had failed if the gentleman did not cum. My feelings were similar.
But I realized that it was selfish of me to be so insistent on a girls orgasm, and foolish of me to place any degree of self-image in that expectation. Some girls find orgasms to be too draining of their energy, which they must be allowed to keep up. it causes them to be too sensitive to be able to offer quality time to the other gentlemen who may visit that day.
So, I’ve endeavored to refresh myself in some old tricks and make them new again: the caress and the conversation and my own expressions of enjoyment that also bring a girl pleasure. It is vitally important to me that a woman enjoy herself. It remains more important to me than my own satisfaction, but I don’t think that an orgasm is the ultimate expression of her enjoyment.
Ironically, these other endeavors and methods of attention and affection make it even easier to bring a girl to orgasm. When it’s not the goal, it’s easier to achieve.
Most women are empathic, and sense when a man is at the pinnacle of arousal. They may moan and writhe and squeal at just the right moment, even though it is not their own pleasure they are reflecting. Even if it’s a programmed response, that doesn’t mean it’s insincere. I don’t know a man who doesn’t like to hear a sexy woman fake an orgasm. How much more exciting is it, when it’s a private, personal performance.
i agree with riker and others ... it really does matter a lot to me as a testosterone impaired human being that some kind of mystic affectionate soul warming life affirming male mojo is received by the lady as a great gift and homage from my spirit, and the gift makes her happy and whole as only a sincere gift can.
i don't confuse the mojo with my cum or her orgasm. for me, the gift is not in a moment of muscular spasm, but in the entire span of talking, listening, laughing, pleasuring, touching, silent breathing and tasting on skin, hugging, squeezing, and looking long and deep. only real affection and caring and playful joy can make that mutually pleasurable over a whole hour or two. compared to it, the orgasm is a sneeze.
i pay attention a lady's hands and posture, which often display her energy or feeling, and her eyes, which show her comfort and connection to me, and her breath. i try to open as many channels of connection to her as possible, and to seek her through them.
my cock palpably swells and strains just before my orgasm, which may explain the intuition women have that something is about to happen.
as I age, my orgasm seems to have even less importance than the whole experience as so well expressed by drollere. I guess I can envision a time in the future where I will still be seeking all the lovely things that a fine woman can bring to my life even when I may not always be "up" to the occasion.
Shucks, I already masturbate four or five times a day... I really don't *need* to cum while I'm with a guy! LOL I cum puh-lenty regardless But I will say that my enjoyment of a gentleman and his session has NOTHING to do with whether or not I have an orgasm. Actually the single worst session I have ever had, (where I literally had to throw the guy out AND got ripped off), was one in which I came... I can tellya I have zero fond memories of it.
And I think *sometimes* that is true vice versa... I've met several gents who sometimes have trouble achieving orgasm and who were pretty clear with me that it was not my fault, and that they did not care. There is just more to our session than a single pleasurable spasm.
I'm not a big faker or actress... I DO express my enjoyment in many ways... and it's a big turn on for me to turn someone else on! (I mean it. I'm not just saying that. Really!) The last thing in the world I want is for one of my gentlemen to feel pressured to make sure I have that oh so *important* orgasm... 'cuz it's NOT that important to me. I'd much rather be... oh my... well... I'd have to tell you what I'd rather be, in person.
Now you got me all worked up, see what you did??? Sheeeeeeeesh!
It makes for a wonderful experience for me if you come. Personally, I like to know that I am giving some pleasure, not just receiving it. I recognize that you cant come every time. If I am a regular, I would hope that we could play enough, maybe with a vibrator, to get you off at least once. And that is fine to do before we even start to think about my satisfaction. I get a great deal of my satifaction from your enjoyment. As to faking it - please don't. It is perfectly OK to say 'that feels really good, I like it, etc. - but I don't think I can get all the way there today". Of course if there is something special you would like done to you that will help you get off, it would be great for you to ask for it. The best experiences I have had have been with women who were either Oscar candidates of did get off big time. Those are the ones I keep going back to. Does this help?
about how she's been enjoying herself, but she's just not going to cum today, than to listen to her moan and squeel and writhe with sounds of pleasure.
Give me a break; every guy likes to hear the *coo, not necessarily a fake orgasm, but certainly the sound of pleasure. My moans are not always completely spontaneous, but are a real affirmation that I like what she's doing at the moment.
And you ladies know that we don't know the difference between real and fake anyway.
A provider climaxing is the 2nd biggest turn-on for me in a session, and only by a small margin (men come more easily than woman in my experience). I can't say that it is an absolute that the session can't be good without it, but a session can't be TERRIFIC without it. I once had a session with a provider who I had been seeing regularly over time, and she said something like, "Today it's your turn, and I'm going to rape you!" She wouldn't let me touch her but proceeded to attack me in a sexually voracious manner, and that was an AWESOME session, but one that was never replicated, nor can be pulled off by a provider who is a relative stranger. It was more of a GF experience because in real life every once and again your GF will do somethiing like this, or you will do something like this for her.
I don't expect a provider to come - that's an unrealistic expectation about how the body works. If she does, I can't help but wonder if it is an act - 'cuz I ain't no stud (although the toungue does work nicely). I must admit, it is an ego boost when it happens, even if I'm not sure it's real. But it's not a requirement for a great experience.
Please, no faking. As long as the provider is genuinely trying to please, I'm happy. Most people can't fake very well -- it's easy to spot and, well, it spoils the fun when I know it's happening. Being honest about the situation leads to a more relaxed and enjoyable time all-around.
--bifur (who wonders if you're the LA Rebecca he had such a wonderful time with a few months ago. )
it doesn't take an orgasm to bring a smile to my lips. if i've just shared 3 or 4 or 5 or more hours laughing, crying, singing, dancing, dreaming, or just _being_ with someone and we've enjoyed it (or at least i hope she did), then that short moment, if it happens, is just "extra". a nice reward, but the journey there was plenty reward enough.
as for the lady achieving orgasm, i never really could tell if she really made it, or was just claiming so. if it really did happen, and it made her happy, it makes me happy too. the more i can do for her -- physically, emotionally, or otherwise, the better my session will be for me. and if she didn't reach it, well.. hopefully we can try again next time....
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But I will say that my enjoyment of a gentleman and his session has NOTHING to do with whether or not I have an orgasm. Actually the single worst session I have ever had, (where I literally had to throw the guy out AND got ripped off), was one in which I came... I can tellya I have zero fond memories of it. 