So I used to be a somewhat regular hobbyist in my single days. Not that I couldn’t find anyone who wanted to date me, but there was something about being with someone physically super hot (IMO) that I couldn’t get enough of until I found my now wife.

I’ve never really given up looking at ads or this site (minus the vpn necessary days) and one day I may even jump back in because of that being with someone super hot. However like a lot of married guys, I’m sure they haven’t because we’re not looking to get divorced and potentially breakup a family.

I’m still dabbling in the idea, however, and was curious how other married guys actually take the plunge AND get away with it. Eat your cake and have it too. To what lengths do you go to not get caught? Not interested in anyone who says their SO knows but doesn’t do anything about it.

It's a nice thought-experiment to visualize a foolproof methodology for remaining undiscovered while you play outside your SO relationship. There are at least two problems with this scenario, however. 1) There is no 100% foolproof methodology. There is, and ALWAYS will be, an element of risk and only you can decide if the consequence of being discovered is worth it. 2) Anyone with the intellectual capacity and attention to detail to design a near-foolproof system is also likely to spend a significant amount of energy maintaining the cover up and worrying about the possibility they missed something. For those who are locked into a loveless and/or sexless relationship, many take the plunge, accept the risk, and hope for the best. From your post it would seem that isn't the case for you, or at least not currently. Only you can make the call for your situation and whether the risk is worth the reward.

My wife's family lives far away, so she visits them for extended periods of time.  That's the only time I play because I haven't established a routine where I am not home a lot.  A sudden change in home hours would draw instant suspicion.  

I work every day and could sneak a few hours off here and there.  The trouble there is scents.  It doesn't take much of a scent to trigger suspicions.  It could be anything, cig smoke (sometimes just from the hotel room), perfume, lube,  bodily scents, etc.  Not all of that scrubs off easily.    So I would say picking up scents is my biggest worry for daylight hijinks and the main reason I don't play unless the wife's away.

A worry I don't have currently, but probably would with a different wife would be financial documents.  If you have to book hotel rooms its going to be on some document somewhere.   Incalls and cash take care of that, but cash withdrawals also show up on financial documents.   If that's the case for you, then you need to come up with a way to acquire a stash of fun cash.  Maybe 20 here or there -- and don't store it in the sock drawer where she'll keep track of it.

Is to create an environment where your wife starts seeing other guys.  Once you know she has, then you can proceed with whatever plan you want for seeing providers and you have a get-out-of-jail-free card to play if she catches you.

 
If she's a little slow to jump in and start seeing other men, there are men here that would be willing to go hit on her at whatever place she hangs out (just tell them where).  Some will be successful.  There are a lot of guys here that will go out of their way to help a hobby bro with a problem.  They are a totally unselfish lot, IMO.  

I know that the chances of getting caught go up exponentially the more you do it. This was meant to be more of a fact finding thread and a way for me to release some inner tension. I’m smart enough to know there may never be a completely perfect coverup, but I’m more interested in what other married guys do in this situation.

Personally I don’t think I’ll ever get the balls to do this. But I do miss the hobby.

A hobby phone, gym membership and a job or better yet a business to go to is really all you need.  

Unless your wife hires a PI to tail you, there should no problems.

The scent is probably the thing on the top of my list of things that would give it away. Even with access to a shower and/or a post play workout, I’d still worry something was lingering. This is something I’m curious if others have come up with something else to mask/rid of scents.

If you use soap you'll likely smell freshly clean.  If even that is unusual for time of day, then that's a tell too.  So you generally have to shower with just water, which isn't that good at removing oil based scents.

carrying a bar of the same soap you use at home in your "hobby bag."  That's the scent your wife is used to smelling on you, and the fact that its lingering into the afternoon is not a big deal.

