Only based on post length. I kid..I kid!!

The short answer (if there is one) is that there is no perfect world or solution. What you are describing is what many of us have gone through..and will go through. People are people and we all have different schedules and methods of approaching things.
Maybe, in some small way, it's the quirkiness that adds to the excitement. Who knows.

The only thing you can do is exactly what you've done. Try your best, be polite, and see how things pan out. Wish there was an easier solution...but I don't think there is.
Above all...be yourself. Send messages like you normally would. Don't try to be something you aren't...or what you think they want you to be.
My inquiries are the same, cause they're from me, and sometimes I get a cold robotron response...and sometimes they LOL and keep emailing. Guess which ones I pick?

All you can do is be you...and know that no matter what you do...some will think it "polite, rude, or annoying".
Just have fun and don't stress!


(oh...I said "holy smoke" in the subject line just so it wouldn't upset anyone's smarty sensitivities)

This is about the most complicated way to go about making a date that I have ever seen.

How about this approach, which I and other often use:

Figure out whom you would want to see about a week to two weeks prior to when you have an opportunity to see someone.

If that person ends up being unavailiable, you'll know in about 48 hours and then move on to number 2 on your list.  Repeat as necessary.

I know some people need to be very opportunistic as opportunities only arise quickly and without too much notice; but I don't think that is the case with you, is it?

How to schedule? I have scheduled a few dates on short lead time, and I find that process less satisfying both because I end up paying more and having to settle for whomever I can find. On the other hand, I really appreciate the providers who make themselves available on short notice, and cannot say anything bad about those dates - in some cases I had a great time with someone that I would not have chosen in other circumstances. But that is not what I am asking about here.

When scheduling farther out, say 3 days to a week or more, I will pick one or two providers that seem promising (will not go into how I choose because that is another long post) and reach out to them, usually via email, a message through some web site, unless they specify text or phone. These may be ladies I have seen before or not.

Then I wait a couple of days to see who responds, and scan the various boards I use to see who else might be available while I am waiting. Often ladies do not reply immediately, and that is totally understandable. Whatever the reason, some time passes.

Now I begin to worry that I will not hear back at all, and so I send out two more email inquiries about the same date to other lovely, likely providers.

You know what happens next, right? The next day I get four replies back and have to figure out who I want to see, and how to politely put off those other three, ladies I would be happy to see any time, just not all that same day. I feel both torn, and a little bit guilty.

There is another variation - I get back an immediate response from a new (to me) provider saying she is available Friday afternoon and I am screened and okay. Then I reply, "how about three o'clock? If that works, give me a general idea of your location so I can allow travel time..." and things go silent for a few days. I recently had the extreme version of this when the provider finally replied 4 days later, two days after the suggested day and time, to ask if we were still getting together. I replied that since I had not heard back, I made other plans. Anyway, this is not an uncommon variation - yes, we are on, but important details are not quite confirmed, for me anyway, which means we really do not have a date (or do we if we have a date, general time of day, but no specific time and even a general location?).

I actually think the unpredictability of this communication is sexy, in a way. It makes me work a little bit, not take a date for granted, and being a fickle male, that adds some spice. So this is not a complaint. I just was wondering how others do it, and whether there is a better approach.

Specific questions:

Assuming one starts with a desire and a window of time, is the only option to ping as many providers as it takes until one gets a reply? If so, what is a good number so as to assure a date, but not waste too many people's time?

How long should I wait for a reply before assuming there is a good probability that I will not get one?

How annoying or inconvenient is it for a provider to go through an initial screening exchange and then be told, "oops the schedule changed, can't meet now, back at you in a bit?" Once I have done this, I am a little bit reluctant to go back to that provider, because I feel like I do not want to risk putting her through this again. My thinking is that she may not take my second query seriously, and surely would not take a third seriously, so my likelihood of getting any reply drops a lot when I have already put her off once. Is that a realistic concern, or does everyone know and accept that this is how it works?

When the provider asks for information about me (the hobbyist) because she is selective and wants to know if I am her type, how serious is that part of the screening? is she looking for a sentence or two, or a detailed discussion of my view of the world (which can even bore me after a few lines)?

In my perfect world, there would be an initial exchange, ideally about a week before we meet, where we would talk a little about ourselves, followed by a date, time, length and general location confirmation. This exchange would happen over a 24 hour period and result in a confirmed appointment.

Two call info would then be provided between 12 and 24 hours before the date. I will complain here about waiting until 2 hours before the date to get the information, since I am pretty committed at that point, maybe even heading out in my car with my calendar cleared, before I know where I am going, or even that I am definitely going somewhere. Though, other than a certain degree of anxiety, I must admit I have not yet been stood up at this point.

