last minute cancellations?
Yesterday a thread surfaced on the DC board in which a lady (appropriately, in my mind) took the DC gents to task about last-minute cancellations and NCNS's.
My question here is NOT about the DC situation. But in that thread, the OP got responses (from guys!) that said "I would out every one one of these clowens (sic) to the providers blacklist boards!"
WTF?!?!
To be clear, I've NEVER NCNS'd a lady, I've canceled (last-minute) once on a longtime friend, and made it up to her (and I'm NOT one of the ones that cancelled/NCNS'd this lady in DC recently).
What concerns me is the immediate notion that somehow posting his info on a blacklist is a cure-all to the situation. Further, the ACTUAL INFO that is posted needs to be considered with the gravity it deserves. IF posted, what info should be posted?
In my opinion, the posting of a hobbyists personal information should be reserved for those hobbyists who pose safety risks.
As a hobbyist who has nearly two dozen whitelists, I found my personal information on a national list as being a "time-waster". Really? Because someone thought I wasted their time, my personal info is placed on a public list? I don't know who it was, but I wondered how much time she perceived that I wasted. An hour? Two hours at the most, responding to emails, perhaps?
THIS is where I'm interested in the community's opinion: I understand the position ladies are in when they suffer NCNS/last-minute cancellations. But posting personal information on a public site about this, in my mind, has the potential to leverage your downside several-fold---and probably irreparably---against the offender.
There are those that say (correctly) that if you don't give personal info, it can't be posted. While true, many (including me, in my early hobbying) have given that info, so let's neutralize that point now, and assume for the sake of discussion that they DO have personal info.
So what's the fair thing for the provider community to do?
There is also a big difference between a someone who cancels last minute only once vs someone who is a chronic last minute canceler (and lots of guys are really chronic cancelers).
If someone has good references, and only one "timewaster" listing on a blacklist, I'm still likely to see him because sometimes things happen. But if he has several "timewaster" listings, then it appears to be a pattern, and then he's off my radar.
Likewise, someone who cancels last minute on me just one time is forgiven; someone who cancels last minute multiple times is put on one of the lists - but not the one that is google-searchable. ALL NCNS get listed, but again, not on the google-searchable one.
That's my perspective, anyway. And not under an alias, either.
seems to me that being labeled a "time waster" WITHIN the community is one thing--but having your personal info (and as a result being outted as a hobbyist) is entirely another. harsh for a ncns, let alone a last minute cancellation, no? or am I misunderstanding the issue. admittedly I am new to all of this.
We can bitch and moan just like you guys do, but unlike you we realize it is cost of doing business.
For GOOD client i will tolerate couple of last minute cancellations. For NEW client - next time he contacts me I will simply ask for 100 percent non refundable deposit.
NCNS - 200% non refundable deposit.
If every provider who got NCNS came to boards to bitch about it TER actually would be very lively board.
The End.
Very recently, I wasted an opportunity because a very well reviewed provider after setting an appointment time (11:AM) said to call in the morning for the hotel & then did not pick up. I can specualte as to what happened... but she did not return my calls or email. There was not enough time to schedule with someone else.
Should I out her? NO, I didn't think so. She is off my bucket list & I've moved on.
There should be a world of difference between someone who is "a time waster" and someone who is dangerous.
between time wasters and dangerous people. I would never overlook any indication that someone is dangerous.
I will, however, factor in other considerations for someone that has been labeled a time waster. Who said it? How many people said it? How long ago? etc. I have seen people who are on the lists as time wasters, if there does not appear to be a pattern. And one of my very good regulars was added to the list by a girl that I know to be very volatile. I've heard his side of the story, and considering what I know of him, and what I know of her, I absolutely believe him. So I factor in things like that too. As long as we're talking about just time wasting, I am flexible in my consideration. But someone listed as dangerous? No way - I don't care who said it, I'm not seeing him.
I am for a cancellation fee by either parties..if the lady cancels she should offer a discount and if the guy cancels he should pay a fee.