@Rock, I too was like you. I observed the lifestyle from the outside, focusing on the boards, reading advice from our esteemed old school mongers, and ultimately figuring out for me when I could take the plunge post marriage. The one piece of advice I have is don’t dive in until you can be “all in”.  For me, it’s a mindset. When I choose to make an appointment it’s for me, and me only. Like your SO makes a hair appointment, that’s me with the providers I’ve been fortunate to meet.  

Everybody has their own rules but for me:
1) I choose not to play at home, only out of town
2) I choose to play every 2-3 months and set up an experience I know will scratch the itch
3) I stick to cash as much as possible

Even with these though I’ve had to be careful with things like:
1) setting the cover story - I opt for 4-6 hour extended dinner dates so need to have that time covered
2) resetting my Uber password because my wife had logged in with my account way back when - disconcerting when getting a text “where you going?”
3) making dinner reservations directly with the restaurant - “oh, you didn’t tell me you went to...” (f’ing Open Table)

As mentioned above, there will always be risk. You can only minimize it by creating your own set of rules that make sense for YOU. Everyone makes the decision for themselves, so only you will know when you’re ready. But if you wait, don’t sweat it. The ladies will still be willing, able, and ready when you are.  

Good luck G.

Personally, if I'm dating someone, I don't really bother hiding it at all. If I somehow got caught and it blew up, who cares, nbd, back to tinder, which I was rolling on anyway, so really nothing changes, save for maybe getting bitched out by someone I'd like to continue banging for free.

 
As for a married guy, well, you need a solid, consistent, excuse to consistently be out of the house for a few hours. The gym is a natural place for this to happen, if that's not your think, a club or other men-only, sort of activity, preferably one where your partner knows exactly nobody there. If you can set that up, there's no reason to have any suspicion.

One of my buddies is a golfer, and he has a few courses around town he goes to consistently. If he ever needs a cover, he was golfing, it's simple, it's ironclad, and even if suspicion was raised, it's easy enough to just go back to golfing for awhile.

girls at the golf course, you need to find ones that are impressed with your putts.  

When I retired.. I didnt tell my wife.. she still.thinks I go to work every day. I retired 4 years ago..

One of the best ways I have ever heard.  It would be even better if you retired from working in a perfumery.  LOL

1. a reason you're out of touch for x amount of time. eg. gym, golf, work, ballgame. Morning appointments on the way to the office or lunch quickies work well too.
2. plan how you're going to be spending more cash than you would otherwise. It was easy in the old days of paper checks and expense reimbursements to skim. If you mostly pay for things with credit card, get in the habit of spending cash again.
3. doesn't hurt to have some extra (even dirty) clothes in the car to change back into (assuming you dress well and clean for your hooker date.
4. depending on your "stamina" plan hooker dates so that it doesn't impact your ability to perform your duties at home.
5. Don't take unnecessary risks in the screening process (no real name). It may limit choices, but you'll sleep better.

This is easy. Fill-up with gas before going home and 'accidentally' get a drop or two on you. It will cover up any scent.

Trust me, you're not getting away with anything. She is LETTING you get away with it. If nothing has happened, she has chosen to ignore your philandering or she is just dealing with it.  

I agree with the cheating. If you're cheating, let her cheat. Mutual lying to each other, that's the best IMHO. My guess is at least 40% of women are cheating on their husband. I could be sleeping with a number of married women, but I am not doing that now. I did it once and it was weird. I even met her husband. It was weird.

1) Yes, scent is a dead give away. Her sense of smell is 10x better than yours.
2) Money trail. At some point something is going to give you away. You're going to stick a receipt in your pocket, pick up a pack of matches, grab a business card from a 'great restaurant', pay for parking and grab the ticket and throw it down in your coin tray, write with a pen from the hotel and keep it, there will be something. You must always have an alibi ready. Always be thinking
3) Your phone will give you away. Doing google maps? Your location is turned on? You know Google keeps a record of ALL your travels. Google "Google Maps/Locations Delete".  You will be shocked that it keeps every single route, time stamped, and where you stopped and for how long.
4) Your phone, again. Who has access to your phone plan? Your text messages will show (the phone number), phone calls coming-in and going out and when and how long. You can't delete those phone records.
5) As mentioned above UBER will give you away.
6) If you're in a smaller town, somebody, somewhere is going to see you out and about eventually. Whether they tell you on you or not is another matter.
7) Your wive/girlfriends sense of intuition. If she starts suspecting, you're dead.
8) You learn new tricks. You might change the way you kiss because you learned something from a provider and use it unintentionally (Like sucking a lower lip gently). Or you learn a new sex position or you change your rhythm. Bam, busted.

