All my sex has been with providers and that too I just started in my early 30's. I am not bad looking or anything, tall, athletic and earn well with a Master's degree. Problem my whole life I have this introverted "nerdy" image. So I've been working hard last few years trying to shed it. So, I've improved my look ( contacts, no more glasses), image, confidence, hobbies, etc. So now I really hope to have my first sexual experience without having to pay for it.
I am able to land many first-dates through tinder but they never progress to anything more. We have a nice conversation, then just part ways. One issue, is most of these girls I am not really that into. I mean, I would be glad to have sex with them, but we don't share much in common . So do I have to start lying and faking interest in them? Curious to know what has worked for you.-- Modified on 6/16/2014 8:14:54 PM
No difference at all. Either way it costs Money. So just think of a Civie Lady as a Provider. Remember there's no such thing as Free Sex.
A civvie wants to be pleased so it's not just all about him. In civvie sex, I get exactly what I want and make darn sure I don't have to "deal" like I do when being paid. Not a bad thing, just part of the job.
I get that. But these younger, dopey art school types are REALLY into the sex and damn near demand they get off.
This one wench I see regularly rams the back of my head with both hands and slams my mouth back onto her puss after 20 minutes of DATY b/c she hadn't cum yet.
It's kinda cool though b/c she is open about the fact that it is difficult for her to cum in intercourse, and its hot watching her cum during oral, BUT...it means more work for me. Ugh..
I am sure if my clients were more my type then things might be different. You see I love a great body. Personality is fine but without the body to look at and feel, it rarely lights a fire down under. You guys know what I am talking about.
You've been brainwashed!
Really? Civvie sex is way better than mercenary sex with a girl that fakes it all the way to the bank.
You are not really implying that women MAY want to hear the truth are you? Yeah, I'm fairly certain we found you're problem.
Looky here, and let me learn you somethin'. When a girl puts on a dress and she asks how does she look, I am guessing you know enough not to say she looks like "fat in that". But the fked up thing bro, is that you can't say that dress makes her look thin either. Why, you may ask? Well Mogambo, it's b/c by implication, you are saying she normally looks fat, but NOT in that particular dress! Fked up, isn't it?
Remember when you found out flammable, inflammable and unflammable all meant the same fkin thing? You were pissed right? Because it doesn't make any sense. Neither do these female types.
What I am trying to say is lie your m*ther f*cking ass off. Every chance you get.
And when you don't know what the fk to say, just tell her she looks "hot". Stick with that for now. Tough to get in trouble when you look a woman in the chin and tell her she looks hot. Not impossible mind you b/c the female species isn't a rational one but it will work, mostly...on non rag days. (Forget that for now. That's a whole different discussion for another day.)
So to wrap up, try and fake as much sincerity as you can. You'll get some serious beaver with this method. What do you have to lose, other than your civie virginity?
I mean your way ain't working, right Jethro?
Go get'em Tiger!
Isn't that how most men get laid in the civvie world? I mean we ladies know the game, and within a few minutes we have decided whether we will fuck you or not and just sit back and watch the show.
Before I tell lies to fuck a woman.
... ain't no pussy worth making a fool out of yourself . Guys save that noise for marriage.
LMAO!
we all know that squirt they shoot all over the fkin place is actually pee and I avoid that shit like the plague.
But yeah, I do ok in the getting of some free tail now and again. Thanks for the prop, bro.
I'm assuming that you're from Vegas? I only have a basic membership these days and that's all that I can gleam from your info. I feel that Vegas tends to attract a lifestyle much like you're describing. It's not you, it's your environment. Keep looking! Most housewives are former providers who just found someone that they're willing to fuck for relatively free. 
But as the last guy said, it always costs!
Are you looking for a fuck? Or are you looking for bonding with another human being who shares the same interests as yourself? The reason I ask is because Tinder is typically used exclusively for fucking. So most of the time those women are generally looking for you to be aggressive. I.E. kissing them, or showing interest in some fashion sexually? If you're getting together and having nice conversation and not conveying confidence you're striking out. Secondly the second to last sentence leads me to believe this is the case. You want something platonic.
I would like to draw this distinction however. You come across as quite the prick. Especially with what was stated in your last question. Lying to someone so that you can have sex with them? You know the answer to this. Faking interest or lying to someone to get into their pants isn't prudent, nor is it proper. Especially considering the other person might ACTUALLY develop feelings for you. Which begs to question, if they DO in fact develop feelings for you, how long can you feign interest in them? I ask this for the mere fact that if you cannot answer that question honestly and truthfully with forever? You'd only be breaking someones heart.
