I am in the same situation, But as a male once a year just doesn't cut it!!!

"I think this is a good approach for the male SOs of abuse survivors.  Be sure to let her call the shots."

There are times when a woman wants a confident, directed man, who leads rather than follows. It may or may not be in the case of abuse survivors, but I'm willing to bet that it's less accurate to generalize than this previous post puts it. If I were to have followed word-for-word what every woman I was ever interested in, SAID she wanted me to do, I would still be a virgin. But they turned out pretty happy when I had a mind of my own and showed it in a decisive yet respectful manner.

Perhaps she "feels invaded" because of OTHER signals he's sending, or other contextual events. Eventually they can work it out together, of course. But to suggest it's wholly up to her, to have her partner's entire physical/sexual wellbeing in her own abuse-recovering hands, is to subsume one partner's needs far too much under the other's. As the other respondent has said, "that's what providers are for," but that's not necessarily going to be good for the recovering victim.