You're going to worry about all these things and at the end of the day it doesn't matter because she knows and is LETTING you get away with it. Divorce is expensive, hard, and she doesn't have to fuck your fat ass anymore. Just as long as you're bringing home a paycheck and not an alcoholic, you're good.

Oh yeah, another thing. Regarding smell, condoms smell to high heaven. It's a distinct smell of latex. When you come home she is going to smell it.  

 
For the guys who take the blue pill, it basically kills your sense of smell. Don't believe me? Smell your clothes the next day, they'll reek of perfume.

 
Your wife/girlfriend gives you a BBBJ in the morning, and you've gone straight to bed after seeing a hooker? You're dead when she tastes the condom and salt.

I do appreciate all the feedback. There are a few ideas I didn’t even consider in terms of the coverup. Unfortunately many are unrealistic in my situation currently. Btw, props to the “retirement” of that is actually working! I can’t imagine she knows nothing.  The more I think about this idea/fantasy of mine, the more I know this would only be a one time thing at best. While I do love some good service, divorce doesn’t sound like anything I want to go through.

First rule, when you are not home - always shut off your GPS and keep your phone on silent.  When she calls you, feign stupidity, aww, guess I never turned the ringer on this morning (I shut it off every night b4 bed).
Second rule: play with your head in your shoulders, don't rely on the little head to tell you what to do. (Maybe this should be first rule).
Third: cash only for anything to do with seeing a gal on the side including cabs, (no uber or lyft, theres a record). Watch your EZ pass usage, don't use tollways or toll bridges, its a record of where you've been at what time.
Four: save your cash a little at a time over the month, don't just withdraw it from the bank or from your paycheck cashing, its better to.make it seem that you eat big lunches/dinners every day than it is to grab 500 or 600 bucks out of the ATM all at once (records!).  I tale out a 240-260 "allowance" every week and survive on pbj and water to fund my hooker habit once or twice a month.
Five: always have an alibi that can't be proven.  I was out fishing, I was out hunting, I was asleep (I work a weird shift where sometimes I need to.sleep during the day).  BTW, being a shift worker who does odd shifts and is at home on weekdays while she is working has helped.me a LOT in my continuing pussy mongering over the years.
Six: never tell ANYBODY, not your friend or your cousin or brother or your Priest even.  Loose lips sink ships and all it takes.is one arguement and you have the truth spilled to your SO.  Omerta!!!
Seven:  lucky 7!  Try to stay close to home.  Don't gallivant too far from home!  What if she gets home at the wrong time.and you aren't there?  Or there is an emergency?  (You said you were fishing at Jones Beach, only 20 mins away, why did it take you 4 hours to get to the hospital?  Or pick up your sick kid at school or whatever the fuck.else is the.emergency?  Nah, play no more than 20-30 minutes from home, BUT, also, don't play IN your home, EVER!  Nor even in you general. Locality if you can help it.

Good luck!
As I said, I follow this and have gone undiscovered thus far!

I would actually recommend that if you say you're playing golf, stop by the golf club. If you say you are playing some hoops, go and shoot a couple of hoops. Basically, whatever you say you're going to do - do it, but just show up look around, and then leave. You are then telling the truth, and if there is an aberration like the golf course catches on fire, you'll know. That way, you don't have to remember the lie if she asks you weeks later about shooting hoops at the gym. A guy telling the truth has to remember nothing. A guy lying has to remember forever.