I'm not saying that you must have 100% interest in the person either. That's almost never certainly the case, but you have to learn to love their faults and weaknesses as well as their strengths and merits.
Some of us just aren't wired for this ^ my friend. That might have been harsh. I might have misconstrued what you were intending to convey, but that's how it came across to me.
To answer your question as a whole. Perhaps try dating websites? Ashley Madison etc. Where one can set up profiles with specific interests and find people who share said specific interests. Try going to conventions etc. If you're into video games or comic books go to gaming conventions and comic cons.
I have been married for 14 years. I married very young 23, but I met my wife at such a convention. It was actually for writers at the time. I just got lucky in that we both believe in poly vs monogamy. (An entirely different philosophical discussion) the trick is you need to have the confidence to approach these women. It's a tough thing getting rejected. It's even tougher dealing with said rejection. But you'll never know if you don't try. It sounds to me like the issue isn't that you're a bad looking individual. It's that you lack esteem, and confidence in who and what you are. I'm happy you changed your image, hobbies etc, but what have you done psychologically to better yourself? Have you gone out and gotten rejected? Been embarrassed? Because that is what helps build confidence. The more you fail at something the more your mind learns to cope and the more you learn that being rejected or acting a fool (And you will more than likely act a fool when you begin approaching women the first few times.) the more you begin to realize that it isn't so bad, and that it doesn't sting quite as much as you think it will.
Just get out there, be you, be who YOU are, not who you THINK you should be. Gain (GAIN) some confidence. Get shutdown, and things will come together for you. Put yourself out there.
Regards- TDR
-- Modified on 6/17/2014 6:19:47 PM
And I love that you met your wife at a writer's convention and that you're both into poly. Excellent!! Be the change, baby.
It almost comes off as legit.
If it's not, it's prob not worth (my time) changing your ways. Good news is they're really not into you either. Lol.
I am able to land many first-dates through tinder but they never progress to anything more. We have a nice conversation, then just part ways. One issue, is most of these girls I am not really that into. I mean, I would be glad to have sex with them, but we don't share much in common . So do I have to start lying and faking interest in them? Curious to know what has worked for you.
-- Modified on 6/16/2014 8:14:54 PM
You must have some strange interests if none of the women you meet IRL share any of them. Approaching 40-- that's the age a lot of guys start losing the magnetism to attract women, when they START the hobby.
Also, don't you think it's a little late to even consider LTRs? Say you met someone, dated for awhile, got married, had a kid. The courtship, wedding planning, honeymoon, and pregnancy would likely take a couple, three years. So when the kid is going off to the senior prom, you'll be in you 60s. No offense to the older guys here, but something about that scene seems pathetic to me.
Best accept that you've missed your chance for a normal love life, shrug it off as part of how you are unique, and keep seeing hookers. Or just go celebrate.
If you were younger, I'd be more curious as to what sort of profession and interests you're involved in that you can't find a woman who has anything in common with you. But at your age, you probably don't have the inclination of energy to change or expand your horizons. So...carry on.
I can find common interests, but not enough that I feel I want to be with this person for the rest of my life. Obviously if I keep doing what I am doing, nothing will ever come . So my question is to how to have a good time with a civie that I know will have little chance of developing into a LTR?
I'm too lazy to read through your posts again, but if there's a scent of desperation about you, you're screwed.
Don't take all this or yourself too seriously. Cindy Lauper got it right when she said that girls just want to have fun. If they have fun with you, other things will follow on their own.
And don't make too big deal out of common interests. I never found a woman who was into my favorite interests, and I wasn't into those of the women I met. It didn't stop me from having a good time with them, or marrying one of them. We just enjoyed each others' companies, and paid some attention to the others interests. There's a guy I know who married a beautiful young woman who participated in all of his interests---hunting, sailing, etc. They're divorced now, just like me. Maybe she got sick of sitting in a duck blind at 6 am.
Men and women have been getting together for a zillion years. It's not some big mystery, although it seemed that way when I was in my teens.
I can understand wanting to have someone to visit you when you're in hospital, or having a designated person to decide when and if to pull the plug. I can even understand waking up and having breakfast with a familiar face across the table. But if you've never been in a relationship with a woman, and you're pushing 40, what the hell do you expect to happen?
Go ahead, try it. Maybe instead of a tragic horror film your life story might resemble something like Ernest Borgnine's title role in "Marty."
