This is the urban dictionary definition, which I would think I'd the exact opposite of pay for play

A hooker generally does not want to have anything to do with your relationship. All a hooker wants is your money for her services and then you both part ways.

I would venture to say that without the outlet provided by these ladies, a lot of marriages would be toast.

...and imagines or pushes for a relationship with her and  thereby wrecking their marriage, then the homewrecker is really the hobbyist themselves.

I wrecked my own home.

I say this because no one but the hobbiest himself made the decision to see escorts,so if the guy gets caught its all on him. The provider didn't force you to start seeing her, the hobbier did. Blame yourself not the escort.

but in truth it was a pretext that allowed her to leave on favorable terms (Read:  take a lot of money.) that otherwise she would not have had.  The bloom had withered from our relationship for many years, and she no longer wanted to be around me, my family, the children, or the locale.

... if anything it's probably kept more marriages on life support than it's wrecked. And maybe by keeping a marriage on life support it is sort of a de facto wrecking the home as some people are better off divorced (and of course others not) and a work around such as spending time with a provider can make it too easy to stay in something that in the end is like living with your sister.    

I'd go back even farther and say the home was probably wrecked before the two people ever married. That is if two already dysfunctional people married.

Indeed.  There are some things that are doomed from the start. Or before the start.

My wife and I do not have a sex life.  Hobbying and friends with benefits allowed me to stay married with continued affection and without frustration and bitterness.  Then I found a relationship that went on for five years.  We spent a lot of time together, I was still traveling and we raved together. The sex was sensational, the company was wonderful. BUT, this was making the object of my affection very unhappy after while and I realized I was not being fair to her.  
Also I had little affection etc left for my marriage. I --with great sadness and difficulty-- ended the relationship  
So now I enjoy the company of providers and still the c occasaionagfriend with benefits and our marriage continues, without passion but pleasant and with some real affection.  
So in a real sense the hobby has saved my marriage.  I believe this is better for my wife, my kids (all grown but still close) my grandchildren.
I still miss my special lady and I suspect she is not happy (hope I am wrong..) So was the hobby a benefit or would it have been better if passion and tumult had won out?

Hookers are in this for the money....period!

Lol SB's are way more apt to go all BSC "Fatal Attraction" on you.  
Been there, done that.

Why else would they be there?

I've recently turned over all those issues over to a dude named "Alfred".

Posted By: lopaw

Lol SB's are way more apt to go all BSC "Fatal Attraction" on you.  
 Been there, done that.  
   
 But that's a topic for another day  
 

delirium personified..

Not only is he then free to pursue her, and many do, but he often gets wiped out financially, making him a lousy future customer. lol

Hell I'd have been divorced when my kids were young 20 years ago

-- Modified on 7/12/2015 9:09:40 AM

Some have been worried about you.

the home wrecker would be the significant other

If the guy had nothing to start with...then he's in the same place anyhow.

When my wife moved out my initial reaction was to save the marriage. Then it occurred to me that she still doesn't know about my hobbying so if I save the marriage and she finds out about this the shit is REALLY gonna hit the fan. So I let the marriage die a natural death.

Well it depends. If the hobbyist decides that they are hopelessly in love with the provider and ends the marriage- its totally on the hobbyist. What's especially sad would be a hobbyist ending their marriage in chase of a provider that doesn't reciprocate the feeling.

If the john chasing the hooker then finds out she's not interested....makes for great "I've fallen" threads.

Most guys I know have to work for years after divorce just to get back to where they were before their divorce.  

Deserves the shit storm. Seriously look at how you started the "relationship"? Not saying it can't work (I believe Mr. Fisher has done it) but the chances are....very, very slim.  

encourage their husbands to stray?   Thus giving them the opportunity to gain an advantage, and ultimately get what they want.

whatever is driving someone outside of the home and existing relationships is ALREADY there. The provider fulfills a need or fills a void that they could not have possibly caused

Well, I don't have any first hand (or even second or third hand) stories to share about this pertaining to this hobby. But I have heard from many strippers how some of their regulars fall in love and/or become obsessive over them. I see it in the clubs all the time. Some of the more cut throat dancers take full advantage of these RIL's (Regular In Love) and milk them for every cent they have with no intention of ever even seeing these guys OTC. Some of these RIL's kill their marriages in pursuit of the slippery, ever elusive stripper. Fascinating stuff.

Not long ago I decided to limit the number of partners to help prevent
exposure to A LOT of what's out there. On topic, the significant other
is as much to blame as the hobbyist when it comes to sex outside a  
marriage. The provider is only the means or surrogate and is clearly
only in business.

