Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic.

The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly.

Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.

Reagan shouts: "Women and children first."

Nixon goes: "Fuck the women."

Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time?"

was Carter, Nixon and Kennedy.  LAthough it probably goes back to Harding.

In reality REagan would have shouted, "Where am I, who are these people!"

was two Rabbis and a Priest. And the set-up was "Fuck the kids!"

Get it? Priests-kids...

That's my favorite!

Father McCarthy and Rabbi Goldberg were having a philosophical talk, when the priest remembered he was due at confession.  The father said to the rabbi, "Saul, I've got confession in a few minutes, but I've been having such an interesting conversation with you this morning, I've also forgotten to prepare Sunday's sermon.  Would you mind handling confession for me?"

"How can I handle confession?" asked the rabbi, "I don't know what to do."

"It's easy.  Just listen to each person's sins, and give them an appropriate penance, like five Hail Marys, and two Our Fathers.  There's nothing to it."

"But, I --"

"Please, Saul.  I'm really in a bind here."

"Well, okay, I guess."

So, the rabbi stepped into the confessional, and began listening to the first person to enter.  "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.  I cheated at cards the other night."

"You're forgiven, my son.", said the rabbi.  "Say two Hail Marys and an Our Father."

"Thank you, Father."

The next person entered.  "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.  I left an ingredient out of a recipe I gave my daughter-in-law to make her look bad."

"You're forgiven, my child.",  said the rabbi.  Say two Hail Marys."

A young man entered next.  "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.  I had anal sex with my wife last week four times."

The rabbi was dumbstruck.  He had no idea what to give as a penance.  Suddenly, he saw one of the altar boys walking by.  The rabbi poked his head out of the confessional, and whispered, "Pssst.  Young man.  What does Father McCarthy give for anal sex?"

The boy answered, "Two Snickers bars and a box of peanut M&Ms."

A young recently ordained Priest reported to his first Parish. As  he conducted his first Mass he had a hard time controlling his shaking, he was so nervous.

After the service he approached the Monsignor with his problem. The Monsignor was very sympathetic, telling the young priest, "This happened to me too when I was young". What I did was to put some Vodka into the water pitcher just prior to Mass.

The following Sunday the young Priest did as the Monsignor suggested. The Young Priest was steady as a rock and talked up a storm. After Mass he went back into the Rectory and found a note from the Monsignor. "Your sermon was great, however,I do have some comments."

1."Please do not refer to our Savior Jesus Christ, and the Apostles, as 'JC and the Boys'."

2."Please do not refer to the Cross as the 'Big Tee'."

3."David slew Goliath he did not 'Knock the shit out of him'."

4."Finally,next Sunday there will be a Taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's. NOT!, a peter pulling contest at St. Taffys!"

A man was out driveing on a weekend. He was thirsty so he decided to stop at a Bar for a Beer.

As he walked in he saw a Horse standing in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by a velvet rope corral. Next to the Horse someone had put a large pot of gold coins.

The man walked over to the Bar and ordered a Beer. He asked the Bartender what was up with the Horse and the gold. "Make the Horse laugh, and the gold is your's", replied the Bartender. "Can I give it a try?", "Go ahead, I warn you though, no one has done it yet".

The man walked over to the Horse, and pulled the Horses head down, and started whispering into the Horse's ear. The Horse started laughing so hard he started peeing all over the floor. The Bartender was dumbfounded, and in a trance handed over the pot of gold.

Three weeks later, the man by chance happened to be in the area, and stoppd in for another Beer.

He found the same Horse standing in the same place, with yet another pot of gold. The man walked over to the Bar and asked the Bartender if he could take another crack at the Horse. The Bartender replied, "yes, but this time you have to make that Horse cry". Undaunted, the man walked over to the Horse and in no time the Horse was weeping uncontrollably. As the man walked out the door with his second pot of gold the Bartender stopped him. "Listen, you won fair and square, but you must tell me how you did it once much less twice!".

The man looked at him and replied "Oh!, It's very simple, the first time, I told him my Dick was larger than his. The second time I showed it to him".

the only meat a priest eats on Fridays is nun.

HHHHAAAAA..!!! Oh, I think the Peter pulling contest sounds like much more fun...Don't you..??LOL   Hugs, Robyn