Start with getting to know a woman without any rush to fuck her. Forget about scoring arm candy and just learn about her. Wait till she wants to get closer to you. If it only turns out to be a friendship, you're still better off. And maybe a LOT better off if she's only interested in you as a platonic friend, because any woman who befriends a guy like you probably has a whole shitload of friends, and she might introduce you to the love of your life. Sure, I believe in fairy tales, why not?
But it's not going to be what it could have been if you'd started getting to know women a quarter of a century ago. I hope you stay in the hobby long enough to keep us posted on your progress here on GDB.
it's too late to find a life partner at 40. I categorically disagree. He's at the perfect age to make someone an excellent spouse if his maturity matches his age. (Of course, lacking relationship crashes and burns, some of that wisdom is likely yet to come. Sigh.) Nonetheless, I think he's at the perfect age. Men who marry young almost always end up here. They don't know who the hell they are when they get married, and neither does the wife. So you have a recipe for impending dissatisfaction. Sometimes it all works out, but at least 50% of the time it doesn't. He should know who he is enough by now to make a good life partner.
And if age and maturity were the necessary ingredients to a relationship, I'd have to agree with you and admit I was wrong. But I really do not believe that such is how the world works. When he was young he had trouble establishing a relationship because of a perceived introversion. This is a way of reacting to other people. By now he is set in his ways, and I doubt he will be able to change.
As such, I suggest, dispite his discontent, that he lives the life he has to the fullest, and forget about the life he wishes he had. IMO, this approach leads to greater happiness.
AND--in reality, there is a greater chance that his life will be less lonely.
AND--in reality, there is a greater chance that his life will be less lonely.
ETA: But I still disagree that he wouldn't make a good life partner for someone.
-- Modified on 6/17/2014 10:29:37 PM
There are plenty of ladies out there who are perfectly content with having casual sex and have no interest in pursuing a long term relationship. Granted, at 40 it may be a little harder to just walk into a bar and pick up a chick (especially if you have no game to begin with), but it's not impossible. I'm going to be straight with you, though: you sound extremely insecure, and that's typically something that women find unappealing. There's nothing wrong with being a nerd (shit, I spent all day Sunday making Game Of Thrones cupcakes and I still get paid to fuck. Nerdy is the new sexy, man.), so why all of this focus on "shedding" your identity? The easiest thing in the world to spot is a poser, and the fact is, you're so consumed with reaching this arbitrary milestone that you're being desperate and awkward.
Stop trying so hard. Just be yourself, work on your personal goals, take pride in your accomplishments, and the rest will fall into place. Ever hear that one expression about how when you're not looking for something, that's when it happens? (something like that. I'm not a good paraphraser) Well that applies here. If you're setting up a bunch dates on Tinder and you're not getting laid (and not even hearing back after a date), it's because you're being awkward as fuck and probably inadvertently giving these chicks an "I may or may not have body parts in my freezer" type of vibe. And the reason for that is because you have this unspoken goal in mind, but you lack the confidence that it takes to just be up front about it. So while you may be trying to project to these ladies the telepathic message of "I want to have casual sex but I have no idea what I'm doing," what they're interpreting is "I'm super awkward and trying too hard." That tends to come off as creepiness, not sexiness.
So yeah. TL;DR: stop trying so hard. It's creeping chicks out.
I'd love to taste those cupcakes. After all... Winter is Coming.
in quite some time.
BTW... Tyrion rules cause he owns his shit. Tywin didn't, and got his on the shitter. Art imitates life.
The reason the 50 year old me is way more comfortable talking to attractive women than the 25 year old me is due to the hard won confidence I have in myself. And I'll be damned if it doesn't make attractive women more likely to talk to me. Now if I could only travel back in time to advise that idiot me from 1989.
You've never had a chance encounter with a woman who has mistakenly dialed your number?
How did you get that cute little piggy in your post? I've copied and pasted it here (hope it turns out!), but how can I get such a cute emoticon in the future? Thanks!! 
When I was 16, until about age 20, I dated a 32 year old. At 20-23, I dated a 40something. Not until I was 25, did I date a guy who was actually age appropriate.
My point is: Younger women are FAR easier to get in bed than women your own age who have high standards, jobs, money, etc. Try dating 20 years younger than you and seriously, the girls will be very easily impressed and the panties WILL come down.
My advice would be to work on building a bigger social network: immediately. I'm not talking about a huge list of facebook friends, I'm talking about going to parties and events and meet real people, build real connections. Surprisingly, majority of my civvy GF, I didn't meet them from dating sites but through friends at a social event. It's a whole lot easier to hook up when you are having a blast together. Get a bunch of friends (who have girlfriends who have other female friends) that you can chill with on a regular basis.
