Kind of a followup to my question below on tracks we leave,

Have any hobbyists initiated the divorce after hobbying and or having a girlfriend?  How bad was the attempts by wife/wife attorney to find out dirt on you and what impact did it have?

My guess is most of the divorces have been initiated by the wife after suspicious or catching the husband.

But fortunately or unfortunately in my case, the one thing hobbying has done for me is made me acutely aware of how intolerable my marriage is to me.

Thx guys and gals for all your commments and help-- this is an incredibly tough time for me of self assessment and decision, and once I began considering it, it has been even tougher to keep my attitude and emotions in check at home, though as I explore and learn it is obvious I will have to become an awesome pretender and be most patient until I have my ducks in a row.

-- Modified on 2/12/2008 12:10:25 PM

Never been married, but it is my opinion that when you start needed to go elsewhere for some tail that you should divorce. I guess the only thing that would hold me back is alimony, hence the reason I will probably never get married...lol

This time of year is especially tough to be in an unwanted relationship.

How long have you been hobbying?

It doesn't sound like hobbying is the reason for your unhappyness so I think you need to forget about your hobbying and just think if you really want to be in this relationship any longer. If you decide you want out, talk to a lawyer before you say anything to your wife.

and served me with papers after agreeing not to at first.

But I was lucky.  She started to swing after she got wind of my hobbying.  Fortunately she went out with some fine upstanding (and married) people such as State Troopers and a minister.

We decided to not go nuclear against each other for the sake of the kids, if for no other reason.

She still ended up with a barrel of loot and is even coming back for more now.

I asked my lawyer when does it ever end.  He said:  "Till death do you part."

Sorry to hear that Mr Fisher, guess that bad things happen to good people--and good TER members and forum posters.

Hey, there is a golden lining about the divorce --you can now host an incall date with a provider...lol

When I got divorced, we split everythig right down the middle. I got the outside, she got the inside.

Ouch Ouch Ouch

A few years ago we did a survey on here for SWOP.  About 60% of the clients are married and the vast majority are happily married.  Follow-up discussion confirmed it in more detailed ways.  Many added that visiting providers had actually helped their marriage since it reduced the stress of trying to get great sex out of the relationship and allowed them to focus on their wife and marriage instead.  Outside the US many women better understand that their husbands going out for some variety has nothing to do with his love for her.  Many still don't necessarily like it, but few would even consider divorce because of it.  Also remember that more men in the US hobby than not.

ever since that house fell on her sister.

My wife who is not from North America when we were getting married told me she understood at some time I'd take a mistress but she while in her culture the mistress lived with the family, she did not want mine to live in the house. Contrary to what you may initially think, it killed the urge to go looking for nearly 30 years.

Funny you should think of that. When I practiced, my first venture into divorce was representing a wife who was in the middle of a messy divorce. By the time I took the case, the hubby had already gotten her removed from the house.  He had petitioned the court to allow his girlfriend to move in. Suffice to say there is a LARGE body of law out there about trying to stop a spouse during a divorce from forming and having relationships and the spouse trying to stop it always loses.

At the hearing being totally stupid, green and never  have taken a family law course in law school had no idea of anything.  When the hearing came up, the lawyer for hubby made the usual arguments in support of allowing the gf into the house. When it was my turn at bat, I did not have a clue but argued property law and assumed liability as the spouse jointly owned the house. When I was done, the judge took a look at me in a strange way and I figured he was going to laugh me out of the court. The other lawyer when asked to rebut me had not even listened and argued the usual. When he was done the judge gave him an even stranger look for obviously he;d not heard a word I said as he was so sure of the argument.  The judge ruled in our favor and prohibited the hubby from allowing anyone onto the property without my client's permission.  Needless to say the divorce which hubby had been dragging out to reduce the monthly hit to his pocket now had a problem. A girlfriend he could not make happy and a spouse who suddenly found herself in a position to give him a case of blueballs.  We let him sweat for a time and his gf do our job for us.  His lawyer called a few months later and begged to settle the case before either the gf walked or the hubby killed my client from frustration.

she's going out west this weekend to visit her mom, so guess who's coming to dinner?

Do you have a source for it?

I thought I recall reading on something posted here that only about one third of men ever hobby at all, and only ten percent hobby regularly.

Ba doom!

8o)

"But fortunately or unfortunately in my case, the one thing hobbying has done for me is made me acutely aware of how intolerable my marriage is to me."

Well, I think your good people from the posts I've read. I don't know anything about your marriage, but I know if your persuing the hobby there is something wrong.

I say line up your ducks, and get out of this situation, spend this money on meeting a new girl that will really rock your world. I'd forget hobbying, get your real life straightened out and get your hands on some civvie girls.

I know there is a genreational gap here (I'm only 29) .. but I can tell you I watched my parents relationship self-destruct I am twice engaged myself, and I can say I am grateful it never panned out. I don't wish ill will on anyone, but you need to get out (like many married people in this hobby do...)

-M