Basically curious how most married men do not cheat? Yeah I know many do, but I would guess the majority don't. I am 99% sure my father never cheated. And he is like most older men I know. Why not? Doesn't sex with the same old woman get boring? And what if she gains weight and starts looking ugly as she ages? Not to mention negative change in attiudes.

I've only been married once for a few years. After a year I couldn't resist seeing a provider  . I saw one and it was the best sex of my life. Then I saw a few more providers, then my wife and I separated ( she never found out about the cheating )..

I have bad ED and am approaching 50, yet I still love to see providers. Thankfully I am very disciplined with my money so only see when the budget allows . But most men splurge on crap and then come home to the same old wife. How do they not lust for other women??

There's a famous joke about a beautiful woman entering a room of men . All the men turn to see her, but the psychiatrist turns to see the men. I am that psychiatrist

Simply put, we possess a higher moral character and mental fortitude. Cheaters don’t have the mental strength or resolve to stick with the commitment they made. Why they made it in the first place, who knows. But they don’t possess the character necessary to be in a lifelong commitment and instead come up with BS excuses as to why they cheated and just pass the buck on to their spouse. Really, they’re just too much of a coward to face the challenges of marriage by communicating and working together with their partner to strengthen the relationship and commitment to each other. But hey, that’s just this faithful widower’s opinion.

Believe it or not, some are happy and satisfied in their marriages. Some who are not satisfied believe in their vows to be faithful. Some may be too scared. Some may not get the opportunity. Paying for it is easier said than done when you’re married. She might have visibility of your money.

I've had several periods where I saw hookers. The first time was when I was separated from my first wife. The second time  I was technically married but had told my second wife I would no longer live in a sexless marriage. Cheating was simply something I would not do. But I don't hold everyone to the same standard.

I've stayed loyal when in closed relationships.  And I've made sure I had a hall pass when I was in an open one.  That's part of the commitment to the relationship.

How many times do people have to hear this?  People are different.  It's human nature to want to generalize and categorize.  But, its unproductive.

I think Zeel, maybe unintentionally, made a good point.  Avoid generalizing.  Just embrace that everyone is different.

My father cheated like crazy practically from the time I was born, then he left my mother shortly thereafter. My father-in-law (who also cheated) gave me some sage advice, “ An occasional dalliance is one thing, but don’t leave your wife for your secretary!”  What is one to do when he’s at the horny age of fifty, and his wife says she’s happy to never have sex again?

To original poster:

Your post is all over the map, what exactly are you trying to ask, or to say, or to prove?   It sounds like you think the ancient institution of "Monogamous Marriage" is a crock, and that simply having Sex for the sake of having Sex is the most important thing.    

There are numerous issues involved, most of which are important to individual, and societal benefit.  Monogamy is very important to stability within families and, by extension, to society....this is beyond questioning.    The vow/oath that a man and a woman take before governmental, familial, and spiritual authorities is just that....a VOW, giving your word;   it is no longer held to be sacrosanct or even marginally binding.   And it spills over into every other area of life.   When people no longer honor their commitments (or even TRY to honor them), there is not much left to hold a society together for the common good.    Selfish indulgence is now justified these days with the most absurd logical contortions and moral arguments that defy commonsense, to say nothing of things like LOVE and loyalty.    

If I come out and say "I believe in monogamy, that giving my word to a woman to be faithful is the most important commitment I'll ever make, and that to knowingly & willingly fail to honor it is one of the worst things a person can do..."  I'll be villified, I'll be condemned for being intolerant or "acting morally superior", or any number of baseless accusations.

Men and women who have CHOSEN to enter the bonds of Matrimony, and yet are so intent, preoccupied and consumed with their next orgasmic "fix" so as to discard the vow they took....well, I wouldn't want to deal with such a person in ANY capacity.  How can you ever trust them with anything?    

This whole issue (cheating in marriage or monogamous relationships) involves  Trust, Loyalty, integrity, character....and LOVE...does anyone still believe in Love?  Or is the purpose of life now simply to have as many orgasms as possible before you cease to exist (which is what happens to EVERYONE, no exceptions...)      

And we have not even scratched the surface of this issue with respect to children....it's a known irrefutable fact, children raised in a loving stable two parent households are MUCH better off in terms of any measurement you choose to apply.  It's obvious & intuitive.     We'll find and focus on all the reasons why it CANNOT work, why it's difficult or impossible to be faithful and have a good marriage and family....we can't seem to have the same enthusiasm for why it CAN work, for MAKING it work, for BEING faithful and overcoming whatever challenges come out in a monogamous relationship to maintain it.    

I weep for the future of todays children....

-- Modified on 7/24/2024 1:51:21 AM

END OF MESSAGE

Probably because those men who don't cheat either don't find the satisfaction or are scared that their wives will divorce him and bleed him dry of all money.