There is a story, whether true or not I don't know. A guy's wife calls him. Asks him if he is ok, and he says he is at the office. It was 911 and he worked in the World Trade Center -- busted.

how long you've been married, you should just say, "Four wonderful years."   Lol

 
I could not see myself eating peanut butter sandwiches  to fund providers out my "lunch money."  You should just take it out of the ATM and if she ever questions you, tell her you have a "small" gambling habit, but you've been getting better at it, so you're not losing as often, and if she is patient with you, someday you will start winning.  You have to get more creative, or else perhaps you should not be married.  

Thank you, Henny Youngman
.
"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
"2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!""

Yes, be weary of scents!!

I carried my own unscented soap with me..... Showing up at home smelling freshly showered even with my own soap would be a problem for me.  

In visiting a lady for the first time, I would request “NO perfume nor scented lotion! THANKS!”. This was always well received and understood by the provider. If SHE smelled of perfume, I’d leave a small payment for her “time” and remind her of my request. Depending on her attitude, pics matching person, etc I would kindly reschedule. Did this 3 times as I recall, and worked well for the future visit and our “connection”. And, on a couple occasions, allowed me to gracefully back-out of a lady that “mis-advertised, or trashy place.

The spilling of gas as previously mentioned is a good one, that I’ve used (See Black Panther). I also carry and keep mouthwash and toothbrush in all vehicles (smokeless tobacco and a lot of coffee!), and have also “sneezed” with a mouthful in the driveway upon getting home.

Got dogs?!? Hug, pet and rub the shit out them when getting home. Horses work as well.

And I have changed BACK into my work clothes as well.... as I have changed INTO clean clothes to see the lady!  

And, I’d advise against IMMEDIATELY hopping into shower upon arriving at home.

SirSmiley

Panther - yes I usually do actually do those things on those days but take longer to come home than it really takes.  Sometimes its just, hey, went to the store.  She's at work, she don't know how long I was at the store.  I come home with 10 bags of groceries, whats she gonna say?

As for the Henny Youngman jokes, laugh it up fuzz balls.  Cheaper to.keep her.  She's a good person, good Mom to the kids, she just is infequent with the fucking and sucking, and.lets face it, at 5'2"& 200+ lbs at 48yrs old, she aint a spring chicken.  Neither am I, but I have the outlet of this thing we do here to see younger, or at least thinner and more beautiful.

As far as my lunch/dinner habits, a protein drink,, pbj sandwich or a salad won't hurt, I need to lose weight anyways, I'm a fat fuck.  The wife thinks I eat like I eat at home when I'm out, hence the big lunch budget.  Yet, by NOT using it for that I keep from gaining weight.like.a.fucking whale.  Win win.  If I had true impulse control you think I'd be seeing whores?

which is why they are my go to choice.  

Steph XO

They also make an XL size that is actually moderately thin, in fact, the thinnest XL that's available.

I agree.  SKYNS are scentless as far as I can tell.  I know some other brands mix with certain body chemistry and produce a pretty bad smell sometimes.  I've never had that with SKYNS.  Also they are pretty thin, so transmit feeling pretty well.  

That's pretty damn funny. Humans, not so different.

Genius

How concerned is everyone about pheromones? Maybe I’ve watched too many tv shows and movies, but I keep thinking this is a real issue. I would think a quickie session would be less risky, but any contact could possibly transfer these right?

There's no definitive evidence that humans even have pheromones, much less can smell them reliably.

 
Now, if you roll home smelling like fresh pussy, well, you're going to have some trouble there, so, probably better to rope hobby time in with some gym time that way you have an excuse to shower.

When I had a wifey around the house, and I would come home having "worked late"  (wink,wink) my wife would all of a sudden take an interest in me if you catch my drift; whereas if I hadn't been dipping my wick elsewhere, I'd get the usual cold shoulder.

Sure convinced me of the pheromone thing.