You don't get too many sad sacks admitting that they left their wife for a hooker who had ZERO interest in a real relationship. At least with hookers the guy is getting laid by her. As you know a lot of these RIL's never get a single second of "out of the club" time, yet spend countless thousands in the club.

But if I've learned anything from life, it is that cynicism pays better odds than other vieupoints.

Just ask any philosophy grad you happen to meet.

Is that what you are saying? I ask because in another discussion I thought folk were saying that extra-marital sex is NOT much of a consideration when the vultures, I mean lawyers, divide up the assets in a divorce.

and any hooker that "lands" a john that starting out cheating on his wife to see her, and thinks the guy is going to be any different with her is an equal idiot.

If in fact her reason for not having sex precludes any legitimate medical reason.  

Five states still recognize the tort of alienation of affection as a cause of action against the “other woman” (or man).

I guess you are determined to destroy the great threads of love here!

Same as if you piss away the estate on YOUR drug/alcohol/gambling problem(s).

At least some of this garbage will keep some new grads employed....for a while.

Someone is still getting screwed.

To deny so would be sheer lunacy. But it would also be absurd to call them the MAIN cog.

"fuck" and "wife" in the same title is irrelevant to my life.

Simply replace fuck with screw...wife with woman I'd like to fuck

There are unintended consequences for the things we do. A hooker sleeping with a married man, and that marriage eventually falling apart due to it, which has happened many, many times as we all know, is part of the problem.

Divorce following a longish marriage can be a real bitch, especially if maintenance is awarded.  And child support finalized.  This compared to simply living as is, no second household being set up, no set amount to be paid for the kids.  Not to mention paying legal fees (sometimes paying both).   Not so good for the more established, secure, but not wildly rich guy who has been in the marriage for many years, which is probably a considerable group of hobbyists.  

I went to college for social services.
I used to want to save the world.

I'm of the school of thought that the only people who have the ability to wreck a home are those whose job it is to maintain it. If your spouse is seeing an escort then it is likely your relationship was already lacking. Claiming an escort to be a home wrecker is denial and delusion.

I would agree....... and that's from experience!

If the provider starts to fall for the client....which happened in my husbands case, too bad for her though he did not feel the same.  

In our case she did.  Out timing was just off.  When I was between marriages, she was stuck in an unhappy one and then got pregnant.  After just had gotten divorced, I had gotten remarried.  I think we will always be in love

because from the responses here, and if the wives' opinions were added into the mix, it would probably go about 50-50.  

Agree 100 percent. Why would anyone want to fall for a person who is already lying to someone else? Are people really that niave to think they will be the special one that the other person can't lie to eventually? HHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I don't think strange sex helps or really hurts a relationship where it's more about being friends and business partners or coparenting. If I ever made it past a year with a guy, I would BEG him to fk someone else just so I would not have to do it. Sorry, but women get bored with the same d*ck too. We just take a lot more precautions when we screw around, if we even stay to have to cheat, that is.

I know of a few open relationships, just saying. As she is in the know this may be the case here.

Escorts who unwittingly "wreck" a marriage or "home" do so ONLY with full consent and active help from the indignant wife.

since she can use the information to embarrass the defendant (me) in open court.

Anyone can be a homewrecker if that is the intention. If anything, a session with a respectful and responsible provider, should help the client relieve stress associated with daily life. This in turn helps his wife because her husband will come home feeling relaxed and ready to continue daily life, and she won't have to put out. Lol.

Agreed, on the physical side for sure. Quite a few couples over 45 have an understanding that the husband can cat around to satisfy physical needs the wife is no longer interested in entertaining - as long as the family life is protected and there is mutual respect.  

Even though much of what we discuss is not usually or really that "deep", I appreciate it when a lady thinks that it is.   It's even more appreciated when she recognizes and shows that it is.  

If the SO was willing to have sex once in a while, I'd not be getting it somewhere else.

... because my favorite providers have that approach to their clients. With them, it's not just about showing clients a good time, but they're interested in helping their clients be better people, whether that's a better lover or a better partner or something else. Of course, it only works if the guy or gal is open to that.  

I provide a service. Pure and simple. Those that choose to partake in that service do so at their own risk. It is called personal responsibility. If I played the moral compass for every john, I would do very little business.  

I agree........
My SO decided unilaterally to quit having sex past her childbearing years.  No conversation, no collaboration, just closed the barn door for good and expects me to do the same.  Plus she is not interested in any other relief strategies for my biological needs.  

not part of the equation for them .  

Don't forget that an SO who neglects her man is also at fault.

Many men marry strippers, escorts and porn stars after divorcing...like some say...Lie to me baby, tell me you love me.
It's a gamble.

As long as you don't rub it in the SO's face...

SO TRUE!

How you get him is how you lose him...most of the time.