Guess I don't get why  being faithful is so important to you? In fact most women will see that as a sign of weakness or desperation and will secretly look down on you for that. How do you handle your lust for other women in this "faithful" mode? And what reward do you get for this "faithfulness"?

My kid grows up in two separate households and seems to be doing fine. As long as the WiFi is working, he can be happy anywhere

I never understood what reward there is in being fully committed to one woman? Even though my ex is smart and earns good money, I just see her as an obstacle to my hobbying. Despite her being smart it is still hard to find topics we can chat about.

I can understand the reasons about being too scared or figuring out how to actually do it. It took me till I was in my early 30s till I could muster the courage to hobby despite being single. But once I started I wondered why I didn't do it in my teens?!

But I don't get how anyone can be satisfied screwing the same old woman year after year. Do they not look lustfully at hotties around the town!?

Of course I get that people are different. But I like to understand what makes them different. The older I get the more I realise people have very complex reasons for being different. Over simplifying it to just vows does not explain it for me..

END OF MESSAGE

END OF MESSAGE

Most guys think it is beneath them to cheat and certainly so won't pay for it.  

Married guys cheat because the sex is better outside if the marriage.  More things on the menu such as greek.  Wife restricts times to have sex and refuses to have sex.

The better looking or rich you are, the more opportunities present themselves. Since 80% of women chase 10% of men, most men are never offered opportunities.

And this is why cheating is more rampant with actors, athletes, musicians, politicians, and other high profile/highly paid men. Your average looking Joe making 75k a year just is not seeing opportunities.

Is seeing a provider also not considered cheating?

there is no reason to cheat.  If you have dated her for a while, you can determine if she is EVERYTHING you want in a woman.  Before she passed, I was married to my last wife for 14 years, and never once cheated on her.  Before that, I married a few that I didn't vet enough, and cheated on them because they were not sexually fulfilling for me.  Most men are lazy and just marry a women who fell into their lap.  If you raise your standards and start rejecting the girls you date who you know you cannot be faithful to, the one you end up choosing will be higher quality in ALL respects, including making your toes curl every time you have sex with her, and you will not be so hasty in cheating on her.  

 
The simple test is this . . . . Look at your wife, think back to when you asked her to marry you, and ask yourself this question?   "Is this the woman I chose to spend my life with, or is this the woman I settled for?"   That will give you insight into why you are, or are not, a cheater.  I realize in retrospect that, until my last wife, I was "settling" to easy and making too many compromises in what I wanted in a partner.  

.... a marriage's best friend.  Providers actually keep marriages together.  They are like therapists, giving the man the things he lacks at home thus not straying into an affair with a civie.

Of course it is. But it's not the most common option cheaters are willing to take. Though, it's the smartest one since providers have every incentive not to get you caught.

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife.
.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If_You_Wanna_Be_Happy
http://www.songfacts.com/lyrics/jimmy-soul/if-you-wanna-be-happy

The married men you know, DO cheat, but haven't been caught;
The married men you know, Don't know how easy it IS to see a provider, but would;
The married men you know, rather jerk off and save the money.

If you ask 1000 men ....
- One quarter would admit they have cheated  
- Another Half would lie saying they have not cheated
😂

Given the emoji I assume you are not being that serious about your claim but finding stats seems a bit problematic it seems.

 
I did see a link to a book/article from 2008 that claimed the rate was between 22 and 70 percent of males cheating on their wives. Given that range I have to assume no one actually knows and guessing is largely pointless.

 
I do find the question why even ask or speculate more interesting for me. Maybe those that have been wondering about it or commenting here could comment on why they have any interest in knowning such a statisitic.

Plain and simple.  Props to those that never did…..your wallet is much thicker.

I was loyal to my wife for 20 years - she had menopause early - and informed me my sex life was effectively over around 5 years ago. Another 4 years until I started seeing pros - which actually helped me keep the family together. There are 1000 reasons people do what they do - context matters

It's simple but each man has different reasons.  

REASONS
# 1-----Their wives/girlfriends are only after their money.  
# 2-----The guy just is not getting the sex he wants.
# 3-----The convience of having sex with someone and leaving without having any serious committed  
            relationship with the woman.

56 percent of cheating men and 34 percent of cheating women consider their marriage is happy -- Malcolm Collins

“What is one to do when he’s at the horny age of fifty, and his wife says she’s happy to never have sex again?”

This is a very important distinction in my mind, because it signifies that the woman is no longer living up to her marriage vows either.

Either you talk it out and solve that problem, or in essence she has abandoned one of her primary jobs as a wife and shouldn’t really be surprised when it’s outsourced.

I do think it’s pretty scummy to lead a double life and cheat on an attractive wife that loves you and still has sex with you though… it’s fundamentally dishonest.  

I only hobby when I’m single or in an open relationship where we both get the occasional hall pass to “sample other fruit” in a safe and temporary manner.

-- Modified on 9/2/2024 12:38:14 PM