Hey, although I looked a bit like Johnny Depp / elvis back in my 20s, I'm in fact a serious nerd too. I usually don't wear my glasses though but I'm damn proud to be a nerd cuz I know for a fact that most people can not do things that I can pull right off the top of my head. I do everything an uber-nerd does (times 10 lol). I sometimes even carry a sensor around to take measurements at random places I visit and create pretty charts for friends to see. That's what science is all about. I'm into electronics, robotix, astronomy, and many other field of sciences... and treat it like my religion. You'd be surprised how many DDG girls are into the same shit I'm into (and have become closer friends as a result of sharing the same interests). Everyone's got a hobby outside of this hobby.
Also, take on a few leadership roles at work and become the go-to guy. Or start your own shit and become the top guy. IMO, just getting that successful in and of itself would show you got balls, grit, and could build more character into a man. Women love to get with a charming head guy... sometimes even when he's married. Why? It makes perfect sense to me: the go to/top guy knows his shit, needs to be at least somewhat good at managing people, usually has more pull, power, and more financially stable. People respect what he says cuz they think he must have done something right in order to get there.
IMO, transcend that nerdy image to your advantage instead of thinking of it as a disadvantage. Girls might not go for a uber-nerdy looking guy (if he has no friends, wears bullet proof glasses, and walks around with a pocket protector...) but a lot of ladies want an equally intelligent guy who has his shit together, can make them laugh even if it's a dumb ass joke, and can charm them with white lies. Turn your weakness into a strength and get a network of friends who can put in a good word for you or help you get with the girl you like. The girl you like certainly isn't going to chase you, unless you're prince of whales, look like brad pitt, or something she likes stands out about you. IMO, it works like a charm if you strategize the seduction process as if you're playing a game of chess.
Other sites and then places where you can meet females one on one. Such as the gym, bars, church, networking functions, yacht clubs, country clubs, etc.
When I was younger, I use to set up professional networking functions in the region I lived in. It was a great way to exchange business cards and meet other females. A few of them I dated.
It could be pretty much over, unless you're immensely wealthy now and can find other avenues for dating with that boon.
The quality women for a relationship are usually taken either in college or by the mid 20's by 'normie' guys. Tinder and such, they're just hypergamic "hook up" sites. Maybe try match.com for starters or a forum for dating from male perspectives such as this one: (https://www.skilledseducer.com/forums/beginners.2/)
Why was that lunatic rummaging around in an ancient thread? What a nimrod.
rummage around on old threads looking for a "gotcha" post. They never heard of people changing their mind on something after several years in a changing market. Lol
I wonder if the OP is now approaching 50 and has never had civvie sex. It’s about time for an update!
Some people just need more time than others to think through things.
Sex is always better when there’s a spark!
Not only are providers much more experienced sexually for obvious reasons, with a provider you don't have to deal with family drama, emotional and mood issues, excessive amounts of talking about shit you don't really care about, you don't have to deal with valentines day, birthdays, and other holiday obligations...simply to stay on her good side in order to get sex when you need it. Not to mention, providers aren't going to make you feel like you've said something wrong and use it against you later if you want to try a new sex act.
I would venture to say that seeing a provider/s numerous times is much more cost/time efficient than dating sex or married sex. On top of that with a provider, you don't have to worry about getting trapped in a relationship or forced to pay child support if she happens to get pregnant...
I come from a culture where couples marry late (30-40's) .. pre-marital sex is frowned upon, like most sexually repressive cultures, covert and transactional sex flourishes .. like squeezing a balloon.
Very few people in IRL know about my hobby .. my male friends and relatives boast about how "I never paid for it, and never will!" .. meanwhile, they are broke from all of the money and bad life choices they made chasing civvy women, while I sit in my paid-off house.
I wouldn't trade the one good match I had in my life for anything .. even though it ended badly as she had (in hindsight) a bad case of GPS. She wound up marrying a much older guy, lives childless and whatnot in his crummy little apartment, but in her mind she's the super-special princess who is the trophy wife .. now turning 60. Good luck to her when he's in diapers.
Meanwhile, I may spend my later years doing what I really want. if I really start regretting the no wife & kids thing, that's easy enough to remedy..
My question to you is................While on these So-Called-Dates (Where you don't have to pay for sex). How many times do you actually think about you & the other person actually having sex with each other? And Is that all you think about?