That is my view, but I know there are a lot of reasons why it will never work that way (we all have lives, for a start), so I am curious how others do it, both providers and hobbyists, and whether there is a better way. And what is polite, what is rude, and what is annoying.

thanks,
ltj

As to short notice, your best bet is to check with ladies who already know you.  Not only as you have the "in" on screening, also you know what you are walking into... thus alleviating the concern of "settling for whomever (you) can find and potential higher rates.

Since my website and ads often give a general area that I am in, as do many other ladies, you should look there before asking for the area of their location.  If not even a neighborhood is listed, it is not unreasonable to ask.  However remember that most will not give you any more than a neighbor hood until much closer to your date.  If the appointment date and time was confirmed, then an appointment is confirmed.  It is poor etiquette for you to assume the date is off if she simply doesn't disclose additional privacy protecting information.

"Assuming one starts with a desire and a window of time, is the only option to ping as many providers as it takes until one gets a reply? If so, what is a good number so as to assure a date, but not waste too many people's time?"
If you have a specific lady in mind and are planning weeks in advance this is easy - ping one, wait a day; try once more.  Ping another, wait a day; try once more.  Ping a third, wait a day; try once more.  If you are planning on short notice, in your message let the lady know when you need to hear back by, "I am hoping to have plans set by Wednesday evening, please try to confirm back this evening or tomorrow morning at the latest."  When the window has passed, contact another lady.

"How long should I wait for a reply before assuming there is a good probability that I will not get one?"
24-48 hours is reasonable, unless she has an auto reply which says something else.

"How annoying or inconvenient is it for a provider to go through an initial screening exchange and then be told, "oops the schedule changed, can't meet now, back at you in a bit?" Once I have done this, I am a little bit reluctant to go back to that provider, because I feel like I do not want to risk putting her through this again."
Personally I expect someone who contacts me with a suggested date to meet to be wanting to meet, even if it is out in the future several weeks.  It should never take more than 24 hours to get a response from me unless my auto reply says I am out of range.  I do not expect someone making an inquiry to be contacting multiple providers and would be disappointed and put off from seeing them in the future if I found out that is what they were doing.  However, if I had not responded in a timely fashion I would completely understand if they had made other plans.  In that situation, there should be no guilt about contacting me in the future.  In fact if I had already verified your references and/or screened you, it would be more polite than not to see me in the future.  The up front work has already been done and my time would not be wasted, so please do not worry about that.

"When the provider asks for information about me (the hobbyist) because she is selective and wants to know if I am her type, how serious is that part of the screening? is she looking for a sentence or two, or a detailed discussion of my view of the world (which can even bore me after a few lines)?"
That would vary from provider to provider.  Some ladies are extremely selective and you can usually tell that by their websites.  Even those providers do not usually want a small novel.  Share enough to show that you have a personality and to give her a general idea of who you are.  What you should not do is send, "I'm Bob.  I'm a nice guy.  Want to meet Friday?" ; )

"In my perfect world...Two call info would then be provided between 12 and 24 hours before the date."
You do not need to know anything more specific than how to get within 5-10 minutes of the provider until just before the appointment.  Yes, it would be more convenient for you to have the information.  Giving location information too early is a huge security risk.  Unfortunately there has to be a little give and take in the process.

Lots of questions you have there!  I hope some of this is useful info for you... and yet as I said up front... even and especially as to what I have said, there is no one size fits all answer.  Sticking to ladies who are known to be reliable will go a long ways towards assuring you that the process will work out, however the lady decides to do it.

.02

Similar to mrfisher's approach,  I call in advance, usually  4 or 5  days. If I don't hear back in 24 hrs I try someone else. If #2 doesn't call back within 24hrs, I move on to #3.  When I want to see someone on the same day, which is kind of rare for me. I'll usually have 3 or 4 ladies I would like to see. I start calling and when a lady picks up I make an appointment. I try not to over think the hobby. Otherwise, I get a headache. LOL

Barring some kind of vacation (which would implore me to use my auto vacation responder) I respond within 24 hours- but usually more like 1-2 hours. 3 Days...wow! I know we are all busy but I don't blame you for moving on when you haven't heard back in a timely manner. But if a gent asks me to go thru screening and wastes my time (and I know he's wasting my valuable time), I most certainly would put him in a DNS list. I think an honest explanation to the ladies that you moved on after 24 hours would be a great way to say "hey! I'm not going to wait around forever."

Unless of course you are saying that it takes over 24 hours for them to complete your screening- in that case....us ladies have no control over how fast a reference gets back to us. If that is the case for you...get references that respond quicker )