The longer I’m in this hobby the more frustrating it becomes. I’m sure the ladies say guys are huge flakes, and I’m sure plenty of them are, but I’m going to present discussion from my perspective and examine the non-professional flakes that I’ve had the misfortune to come across.
I've had last minute cancellations five times in the last two months and I'm sick of it. The first one occurred in Vegas the day before our date after at least 2 wks of prep. Reason: that time of the month. True or False? who can say for sure but it happens so I was forgiving. The next one occurred TWO HOURS before our date in Portland after 2 weeks of prep including booking a hotel for the night, etc. etc. Reason: said her boyfriend (who doesn't know of her extra-curricular activity) changed his work shift. True or False? Again, who can say but to leave it until two hours before the date is unforgivable. The third one occurred (Portland) ONE HOUR before the date having made the date the night before and completed everything she asked of me (email the minute you check in, etc.etc.). I emailed her 4:00 and after no response left a voice mail for her at 5:00 followed by a text at 6:00, still no response. She finally emailed me at 7:00 to say she couldn’t make it happen for our date at 8:00.
These were all independent providers. I was so fed up that for the fourth attempt I thought I’d try something I’d vowed against; the use of an Agency. I chose a prominent Seattle Agency because I had read good things about them. And with ample notice (1.5 weeks) and multiple amiable emails as well as two pleasant phone conversations was instructed to call back one day:
“It was great to talk with you Friday night. Please call me directly tomorrow when you have a moment. We can go over all the necessary details then. She would love to spend quality time this Friday with you.”
After three failed attempts to have my requested phone call answered on that fateful day, I left a pleasantly worded email requesting a time that would be more convenient for me to call. The response I received both shocked and stupefied me and led directly to this writing. The emphatic response I received was: “I am no longer interested in booking this appointment.” Period!
To say I was stunned is an understatement. I then went so far as to inquire further as to why the sudden change of tone and plans and the response I received was that it was “just a vibe”, followed by silence and refusal to interact any further.
“Just a vibe”, are you kidding me! Isn’t that what the screening process is actually there for; so no one has to react on the “hunch” mentality? Isn’t that the exact reason hobbyists provide references and providers request and verify those references? To go from “it was great to talk with you and I look forward to seeing you Friday night” to “I’m not interested in booking this appt. because while I have not checked your references, I’m having a “vibe” moment”, is not only unprofessional but sounds a little unstable to me!
And the fifth was a repeat by #2 above! I know, I know I should never have given her a second chance but when she initially cancelled she was willing to re-book, so I did ……. my mistake. She stuck me with another expensive hotel room, one that I booked on her recommendation because of proximity to her. After preliminary emails in which she said all the right things:
“8pm works. What kind of things would you like me to wear or bring with me? and “Ok, sounds great.. I like white wine, thank you. Looking forward!”
and upon informing her of what room I was in and asking for confirmation she simply went silent; wouldn’t respond to my communication and just plain didn’t show up, and has been silent ever since.
Lack of professionalism aside there are certain common courtesies that seem to be lacking in this hobby that I would like to champion for change,… so Providers and Hobbyists alike, LISTEN UP!
1) if you ask someone to call you, PICK UP or otherwise REPLY! COMMUNICATE!
2) if you don’t like the sound of their voice or the tone of their emails tell them up front you are uncomfortable with them and tell them WHY! A little communication can go a long way. A little reference checking can go even further! Hobbyists have reviews, Providers have references ….. USE THEM!
3) if you make an appt. …… KEEP IT! Do not cancel after the other party has gone to great and costly lengths to make sure the appointment is a pleasurable experience for YOU! (obviously certain emergent situations can apply here, use common sense)
I’m sure I will get bashed for one thing or another as almost all forum posts seem to deteriorate into ridicule rather than focusing on the expressed concern but …. I NO LONGER CARE! So go ahead and take your best shot. As long as someone is listening and things are getting better and not worse any abuse I might have to endure will be worth it. That is all ……. for now.
ps: While it is not my policy to publicly bash anyone or any entity, in the name of change/betterment/improvement I will gladly provide you the names of the principals involved in this post upon request.